Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Everything is totally normal and fine!!!

Baby steps, because the Republican Party is full of angry babies.

Someone should tell Republicans that violence is the last refuge of the incompetent, or possibly the first.

The line between political reporting and fan fiction continues to blur.

There is no right way to do the wrong thing.

SCOTUS: It’s not “bribery” unless it comes from the Bribery region of France. Otherwise, it’s merely “sparkling malfeasance”.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

If you voted for Trump, you don’t get to speak about ethics, morals, or rule of law.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

The republican caucus is covering themselves with something, and it is not glory.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

“Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.”

These days, even the boring Republicans are nuts.

Their boy Ron is an empty plastic cup that will never know pudding.

I did not have this on my fuck 2025 bingo card.

Jack be nimble, jack be quick, hurry up and indict this prick.

Fight for a just cause, love your fellow man, live a good life.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

They think we are photo bombing their nice little lives.

Fundamental belief of white supremacy: white people are presumed innocent, minorities are presumed guilty.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?

Hot air and ill-informed banter

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Because of wow. / Late Night Open Thread: There’s A Troll Joke Here Somewhere…

Late Night Open Thread: There’s A Troll Joke Here Somewhere…

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Baboons learn to “pre-read”:

WASHINGTON (AP) — Dan the baboon sits in front of a computer screen. The letters BRRU pop up. With a quick and almost dismissive tap, the monkey signals it’s not a word. Correct. Next comes, ITCS. Again, not a word. Finally KITE comes up.
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He pauses and hits a green oval to show it’s a word. In the space of just a few seconds, Dan has demonstrated a mastery of what some experts say is a form of pre-reading and walks away rewarded with a treat of dried wheat.
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Dan is part of new research that shows baboons are able to pick up the first step in reading — identifying recurring patterns and determining which four-letter combinations are words and which are just gobbledygook…
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In 300,000 tests, the six baboons distinguished between real and fake words about three-out-of-four times, according to the study published in Thursday’s journal Science.
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The 4-year-old Dan, the star of the bunch and about the equivalent age of a human teenager, got 80 percent of the words right and learned 308 four-letter words…
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Key to the success of the experiment was a change in the testing technique, the researchers said. The baboons weren’t put in the computer stations and forced to take the test. Instead, they could choose when they wanted to work, going to one of the 10 computer booths at any time, even in the middle of the night.
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The most ambitious baboons test 3,000 times a day; the laziest only 400.

Reader Interactions

56Comments

  9. 9.

    Joseph Nobles

    This is cool. Maybe we could get some research into the conservative ability to pre-feel as well.

  14. 14.

    Egg Berry

    308 four-letter words

    there’s a four-letter word joke in there, but i’m not caffeinated enough to make it.

  17. 17.

    c u n d gulag

    If the rewards are Cheeto’s and Mountain Dew, soon, we’ll have REAL baboons trolling Liberal sites on the internet.

    My guess, since they’re capable of learning things, is that they’ll evolve faster than the Conservative human trolls.

  18. 18.

    WereBear

    As I always point out when there is compelling evidence of non-human species showing intelligence, and thought, and emotions, and preferences; where do you think ours comes from?

  19. 19.

    cmorenc

    If a thousand baboons were given a thousand typewriters and a near-immortally long amount of time, how soon would one of them re-type Atlas Shrugged? A lot sooner than one of them would re-type Shakespeare’s Macbeth.

  20. 20.

    Linda Featheringill

    We all continue to evolve. And after we humans have done ourselves in, the next group will have their day in the sun.

    The snow monkeys in Japan, the ones that soak in the hot springs, those guys . . .

    . . . frequently remind me of what I think primitive modern man was like.

  24. 24.

    El Cid

    If they’s all this evyolushun, how come ey’s still baboons? And if ey kin read, y’all next gonna be demanding baboon marriage?

  25. 25.

    Brandon

    Baboons with flexible work arrangements? When will my employers learn ‘face time’ is unimportant?

  26. 26.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Brandon:

    When will my employers learn ‘face time’ is unimportant?

    When you establish dominance within the troop and mandate new policies. I advise baring your teeth in an aggressive manner to challenge those above you on the corporate ladder.

  27. 27.

    kdaug

    @El Cid:

    And if ey kin read, y’all next gonna be demanding baboon marriage?

    Yes. Your baboon wife will arrive at your doorstep tomorrow.

    Do watch your fingers. She’s a bit “bitey”.

    But we trust you’ll be fine.

  28. 28.

    Schlemizel

    I was going to draw a conclusion about a certain liar that named itself truth here at BJ but then I realized I would be insulting baboons the world over and they have done nothing to deserve the scorn that troll has earned.

  32. 32.

    El Cid

    From the Department of Apparent Badass, Re-Election Assistance Division:

    Newark Mayor Cory Booker taken to hospital after rescuing woman from house fire
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    NEWARK — Newark Mayor Cory Booker was taken to a hospital Thursday night for treatment of smoke inhalation he suffered trying to rescue his next-door neighbors from their burning house.
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    “I just grabbed her and whipped her out of the bed,” Booker said in recounting the fire. Booker told The Star-Ledger he also suffered second-degree burns on his hand.
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    The fire started in a two-story building on Hawthorne Avenue in the Upper Clinton Hill neighborhood, shortly before the mayor arrived home after a television interview with News 12 New Jersey.
    __
    Five people were taken to the hospital for treatment: the mayor, a woman from the house and three members of his security detail. The woman was listed in stable condition at Saint Barnabas Medical Center in Livingston with burns to her back and neck.
    __
    Booker left his home shortly after 6 a.m. this morning to make an appearance on a television show in New York, News 12 reported. The mayor will hold a press conference at 10 a.m. at his home to discuss the incident.
    __
    Newark Fire Director Fateen Ziyad said after the mayor arrived home he saw flames and smoke from the second floor of the building next to his home, and no residents outside,
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    Booker rushed in and his security detail followed him, Ziyad said.
    __
    As fire and EMS arrived, they administered oxygen to Booker and his security detail and took the mayor to the hospital. Newark Fire Chief John Centanni was at the hospital with Booker and said the mayor and his detail were “banged up” but would be fine. The residents of the building also appeared to be okay.
    __
    Centanni said the mayor executed a professional rescue and possibly saved the life of one resident.
    __
    After being released from the hospital, Booker recounted his experience at the fire and said he thought he might have to jump out of a window because of the heavy flames.
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    “We got everybody out of the house, but their daughter’s screaming, ‘I’m upstairs!’ ” he told The Star-Ledger.
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    One of his security officers, Detective Alex Rodriguez, tried to stop him from going back in.
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    Rodriguez had been posted at Booker’s house in the mayor’s absence. The other two detectives, Duran Santos and Al-Tariq Whitley, were accompanying Booker from the television interview.
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    “Now we actually get into a fight because his job is to protect me,” Booker said of Rodriguez.
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    Booker said when he reached the second floor, he was engulfed in flames and smoke.
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    “I suddenly had the realization that I can’t find this woman.” Booker said. “I look behind me and see the flames and I think “I’m not going to get out of here. Suddenly I was at peace with the fact that I was going to jump out the window.”
    __
    Then he heard her cries in a back bedroom.
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    “I just grabbed her and whipped her out of the bed,” Booker said. The two made their way downstairs, where they both collapsed, Booker said.

    Maybe next time NJ elects a governor, instead of Loudmouth McTunnelthief, they can elect Spider-Man.

  33. 33.

    newsouthzach

    The 4-year-old Dan, the star of the bunch and about the equivalent age of a human teenager, got 80 percent of the words right and learned 308 four-letter words…

    Christ, I only know a couple dozen of the damn things…

  34. 34.

    Ash Can

    @cmorenc:

    If a thousand baboons were given a thousand typewriters and a near-immortally long amount of time, how soon would one of them re-type Atlas Shrugged?

    “Given a week or two” is more like it. After all, they recite the thing cover-to-cover daily, especially at feeding time.

  38. 38.

    kdaug

    @El Cid:

    Fuck it.

    Well, yes, that was actually the point.

    At least once daily is required in the contract, but we would rather prefer twice. (There’s a built-in bonus if you can show evidence of three times or more per day)!

    Just do watch the fingers.

  39. 39.

    El Cid

    Apparently links are forbidden, but Newark NJ Democratic mayor Cory Booker rescued a neighbor’s daughter from the flames and smoke of their home, fighting off his security detail to do so. Just Google it.

  40. 40.

    El Cid

    Oh, that’s what it is — I can’t mention the name of the mayor of Newark because it sounds like a game involving those flat things which come in stacks of 52. Okay, so that mayor rescued people from a really hot building where there was like fire and stuff.

  41. 41.

    RossInDetroit

    Patterning in language is interesting. I’ve been reading Gleick’s book The Information and there’s a long section about redundancy and entropy in English. About 80% of the information in written English is redundant. You don’t need ‘u’ after ‘q’ and no information is lost if you omit it so it’s redundant. Certain letter patterns appear very frequently and many appear not at all. I’m not surprised that a baboon could learn this by trial and error.

  42. 42.

    Jay C

    The 4-year-old Dan, the star of the bunch and about the equivalent age of a human teenager, got 80 percent of the words right and learned 308 four-letter words…

    So how long do you think it will be before Dan starts his own blog?
    He’s already ahead of a LOT of right-wingers I can think of….

  43. 43.

    Forum Transmitted Disease

    Replace our government with baboons. They obviously are more interested in reading and could not possibly do a worse job.

  46. 46.

    Jennifer

    Just what we need – a bunch of cursing baboons.

    Don’t we have enough of those already?

    On the bright side, since CNN has been in a bit of a panic after realizing that even the hire of Erick Erickson and Dana Loesch have not won them majority share with really dumb motherfuckers, now they’ll have another hiring option. Though it’s really unfair to the baboons for CNN to assume that they are less intelligent than Erickson or Loesch.

  47. 47.

    jprfrog

    I second #44. I think that were some of these primates serve in state legislatures (e. g. Alabama, Arizona) things would improve there.

  48. 48.

    RossInDetroit

    This is the conservative blogger process distilled to its essence:

    1) see words
    2) press buttons
    3) get fed

    Notice that comprehension is not required.

  49. 49.

    JGabriel

    __
    __
    Seth Borenstein, AP Science Writer:

    The most ambitious baboons test 3,000 times a day; the laziest only 400.

    I object to this biased and demeaning characterization of the the monkey who doesn’t like as “lazy”!

    Perhaps he’s the kind of monkey who would rather dig for insects and forage for bananas, while the monkey who likes tests might be the kind who would just sit around reading and surfing the internet all day!

    Elitist researcher snobs!

    .

  50. 50.

    JGabriel

    @RossInDetroit:

    You don’t need ‘u’ after ‘q’ and no information is lost if you omit it …

    Yeah, smarty-pants? Try spelling ‘queue’ without a ‘u’ after ‘q’. You can’t have a ‘queue’ without ‘u’; all you’re left with is ‘qee’.

    And ‘quick’ without ‘u’ is just a ‘qick’.

    .

  51. 51.

    RossInDetroit

    @JGabriel:

    I object to this biased and demeaning characterization of the the monkey who doesn’t like as “lazy”!

    Yeah, conclusion not supported by findings. Maybe the under-performing monkey has a wheat allergy and doesn’t like the treats.

  52. 52.

    RossInDetroit

    @JGabriel:

    To be clear, when you have a letter pair doing the job of one letter, there’s redundancy. Omitting ‘u’ from ‘qu’ doesn’t work in every case. But in every case some other single letter substitution would work, and would contain the same information with less bits. It’s a theory about the information content in written English and not an exact compression algorithm.

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