Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Republicans in disarray!

They love authoritarianism, but only when they get to be the authoritarians.

An almost top 10,000 blog!

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

You’re just a puppy masquerading as an old coot.

This must be what justice looks like, not vengeful, just peaceful exuberance.

Don’t expect peaches from an apple tree.

Come on, man.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

SCOTUS: It’s not “bribery” unless it comes from the Bribery region of France. Otherwise, it’s merely “sparkling malfeasance”.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

GOP baffled that ‘we don’t care if you die’ is not a winning slogan.

The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

Innocent people don’t delay justice.

“What are Republicans afraid of?” Everything.

Republicans got rid of McCarthy. Democrats chose not to save him.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

Boeing: repeatedly making the case for high speed rail.

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Reader Interactions

40Comments

  2. 2.

    Not My Fault

    Really?

    I’ve lost the ability to detect mockery on this election cycle, but that interview looked like someone pretending to be an ugly Republican. He can’t be real.

    And the police report? sounds like someone trying to get 16 minutes of fame rather than his 15 that he got with the interview.

    I’d call bullshit, but there has been so much bullshit this year that I just can’t tell any more.

  3. 3.

    SGEW

    The mystery Mickey-slipping thief was probably a Code Pink protester.

    /freeper

    If this story gets dug into deeper, how much you wanna bet that the person who stole his stuff was: a) a prostitute, b) a drug dealer, and/or c), male?

    Or, better yet, it’s an insurance scam.

  5. 5.

    cmorenc

    The wonderful German word “schadenfreude” leaps to mind. A more perfect definition by concrete example would be hard (though not impossible) to find.

  10. 10.

    PeterJ

    If this story gets dug into deeper, how much you wanna bet that the person who stole his stuff was: a) a prostitute, b) a drug dealer, and/or c), male?

    Or, better yet, it’s an insurance scam.

    When she heard that he was a GOP delegate, she drugged him, stole $120k from him, and donated all of it to the DNC.

  11. 11.

    Tsulagi

    Now there’s one of those brilliant “Less Taxes, More War” patriot warriors. A fine meld of vaunted Republican family values plus an intelligence factor that never wavers leading to a predictable outcome. Getting rolled by a hooker like a total doofus. Just fits.

    I wonder if the hooker really was female. Plus, watching the “Less Taxes, More War” interview vid, I was thinking he looks more like a cross-dressing Rudy type and no stranger to wetsuits and dildoes.

    Also like the stolen inventory list. Among the items, a $1,000 purse or wallet, a $1,500 cell phone, and rings. No doubt during the convention his ring adorned fingers were clutching his $1,500 cell phone in his Paris Hilton coveted purse while chanting Obama is an elitist.

    Or, better yet, it’s an insurance scam.

    I’d lean that way. And for the amount not covered by insurance a casualty loss on his taxes. You just know this dipshit thinks he’s way too smart to get busted. He’s a Republican.

  12. 12.

    PeterJ

    The theft occurred early on Sept. 4, hours after Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin gave her speech accepting her party’s vice presidential nomination. A police report said Schwartz told officers he met a woman at the bar and took her to his $319-a-night room.

    I blame Palin.

  13. 13.

    tBone

    I wonder if the hooker really was female. Plus, watching the “Less Taxes, More War” interview vid, I was thinking he looks more like a cross-dressing Rudy type and no stranger to wetsuits and dildoes.

    That’s vile character assassination. Those weren’t wetsuits, they were exclusive Prada zip-up one-pieces. And I’m not even going to dignify your remark about the perfectly innocent diamond-encrusted personal massager with a response.

  15. 15.

    aarrgghh

    not my fault says:
    really?

    i’ve lost the ability to detect mockery on this election cycle, but that interview looked like someone pretending to be an ugly republican. he can’t be real.

    and the police report? sounds like someone trying to get 16 minutes of fame rather than his 15 that he got with the interview.

    i’d call bullshit, but there has been so much bullshit this year that i just can’t tell any more.

    … and poe’s law claims another victim!

  16. 16.

    w vincentz

    OK…I confess, first here at balloon juice, maybe later when the FBI comes knockin’ on my door.
    In my defense, he was a very easy mark. He didn’t mention how I tied him to the bedposts.
    Actually, I don’t think he’ll be able to pick me out of the lineup, especially if I shave my five-o’clock shadow this time (he didn’t notice it before).
    Suggestions needed…should I wear my red or blond wig this time.
    And, no, I won’t be wearing pink fishnets at this time. Leg hairs poke through donchaknow?

  17. 17.

    ColoRambler

    Bonus karmic schadenfreude award for this:

    “We should plant a flag. Take the oil, take the money,” he said. “We deserve reimbursement.”

    Money? Taken. Reimbursement? Well, $120K (or even $50K) for a night’s unpleasant work ain’t too shabby. I don’t really want to know about the rest.

  18. 18.

    fluffybunnyfeet

    Insurance scam, absolutely.

    Two minutes into the interview, it was fucking obvious: this jerk KNOWS he’s the smartest guy in the room. He ain’t gonna score the entire week – what else is he gonna do in St. Paulwheresville, but try to con his insurance company?! Come ON – a NECKLACE?! EARRINGS!?!? LOOK at the smirking bastard – the ONLY action he’s ever gonna get is gonna be hot, greased – and he’ll never see it coming.

    Hyuk hyuk

    (h/t to The Rude One)

  22. 22.

    PaminBB

    Saw this earlier, and also come down on the side of attempted insurance fraud. However, I still can’t image what he might even be _claiming_ to have had -in a hotel room – that might total 120K. Gold bars? Maybe s/he grabbed his car keys and stole his ride?

  23. 23.

    R. Porrofatto

    “We should plant a flag. Take the oil, take the money,” he said. “We deserve reimbursement.”

    I hope she planted a flag somewhere special before taking his resources.

  24. 24.

    D-Chance.

    So common, gutter-slut thieves are now the Heroes of the Liberal establishment?

    Well, they do lionize a rapist and murderer in Ted Kennedy, so one shouldn’t be surprised… as long as it’s THEIR guys doing the crimes, IOKIYAD.

  26. 26.

    bago

    So common gutter-sluts thieves are now the Heroes of the Conservative Establishment?

    (Bomb them, then take their oil)

    Those gutter sluts deserve reimbursement for all of their hard work.

  27. 27.

    Ripley

    So common, gutter-slut thieves are now the Heroes of the Liberal establishment?

    We’ve spent almost 8 years learning at the foot of your Master.

  28. 28.

    SGEW

    cleek Says:
    wingnut headlines:

    liberals celebrate robbery!
    September 16th, 2008 at 2:15 pm

    D-Chance. Says:
    So common, gutter-slut thieves are now the Heroes of the Liberal establishment?

    Well, they do lionize a rapist and murderer in Ted Kennedy, so one shouldn’t be surprised… as long as it’s THEIR guys doing the crimes, IOKIYAD.

    September 16th, 2008 at 5:48 pm

    You’ve been pre-empted, D-Chance. The joke’s already been made, but you get a couple of points for effort and reliability.

  29. 29.

    flywheelgrinding

    hours after Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin gave her speech

    Be interesting to watch him go through the mug books of the usual suspects.

    What if it turns out to be a Sarah Palin look-a-like?

    Would that make it hard for him to identify her/him?

  30. 30.

    Jonathan

    That’s pretty hilarious stuff. To be honest it looks like he’d had a few even before the interview started.

    Narcissistic assholes like that can be spotted a mile away. So long as you nod along and smile while they give you their intellectual equivalent of a bukkake facial, they’ll trust you with their life. Especially if you’re a hot girl.

    Kudos to the Karma Police on that one..

  31. 31.

    Llelldorin

    The Republicans were doing Tannahill Weavers song reenactments?

    Later that morning, the wingnut rose

    And he’s looked roun’ for tae find his clothes…

    There’s naethin’ left no’ intae the room-o

    but a petticoat and a wimsey goon

  32. 32.

    w vincentz

    @ flywheelgrinding,
    Thanks for reminding me. I’ll leave the eye glasses off in the line up.
    He’ll be ever so confused. Wait ’til the insurance fraud catches up to HIM!
    Besides making off with $482 and a nice belt, I haven’t had this much fun since I hooked up some guy named MyIq with a goat. He had a lot of fun, but the goat didn’t like it much. In the mornin’ they smelled about the same.

  34. 34.

    Martin

    So common, gutter-slut thieves are now the Heroes of the Liberal establishment?

    Heh, so the guy who wants to slit Iran’s throat in the dead of night and take all their stuff gets drugged and has all his stuff taken, and conservatives don’t see the lesson in that.

    If you propose the US should be allowed to treat a foreign nation in that way, some of us will happily point out that other nations will feel that it is acceptable to treat us in that way. Bomb them and take their oil? Why not just hijack a couple of planes and fly them into some of their buildings? It’d be cheaper and isn’t any more morally perverse.

  35. 35.

    calipygian

    Best comment from that thread:

    If there was a theme restaurant called “McDouchebag’s”, this guy would be a waiter there.

  37. 37.

    Delia

    Thief was Larry Craig in drag. We already know he’s got a thing for Minneapolis-St. Paul. He didn’t get an invite to the big gooper do this year, so he had to do a Mrs. Doubtfire to get in. And, hey, he’s got a lot of legal bills, so all that crap he stole will come in handy. Don’t know how he’s going to fence it all in Boise, though.

  38. 38.

    kilkee

    If you can bear to (as I did) wade through his vastly overblown resume, you’ll see that in his college years he participated in both the Model UN and — WTF? — the Model Arab League. The Arab League? This guy? Seriosu cognitive dissonance.

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