Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

Disagreements are healthy; personal attacks are not.

The line between political reporting and fan fiction continues to blur.

Giving in to doom is how we fail to fight for ourselves & one another.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

There are times when telling just part of the truth is effectively a lie.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

Museums are not America’s attic for its racist shit.

There are some who say that there are too many strawmen arguments on this blog.

Quote tweet friends, screenshot enemies.

The revolution will be supervised.

The next time the wall street journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

You come for women, you’re gonna get your ass kicked.

Lick the third rail, it tastes like chocolate!

Fear or fury? The choice is ours.

“What are Republicans afraid of?” Everything.

Bark louder, little dog.

Republicans: The threats are dire, but my tickets are non-refundable!

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

If ‘weird’ was the finish line, they ran through the tape and kept running.

Petty moves from a petty man.

You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Cat Blogging / Late Night Open Thread

Late Night Open Thread

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One of the greatest frauds of the modern blogosphere has been me pretending that Tunch is some sort of vicious beast intent on my destruction- a feline version of Keyser Soze. It’s been ten years since I got the fat boy, so I feel it is time to come clean. He’s a lover, not a fighter. He sleeps on a special pillow next to my head, which is there for just him, and he purrs a sweet harmony every night. In the daytime, he follows me around the house as much as Rosie. At night, when the dogs are in bed, he’s right there next to me on the couch or on the glass table or on my lap. I know it is fun to pretend he is mean and imposing, but this is the real Tunch:

And, in case you are wondering, he is softer than cotton, his purrs are louder than a big bass drum, and he is actually the sweetest cat I’ve ever known, except for maybe Mr. Purr Puff, the cat I had as a kid.

I’m sorry for perpetuating this hoax for so long.

And yes, I know my hands look like they have gone through a meat grinder. You break every finger on both hands 2-4 times and get back to me.

Reader Interactions

93Comments

  3. 3.

    efroh

    yay – sometimes there’s so much Lily worship here that it makes me worry about the Tunchinator (NOT DOGIST).

  4. 4.

    burnspbesq

    Well, now that you’ve finally succumbed to Tunch’s propaganda and let down your guard,

    “Allons-y chats de la patrie,
    Le jour de gloire est arrive”

    Bastille Day is Saturday; sleep with one eye open.

    In other kitteh news, Laettner left another gift on the front steps today. That’s two in two weeks.

  5. 5.

    TheMightyTrowel

    Didn’t you come clean about this about a year ago? Is this even Cole blogging or did Tunch steal the computer and hack the website again? Will the next post exhort us all to send tuna and cream to west virginia?

  6. 6.

    cmorenc

    Tunch is holding you hostage, threatening to scratch your eyes out unless you write exactly what he says, isn’t he? Wait: don’t answer that, Tunch is monitoring this thread.

  8. 8.

    burnspbesq

    I have to say, I like the idea of listening to opening night at Tanglewood without having to fly to Albany and drive for three hours. Thank you NPR.

  14. 14.

    Allen

    Kitzel, my very shy cat, has decided that she can tolerate and even be petted by my neighbors, who both comment on how loud she purrs. The only holdout is their dog who is terrified of her. The dog won’t walk near her but rather take the long route past her. Through the shrubs, whatever it takes, but not near her. Not near her, by all means.

  15. 15.

    suzanne

    If Tunch needs a girlfriend, he sounds like a perfect match for my Scout.

    I had the second of seven architecture licensing exams today. I finished in half the time. Then I had a beer, and a cannoli, and I laid around without pants on. Boo yeah.

  17. 17.

    Liquid

    You know John, you should really switch your Avatar to Tunch. I mean it’s just too perfect.

  19. 19.

    Politically Lost

    I made it back from the gall bladder removal a couple hours ago. Other than the ten minutes between waking up in the recovery room and getting my first shot of the good stuff the day was uneventful.

    It’s truly a blessing to have good health insurance and live less than a mile from our city’s medical center. And, to have the best wife in the world.

    For those of you who have lost the organ, does it change anything?

  20. 20.

    freelancer

    I have a buddy interested in doing the Dark Knight Marathon that Harkins theaters is having, so I bought tickets today. I get the tickets and he called me, bragging that he got off early so we could go. He was super-psyched. I almost didn’t have the heart to tell him that Batman comes out Next Week.

  25. 25.

    Martin

    And yes, I know my hands look like they have gone through a meat grinder. You break every finger on both hands 2-4 times and get back to me.

    You know, the first step to escaping the cycle of domestic feline violence is admitting that the harm they do to you isn’t an expression of love.

  27. 27.

    NotMax

    Bartender, I’ll have what Mr. Cole is having.

    Stirred, not shaken.

    Make mine a triple.

  29. 29.

    stibbert

    @suzanne: hey suzanne, i’m wishing you good fortune w/ your AREs. i took mine in a 3 (or was it 4?)-day sequence on the topfloor (un-airconditioned, in pencil, uphill both ways) of the Allegheny County war-moray-eel in Oakland – the film location where Hannibal does his face/off escape in ‘Silence of the Lambs’.

    you’ll feel trick when you pass the thing & get your shingle!

  31. 31.

    Redshift

    Been waiting for an open thread — I’m going to see the president on Saturday!

    Fortunately, I was able to get a ticket because I’m a Neighborhood Team Leader, because I wasn’t able to get out of work early to get in line for one. When I got to the Fairfax (Northern Virginia) campaign office, there was a line of people around the corner from the office, and down the entire length of the strip mall where it’s located. And around the next corner and down the entire length on the other side!

    Somehow, I don’t think Mitt is generating this kind of excitement anywhere.

  32. 32.

    Thoroughly Pizzled

    @Politically Lost: Would probably make it harder to gain weight, since more of the fat’s precious energy would end up in the septic tank rather than in your bloodstream.

  36. 36.

    Spaghetti Lee

    @Yutsano:

    If you can’t digest it but eat it anyway, does that mean it comes out in your poop? That doesn’t sound fun.

  39. 39.

    MacKenna

    At first glance I thought you were stroking a polar bear skin rug. Holy cow, that’s one double-wide cat.

  40. 40.

    Bnut

    We all knew this anyway John. You are a big softy with a big softy heart with big softy pets. Don’t change.

  42. 42.

    amk

    coming up next on pox news – romney’s next campaign ad that sez it was actually Obama who ran bain from 1999 to 2002 and outsourced all those jobs & invested in those fetus companies.

  43. 43.

    Yutsano

    @Spaghetti Lee: The liver also makes bile but in smaller amounts. Fat is far too important to biological function to be wasted completely by the body. So unfortunately it doesn’t go the way of olestra. It just causes tummy trouble.

    @Bnut: This. He could almost be a Marine. :)

  46. 46.

    David Koch

    @Redshift:

    When I got to the Fairfax (Northern Virginia) campaign office, there was a line of people around the corner from the office, and down the entire length of the strip mall where it’s located. And around the next corner and down the entire length on the other side!

    You must be making this up. There no way. The Blogosphere has repeatedly told me Obummer has lost the base.

  47. 47.

    amk

    @Redshift:

    Somehow, I don’t think Mitt is generating this kind of excitement anywhere.

    Wrong. Didn’t see the innnernetz today ? Everyone was excited for mittbot.

  53. 53.

    NotMax

    Wow.

    Heaviest rains ever recorded in parts of Japan wreaking bloody havoc and multiple deaths.

    And, say what?

    Being sodomized is acceptable in Islam if the goal is to carry out jihad, according to a cleric on a new video making the rounds online. Source

  55. 55.

    Jewish Steel

    Can I also say, and I don’t mean this pejoratively, but literally: I think Glenn Kessler might be mildly retarded.

    Dude just seems a little slow, you know? Ain’t his fault. Still shouldn’t be calling balls and strikes.

    @asiangrrlMN: Check out the Tobacco Trail for a little constitutional after your repast. It’s supposed to be nice, I hear.

  56. 56.

    Bnut

    @asiangrrlMN: It’s about a woman who hates everyone but her family, her husband who apparently can’t boil an egg or make toast, her children who hate her, and a country that can’t manage itself. So yeah, Streep works it, the editing notwithstanding.

  57. 57.

    NotMax

    @Jewish Steel

    Still shouldn’t be calling balls and strikes.

    Reminds me of the old story about the three different types of umpires. Know which would be my choice to have behind home plate, but YMMV.

    The 1st type of umpire says:

    There are balls and there are strikes, and I calls ’em as I sees ’em.

    The 2nd type of umpire says:

    There are balls and there are strikes, and I calls them as they are.

    The 3rd type of umpire says:

    There are balls and there are strikes, but they ain’t neither ’til I says so.

  62. 62.

    NotMax

    For those keeping score at home ( :) ), so far enjoying the new microwave (including the price found from comparison shopping of brick-and-mortar stores here). Much faster and more even cooking than the ancient unit it replaced.

    Took 2 of us to lug the old one (30+ years of service) to the trash. Sucker weighed in somewhere over 150 pounds. Probably less lead in the barriers X-ray techs scurry behind.

  68. 68.

    Lavocat

    Either you’ve come out of the closet or someone has just died because that post was so heartfelt that it’s downright gay.

  69. 69.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    Don’t worry how your hands look John, at least they still work to pet your pets! :)

    @Lavocat:

    Gay or not, it’s known as loving your pets. If that’s gay then hell, I guess I’m so gay that I didn’t know it…lol! ;)

  71. 71.

    Ash Can

    I love to crack on Tunch, but every time I see him I just want to give him big hugs. He looks so soft and snuggly and mooshy.

  73. 73.

    Ronzoni Rigatoni

    @Politically Lost: “For those of you who have lost the organ, does it change anything?” In a word, “Not Really.” [Hey, thass 2 words! Damn.] I did notice for awhile tho’ that every time I ate something, I hadda run. But this didn’t last. Now it’s back to high cholesterol, starches, good booze, bad booze. heavily spiced food, and more good booze. My Dr. hates me.

  74. 74.

    schrodinger's cat

    Tunch has finally done it. The floofy one has taken over the blog and is writing pretending to be John. I for one welcome our floofy overlord with an orange tail.

    Next step; world domination.

  79. 79.

    The Fat Kate Middleton

    @Redshift:

    there was a line of people around the corner from the office, and down the entire length of the strip mall where it’s located. And around the next corner and down the entire length on the other side!

    That was my experience here earlier this week. Stood in line for two and half hours, made it within twenty feet of the door, only to be told the hall was full. We were told to go to an outdoor area with big screens, but I had a two year old to deal with, who arrived with Mama well after I did, but had really had enough of standing in line. And no, I really can’t imagine those kinds of lines for a Romney event here.

  80. 80.

    Culture of Truth

    So now we know that in addition to his other nefarious skills, Tunch can access the computer and post on this blog.

    You’re not fooling anyone with this post, Tunch.

  81. 81.

    Violet

    You’re not fooling anyone, Tunch. We know you’re the one writing these kinds of posts. John, you need to change the password on your computer. Tunch has figured out the one you have now.

  83. 83.

    lorimakesquilts

    @Politically Lost: I had mine out about 4 years ago. No particular issues that I’ve noticed. Although a meal of massive amounts of fat can lead to some discomfort and mild diarrhea. That’s now a pretty rare occurrence for me so no biggie.

    I have heard of some folks having a problem with fat soluble vitamin deficiency, particularly vitamin D. So if you don’t drink a lot of milk it could be an issue. Your doctor has more info on that than I ever will though!

    It took a full 30 days to feel completely recovered — I assume you had laparoscopy — but I was off the painkillers pretty quickly. I wanna say day 3 is when I started tapering off (too quickly, ugh, but that’s another story.)

    It takes awhile for your body to adjust to bile going right into your system instead of into storage and used as needed. For the first year at the most I figured constipation would never be an issue for me again, but that settled down and now I can’t tell the difference from before surgery.

    The only advice I have is to take it easy with fats for awhile and let your digestive system adjust to it’s new life.

  84. 84.

    Interrobang

    @Spaghetti Lee: Yeah, you have to watch your fat intake, well, pretty much forever after you have your gall bladder out. I had mine out 11 years ago, and a fat-heavy meal still gives me the runs. You might also find you have some indigestion for a while, and if you wind up with a bile duct injury (common complication from laparoscopic cholecystectomy), you can sometimes get gallbladder-attack-like pain (although orders of magnitude less severe) if you eat something untoward. You might also want to check your B12 absorption over time, as well.

    I found that I stopped being able to enjoy eating fast-food burgers since the surgery — after about three bites, they just taste gross to me, but I think that’s a personal quirk.

  85. 85.

    Beauzeaux

    @Politically Lost:

    Well, it stopped the pain of gall bladder attacks. Had mine out about 15 years ago.

    Alas, I can still eat fat and plenty of it. No change there at al.

  89. 89.

    Caz

    What is the point of a bunch of random people posting random thoughts on a random post? I don’t get it. I get the political stuff, even though you all just agree with each other all the time and revel in bashing conservatives together – it makes you feel like you’re part of some great movement and exclusive club. But does anyone care about some random person’s tickets to the movies or what someone is having for dinner, or even that Cole loves his cat? Weird.

  90. 90.

    Death Panel Truck

    Either you have really small hands, or that is one goddamned big-ass cat.

  91. 91.

    Death Panel Truck

    What is the point of a bunch of random people posting random thoughts on a random post?

    You must be new to the Internet. This is what’s called an “open thread,” in which people can talk about whatever the fuck they care to.

  93. 93.

    Renie

    @Politically Lost: I had my gallbladder removed in 2004, had gallstones removed in 2006 and had the rest of my gallbladder removed in 2010 because they didn’t remove the whole thing the first time!!! Other than that – nothing changed.

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