Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

I’m sure you banged some questionable people yourself.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

You cannot shame the shameless.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

A lot of Dems talk about what the media tells them to talk about. Not helpful.

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

They are lying in pursuit of an agenda.

Let’s not be the monsters we hate.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

This blog will pay for itself.

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

“I never thought they’d lock HIM up,” sobbed a distraught member of the Lock Her Up Party.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Cat Blogging / The TunchCam Returns

The TunchCam Returns

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For some reason, Tunch has been all up in my grill all night. Litter is clean, water is fresh, food bowl is full, back door is open so he can go prowl, and he’s been freshly furminated. But for some reason, he has been following me all around the house giving me dirty looks and chirping up a storm. First, the look:

Now the video (with a bonus cameo of Lily at the end):

And yes, my sinuses are completely clogged from allergies and I do sound a touch nasal. Still caught up in the NFL draft.

Reader Interactions

126Comments

  1. 1.

    JGabriel

    John Cole @ Top:

    And yes, my sinuses are completely clogged from allergies and I do sound a touch nasal.

    You sound a bit like John Goodman, actually. In a good way, not mocking here.

    .

  2. 2.

    shera

    Damn. I didn’t realize that Tunch is bigger than Lily.

    One of my cats is meowing mornfully at me to be let outside. He will of course be meowing mornfully 30 seconds later to be let inside.

  7. 7.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    I would state that there is one fat cat Cole, if it were not for the fact that I have one just as fat, if not fatter. Cadbury would put Tunch to shame in the fat category.

  9. 9.

    gnomedad

    Wow, John’s coming out of his shell — first the photo, now the voice. Nice, but kinda surreal after all these years. Maybe next we can get him and ABL a gig on Dancing with the Stars.

  10. 10.

    beltane

    Just looking at Tunch ambling around made my house shake. But please don’t tell him I said that.

  12. 12.

    schrodinger's cat

    Yay, Tunch photo and Tunch cam! A great start to the weekend.

    @Litlebritdifrnt: I love Cadbury’s especially their fruit and nut. Is your kitteh named after the chocolates?

  16. 16.

    RossInDetroit

    Tunch sensed that you were in a good mood and were interested in something that was going on. Gotta put a stop to these things at any cost, hence the distraction.

  19. 19.

    Mnemosyne

    Poor Tunchie is bored. He needs one of these. We’re on our third one because Charlotte insists on having it on 24/7, and the poor machine just isn’t built for that kind of abuse.

  23. 23.

    jl

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    And Shironeko seems like the anti Tunch to me. There is some kind of entanglement between Shironeko and Tunch. When Shironeko acts all cute and cuddly, and delights his owner, instantaneously across the globe, Tunch torments Cole. Because, deep mysteries, that is why.

  24. 24.

    muddy

    My Russian blue tuxedo cat, Ailill Fatass Naughtypants, was saddened to see that he is not the fattest of them all. My cats get canned food at 10pm (so they don’t attack me in my sleep), and he always starts coming around purring at about 150 db starting at about quarter past 8, reminding me it’s nearly can time. Then he gets the dog to join in the harrassment, dog has skin in the game because he gets to lick the cans. So he goes to the door and rings the bell hanging on the knob, I get up to let him out, and then he tries to play off the, “Well, as long as you’re up….” BS on me. The same g-d game every single night, always as though it is new, and I might fall for it, feeding them early. It has never happened, and it never will. Feeding early at night leads to early morning assaults, a fat arm slides under the covers and slits me under the toes.

    I don’t have a furminator, but an Ace comb works really well for undercoat, at a tiny price. For some reason they all hate the various brushes that I’ve tried, but everyone loves the Ace comb. It’s a classic.

  27. 27.

    Alison

    John, you sure know how to make your readers’ Friday night :) I vote for Tunch Video Friday to become a regular feature.

  28. 28.

    jl

    Forgot the thank Cole for pet pix and vid: thanks Cole.

    Except, do you always nag your cat that way? I didn’t hear you nag Lily.

    Cats don’t like to be nagged. They get even. I haven’t had a cat for a long time, but even I remember that. Oh boy, do I remember the joys of cat revenge after the hapless owner gets on their nerves, for naggy talk, or attitude, or whatever bugs them.

  30. 30.

    muddy

    @Mnemosyne: When I use the laser pointer, my cats just look up at the red dot emerging from my hand, and I swear they roll their eyes. Na ga ha pen. The dog loves it though, and it’s great for winter exercise, I can stand on the porch and make him run up and down the yard.

    He knows I am operating it though, if I point it in a place he doesn’t want to play (next to scary rocking chair etc), he will go to a better place, and start jerking his head around as though he is looking at a red dot, until I move it there and fulfill his desire. He does similar to get a chewie strip, I will carry it around the house on my head to toy with him, and then when I sit down he jumps up and snags it. When he wants a chewie, he will mime grabbing one off my head to let me know.

  32. 32.

    dmbeaster

    What jl said. Long time cat lover here (but dont have one now). He is just bothering you for attention – the rubbing on the furniture is the give away for me. He is affectionate but annoyed – I assume bored or something. And dont assume he knows what he wants – figuring that out is your problem.

  33. 33.

    muddy

    @jl:

    And Shironeko seems like the anti Tunch to me. There is some kind of entanglement between Shironeko and Tunch. When Shironeko acts all cute and cuddly, and delights his owner, instantaneously across the globe, Tunch torments Cole. Because, deep mysteries, that is why.

    I guess they are opposite poles of catness, feline yin and yang. Speaking of poles, I installed one of those magnet closing screens the other day, the dog and the fat cat figured it out pretty quick. The other cat is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, and he sits in front of it, pining, waiting for one of them to work it for him. Gives me the opportunity to say, “Fucking magnets, how do they work” about 27 times a day.

  34. 34.

    jl

    @efgoldman: I think that laser 24/5 auto cat toy for Tunch is worth a try. If he goes for it, it would help him regain a youthful girlish figure. Along with his healthful slimming diet, of course.

    But will it work with Tunch? Science tells us that light rays won’t work to design specs in the neighborhood of super ginnormous masses, floofy or otherwise.

  35. 35.

    jl

    @muddy: I feel for your slightly dim cat. It is left out of the fun.

    I remember, on the fam farm, one of the cows was a damn cow genious. It figured out how to unlatch one of the gates to the corral, with its tongue. For awhile we could not figure out the cow breakouts (Edit: always into one of the prime vegetable gardens, thank you very much, damn genius cow) until some one saw it do it.

    So we fixed the latch. But that cow was the ringleader. It would lead the way in all cow deviltry that was done, and the other cows would follow along.

    those dang animals, they can think pretty good, some of them. And who woudda thunk?

    Edit; but most cows are pretty dim. They are just smart enough to know that something is being put over on them, and they resent it, vaguely but are not sure why. I think that is why captive cows are so sullen, most of the time.

  37. 37.

    Punchy

    John, with as much p#ssy as you have in your house, I’d expect you to get laid more often.

    heh.
    Punchy + at least 6

  40. 40.

    Steeplejack

    He wants attention! He wants some quality solo lap time with Daddy Cole, with none of those nappy dogs sticking their noses in.

    /cat psychologist

  41. 41.

    Mnemosyne

    @muddy:

    Oh, they know that the laser is human-generated. That’s why Charlotte gets all pissy if we don’t hop to it and turn the toy on when she stands next to it. And then turn it on again after the timer runs out. And again. And again. And again.

  42. 42.

    cathyx

    I had a really funny exchange with my daughter tonight.
    She is insisting that I told her a few years ago that John Lennon and Paul McCartney formed the group ‘The Eagles’ after the Beatles split. I just laughed and said I never would have said that, that that is insane. She kept getting mad at me for laughing and is extremely insistent that I told her that.

    YES YOU DID MOM. And me NO, I NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD HAVE SAID THAT!

  44. 44.

    Bnut

    @Yutsano: My puppeh for your blues.

    Edit: Who I should mention today ate 2 of my books and tore up the threshold carpeting at my sister’s house. Passed out on the bed now like he worked a double in a salt mine.

  45. 45.

    muddy

    @jl:

    I feel for your slightly dim cat. It is left out of the fun.

    Before I put this new screen up, he was able to pull a steel insulated door open with his claws if it was not securely latched. But that lets you out at the corner, not the middle, so it’s beyond his ken now.

    For a while earlier in the spring I had not put the screens up yet, and he liked coming and going through the windows. Now he keeps hissing at the window, and only grudgingly comes to the door, there to hiss again because it is “broken”. Yeah, that helps.

  47. 47.

    muddy

    @cathyx: Yeah, come on, you were intoxicated and just said it to mess with her.

    But really, maybe the fact that Eagles have wings was the confusion.

  48. 48.

    amk

    cole- there is a reason I read you, fucker.

    Shoot a black kid, set up a blog, make a quarter million. Our society is sick.

  50. 50.

    cathyx

    @muddy: She kept getting madder at me because I couldn’t stop laughing in an incredulous way. Maybe because she’s only 13, but as anyone over 40 would know, there is no way I could make that mistake.

  54. 54.

    The Tragically Flip

    @JGabriel:

    You sound a bit like John Goodman, actually. In a good way, not mocking here.

    That’s much nicer than comparing him to Buffalo Bill, which is unfortunately where my sick mind went.

  56. 56.

    muddy

    I know, John could do a community voice for tomtom and we could all buy it. There could be loud chirping from Tunch if you turn the wrong way, or drove through a part where the map was not updated. I’ve had fun looking at my little car emblem driving across the river recently, and I hope no one reports it, I really like it. I guess I am easily amused.

  57. 57.

    peej

    My house is unsettled tonight because one of my cats has come home from an overnight stay at the emergency vet (darned expensive cat…had another asthma attack) and now he doesn’t smell right. My other cat has been growling at him ever since he came home, and will continue to do so until the evil vet smell is washed off.

  58. 58.

    eemom

    kind of…..commanding, that Cole-voice. Resonant. Mesmerizing, even.

    Lucky he only communicates with us in pixels, or we might be a cult.

  61. 61.

    James Gary

    Am I the only one to note the similarity between the pitch, timbre and phrasing of Cole’s voice and that of D. Boon from the Minutemen?

    “Our band could be your life
    Real names’d be proof…
    Drove up from Pedro
    We were f*cking corndogs
    We’d go drink and pogo.”

  63. 63.

    p.a.

    You’ve got Way of Cats in your blogroll, see what the nice lady there thinks Tunch wants. Probably just wants some playtime.

  64. 64.

    asiangrrlMN

    TUNCHIE TUNCHIE TUNCHIE! Not just a pic, but a video as well. I must have been a very good grrrrrl today to get such a treat. Count me in with those who like your voice, Cole. It’s low and slow. Very nice! Thank you thank you thank you for TUNCHIE!

    @Yutsano: Y U NO NOTIFY ME, BRO?!? And, I share your hatred for humanity. ::hugs::

    @Bnut: SQUEE on your new puppeh, but more importantly, is that finally a picture of YOU?

  65. 65.

    Mnemosyne

    Argh. Very bad sinus day, and I ran out of my Nasonex and can’t get more until at least Tuesday.

    I’m going to try the advice from the American Academy of Otolaryngology and alternate hot and cold compresses. Probably have to neti pot, too, even though I frickin’ HATE the neti pot.

  66. 66.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    I feel sorry for Tunch. I can imagine the birds standing out in the yard laughing at him as he waddles by.

    That is until he falls over sideways on one of them that’s rolling on the ground in laughter.

  68. 68.

    FlipYrWhig

    @peej: Yup, my younger Tuchesque-physiqued cat does that to the older, fragile, plagued with respiratory problems and arthritis cat every time we come back from some kind of urgent vet care episode.

  69. 69.

    muddy

    @Mnemosyne: I’ve been having trouble with the maple flowers for years. I didn’t have it when I was younger, and then I moved away for a while, and they didn’t have many maples there, no problems. Then I come home and wham! I thought it was due to being old. But this winter my son tore out the disgusting carpet in the living room and put wood down. Maple flowers are everywhere right now, and I’ve not had a twinge. I guess they were just the straw added to the pile of carpet, but a straw on its own is not enough to bother me. I can’t believe I went through several years of sinus infections and it was the hideous disgusting rug the whole time.

  70. 70.

    FlipYrWhig

    @Mnemosyne: I’m trying to treat a cat for persistent sinus problems. All we’ve come up with is midnight walk alternated with hot shower steam treatment.

  71. 71.

    General Stuck

    I don’t know which more breathtakingly stupid.

    The Breitbart Morons From Plan9, or John Mccain’s whine that Obama is using the killing of OBL in his campaign ads, and following that with a brain dead rant on any number of events

    The wizards at Breitbart House of Idjits, are shocked with the information that the military and a commanding General actually ran the op to kill Bin Laden, but didn’t make the call to go. No doubt a white General guiding the N’clang POTUS through the whole thing.

    Then there is walnuts, that you just have to read to believe.

    It’s gonna seem like decades up to the election.

  73. 73.

    danielx

    Good God was that picture Photoshopped? If it’s unaltered, Tunch needs a diet…stat. On the other hand he looks pissed off already.

  75. 75.

    danielx

    @FlipYrWhig:

    You may be able to try cat steroids, it might clear him or her up for a few months. We had one end up dying of complications from sinus problems, and it wasn’t for lack of treatment. Including cat acupuncture, which really does exist – there are holistic vets out there.

  77. 77.

    FlipYrWhig

    @danielx: She’s already on steroids for her arthritis. Maybe we need to up the dose. She also has a history of seizures, though, so the vet is hesitant to risk aggravating that. Thx for the idea…

  79. 79.

    FlipYrWhig

    @danielx: The thing that REALLY helped was when the emergency vet took an Apollo 13 approach and rigged up a nasal catheter and forced out a bunch of gunk. She was crazy happy for like 3 days until the antibiotic started to sap her appetite.

  80. 80.

    tulip

    Very nice pipes, Ser Cole. You should post vocals more often.

    And poor Tunch, poor poor abused Tunch. For such a big guy he has a rather quiet chirp.

    My kitty sort of grunts when he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself.

  84. 84.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Yutsano: Dude, I found a place in Madison that does decent poutine. Oddly, or not, a food cart. Does this help restore your faith in humanity?

  88. 88.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @asiangrrlMN: Mad City Fry Guy. Uses local ingredients. On Thursday, I was in line between two Canucks. There aren’t that many in Madison, so that says something.

  90. 90.

    p.a.

    @Joey Maloney: ever hear the song by the Notorious Cherry Bombs (Vince Gill etc.) It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long? Sexist, but funny.

  91. 91.

    Mnemosyne

    @muddy:
    @FlipYrWhig:

    I think they’re partly allergy-related, but it also seems to have a lot to do with humidity changes, of all things. I started getting sinus pain around 4:00 today and, sure enough, Weather Underground is telling me that the humidity fell from 38% to 4% between 2 pm and 5 pm, and then went back up to 48% by 8 pm.

    I knew it was somehow weather-related since I tend to get a nasty sinus headache when rain clouds roll in, but it looks like it may be the humidity and not the barometic changes. Weird.

  93. 93.

    Yutsano

    @Omnes Omnibus: You do realize one of the essential ingredients in poutine is mayo non? Although there really is so little true Canadian food I shouldn’t complain too much.

    @asiangrrlMN: Hi hon. I sowwy hon. I was working hon. Please forgive me hon. Put down the pitchfork hon…

  94. 94.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Yutsano: Is one sure? That which I have had was potato, curds, and gravy. Even in the the Great White North. If you are correct and not just messing with me due to your hatred of mankind, then I have only eaten some sort of semi-poutine. Fucking polite Canadians lied to me….

    ::mutters::

  97. 97.

    Yutsano

    @Omnes Omnibus: The Wiki supports your assertion, although I have a Canadian friend who won’t eat it partly for that reason. That and he’s Welsh. So take that for what it’s worth. I’m just gonna blame my foul mood and move on. :)

  98. 98.

    Mnemosyne

    @Mnemosyne:

    Huh. And now Teh Magic Google is telling me that it may be a humidity-related migraine, not a sinus headache. I wouldn’t be surprised since I’m already prone to migraines, especially when I get dehydrated. Huh.

  101. 101.

    Yutsano

    @Omnes Omnibus: Mmm…Dawg tummy. I got to see a nice one up close last week. Temptation to rub was very strong. I eschewed, mostly because of office decorum, but it was indeed a nice view.

    I’ll get better. I just need to shake off my stupid people day. I have a slight grin if that helps.

    @asiangrrlMN: Potatoes fried in duck fat, rich beef gravy, and cheese. Okay. I could do that. No mayo though. OO will back me on this point.

  102. 102.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Yutsano: I am not touching my boss’s “tummy.” ::shudder:: (Note: This was not a homophobic shudder, rather one of pure aesthetics.)

    Also too, mmmm, duck fat.

  104. 104.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Yutsano: One rather doubts that this particular ex-marine would would have that effect on you. You aren’t into 60ish guys who are 6’4″, 270ish, and carry a lot of the 270 around the waist, are you?

  107. 107.

    slag

    So, the s.o. is in bed this morning, and our little fuzzy one jumps up and starts chirping at him like she wants to cuddle. As soon as he moves to make a cozy spot for her, she straight sucker punches him in the face. And this is why cats will always be better than dogs.

  109. 109.

    Yutsano

    @Omnes Omnibus: I think wifey passed out for a spell. Or she’s eating. Or she’s in her car on her way to Madison. At this point it’s difficult to be certain.

    I really need to cut my hair. I’m intentionally stalling doing so until right before the surgery. It’s starting to occur to me this might not be the best idea.

  110. 110.

    Steeplejack

    @Yutsano:

    Do you cut your own hair? Unclear from your message.

    I am procrastinating on getting a haircut. Every time I find someone who does a good job–and my standards are low, just don’t make me look like a retired noncom–and start feeling comfortable and secure with them, they go to another salon that is geographically inconvenient or just disappear completely. WTF? So I procrastinate on going to the backup place, where there is a fifty-fifty chance that the middle-aged Asian woman will make me look like that sergeant she remembers from Saigon back in ’74.

    ETA: Jeez, I’ve got all five in the “Recent Comments” up above. This is a cry for help. And I wish I had a screen shot.

  111. 111.

    Yutsano

    @Steeplejack: Nope. I have a guy nearby who I prefer to do it but I don’t go out of my way to request him. And not to put too fine a point on it, but you do live in NoVa. That hairstyle has to be everywhere.

  113. 113.

    bago

    @Yutsano: The Acme barber shop up on cap hill is awesome. They’re open till ten P.M., and the staffing reflects the neighborhood.

  115. 115.

    Rosalita

    thanks for the vid John, the cameo by Lily at the end was great. we need more of these moments of zen during these trying times of political ratfuckery and mind-numbing stupid.

  116. 116.

    harlana

    i suppose we should just be eternally grateful for the rare Tunch pic, especially the vid. However, not enough chirping in that video. we in the Balloon Juice community expect more of you. try to do better next time, which had better be soon.

    TEASE!

  117. 117.

    Violet

    Love the video! Not sure what I expected Cole’s voice to sound like. His accent is definitely less West Virginian than I expected. Tunch is hilarious and LILY! Love her!

  119. 119.

    Dennis Doubleday

    Good God, that is a fat cat. Definitely in the 1%.

    The Steelers might have had him up on the draft board next to DeCastro.

  120. 120.

    Onihanzo

    Holy crap! Cole’s voice has gravitas! You sound like you should be on sports radio, my friend.

  126. 126.

    serena1313

    Hey John,

    Hope you feel better soon.

    Tunch seems like he might be in need of a little extra attention. I sense he wants you to talk to him, not necessarily pet him. But Tunch certainly does not appear to be upset or mad. I’ve seen pictures of Tunch giving you “the look.” This is not “the look.” Look at the expression on his face — it is sweet. His tail is up in the air which means he’s happy. And he’s rubbing on the furniture, marking his territory.

    Sometimes cats just need a little extra reassurance/attention especially after being on the short-end for awhile with other pets in the house. At other times, however, they just want you to know they are satisfied. Or they are just checking on their “master.” It is not always easy to tell the difference. And that is okay.

    Tunch loves you. Just let him know you love him, too.

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