Steven Colbert gives it to Cardinal Dolan, twice, at a Time event (via):
Also, Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke is here tonight. Also an instant, instant feminist icon. Famously tested, testified before Congress, that Georgetown, a Catholic institution,should be required to provide insurance coverage for her birth control.
Now, TIME 100 honoree, his eminence Timothy Cardinal Dolan disagrees — sir, lovely to see you again.
Of course, now some, some critics have said in response to this that if the Catholic church’s insurance does not cover Sandra Fluke’s birth control, it shouldn’t cover Cardinal Dolan’s Viagra.
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, that’s called celibacy plus. That’s how the pros do it. Because chastity is one thing, but it shows true commitment to uphold your vows when you are sporting a crook you could hang a lighter on. Oh, wow, see you at mass on Sunday, sir?
I hope he doesn’t become Pope.
I’m a Catholic, it’s okay. I go to confession, it will be fine. Thank you.
Read the whole thing to see how Dolan is like Spanx.
That guy has some balls! (sorry to be crude)
No warning for a Halpern link?
I was going to point out that Stephen Colbert is a liberal Catholic in an earlier thread but I was afraid that BJ might collapse from the strain
He isn’t kidding about going to Mass btw
@BGinCHI: OK, that shit is funny. Worth the Halpern click.
@AA+ Bonds: So you threw in that “baby killer horseshit”. Well played douchebag.
“I must have left Wisconsin in my other coat.” Colbert has titanium balls.
Colbert is a national treasure.
@AA+ Bonds: Yea, I left a better insult on the last one but I wanted you to know I cared!
Many Catholics agree that Dolan should go to prison for the rest of his life
It would be nice to have an open thread of just insults.
@BGinCHI: I didn’t know we needed an open thread for that, idiot.
@cathyx: You’re probably right, butthead.
@BGinCHI: It’s Halperin cutting and pasting the transcript of an event, something even he can’t fuck up. (And that’s basically what he does most of the time anyway, isn’t it?)
@mistermix: It just scared me when I clicked through and saw his ugly face.
Isn’t a rather influential magazine supposed to have an editor? Because the number of times they missed the space key was appalling. Additionally, I have to say that the setup for the spanx joke was brilliant.
Jeebus–“a crook you can hang your lighter on”–?!?!?!? And he said that to his faith, uh, face?!?!? Woo-fucking-hoo! Colbert clanks when he walks!
yopd1 (formerly BDeevDad)
Folks at Breitbart are having a hissy fit that Colbert is on the Time 100 list. Hint, it’s not the number of viewers, it’s who’s viewing that’s important.
@yopd1 (formerly BDeevDad):
When are the Breitbart crew not having a hissy fit?
Colbert is awesome.
yopd1 (formerly BDeevDad)
Insults? You key-dropping nugget-munching son-of-a-Gingrich! An egg of Beelzebub put on the griddle has reached a higher state of consciousness that your queech minded corporeal form has ever had the option of rising to. To describe the depth of your depravity, James Cameron would need another few decades.
Aaaand the media begin fluffing Rubio’s “foreign policy chops”. Warning: Lieberman behaving like only Lieberman can. FSM I’ll be glad to see him leave the Senate.
Take it to alt.flame, asshole.
Pretty good, so far, jagoffs.
Haha, “Pulitzer for fiction” joke :)
@BGinCHI: Sometimes I get you confused with ver(i)tas, derph, and whatever other alias he uses.
@gaz: I might be hungry, you saline-soaked sorry excuse for a 12oz chunk of fatty fatty flesh! Ham it up. I dare you!
I’m sorry, but the insults so far on this thread, including my own pathetic contribution, have been generally lamer than a three legged dog. Nobody who’s made it out of the first grade would think adding one or two scatological terms to a response is enough to constitute a serious insult. We need to up our game at least to the point we can outdo a typical Teabagger with terminal Alzheimer’s.
You’re a bunch of poopyheads. There. I said it, and I’m not sorry.
Wow, that was so cathartic!
Gin & Tonic
@Roger Moore: You gotta be older than dirt to try a Usenet joke.
@Frankensteinbeck: Thou poisonous bunch-back’d toad!
Sorry, Richard III is on TV.
Your words connect with this planet much in the same way a neutrino does. Your memoirs will be used as a weapon of mass destruction, as the imbecility will prove to be fatal. Should you be cremated, the ash cloud will render continents uninhabitable.
@Gin & Tonic:
And you must be at least as old to recognize it. But get off my lawn anyway, you waste of oxygen.
Your name will be indexed in a search engine cache with negative connotations. Someone will be bothered to sign you up to Chinese spam bonnets. May you wind up on the TSA’s watch list. May you become a Mets fan in the playoffs.
Holy shit Colbert knows how to bring the insults. Unlike some people.
@slag: I see, greatly approve of, and would like to subscribe to what you did there.
Goes to mass and teaches Sunday school!
Ballsiest Colbert since the Correspondents’ Dinner.
@BGinCHI: Chunky Bobo.
The invaluable Garry Wills insults the Vatican on its latest authoritarian edict, “Bullying the Nuns”: http://www.nybooks.com/blogs/nyrblog/2012/apr/24/bullying-nuns/
Genuflect for this, you bastards:
@shortstop: Ha! That phrase is, indeed, surprisingly flexible. Steve Douchy may be a poet and not even know it.
Gin & Tonic
@Roger Moore: I wouldn’t dream of setting foot on your lawn, covered, as it is, with the droppings of the syphilitic goats you fuck there.
Zip it pond life. (always my favorite insult)
@BGinCHI: Isn’t that every thread?
Al Gore to be honored in the first Internet Hall of Fame for … inventing the internet! Ha ha.
Oh, crap, Bill Donahue is gonna be PISSED! Well, he’ll be even more pissed (plain pissed is his ground state). Dunno how Comedy Central will be able to weather *two* boycotts by the Catholic League and its friends of other religions.
Good point. Any chance he’ll watch “South Park” and make it a trifecta? Maybe his blackened heart will finally ‘splode.
Although it’s his professional actions and stances that inspire the most disgust, I can never see Dolan’s name without remembering the 60 Minutes interview in which he simperingly confessed how hard it was to stop looking at pretty girls when he decided he had a vocation, tee hee hee! Never has the collective sexual intelligence of America been as insulted as when Timmy, with vaudevillian subtlety, played the role of a heterosexual male for Morley Safer.
Honestly, the debate over whether cloning is ethical should end with Colbert. Totally worth it.
Guess which prospective GOP nominee is not even mentioned in this WaPo editorial?
May your alarm clock fail before your next interview. I hope your ISP flushes its DNS cache at an inopportune time. Break a leg, kid.
I did not know that Timothy Cardinal Dolan was a feminist icon.
I learn so much from Colbert.
Colbert went way too easy on Dolan.
And This Is Why It Was Foolish to Crack Those Teleprompter Jokes
Teacher Fired After Receiving Fertility Treatments
Why is somebody who rebranded the girdle one of the 100 most important blah blah blah?
@slag: Well played!
Heh. We need to clone Colbert.
And replace that asshat Jon Stewart with the clone. I’m pretty sure that aspiring to be the next, hipper David Brooks is something that even a clone would find too degrading and dehumanizing to contemplate.
Do you KNOW how many Boomer women there are who were facing middle-aged spread? Spanx was epic!
@MikeJ: Because Time is desperate for the advertising.
Seriously. IMH53yearoldO, the inventor of Spanx should get a Nobel Prize in physics.
Another thing about Colbert, to get back on topic, is that he gives me faith that there are still Catholics out there who actually live what the church should be. I may be an atheist and have my own personal wars with the Church, but I would be as happy as could be to see the church I grew up in be a religion I could respect, the way I do Unitarians and Episcopalians.
Yes, I can’t believe he did it again. This is incredible. I admire Colbert more than I can say.
I will probably be shouted down for this, but I think it’s his strong faith that makes him able to do this kind of thing. Really. If you read the profile of him in the New York Times magazine you know what I mean.
Colbert ROCKS! The rest of you can bite a fart.
You won’t get any flack from me. He clearly has the courage of his convictions and if they are rooted in his faith it’s not so rare. I continue to be amazed and appalled at how much religion has been perverted in America in my lifetime to become cover for and even partners to political ambitions. Not that that’s new, but it’s overwhelmed things like, oh, the fight for social justice.
Colbert’s just rolling old school. He’s as much at ease skewering those who would rob poor people as he his visiting our troops–it works because he’s not faking.
Villago Delenda Est
Dolan is irredeemable boy buggering coverup scum.
Fuck him. Better yet, put his worthless beanie ass in a tumbrel for proper disposition.
@gogol’s wife: I think it’s his strong faith
He certainly seems to draw strength and surety from his faith, there’s really no contesting that. But it seems to me it’s at least as much his integrity that is the prime mover here. He’s just not down with the lying, and where his faith is concerned, it’s important to him so he takes it personally and does something about it.
In any event, he’s the kind of Catholic we need more of.
Odie Hugh Manatee
You whiny, simpering piece of excrement. I would say that you have all the intelligence of a cow but at least a cow can do two things that you can’t; chew and walk. That and you can look into its eyes and see intelligence, something that you clearly lack. The best part of you ran down your mother’s leg after a 30 second fevered coupling under the high school bleachers with the pig you call your father.
And the rest of the football team.
Oh, and Colbert fucking rules!
Speaking of the Jesuits (we were, amirite?) they take a hunk out of Paul Ryan, as follows.
No Opus Dei spoken here.
The Moar You Know
If I wanted any lip out of you fuckers I’d peel it off my dick.
Holy Jesus, I love Colbert. Seriously, he has ruined other men for me. Now I just need video of smarmy Dolan’s reaction and my life is complete.
Culture of Truth
balls of steel
upstairs, there is joy.
Culture of Truth
I really have to stop reading threads backwards
We’re going to need to practice, dipshits.
And OO, that was a low blow.
It’s not anti-Catholic bigotry to point out that certain members of the clergy may have committed felonies, and certain other members of the clergy may have (at best) gone out of their way not to know about it or (at worst) worked to cover it up.
It’s anti-Catholic bigotry to assume that all Catholics are cool with that.
That’s not ever going to happen. That’s the one thing a minister can do that will absolutely, no-shitting-around cost his or her church its tax exemption.
You want to hate on Ryan, fine. I’m right there with you. But don’t allow your hate to make you clueless.
@efgoldman: I don’t need a generator to be that insulting. Now gin on the other hand…
Read more: http://thepage.time.com/2012/04/25/clinton-and-colbert-at-the-time-100/#ixzz1t7Aty7aO
Stephen Colbert is the only person in a room full of “influentials” with the courage to say that.
@the Conster, @Hill Dweller, @Bago, @Uncle Cosmo, @trollhattan:
Stephen Colbert is my hero!
His takedown of Dolan was a thing of beauty but what he did to David Koch? OMFG! I thought I was going to hurt myself falling off the chair in joy and astonishment!
“Sure, he’s all for buying the elections, but when the bill for democracy comes up, Dave’s always in the men’s room. I’m sorry, I must have left Wisconsin in my other coat.”
@burnspbesq: It never got any of them in trouble to announce they would deny John Kerry communion.
Not the same thing under the applicable tax regulations. Not even remotely the same thing. If you want to argue that those rules should be different than what they are, that’s an argument that can be had, but for the moment, they are what they are.
@burnspbesq: I’m not arguing that that’s not the way the rules are, I’m just pointing out that practice is different than theory. Look at all the crap the churches, Catholic especially included, have been pulling all over the place. Many church leaders have stepped all over the line, as it were, and I have never heard of any churches losing their tax-exempt status or even being fined in any way. A girl can dream though.
@burnspbesq: Sorry Burns, this is the insult thread.
Pro-Catholic flock arguments is down the hall.
Odie Hugh Manatee
The guy is a comic genius, same with insults. Man can he deliver.
Cardinal Dolan is probably in a real lather after that beating.
You great soft sissy girlie nancy French bender Man United supporting POOF.