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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Thick as a brick

Thick as a brick

by DougJ|  January 19, 20129:41 pm| 123 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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Watching this, I’m struck by what an idiot Santorum is. I’m not claiming that Newt is some kind of a genius, but he can string logical sentence together. Sanotrum is just a moron.

Why would anyone want Santorum to be their nominee? I just don’t get it. I don’t want idiots coaching my football team, why do you want one as your party’s nominee or your country’s president? That’s the side of conservatism I just don’t get. Why does someone like Bobo dig this guy?

Update. “The right of our creator to life”? What the fuck?

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123Comments

  1. 1.

    dmsilev

    January 19, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    Maybe it’s the sweater vests?

  2. 2.

    JeremyH

    January 19, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    Because… because… oh, I don’t know.

  3. 3.

    SiubhanDuinne

    January 19, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    I dunno. Maybe he sits next to Bobo at dinner and puts his hand on Bobo’s thigh.

  4. 4.

    Special Patrol Group

    January 19, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    Watching this, I’m struck by what an idiot Santorum is…Why would anyone want Santorum to be their nominee?

    George Bush, Jr. and Sarah Palin were previous nominees. And they’re at least as shit-all stupid as Santorum.

  5. 5.

    Pillsy

    January 19, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    Bobo is also a moron. SATSQ.

  6. 6.

    Maude

    January 19, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    Maybe Santorum is the one who rubbed Bobo’s thigh.

  7. 7.

    lamh35

    January 19, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    seems to me that Santorum is kinda pulling some punches from Romney. All his ire seems to be for Newt. I guess since NEwt’s the one who said Ricky should drop out.

    Plus I see the Paul-ites are all “nobody puts Ronny in the corner” on John King.

    Someone on twitter jokingly said, let’s hope John King gets out of that debate hall alive.

  8. 8.

    Maude

    January 19, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    You beat me to it. Great minds think alike.

  9. 9.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    January 19, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    @Special Patrol Group: George Bush, Jr. and Sarah Palin were previous nominees. And they’re at least as shit-all stupid as Santorum.

    Yes indeed, and don’t forget their number one biggest hero of all time may not have been aware he was president for the last year he was in office. Four! more! years!

    Sentience isn’t a requirement for Republican presidents.

  10. 10.

    Yutsano

    January 19, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    Thick as molasses. In January. In Alaska.

  11. 11.

    lamh35

    January 19, 2012 at 9:51 pm

    @lamh35:

    Oh and I can’t stand Ron Paul, but sometimes ya just gotta love his old cumudgeonism! Telling Santorum he was being “overly sensitive”…that right there is the old man’s smackdown. Right up there with the ole Southern “oh bless his heart” when discussing idiots.

  12. 12.

    JPL

    January 19, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    The NYTimes has a reporter in a home in SCar madeup of various supporters… This is a comment from one during the immigration discussion

    “We can’t send all the illegals home,” said Mr. Dillard, who worked in the textile industry until he retired. “We can’t feed ourselves if we do. It’s a sad thing to say but the illegals in this country do what the black people used to do.”

    Mr.Dillard is a Gingrich man who probably wouldn’t mind Scarlet letters put on the forehead of immigrants..
    Okay, I added the scarlet letter part.

  13. 13.

    General Stuck

    January 19, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    efficiency. wingnuts like Bobo like efficiency, and that usually comes with simple rules proffered by simple politicians. It can be religious based, or not. Liberals are messy and walk around all day asking uncomfortable questions that aren’t efficient. Plus the dreadlocks and salty aroma.

    Bobo wants to know when he turns the light out at nightt, when all the Dante Demons come out of the woodwork to worry his slammed shut little mind, that somewhere somebody is efficiently running the corporeal world, at least.

    And of course. We know who else championed efficiency.

  14. 14.

    butler

    January 19, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    Why does someone like Bobo dig this guy?

    Because he’s paid to.

    Santorum was the GOP flavor of the week during Iowa, and its Bobo’s job to prop up and flatter any national GOP figure.

  15. 15.

    Mike in NC

    January 19, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    Why does someone like Bobo dig this guy?

    Maybe Rick lets Bobo cut in front of him at the salad bar?

  16. 16.

    lamh35

    January 19, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    POTUS live right now on CSPAN at fundraiser at classic Apollo Theater in Harlem.

    And now he’s singing Al Green!!!!! sEriously

  17. 17.

    jefft452

    January 19, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    @Special Patrol Group: “George Bush, Jr. and Sarah Palin were previous nominees. And they’re at least as shit-all stupid as Santorum.”

    999

  18. 18.

    jefft452

    January 19, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    @Special Patrol Group: “George Bush, Jr. and Sarah Palin were previous nominees. And they’re at least as shit-all stupid as Santorum.”

    999

  19. 19.

    DCLaw1

    January 19, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    Quickly! Feed the seal-clapping debate audience a wounded Mexican!

  20. 20.

    kdaug

    January 19, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

    Keep going, Mitt.

    We’ll get to the War on Drugs later.

  21. 21.

    Special Patrol Group

    January 19, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    @Xecky Gilchrist:

    don’t forget their number one biggest hero of all time may not have been aware he was president for the last year he was in office.

    And he was a fuckin’ idiot when he was aware.

  22. 22.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    January 19, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    Mitt Romney: fiddling his taxes while America burns.

  23. 23.

    Baud

    January 19, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    I didn’t think Santorum did so badly, but I don’t have a GOP mindset.

  24. 24.

    jl

    January 19, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    “Why does someone like Bobo dig this guy?”

    Because nice men in suits give Bobo money to like that guy (whoever it needs to be for the week).

    Does anyone give you money to like or not like a politician? Well, there you go.

    You see ADougJ, the nonlesser people are not like you or me. They’ve figured out how to get money by doing not much more than selling themselves out.

  25. 25.

    David Koch

    January 19, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    BREAKING: Newt up 6pts in tonight’s PPP tracking poll.

    http://www.publicpolicypolling.com/main/2012/01/gingrich-maintains-6-point-lead.html

  26. 26.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    January 19, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    @Baud:

    I thought Santorum was relatively effective, despite being hampered by a grating personality and a vision of society that would make Hammurabi look like a revolutionary.

  27. 27.

    Benjamin Franklin

    January 19, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    Angry Doug posts another unattributed musical reference.

    Jethro Tull weeps.

  28. 28.

    beltane

    January 19, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    I think they all caught a terminal case of Palinitis in 2008 because most of them seem to talk like her now. English is an overrated language anyway…

  29. 29.

    DCLaw1

    January 19, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    @David Koch: I knew he had the debate in the bag the moment he responded to the first question, about his ex.

  30. 30.

    RossInDetroit

    January 19, 2012 at 10:11 pm

    Since when does the audience get to participate? I thought they were supposed to sit there, STFU and spectate. Do they choose the winner with a Clap-O-Meter or something?

  31. 31.

    JPL

    January 19, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    John King decided it was not necessary to talk about the economy or foreign policy. I guess he knew those questions would be over his head.

  32. 32.

    gaz

    January 19, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    has anyone else been noticing that balloon-juice load times have been awful lately? or is it just me?

  33. 33.

    pseudonymous in nc

    January 19, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    I will give CNN half a prop for finding that statement from George Romney on releasing 12 years’ worth of tax returns because one year on its own could be a fluke. Given Mittens’ daddy issues, that’s going to sting, and I get the feeling that Team Obama may be assembling a lot of material along those lines.

  34. 34.

    flukebucket

    January 19, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    I think Mitt came in fourth. I just have to keep reminding myself that it was Republicans in Charleston, South Carolina. I think that audience probably most closely represents the 27% than any other audience you could sweep together anywhere.

  35. 35.

    Roger Moore

    January 19, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    Why would anyone want Santorum to be their nominee?

    Because he’s obviously the most serious about bashing teh ghey and denying women control over their uteruses. SATSQ.

  36. 36.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    January 19, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    Why would anyone want Santorum to be their nominee?

    Why would anyone want Heath Shuler as their Congress Critter?

  37. 37.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    January 19, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    @Special Patrol Group: he was a fuckin’ idiot when he was aware.

    Indeed. He was perfect for ’em!

  38. 38.

    lamh35

    January 19, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    @David Koch: the internals of PPP polls are intresting as well.

    btw, the first segment of cnn’s post debate coverage is all about john king’s smackdown.

    aww john king’s cnn peeps are trying to sooth john king’s hurt little fee fees! Ari Fleisher as resident GOP water carrying dickhead is siding with Newt of course and basically telling John that the question was “out of sequence” and John King responded all defensive-like Ari’s maligning his journalistic integrity or something.

    Bhahahaha

  39. 39.

    Angry DougJ

    January 19, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    @lamh35:

    I’ve got it on, he’s just talking.

  40. 40.

    Elizabelle

    January 19, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    @lamh35:

    Watching President Obama now. C-Span 1.

    He can’t believe the ridiculous GOP field either.

    And he looks so tired.

  41. 41.

    Villago Delenda Est

    January 19, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    @RossInDetroit:

    “This week’s contestants on ‘NotMitt for a Day’ are:”

  42. 42.

    dedc79

    January 19, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    I object on Jethro Tull’s behalf to the association of their wonderful album/song with this dangerous nut.

  43. 43.

    Not Sure

    January 19, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    @Special Patrol Group: I don’t know. Dubya was pretty dumb, but Santorum is in a league of his own.

  44. 44.

    JPL

    January 19, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    @lamh35: Thanks! I felt so dirty listening to the debate, listening to Obama is like eating chicken soup when you ail..

  45. 45.

    DCLaw1

    January 19, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    @JPL: Sounds and looks like he could use some chicken soup.

  46. 46.

    lamh35

    January 19, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    @Angry DougJ: ya missed it DougJ.

    It was the opening of his speech. I gather people backstage bet he wouldn’t sing the chorus, and he actually did sing a lil bit of the “so in love” chorus.

    Don’t worry, someone will have the video soon I’m sure.

  47. 47.

    Angry DougJ

    January 19, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    @JPL:

    Caught the end of the speech, very good.

    Got to love Jackie Wilson at the end too.

  48. 48.

    cmorenc

    January 19, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    Santorum’s definitely not going to be the nominee, nor is it likely he’ll be the VP nominee. WHAT YOU SHOULD BE FRIGHTENED OF is that whoever does become the nominee might promise Santorum a cabinet position where he can do enormous damage, such as at Health and Human Services, as the price for his eventual enthusiastic support (and that of evangelicals). OK, so President Gingrich is enough of a nightmare of itself, and President Romney almost as much. But HHS Secretary Santorum makes the nightmare sooo much worse.

  49. 49.

    Mark S.

    January 19, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    @MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson:

    Man, if you could only fit that on a bumper sticker . . .

  50. 50.

    reflectionephemeral

    January 19, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    @Roger Moore:

    Because he’s obviously the most serious about bashing teh ghey and denying women control over their uteruses. SATSQ.

    That’s about it.

    Related, being a Republican is about belongingness to a tribe. That’s why these debates are more like American Idol than Lincoln-Douglas. It’s about choosing a TV personality they can identify with. What does intelligence and capability have to do with that? Those are downright counterproductive qualities, if they start making you think that evolution is real and gay people shouldn’t be imprisoned.

  51. 51.

    Anne Laurie

    January 19, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    Why does someone like Bobo dig this guy?

    David Brooks is not-so-secretly afraid that he’s not as smart as he’s paid to be, and ashamed that he’s got no convictions that he won’t dump for a surprising modest fee. Santorum is visibly, audibly, incurably stupid — proud of his stupidity — so he’s never going to tweak BoBo’s fear of being out-thought (or rather, his fear of being caught at beinging out-thought). On the other hand, Santorum is rock-rigid in his social-conservative convictions; thereby comforting Brooks with the thesis that only stupid people really have convictions, so maybe BoBo’s own spinelessness indicates he’s not quite as dumb as he secretly fears.

  52. 52.

    Mike in NC

    January 19, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    @flukebucket:

    I think Mitt came in fourth. I just have to keep reminding myself that it was Republicans in Charleston, South Carolina. I think that audience probably most closely represents the 27% than any other audience you could sweep together anywhere.

    And Charleston is to South Carolina as Austin is to Texas. I understand some of these fanatics drive for hours and will spend $120 and up to get seats at these debates.

  53. 53.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    January 19, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Okay, who broke the blog?

  54. 54.

    jayboat

    January 19, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    @cmorenc:
    Shit, man… I got enough to worry about.

  55. 55.

    SiubhanDuinne

    January 19, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    @gaz: It’s not just you, but it’s also not just Balloon Juice.

  56. 56.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    January 19, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    “The right of our creator to life”

    Jesus shouldn’t have been nailed to the cross. The last 30 years were all the Jews fault.

    If it’s not that, then I got nothing (yes, I know it’s a bad abortion reference).

  57. 57.

    penpen

    January 19, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    @lamh35: @Angry DougJ:

    short, but he kinda nailed it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-hDt2E8MoE

  58. 58.

    clayton

    January 19, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    FREE SPEECH JOHN COLE?

    I think not.

    If my name were CORNER STONE I would get to say anything I want and have an FP shepherd me through it.

    I am not CORNER STONE, so I have no advocate on the FP. I support ABL, so I have no ADVOCATE.

    My free speech is deleted.

    I has a sad.

  59. 59.

    SRW1

    January 19, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    Why does someone like Bobo dig this guy?

    Jebus, if these f*cking morons of GOP primary voters could make up their mind, then Bobo could focus on his job of fluffing the eventual GOP nominee. But this going zig one week and then zag the next one makes his job a goddamn nightmare. Give the guy a break!

  60. 60.

    ruemara

    January 19, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    @lamh35: for you guys. http://youtu.be/T-hDt2E8MoE

  61. 61.

    clayton

    January 19, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    AL and BHF are deleting my comments.

    Who will hear me?

  62. 62.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    January 19, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    @Belafon (formerly anonevent):

    Nietzsche should be on trial for murdering God!

  63. 63.

    Valdivia

    January 19, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    @ruemara:

    awesome!

  64. 64.

    General Stuck

    January 19, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    @clayton:

    Could be wordpress giving you the treatment, and your comments are getting caught up in the spam filter. I have no power, so I can’t help you.

  65. 65.

    jonas

    January 19, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    I don’t want idiots coaching my football team

    I’ve always imagined candidates like Bush, or Palin or Perry interviewing for a major NFL or college coaching gig: “Hey, I don’t need all your elitist, lamestream “experience” and “knowledge of the game” to do this job. I have something all your “years in the locker room and on the sidelines” can’t teach you: a ‘feel’ for the game. That’s right. I know what plays to call because I *believe* in this game. It’s in my gut. And I won’t take crap from so-called “referees”. If a referee calls an ineligible receiver or extra man on the field, or makes up shit like something called a “safety,” I don’t care. I play my way, buddy. …When do I start?”

  66. 66.

    cmorenc

    January 19, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    @MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson:

    Why would anyone want Heath Shuler as their Congress Critter?

    Because hard as it may be to believe, Shuler was a light-years vast improvement over the longtime Republican former incumbent congressman Charles Taylor whom Shuler defeated in 2006. Unfortunately, given the demographics of the 11th District, Shuler may be about as progressive (or rather the least distant from being a progressive) as can win that district. Do you realize who the congresspersons from the two most closely adjacent (and demographically similar) congressional districts in NC are? Patrick McHenry in the 10th district and Virginia Foxx in the 5th district, both of whom were noxious batshit-crazy level tea party type far-right loons even well before the tea party existed. ONLY the presence of a relatively moderate-progressive island of urban Asheville in the 11th district makes Shuler electable over a loon just as crazy as McHenry or Foxx.

  67. 67.

    Comrade Mary

    January 19, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    @penpen: Beat me to it! Just saw it on MSNBC moments ago. Pretty good — not embarrassing at all.

  68. 68.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    January 19, 2012 at 11:03 pm

    @cmorenc:

    well, you’ve just answered why people pick even the most implausible candidates – because the alternative is worse.

    This has been a Zen educational moment. Thank you.

  69. 69.

    Svensker

    January 19, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    Do you think Santorum’s dumb? I think he’s weird but dumb, I’m not so sure. OK, twisted and weird and out of touch, but I don’t see dumb. Not like Palin or Perry who are ignorant gits, anyway.

  70. 70.

    Ken J.

    January 19, 2012 at 11:06 pm

    I didn’t see the debate, but from written reports: all four remaining candidates expressed opposition to PIPA/SOPA at the debate and they got enthusiastic cheers.

    Obama’s Justice Department, meanwhile, spent today behaving as if SOPA had already passed with the MegaUpload seizure.

    I predict Obama’s young-voter support slips from 80-20 to 50-50. The Republicans are positioning themselves to ride this wave. See Kos’ piece today. Greetings, President Romney!

  71. 71.

    jonas

    January 19, 2012 at 11:07 pm

    @@pseudonymous in nc: George Romney would be a center-left Democrat if he were alive today. He even thought of running for president, but I think Goldwater trounced him in the primaries in ’64. I think Mitt’s promised himself that that getting blindsided from the right’s not going to happen to a Romney again, concluding that his dad’s fatal flaw was having principles and keeping them, even if it meant realizing that he would never reach the presidency.

  72. 72.

    Angry DougJ

    January 19, 2012 at 11:07 pm

    @jonas:

    Exactly.

  73. 73.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    January 19, 2012 at 11:11 pm

    @Svensker: He’s no rocket scientist, that’s for sure, and then you factor in that medieval religiosity and the creepy sex hang-ups, you get an intellect that just doesn’t work right. IMHO. I didn’t watch tonight and have only watched small bits of others, but I have seen Santorum drift into near-Palinesque levels of incoherence when he’s speaking off the cuff. OTOH, today or yesterday he got off a pretty good riff about Newton Leroy having asked him to drop out when Santorum had finished ahead of Newtie in the two contests they’ve had.

  74. 74.

    flukebucket

    January 19, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    @Mike in NC:

    And Charleston is to South Carolina as Austin is to Texas. I understand some of these fanatics drive for hours and will spend $120 and up to get seats at these debates.

    Absolutely. I didn’t mean it as a blanket indictment of the city but from the Charleston location a Republican debate will attract the most right wing faction of the Republican party that you will find anywhere. It was a joy every time they panned the audience. And wasn’t that Fred Thompson that got the longest audience shot of the night? Fred looked kind of like he was trying to get his Dennis Hopper on or something. He looked almost like the creator giving up the right to life.

  75. 75.

    Shawn in ShowMe

    January 19, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    Is the Romneybot going to piss away the nomination? The guy defended RomneyCare, claimed kinship with Main Street and looked desperately for a place to hide when faced with the tax question, all in the same night. He spent half the time on stage agreeing with his opponents, but in such a convoluted fashion it left the audience numb. But that’s what’s androids do.

    P.S. Could someone get the April 15 Mitt countdown clock going on this here blog? Isn’t there a WordPress widget for that?

  76. 76.

    jonas

    January 19, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    @Svensker: Agree. Santorum’s problem is that he has deeply-held convictions about sex, gender and modern society that are at complete variance with what most people hold to be common sense and decency, thus making him appear dumb. It’s like a guy trying to explain to you why zippers are immoral and need to be banned and he’s completely serious, yet has a nice job, a family and is not evidently insane. He’s not stupid, but also not quite with it.

  77. 77.

    Chris

    January 19, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    I just don’t get it. I don’t want idiots coaching my football team

    More importantly IMO, you also don’t want people coaching your football team that you know are fans of the other football team.

    Which is what putting “government is the problem” True Believers in charge of the government amounts to.

  78. 78.

    AA+ Bonds

    January 19, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    Gingrich is leading in SC. . . . . . . .

    creepy

  79. 79.

    pseudonymous in nc

    January 19, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    @cmorenc:

    Unfortunately, given the demographics of the 11th District, Shuler may be about as progressive (or rather the least distant from being a progressive) as can win that district.

    That’s probably true, but it’s a pity that Shuler is both really fucking dumb and has delusions of his own political powers that extend way beyond his capabilities. The C Street dorm seems to do that to pols.

  80. 80.

    AA+ Bonds

    January 19, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    Putting the Democrats aside, because really, Gingrich winning South Carolina would indicate a serious problem with this country

  81. 81.

    RossInDetroit

    January 19, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    @Svensker:

    Do you think Santorum’s dumb?

    Context is important. There’s dumb and then there’s GOP candidate dumb, which is an entirely different scale.

  82. 82.

    AA+ Bonds

    January 19, 2012 at 11:26 pm

    It would be a huge, huge fuck up for Karl Rove, an absolutely gigantic fuck up unlike anything that’s ever happened to him

  83. 83.

    AA+ Bonds

    January 19, 2012 at 11:28 pm

    In the poll, 66 percent identified themselves as born-again, evangelical Christians. And 80 percent said they attend church at least once a month.

    Fucking Protestant South Carolina, saints fucking preserve us, “once a month”

  84. 84.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    January 19, 2012 at 11:30 pm

    @AA+ Bonds: True, he should be signing autographs at Confederate-symp reenactors conventions, but after the Impeachment of the Clenis, the W Presidency, the Ascendancy of Palin and all the rank stupidity of the Boehner/Cantor Congress, to say nothing of what’s going on at the state level, a Gingrich primary win fits right in. Hell, think back to the time of the Two Pats. All of it, for twenty years, met with media calls for bipartisanship and cooperation from Democrats

  85. 85.

    Shawn in ShowMe

    January 19, 2012 at 11:31 pm

    @Svensker:

    I’m not seeing the dumb either. He’s a true believer, much like Bachmann. Dude’s religious fervor, not lack of brains, is what resulted in tonight’s God-bothering misstatement.

    Some folks seem to be forgetting how many word salads Dumbya could serve up in one press conference. Compared to this, The Frothy One is an archetypal statesman:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlcE3HVRlRs&feature=related

  86. 86.

    DanielX

    January 19, 2012 at 11:35 pm

    Why would anyone want Santorum to be their nominee? I just don’t get it. I don’t want idiots coaching my football team, why do you want one as your party’s nominee or your country’s president? That’s the side of conservatism I just don’t get. Why does someone like Bobo dig this guy?

    Let’s see, that’s 1,2…3 questions. I suspect rhetorical questions, and my answers are at least partially facetious and not meant as a slam at DougJ (seriously). I’m answering these questions the way I’d answer if they came from, oh, David Brooks.

    1. Why would anyone want Santorum to be their nominee?
    Answer: Because they’re Christian control freaks with the same unhealthy fixation on other people’s naughty parts and bedroom activities* as Santorum has. That really is what he’s all about, and unhealthy is exactly the word. Anyone who would think that it’s a good idea to have his other children hold the corpse of a 20 week fetus is a sick fuck. It does make one wonder what kind of therapy his kids are going to need in the future.
    *He is against all the fun stuff like fucking in every room of the house, in cars, in library stacks, swinging from chandeliers, and what Frank Zappa referred to as, ah, devices. Cellular controlled devices…what won’t they come up with next. And let’s not even get started on teh ghey. Against sex for anything but procreation in fact…no freak sex for you, you (non)fucking hippies! Um, yep, that’s a winning platform for sure; I’m sure it ranks right up there with, say, Newt Gingrich. Or Larry Craig, or Ted Haggard, or David Vitter, or….or any other hypocritical Republican fucktard whose name has appeared in the news for sexual behavior outside the normal curve in the last ten years. (What is it with these guys, anyway?)

    2. …why do you want one (an idiot) as your party’s nominee or your country’s president?
    Answer: Get your ticket to the clue train over here…no, over here! Because he caters to their fears and prejudices, numbnuts! That’s why Santorum appeals to a certain segment of the electorate. He’s a Catholic control freak and he’s about control – of children, of women, of everyone whose beliefs don’t conform to his. All for their own good of course, because if they don’t go along with Frothy Mix they’re going to hell.** This appeals to those with authoritarian tendencies, whether they be tops or bottoms. They like telling others what to do or they like to be told what to do. Actually I don’t even understand why this is a question – a lot of our fellow citizens are idiots themselves, and it’s not news that people like people who are like themselves – that they’d like to have a beer with, let’s say. W the 43rd got re-elected when it was obvious to anyone with a pulse that he was a dumb fuck and that his foreign policy, to name one example, was a bigger fuckup than Pickett’s Charge.
    **By Little Ricky’s standards, heaven is going to require high speed transit just to hold a f2f conversation, while hell is going to be so full people’s legs will be sticking out the windows.

    3. Why does someone like Bobo dig this guy?
    Answer(s): Several answers, the first being that he’s a good Villager whore and this is what he gets paid for whether he actually believes it or not.*** Santorum is one of the Last Republican Men standing and has gotten some ink and airtime, so of course it’s Bobo’s job to provide some suck. How else is Villager standing to be maintained? He just might get the nomination. (Bobo thought bubble: access to this waterhead must be preserved by writing Kind and Very Serious words even if said access provides nothing that can be published because writing the good juicy shit might make someone get mad and cut off my access.) Besides, Brooks has to write a column from week to week in praise of whichever Republican yahoo is generating the most buzz that week. I’ve heard that it gets to be a serious emotional drain jumping from one relationship to another that way, but good Villagers have reserves of strength and strong stomachs unavailable to, to…to just about anyone else, actually.
    ***Opinions vary as to whether Bobo has sophisticated software that generates suck-columns for him, or whether he pops some Xanax and pours some brandy and types whatever comes into his head.

  87. 87.

    AA+ Bonds

    January 19, 2012 at 11:36 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    McCain’s 2008 oppo went to Gingrich. Gingrich is very good at that. I’m sure his people are too.

    He got this out, this was the applause line:

    “I am tired of the elite media protecting Obama by attacking Republicans.”

    He is an old pro. That was beautiful. The whole thing was beautiful – he sold it hard, his famous, famous list.

  88. 88.

    Shawn in ShowMe

    January 19, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    @jonas:

    Agree. Santorum’s problem is that he has deeply-held convictions about sex, gender and modern society that are at complete variance with what most people hold to be common sense and decency, thus making him appear dumb.

    This. Santorum isn’t a Reagan Republican. He’s a McKinley Republican.

  89. 89.

    Linnaeus

    January 19, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    Really don’t mind if you sit this one out…

  90. 90.

    General Stuck

    January 19, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    I really don’t mind, if you sit this one out

  91. 91.

    fraught

    January 19, 2012 at 11:50 pm

    I don’t see Santorum as dumb in the way I saw W as dumb, or Perry as dumb, Or Sarah as dumb, but sometimes I’m surprised that he can put together a proper comeback to Neut or Romney, which must mean that I think he must be dumb in a different way. He’s dumb about what time he’s in, like a guy who got lost in a private little warp and thinks it’s 40 years ago and is therefore just as rational as anyone else in his own mind. He just seems to be profoundly out of sync in his party, his country and even globally. It’s not the pernicious dumbness that W displayed on a daily basis. That was truly unbearable to watch.

  92. 92.

    TooManyDans

    January 19, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    I’ve come down from the upper class to mend your rotten ways
    My father was a man of power whom everyone obeyed

    So come on, all you criminals, I’ve got to put you straight
    Just like I did with my old man, twenty years too late

    *Flute Solo*

    Your bread and water is growing cold, your hair is short and neat
    I’ll judge you all, and make damn sure, that no one judges me

  93. 93.

    The Dangerman

    January 19, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    I don’t know about Santorum as dumb; he’s not now and has never been a contender…

    …but how Romney thought he could thread the needle without releasing several tax returns is staggeringly stupid.

  94. 94.

    General Stuck

    January 19, 2012 at 11:55 pm

    @Linnaeus:

    Wow, I swear I didn’t read your comment before posting mine.

  95. 95.

    Ed Drone

    January 20, 2012 at 12:11 am

    @Mark S.:

    A bumper sticker?

    “Santorum — Because Hammurabi was a wimp”

    Ed

  96. 96.

    Omnes Omnibus

    January 20, 2012 at 12:16 am

    @Ed Drone: Piker. Because Hammurabi was a piker.

  97. 97.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    January 20, 2012 at 12:28 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Santorum – he gives better sharia than Hammurabi!

  98. 98.

    Omnes Omnibus

    January 20, 2012 at 12:30 am

    @MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson: For some reason I am thinking of the song “Things That Make You Go Ew.”

  99. 99.

    Linnaeus

    January 20, 2012 at 12:31 am

    @General Stuck:

    It’s Balloon Juice. Great minds think alike.

  100. 100.

    Sarah Proud and Tall

    January 20, 2012 at 12:32 am

    @DanielX:

    I like you.

  101. 101.

    Omnes Omnibus

    January 20, 2012 at 12:42 am

    @Sarah Proud and Tall: X?

  102. 102.

    Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal

    January 20, 2012 at 12:44 am

    here is the worst thing about santorum.

    what he said on stage, the aw shuckery and the conveniently evasive playing of the “this is all i know” card, the whole demeanor, is a lie.

    he was more interesting post-debate, at least his attacks seemed natural in the cnn interview. rick santorum is more of a scumbag than an idiot by far. the stage show is an act for the fundies.

    i’m not saying he is brilliant, but he is way way quicker than that.

  103. 103.

    Yutsano

    January 20, 2012 at 12:45 am

    @Sarah Proud and Tall: Late night flirting again dear? Look out the window at the pretty snow falling. It will soothe your nerves.

  104. 104.

    Sarah Proud and Tall

    January 20, 2012 at 12:46 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    He’s sweary and rude. My favorite things.

  105. 105.

    Sarah Proud and Tall

    January 20, 2012 at 12:49 am

    @Yutsano:

    No snow, sadly. Just rain…

  106. 106.

    Omnes Omnibus

    January 20, 2012 at 12:50 am

    @Sarah Proud and Tall: One presumes that those are only some of your favorite things. Coltrane not Andrews.

  107. 107.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    January 20, 2012 at 12:56 am

    @Sarah Proud and Tall:

    So when will you and clayton announce your nuptials?

  108. 108.

    DanielX

    January 20, 2012 at 1:22 am

    @Sarah Proud and Tall:

    Oooh, top shelf praise….be still my heart. And from a wonderfully sleazy grand dame, too…doesn’t get much better.

  109. 109.

    Sarah Proud and Tall

    January 20, 2012 at 1:24 am

    @MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson:

    Clayton’s just rude and whiny and unfunny. I’d rather marry Newt again.

    (have I told you all that story?)

  110. 110.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    January 20, 2012 at 1:32 am

    @Sarah Proud and Tall:

    Was that the episode where Cthulhu lost the ring and Haley Barbour was carried off screaming to the bridal suite by Yog-Sothoth?

  111. 111.

    patrick the pedantic literalist

    January 20, 2012 at 1:40 am

    @jonas:
    The nuns smacked ricky’s knuckle’s for having impure thoughts once too often, and those lessons stuck. Being raised a strict catholic, I hear echoes of that upbringing when he speaks. Sometimes the problem is just an earnestness and lack of imagination and a little too much respect for authority that keeps one stuck on those childhood scripts. And also a literal belief in hell.

    I sympathize, but only to the degree that he keeps that earnest, unimaginative child to himself and not try to burden the rest of us.

  112. 112.

    Yutsano

    January 20, 2012 at 1:42 am

    @Sarah Proud and Tall:

    have I told you all that story?

    Sheesh. I’ve even come to visit you numerous times and you’ve never mentioned this once. I feel slighted.

  113. 113.

    Sarah Proud and Tall

    January 20, 2012 at 1:46 am

    @MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson:

    No, silly. Cthulhu and Yog-Sothoth wouldn’t touch Newt with a barge pole.

    This involved Yidhra who, as we all know, is an old slag who’ll do anything.

  114. 114.

    Sarah Proud and Tall

    January 20, 2012 at 1:48 am

    @Yutsano:

    Some stories are too shameful to tell in person. I’ll type it up during my next flight and post it in the next few days.

  115. 115.

    Mike D.

    January 20, 2012 at 1:48 am

    I thought Santorum was the most effective person up there at launching and landing substantive attacks on his rivals, which is the point of this exercise. I didn’t detect a particular inability to form sound sentences.

  116. 116.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    January 20, 2012 at 1:49 am

    @Sarah Proud and Tall:

    Hmm… so when was it that Yog-Sothoth and Haley became as one? Could that have been spawning night at the axolotl farm down at happy little RomneyCorp?

    Or did I dream it?

    We Old Ones have so many memories, you know.

  117. 117.

    Yutsano

    January 20, 2012 at 2:11 am

    @Sarah Proud and Tall: Oh fair enough. I’ll still smuggle you in some of those little chocolate crisps you’re so fond of. You know, the Dutch ones. Not the Belgian ones. I don’t want a repeat of THAT incident.

  118. 118.

    Schlemizel

    January 20, 2012 at 2:47 am

    @jonas:
    Yes Daddy got pummeled in the primaries. The killer for him was he claimed he had been brainwashed (George’s own word) while visiting Viet Nam. It was my first encounter with the moran voter. He clearly meant that the Army had done a hard sell on him while he was there, showed him a Potemkin village and lots of RAH-RAH ARVN’s. But that was not what the moran voter heard, they only heard that he claimed he was brainwashed into support for the war.

  119. 119.

    Schlemizel

    January 20, 2012 at 2:54 am

    @patrick the pedantic literalist:
    Actually, I think it was a priest & it wasn’t little rickys knuckles getting rapped on. Th experience caused a deep conflict in the boy. On one hand it made him feel special because one of Gods messengers had selected him! Little Ricky was special! But the other hand was that sex is a sin and so he was a dirty boy. Sex needs to be punished. You can almost feel how much he needs the General’s “spatula of redemption” when en enjoys sex.

    Look at the pain in his eyes, listen to the way he presents his biblical message. Then tell me I am wrong if you can.

  120. 120.

    DanielX

    January 20, 2012 at 6:26 am

    @patrick the pedantic literalist:

    Sister Mary Mangle…she had rulers instead of hands. I wasn’t raised Catholic so I didn’t have to deal with monster nuns, but did have the dubious pleasure of attending an all male Jesuit high school. Was at a time when most of the faculty were old school Jesuits (aka The Psycho Brothers For Christ). Given their propensity for abuse of various types, Ricky would have had to worry about his head rather than his knuckles. Man, those Latin textbooks were some heavy mofos.

    As for other types of abuse, I was an Episcopalian* so I didn’t have to worry about Jesuit perverts** – I didn’t have the proper submissive/guilty attitude and would have been out of there in a New York minute. But in Ricky’s case, do you suppose….? It would explain a lot, wouldn’t it now? Guilt and all kinds of general badness associated with the horizontal bop?***

    *Worst it ever got for me was a lot of screaming and a JUG (Judgment Under God – detention) for speculating that what INRI really stood for was Initiate Nail Removal Immediately. If I’d been Catholic the Jebbies would have crucified me after subjecting me to mass…something.
    **Authority figures abusing kids under the guise of ‘you will respect my au-tho-ri-tah, now submit to me and God’ is perverted and criminal, as events of the last several years have shown. It’s child abuse and has nothing to do with teh ghey.
    ***Place went coed the year after I graduated (dammit – timing is all). A lot/most of the old line Jebbies retired when that happened; they simply could not deal with girls (those harlots of Satan!) in the classroom or anywhere else for that matter.

  121. 121.

    ET

    January 20, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Santorum supporters would rather someone who agrees on gays and God then be capable of running the country. Either they don’t care if he can do the job or they feel that his support for the only 2 issues the care about indicates he is competent.

  122. 122.

    tones

    January 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    “For pure, blind stupidity, nobody beats Santorum.
    In my 20 years [working] in the Senate, I never met a dumber member, which he reminded me of today.”

    Quote from Mc Cain aide.

    The idea he is an idiot is not new , or news.
    ;-)

  123. 123.

    Cervantes

    January 20, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    @MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson:

    But Hammurabi was, in fact, something of a revolutionary!

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