One of the greatest frauds of the modern blogosphere has been me pretending that Tunch is some sort of vicious beast intent on my destruction- a feline version of Keyser Soze. It’s been ten years since I got the fat boy, so I feel it is time to come clean. He’s a lover, not a fighter. He sleeps on a special pillow next to my head, which is there for just him, and he purrs a sweet harmony every night. In the daytime, he follows me around the house as much as Rosie. At night, when the dogs are in bed, he’s right there next to me on the couch or on the glass table or on my lap. I know it is fun to pretend he is mean and imposing, but this is the real Tunch:
And, in case you are wondering, he is softer than cotton, his purrs are louder than a big bass drum, and he is actually the sweetest cat I’ve ever known, except for maybe Mr. Purr Puff, the cat I had as a kid.
I’m sorry for perpetuating this hoax for so long.
And yes, I know my hands look like they have gone through a meat grinder. You break every finger on both hands 2-4 times and get back to me.
blackfrancis789
This is some kind of coded message. Tunch has you held hostage or something. Let us know if you need help!
Darkrose
We know he’s just making you say that, John.
efroh
yay – sometimes there’s so much Lily worship here that it makes me worry about the Tunchinator (NOT DOGIST).
burnspbesq
Well, now that you’ve finally succumbed to Tunch’s propaganda and let down your guard,
“Allons-y chats de la patrie,
Le jour de gloire est arrive”
Bastille Day is Saturday; sleep with one eye open.
In other kitteh news, Laettner left another gift on the front steps today. That’s two in two weeks.
TheMightyTrowel
Didn’t you come clean about this about a year ago? Is this even Cole blogging or did Tunch steal the computer and hack the website again? Will the next post exhort us all to send tuna and cream to west virginia?
cmorenc
Tunch is holding you hostage, threatening to scratch your eyes out unless you write exactly what he says, isn’t he? Wait: don’t answer that, Tunch is monitoring this thread.
Kat
Duh, John. We’ve known this all along.
burnspbesq
I have to say, I like the idea of listening to opening night at Tanglewood without having to fly to Albany and drive for three hours. Thank you NPR.
daverave
Wait, how did Tunch break your fingers?!??
Yutsano
@burnspbesq: Lexie woke me up at 6 am this morning. She is so damn lucky she’s cute.
asiangrrlMN
@TheMightyTrowel: Yes, he did.
That said, TUUUUUUUNCHIE! Two nights in a row, Cole? I must have been a really good grrl lately.
The prophet Nostradumbass
Has anyone reading the site on an iPad had one of the posts spontaneously open the App Store to some sort of video slot machine game?
blackfrancis789
I have found Tunch’s secret paw pal:
http://youtu.be/0M7ibPk37_U
Allen
Kitzel, my very shy cat, has decided that she can tolerate and even be petted by my neighbors, who both comment on how loud she purrs. The only holdout is their dog who is terrified of her. The dog won’t walk near her but rather take the long route past her. Through the shrubs, whatever it takes, but not near her. Not near her, by all means.
suzanne
If Tunch needs a girlfriend, he sounds like a perfect match for my Scout.
I had the second of seven architecture licensing exams today. I finished in half the time. Then I had a beer, and a cannoli, and I laid around without pants on. Boo yeah.
elisabeth
@Yutsano:
6?! I get jarred awake at 4:30. And, yeah, Sam’s lucky to be cute, too.
Liquid
You know John, you should really switch your Avatar to Tunch. I mean it’s just too perfect.
Yutsano
@suzanne: I posted an awesome baked eggs recipe a couple posts back. I think you might appreciate!
Politically Lost
I made it back from the gall bladder removal a couple hours ago. Other than the ten minutes between waking up in the recovery room and getting my first shot of the good stuff the day was uneventful.
It’s truly a blessing to have good health insurance and live less than a mile from our city’s medical center. And, to have the best wife in the world.
For those of you who have lost the organ, does it change anything?
freelancer
I have a buddy interested in doing the Dark Knight Marathon that Harkins theaters is having, so I bought tickets today. I get the tickets and he called me, bragging that he got off early so we could go. He was super-psyched. I almost didn’t have the heart to tell him that Batman comes out Next Week.
freelancer
@Politically Lost:
Hey, glad it went well!
Yutsano
@Politically Lost: You’ll have a reduced capacity to digest fat. Other than that you’ll hardly notice.
Valdivia
Lovely wonderful Tunch! Enjoy him John. So glad he’s in your life (and ours, vicariously)
Politically Lost
@Yutsano: Does that mean I’ll put on weight even easier?!?!?!
Martin
You know, the first step to escaping the cycle of domestic feline violence is admitting that the harm they do to you isn’t an expression of love.
Yutsano
@Politically Lost: I’ve never heard of weight gain as a complication of gallbladder surgery. You might want to check with your doctor if that’s a concern.
NotMax
Bartender, I’ll have what Mr. Cole is having.
Stirred, not shaken.
Make mine a triple.
asiangrrlMN
@Politically Lost: Congrats on the successful surgery!
stibbert
@suzanne: hey suzanne, i’m wishing you good fortune w/ your AREs. i took mine in a 3 (or was it 4?)-day sequence on the topfloor (un-airconditioned, in pencil, uphill both ways) of the Allegheny County war-moray-eel in Oakland – the film location where Hannibal does his face/off escape in ‘Silence of the Lambs’.
you’ll feel trick when you pass the thing & get your shingle!
The prophet Nostradumbass
@asiangrrlMN: Agreed! Happy to hear that it went well.
Redshift
Been waiting for an open thread — I’m going to see the president on Saturday!
Fortunately, I was able to get a ticket because I’m a Neighborhood Team Leader, because I wasn’t able to get out of work early to get in line for one. When I got to the Fairfax (Northern Virginia) campaign office, there was a line of people around the corner from the office, and down the entire length of the strip mall where it’s located. And around the next corner and down the entire length on the other side!
Somehow, I don’t think Mitt is generating this kind of excitement anywhere.
Thoroughly Pizzled
@Politically Lost: Would probably make it harder to gain weight, since more of the fat’s precious energy would end up in the septic tank rather than in your bloodstream.
asiangrrlMN
@The prophet Nostradumbass: Hey, you! ::waves::
amk
Stockholm syndrome…
amk
or stalk home syndrome as the case may be with that fatcat.
Spaghetti Lee
@Yutsano:
If you can’t digest it but eat it anyway, does that mean it comes out in your poop? That doesn’t sound fun.
Martin
@Spaghetti Lee: Everybody poops.
Politically Lost
I’m all for crapping it out…
MacKenna
At first glance I thought you were stroking a polar bear skin rug. Holy cow, that’s one double-wide cat.
Bnut
We all knew this anyway John. You are a big softy with a big softy heart with big softy pets. Don’t change.
Jewish Steel
@daverave:
One late payment too many, no doubt.
amk
coming up next on pox news – romney’s next campaign ad that sez it was actually Obama who ran bain from 1999 to 2002 and outsourced all those jobs & invested in those fetus companies.
Yutsano
@Spaghetti Lee: The liver also makes bile but in smaller amounts. Fat is far too important to biological function to be wasted completely by the body. So unfortunately it doesn’t go the way of olestra. It just causes tummy trouble.
@Bnut: This. He could almost be a Marine. :)
amk
The obama spox to mittbot and the wegotourpantiesinatwist msm – we are not apologizing for telling the truth. Gofuckyourself.
asiangrrlMN
@Bnut:
@Jewish Steel:
@Yutsano:
Hey, boys. What’s shakin’?
David Koch
@Redshift:
You must be making this up. There no way. The Blogosphere has repeatedly told me Obummer has lost the base.
amk
@Redshift:
Wrong. Didn’t see the innnernetz today ? Everyone was excited for mittbot.
Jewish Steel
@asiangrrlMN: Basenji bedlam. How’s by you?
Yutsano
@asiangrrlMN: Screamed “OW!” in therapy today. My rep as a stoic is ruined.
How you?
@Jewish Steel: PUPPEHS!!
asiangrrlMN
@Jewish Steel: Heading to NC for a week of BBQ and all the fixings!
@Yutsano: I hope it was at the top of your lungs! See my above reply to JS.
Bnut
@asiangrrlMN: Watching the Iron Lady. This shit is so plodding. Groan.
Jewish Steel
@Yutsano: African Mayhem.
@asiangrrlMN: I’ve got a bunch of friends in the triangle out there. I should probably visit them.
NotMax
Wow.
Heaviest rains ever recorded in parts of Japan wreaking bloody havoc and multiple deaths.
And, say what?
asiangrrlMN
@Bnut: Meryl Streep rules, though.
@Jewish Steel: PUPPEHS! SQUEEEEE! I’m basically going to eat my way through Raleigh.
Jewish Steel
Can I also say, and I don’t mean this pejoratively, but literally: I think Glenn Kessler might be mildly retarded.
Dude just seems a little slow, you know? Ain’t his fault. Still shouldn’t be calling balls and strikes.
@asiangrrlMN: Check out the Tobacco Trail for a little constitutional after your repast. It’s supposed to be nice, I hear.
Bnut
@asiangrrlMN: It’s about a woman who hates everyone but her family, her husband who apparently can’t boil an egg or make toast, her children who hate her, and a country that can’t manage itself. So yeah, Streep works it, the editing notwithstanding.
NotMax
@Jewish Steel
Reminds me of the old story about the three different types of umpires. Know which would be my choice to have behind home plate, but YMMV.
The 1st type of umpire says:
There are balls and there are strikes, and I calls ’em as I sees ’em.
The 2nd type of umpire says:
There are balls and there are strikes, and I calls them as they are.
The 3rd type of umpire says:
There are balls and there are strikes, but they ain’t neither ’til I says so.
asiangrrlMN
@Jewish Steel: Will do! Also going to check out Foundation. Apparently, literally built into the foundation of the city.
@Bnut: Ugh. That doesn’t sound like any fun to watch at all.
Yutsano
@Jewish Steel: ZOMG SQUEE!!
@Bnut: Zero interest. Lived through it once already TYVM.
@asiangrrlMN: I r pooped so racking out early. Plus shitty day at work. But tomorrow is at least Friday.
Jewish Steel
@NotMax: Ha! Good one.
I’ll take number 3. He’s not deluding anyone about his power over the game.
Anne Laurie
Glad you’re feeling better, John.
@Politically Lost: And you too, also!
NotMax
For those keeping score at home ( :) ), so far enjoying the new microwave (including the price found from comparison shopping of brick-and-mortar stores here). Much faster and more even cooking than the ancient unit it replaced.
Took 2 of us to lug the old one (30+ years of service) to the trash. Sucker weighed in somewhere over 150 pounds. Probably less lead in the barriers X-ray techs scurry behind.
Joey Maloney
@Politically Lost: No, it means that if you eat too much fat in your diet, the consequences will be unpleasant, both for yourself and bystanders. Also spicy food may become a problem.
bemused
Ha, ha, like anyone thought Tunch was anything but a big, floofy bundle of love.
Arclite
Mitt lied about Bain, John lied about Tunch.
BOTH SIDES DO IT!
amk
@Arclite: :)
JPL
@bemused: That was my thought also.
Lavocat
Either you’ve come out of the closet or someone has just died because that post was so heartfelt that it’s downright gay.
Odie Hugh Manatee
Don’t worry how your hands look John, at least they still work to pet your pets! :)
@Lavocat:
Gay or not, it’s known as loving your pets. If that’s gay then hell, I guess I’m so gay that I didn’t know it…lol! ;)
kc
Aww, kitty!!
Ash Can
I love to crack on Tunch, but every time I see him I just want to give him big hugs. He looks so soft and snuggly and mooshy.
gogol's wife
No time to say anything but, SWEETIE CAT!
Ronzoni Rigatoni
@Politically Lost: “For those of you who have lost the organ, does it change anything?” In a word, “Not Really.” [Hey, thass 2 words! Damn.] I did notice for awhile tho’ that every time I ate something, I hadda run. But this didn’t last. Now it’s back to high cholesterol, starches, good booze, bad booze. heavily spiced food, and more good booze. My Dr. hates me.
schrodinger's cat
Tunch has finally done it. The floofy one has taken over the blog and is writing pretending to be John. I for one welcome our floofy overlord with an orange tail.
Next step; world domination.
Kristine
@Politically Lost: Don’t know if anyone mentioned this, but eggs may give you a problem for a while. Both my parents had their gall bladders removed, and neither could eat eggs for some time.
burnspbesq
@asiangrrlMN:
Bullock’s is worth a side trip to Durham.
Trinity
John is well trained.
BretH
Can we see an “after” shot of The Hand …just so we can count digits.
The Fat Kate Middleton
@Redshift:
That was my experience here earlier this week. Stood in line for two and half hours, made it within twenty feet of the door, only to be told the hall was full. We were told to go to an outdoor area with big screens, but I had a two year old to deal with, who arrived with Mama well after I did, but had really had enough of standing in line. And no, I really can’t imagine those kinds of lines for a Romney event here.
Culture of Truth
So now we know that in addition to his other nefarious skills, Tunch can access the computer and post on this blog.
You’re not fooling anyone with this post, Tunch.
Violet
You’re not fooling anyone, Tunch. We know you’re the one writing these kinds of posts. John, you need to change the password on your computer. Tunch has figured out the one you have now.
Jane2
Yeah yeah….I’ve seen hostages say much the same thing on poorly produced videos.
lorimakesquilts
@Politically Lost: I had mine out about 4 years ago. No particular issues that I’ve noticed. Although a meal of massive amounts of fat can lead to some discomfort and mild diarrhea. That’s now a pretty rare occurrence for me so no biggie.
I have heard of some folks having a problem with fat soluble vitamin deficiency, particularly vitamin D. So if you don’t drink a lot of milk it could be an issue. Your doctor has more info on that than I ever will though!
It took a full 30 days to feel completely recovered — I assume you had laparoscopy — but I was off the painkillers pretty quickly. I wanna say day 3 is when I started tapering off (too quickly, ugh, but that’s another story.)
It takes awhile for your body to adjust to bile going right into your system instead of into storage and used as needed. For the first year at the most I figured constipation would never be an issue for me again, but that settled down and now I can’t tell the difference from before surgery.
The only advice I have is to take it easy with fats for awhile and let your digestive system adjust to it’s new life.
Interrobang
@Spaghetti Lee: Yeah, you have to watch your fat intake, well, pretty much forever after you have your gall bladder out. I had mine out 11 years ago, and a fat-heavy meal still gives me the runs. You might also find you have some indigestion for a while, and if you wind up with a bile duct injury (common complication from laparoscopic cholecystectomy), you can sometimes get gallbladder-attack-like pain (although orders of magnitude less severe) if you eat something untoward. You might also want to check your B12 absorption over time, as well.
I found that I stopped being able to enjoy eating fast-food burgers since the surgery — after about three bites, they just taste gross to me, but I think that’s a personal quirk.
Beauzeaux
@Politically Lost:
Well, it stopped the pain of gall bladder attacks. Had mine out about 15 years ago.
Alas, I can still eat fat and plenty of it. No change there at al.
Beauzeaux
@Thoroughly Pizzled:
How I wish that were true.
asiangrrlMN
@burnspbesq: Oh my god. ::whimper:: ::quickly adds Bullock’s to the list:: Thanks, man!
someofparts
So you broke all of your fingers once upon a time?
Am I understanding this?
If you did, how on earth did that happen?
Caz
What is the point of a bunch of random people posting random thoughts on a random post? I don’t get it. I get the political stuff, even though you all just agree with each other all the time and revel in bashing conservatives together – it makes you feel like you’re part of some great movement and exclusive club. But does anyone care about some random person’s tickets to the movies or what someone is having for dinner, or even that Cole loves his cat? Weird.
Death Panel Truck
Either you have really small hands, or that is one goddamned big-ass cat.
Death Panel Truck
You must be new to the Internet. This is what’s called an “open thread,” in which people can talk about whatever the fuck they care to.
Jebediah
@Caz:
We don’t have subpoena power. You’re here because you want to be here.
Renie
@Politically Lost: I had my gallbladder removed in 2004, had gallstones removed in 2006 and had the rest of my gallbladder removed in 2010 because they didn’t remove the whole thing the first time!!! Other than that – nothing changed.