Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

This really is a full service blog.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

I really should read my own blog.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

“woke” is the new caravan.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

Today’s GOP: why go just far enough when too far is right there?

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Tuesday Night Open Thread

Tuesday Night Open Thread

by | 187 Comments

This post is in: 

I would like to preface this post by stating I am completely sober, albeit a little smacked up on some delicious Assam CTC BOP from Upton Tea. We’ve had a very serious spring gully washer here, replete with wind, downpours, thunderboomers and beautiful lightning, so I made tea and sat on the porch and watched it.

Having said all that, I’m kind of curious if I am the only one who sings to my pets every chance I get. I ask this, because the girls wanted to go out to potty, but it was raining so hard I had to coax them out, and then when they came back in after doing their business in the rain (and, btw, not shitting on my floor), I gave them treats and caught myself singing “TREATS, THERE THEY IS, TREATS THERE THEY IS” to the tune of WHOOMP THERE IT IS while taunting them for a bit. I may have even danced a bit. And at that point, I remembered why I told people last week why I have duct tape over the camera on my macbook, because who knows what kind of awful shit hackers might see if my mic and camera go live without my knowledge.

Some other greatest hits from the Cole household: “Rosie, Rosie, Rosie, can’t you see, sometimes your barks just hypnotize me.”

“My blood runs cold, my Lily is the centerfold.”

Tragically, I get jiggy with it when I sing to my girls, and it terrifies me that no matter what song is in my head at the time, I can modify it to include the names of the piglets.

Sooooo…. Give me an a song you have adapted to sing to your pets. Because I know you do. Don’t lie.

Reader Interactions

187Comments

  2. 2.

    Johannes

    “Ninja Kitteh, little cat/
    How I wonder where u at/
    do you love me little Ninja cat

    or,

    Ethan T. Katt,
    how about that?
    who could not love
    the Ethan T. Katt?

  3. 3.

    Mnemosyne

    Only a crazy person sings to their pets. If my cats tell you that I sing “Bedtime for Kitties” to the tune of “Springtime for Hitler,” they’re liars.

    ETA: And for some reason Keaton (and previously Boris) is fascinated when I whistle Mozart, and only Mozart. Not sure why.

  5. 5.

    gbear

    When I come in the house after work, I’m usually singing “There’s a cat for me, Somewhere, a cat for me…’ the verses get improvised from there.

  7. 7.

    kc

    To my 2 badass cats: “Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, Whatcha gonna do when they come for you . . .”

    Yep.

  8. 8.

    Evvy

    My favorite is this song for my dachshund, to the tune of Jesus Christ Superstar:
    Stephen K. Wiener Dog
    One tenth as wide as he is long

  9. 9.

    Dan

    I sing to my dog – Can you sh** already? It’s f****** freezing out!

    Well, Maybe not sing. More like yell.

  12. 12.

    lamh35

    no pets. sorry.

    APNewsBreak: Ex-wife says former SC Gov. Sanford trespassed; hearing set after his election

    Wonder was this a particular nasty divorce, or was it amiable. I’d guess we’d have heard before this if there was some sort of “Jack Ryan-esque” revelation in the divorce docs, yes?

    so wrong, but so true

    ‏@KagroX
    Good thing no one at Jenny Sanford’s mistook Mark Sanford for an intruder. Even though he actually WAS one. http://dkel.ec/ZyyWUY

    @PeterHambyCNN
    Jenny Sanford confirms story to CNN. “Those documents are legit and I understood they were to have remained part of the sealed divorce docs”

  14. 14.

    Comrade Mary

    I’m kind of curious if I am the only one who sings to my pets every chance I get

    I have never sung to your pets, John. Honest.

  15. 15.

    lamh35

    @PeterHambyCNN: “This is a private matter and I have no further comment,” Sanford added in a text message to CNN.

    RT @ryanbeckwith: If Sanford loses, apparently he’ll just show up at the House anyway.

  16. 16.

    Carnacki

    When my first was a newborn, I would sing to the tune of the NFL Films song of “What do you do with a drunken sailor?” these words:

    What do you do with a grumpy baby?
    What do you do with a grumpy baby?
    What do you do with a grumpy baby?
    Early in the morning
    Bounce, bounce, bounce
    The baby
    Bounce, bounce, bounce
    The baby
    Early in the morning

  17. 17.

    Nicole

    When I was riding horseback regularly I would frequently sing “Winter Wonderland” to the horse while we were out on the trail. No matter what the season. Most were kind enough to tolerate it. Those that didn’t- well, they say riding is the art of keeping the horse between you and the ground. Some days I was a better artist than other days.

  18. 18.

    geg6

    I sing The Kinks “Lola” to Koda, substituting her name for poor Lola. And I’ll show my age by revealing that I sing “Otie, Otie, Otie, do you love me. Otie, Otie, Otie do you care? Otie, Otie are you thinking of me?”. It was a pop song by some tv star back in the early 70s who was always in Tiger Beat, I believe. Bobby Sherman maybe?

  19. 19.

    Redshift

    I don’t think I sing to the bunnies, though I’d have to ask my wife to be sure. I talk to them a lot, and a bit of singsong calling, but not actual songs.

    My mom has always sung to the dogs and cats; usually show tunes that included their names or something similar. The dogs seemed to enjoy it, the cats were mostly indifferent.

  20. 20.

    Beezus

    (To the tune of BABY GOT BACK)
    “I like cat butts and I cannot lie…”

    (With a French accent)
    “You’re my little fluffy one… my fluffy fluffy fluffy one!”

    “You’re my baby, you’re my pet, fell in love on the night we met…”

    (And from School House Rock, I replace ‘adverbs’ with kisses or scritches or belly rubs)

    “Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your kisses here; Lolly Lolly Lolly get your scritches here…”

    (To the tune of Cat Stevens “Moonshadow” I sing this to my cat Boo)
    “I’m being followed by a Booberry, BOOberry, Booberry…”

  22. 22.

    jl

    @Comrade Mary:

    ” I have never sung to your pets, John. Honest. ”

    I haven’t sung to them either, ever. I do think up devious mischief for Rosie and Tunch to accomplish from time to time. Not sure whether my thought waves travel far enough for it to any good damage.

  25. 25.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    I sing to my dog all the time. It’s all homegrown tunes, mostly about food and how it’s time to go out and pee or how if he didn’t want to get stepped on he shouldn’t be underfoot.

  28. 28.

    Josie

    Duncan the corgi and Mitzi the mongrel are always so excited to wake up and go outside, I feel called upon to sing the Good Morning song:

    Good Morning to you,
    Good Morning to you,
    We’re all in our places
    With happy dog (originally sunshiny) faces
    And this is the way
    To start a new day.

  29. 29.

    Roger Moore

    @Amir Khalid:

    If I sang to Bianca, I’m afraid she might get annoyed and scratch my shins.

    A likely excuse. As far as I can tell, there’s nothing that will keep a cat from scratching you if they please.

  30. 30.

    Highway Rob

    The Road Goes Ever On and On from LOTR. And now you know my shame. (Would not share the amended lyrics at gunpoint.)

  32. 32.

    dollared

    Turbo the black-nosed weasel,
    Had a very shiny nose,
    and if you ever saw it,
    you would even say it glows,

    All of the other weasels used to laugh and call him names,
    They never let poor Turbo play in any weasel games….

    (And so forth. He’s a dog, but a weasel too.)

  35. 35.

    Pinacacci

    Good mornin’, from Singing in the Rain, to my parrots. Modified awfully.

    “Good mornin’, good mornin’
    How I love my beautiful birds
    Good mornin’, good mooOoornin’
    The most beautiful birds in the world…”

    Then it is hello to each of them and the morning kiss-fest =]

  36. 36.

    lamh35

    ok, the full story at TPM is even sadder for Sanford.

    She said the complaint has nothing to do with her former husband’s efforts to rebuild his career in politics. She said it was filed with the court the day after the incident and when a family court judge last month set the case for the docket, it happened to be two days after the election.
    “I am doing my best not to get in the way of his race,” Jenny Sanford told the AP. “I want him to sink or swim on his own. For the sake of my children I’m trying my best not to get in the way, but he makes things difficult for me when he does things like trespassing.”

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/news/ex-wife-accuses-ex-gov-sanford-of-trespassing.php

    I said in the previous thread, that Sanford had balls when he asked Jenny to run his campaign and I wondered that Jenny didn’t attempt to cut off said balls, itentional or not, looks like Jenny may actually have Sanford balls in a vise if she wanted to do so.

  37. 37.

    muddy

    @Beezus: My version is, I like dog butts and I cannot lie, I spank their butts, and make tails fly.

    Also there are numerous verses of Rubber Ducky that I used to sing to the kid, there is a lot of dog bathing at this season, and they like that. The song, not the bath.

  39. 39.

    TaMara (BHF)

    My first cat loved Strauss and whenever I had it on the stereo, she’d roll around against the floor speakers. Purring.

    And yes, whatever song is stuck in my head I usually adapted to them.

  40. 40.

    trollhattan

    Kill the dally
    Kill the dally
    Kill the dally

    Sung/yelled to Ride of the Valkyrie [Fudd voce] whenever our Dalmatian escapes and zooms around the neighborhood, doing her best Nelson Muntz “Ha hah!”

    Also, too,

    I see a little silhouette of a Dal
    Gracie pooch
    Gracie pooch
    Do you eata your dinner?

    You get the idea.

  42. 42.

    kdaug

    “Daisy”.

    Sung to Athena (Teeny), not Murphy.

    Think HAL.

    “Tee-nee, tee-nee…”

    She runs.

  43. 43.

    tmf (formerly tesslibrarian)

    I sing the Batman theme to my boys, subbing their names for “Batman”. Weird, since I doubt I’ve ever seen an episode, but it’s fun when doing skritches and they’re all wound up.

    I made up a song for my late G when she got sick at about a year old. It made her calm so I could administer meds, and then it made her purr for the next 15 years. I was a little concerned my vet would get the wrong idea, the night we set her free from her pain, since the song covered all the ways she was “funny lookin'”. It made her happy; that’s all that ever mattered.

  44. 44.

    Poopyman

    Of course I sing to my cats, of which there are five extant and 4 passed, but I’m not posting the songs here, for they are sacred.

    Poopy +2, trying not to apply for jobs while under the influence. Bad idea.

  45. 45.

    michelle

    My ex wrote songs for each of our babies back in the day. He’s a musician working on a website of his music. Perhaps I should suggest he include those little songs.

  47. 47.

    tmf (formerly tesslibrarian)

    @kc: I might steal that one for my current beasties, brothers often up to no good, but, hey, they’re teenagers.

  49. 49.

    Keith G

    I had a cat that I was traveling with by car (moving day). To sooth him on the trip, I sang to him the classic

    C. C. Kitty, C. C. Kitty
    How are you? How are you?
    (Frère Jacques)

    It worked, and since I am a constant singer, my new generation of kitties are quite used to my vocal talents. My neighbors…not so much.

  50. 50.

    OmerosPeanut

    Do you realize just how much money you could make off advertising from youtube views of all these videos you’re denying us the pleasure of watching?

  51. 51.

    koalaholik

    @kc: I sing that to my 12 year old boy kittie who still chases his tail and plays like a kitten.

  55. 55.

    28 Percent

    Around here it’s “Hello, Holly! Well hello Holly” and then “she’s a Holly girl, in her Holly world.” Minnie the beagle gets Minnie the Poocher and Oh Minnie You’re so Fine!

    Treats are always accompanied by a straight up rendition of Cole Porter’s “Love for Sale” because honesty.

  56. 56.

    mothra1

    Get in your crate
    Get in your crate
    Don’t hestitate
    It will be great
    Just get in your crate

    To the tune of “The Addams Family”

    Tons of words to rhyme with crate like “Accept your fate” and “Don’t make me wait” – she runs to her crate like a maniac because she gets a treat when she goes inside.

  58. 58.

    MomSense

    Ok I don’t sing to the pets so much but they do star in their own 007 films like From Labrador with love. For your paws only. Kennel Royale.

  60. 60.

    BethanyAnne

    My kitteh is Cheyenne. “Too Shy” by Kajagoogoo was a moral imperative. Plus, she is shy, and so I call her Shy Chey, anyways.

    I still want to find someone who can do a good Kermit impression to sing “Hypnotize” but with “Piggy, Piggy, Piggy” :)

  61. 61.

    YellowJournalism

    I randomly start singing all the time. My kids think I’m nuts. Now I know how my mother felt, since I got this habit from her.

  63. 63.

    maya

    Singing to your dogs and getting “jiggy” with them?

    Totally expected after allowing gay marriage.

  64. 64.

    Yutsano

    I don’t necessarily sing to my cat. But I sing in the car a lot. In fact I know I get stared at.

  70. 70.

    StonyPillow

    My neighbor’s dog Angel (who I walk, love and spoil):

    Teen Angel, can you hear me?
    Teen Angel, can you see me?
    Are you somewhere up above
    and am I still your own true love?

    And she’s only eleven. She loves it anyway. And I embarrass myself doing this stone cold sober. Jeez, I’m soooo old.

  71. 71.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Baud: No, I have a plant named Plant to which I do not sing. I did not watch enough of TNG to get the reference.

  72. 72.

    seaboogie

    When he was wee pup, I used to sing to my Seamus (to the tune of O Tannenbaum):

    Oh biscuit-head, oh biscuit-head
    You have a head so biscuit-y
    It’s very nearly triscuit-y
    Oh biscuit-head, oh biscuit-head
    You are my little biscuit-head…

    I sang it again to him on the day that he passed away, just after Thanksgiving. You can catch him in the BJ Pets 2013 calendar….he is the very beautiful pale golden in August and November pics.

    Also an original Irish jig called “Piddling in the Ivy”.

    Zoe the cat usually gets “The Name Game”.

  75. 75.

    DarcyPennell

    “Daisy”:

    “Janey, Janey, who is my baby? You!
    You’re so lazy, what are we going to do?”

  78. 78.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    Our mutt from years ago got this one:

    “She’s so excited, she’s so excited,
    She’s about to lose control, I think she likes it.”

    Can’t remember the exact details, but I think it was watching her spin around in the kitchen while we were getting dinner ready for her.

  80. 80.

    RoonieRoo

    I sing to our dog Gregor to get him to go to bed.

    Good night Greggie,
    Good night Greggie,
    Good night Greggie,
    It’s time to go to bed.

    I’ve sung that since he was 5 months old. Now that he is 5 years old, it’s like a magic spell. He listens and then crawls under the bed and goes to sleep.

  81. 81.

    kdaug

    @Mr Stagger Lee:

    So what is the typical BJ SciFy fan’s verdict of the show Defiance?

    Recorded, on the backlog. Wife liked it enough, though.

    Your thoughts?

    Seems an interesting media experiment (show/MMO), but we’ll see.

  82. 82.

    B. Lehmann

    The old girls got:
    “Puppy heads, Puppy heads
    Friendly neighborhood puppy heads
    Here they are, there they go
    LOOKOUT, here come the puppy heads!”

    New dogs get:
    “Who Wants Dinner? Do you want dinner?”

    You’d be surprised at what rhymes with dinner.

  83. 83.

    Maeve

    All my dogz have had a song that I’d sing to them

    Leo” This is the story of Leo the moocher – he was a red hot hootchie coocher (he was a moocher but the rest was ironic.)

    Maeve = “Her looks are laughable, unphotographable, yet she’s my favorite work of art”

    Guinness = “He’s just an excitable boy” – lets not go there

    Raven = variations on Raven – bo – baggin – That’s Raven!

  84. 84.

    raven

    @Carnacki:

    Variation

    What do you do with an airsick ARVN
    What do you do with an airsick ARVN
    What do you do with an airsick ARVN
    Early in the mornin’, early in the mornin’
    Throwin’ up his rice’n’water
    Early in the mornin’
    Way hay and up she rises
    Filial’ up his helmet liner

  86. 86.

    donnah

    I don’t know where the tune came from, but I sing to my cat Fiona all of the time.

    Fee fee Fiona, fee fee Fiona
    Who’s a pretty girl? She’s my pretty girl.

    And yes, the dog, the other cat, and Fiona all have about thirty different nicknames apiece.

  87. 87.

    muddy

    @raven: My dogs didn’t like that howling song! They both got really worried and pressed together on the couch with sad faces.

  89. 89.

    gogol's wife

    What a Louis boy, what a Pookie girl,
    Leaning on the everlasting arms.
    What a Masha girl, what a Sasha girl,
    Leaning on the everlasting arms.

    All cats bright and beautiful,
    All felines great and small,
    All cats wise and wonderful,
    The dear Lord made them all.

    The Pook-pook-pookie Pookie,
    The Louis, Louis-tunes,
    The Masha and the Sasha,
    He made their tiny paws.

  90. 90.

    trollhattan

    @raven:
    Wow, had not seen that before.

    If someone had described it to me, I’d have said, “Yeah, right” but that was twenty kinds of awesome.

  92. 92.

    gogol's wife

    And for a week after the Oscars I sang, “I saw yer boobs” to them constantly.

  94. 94.

    Mike

    I go for cheesy religious songs – and replace ‘Jesus’ with ‘Louis’, the name of my cat

  95. 95.

    Moe Gamble

    To an old folk song I can’t remember the name of:

    Mousies and birdies and fishies
    They’re a no-good bunch
    Mousies and birdies and fishies
    They’re just good for lunch

    Oh, the fishie’s in the bowl and the birdie’s in the cage and the mousies are under the rug
    If I don’t catch a mousie tonight, I’m gonna have to eat a bug

    Because I’m fed up to here with cat food
    I tell you that food makes me weak
    I’d rather dine on rack of rodent
    After an appetizer with a beak — eak!

    Mousies and birdies and fishies
    Their kind are up to no good
    Mousies and birdies and fishies
    They’re bringin’ down the value of the neighborhood

  96. 96.

    Anne

    I have about 13 different songs I sing to Sam, some with words changed to existing songs (the most obvious being “You are my Samshine, my only Samshine…)” and some “originals” that, if I’m lucky, will never be heard by human ears. Meanwhile, I swear the dog often rolls his eyes, and I can’t blame him!

  97. 97.

    Quaker in a Basement

    Some years ago, I told a neighbor–who was a newspaper features writer–about the songs I would sing to my dog. She had a few more of her own. She wrote a tiny, tiny little item for the Saturday edition asking other readers to contribute the songs they sang to their own animals.

    The morning the item ran, I went to my retail job. Just before opening, my manager was looking at the paper. Not knowing that I knew the reporter or that I had been the inspiration for her invitation, the manager pointed out the item and asked, “Can you believe this? What kind of idiot sings to a dog?”

    Ed: The dog’s favorite song was, of course, “It’s Doggy Dinner Time” sung to the tune of the Howdy Doody theme.

  101. 101.

    raven

    @muddy: Aw, they are all kindred spirits. It is funny how they react to other pups. We walk down a pretty wide street in the dark in the morning and Bohdi gets soooooo interested when there is a dog on the other side.

  102. 102.

    Kitty

    To the tune of “Lollipop”

    Honeypot, Honeypot
    oh honey honey honey
    Honeypot, Honeypot
    oh honey honey honey
    Honeypot, Honeypot
    oh honey honey honey

    and so on . . .

  105. 105.

    Hillary Rettig

    Also (because my precious Orbit was a papillon, aka butterfly dog):

    Dolly Parton’s Love is like a butterfly
    and

    The Non Piu Andrai aria from Marriage of Figaro which includes this line:
    non piu andrai farfallone d’amorosa
    “Don’t you worry little butterfly of love…”

  106. 106.

    raven

    @muddy: I mixed my dad and his black lab Molly’s ashes when we buried him in the Phoenix National Veterans Cemetery.

  107. 107.

    Garbo

    Bunny bunny, bunny-bunny munchkins
    Bu-neh, bunny bunny munchkins

    With the second line sung in rock star falsetto.

  108. 108.

    realbtl

    Mine often get a few choruses of She’s just an excitable dog (Warren Z). They seem to approve.

  112. 112.

    Hillary Rettig

    omg, and also the Beach Boys (I used to dance around with him in my arms singing this)

    “Little snurfer, snurfer boy…”

    OK, I think I’m done now.

  114. 114.

    Eric U.

    I don’t remember singing to my dog, but I do often offer to kick him inna nuts in baby talk. Of course, I usually note that he doesn’t have any as well

  115. 115.

    Redshift

    @Mr Stagger Lee:

    So what is the typical BJ SciFy fan’s verdict of the show Defiance?

    I can’t say I loved it, but it was more complex than I expected from seeing the promos. I have a tendency to get into shows in the second season (because a lot of them take that long to hit their stride.) That means I’m mooching off people more devoted than me for them to survive that long, but hey, I only have so many hours to watch TV.

    It was better than a lot of SyFy stuff, and I’d say it has potential.

  116. 116.

    NotMax

    Some years ago a friend was curious about the sound, so found for him a free download of a ringtone of the noise made by the actual (not the toon) Tasmanian devil.

    To this day, he tells the story of how, when it played, his nine cats freaked out like crazy, more so than in reaction to anything else before or since.

    That ringtone became history on his phone very, very fast.

  117. 117.

    lamh35

    Late in the thread, but since BJ always recommending tv programs. Please watch the PBS documentary by Ken Burns: The Central Park Five. It’s on now and will be on soon on West coast.

    Central Park Five

    THE CENTRAL PARK FIVE, a new film from award-winning filmmaker Ken Burns, tells the story of the five black and Latino teenagers from Harlem who were wrongly convicted of raping a white woman in New York City’s Central Park in 1989. The film chronicles The Central Park Jogger case, for the first time from the perspective of these five teenagers whose lives were upended by this miscarriage of justice.

  118. 118.

    gene108

    Watching Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmare’s on BBC America, it’s a repeat. He’s trying to save Burger Kitchen in Los Angeles.

    The family running it is nuts.

    The only advantage of the rerun is I got to look up on line as to the fate of the restaurant and it closed, which isn’t surprising.

    Kind of interesting watching a drama unfold and then using some google-fu and seeing how it ultimately ends.

  119. 119.

    ripstop

    I realized this some time ago – we give our pets the affirmations we most want for ourselves. Soak it up!

  122. 122.

    condorcet runner up

    our dogs are named after beatles songs, so they get modified lyrics …

    “AhI lookbark at all the lonelyother people …”

  123. 123.

    [email protected]

    “Roxy Roxy Roo, who loves you?” To the tune of Scooby Doo, to a beautiful dog named Roxy.

    “whoa, ho-ho, the sweetest Bean,” to a cat named Beanie.

    “Hey, Joe, where you going with that gun in your hand?” To a very confused cat named Joe, who, as far as I know, has never carried a gun.

  124. 124.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    @Redshift: So far I think it is OK, I will hold judgement as the season progresses. I found out that Alphas will not be coming back, kind of bummed about that, true about most fare on SyFy another stupid reality show based in the South. Deep South Paranormal or some BS/. Jesus enough of these reality shows!

  125. 125.

    ? Martin

    Neither sing to my pets nor do funny voices. I do insult the dog in a upbeat voice, though. Best I can muster.

  126. 126.

    vickijean

    Someone’s in the kitchen with Macy,
    Someone’s in the kitchen, I know oh oh
    Someone’s in the kitchen with Macy,
    Eating all the good cat food.

  128. 128.

    mai naem

    I sing to the dogs and also too our late kat. It’s kind of embarrassing and I would not be caught dead doing this in public. I’ve sung Hey Mickey, Sugar Sugar, Beatles – Get Back, Simon and Garfunkels Cecilia, ZZ Top Legs(She’s got ticks!!!(when we went up north and my dogs picked up some ticks), and She’s A Beauty and Blondie’s One Way or Another for the late great Kat who was downright anti social and we had to chase her to do something to her. Also too, children’s rhymes. Why am I admitting to all this?

  130. 130.

    imonlylurking

    Well, let’s see:
    I sing the chorus to ‘Godzilla’ to Kamiko. My roommate puts ‘Kamiko’ into the Name Song and sings that to her.

    Shadowcat gets the old Spiderman theme song.

    Brownie doesn’t really have a song and Bob doesn’t really rhyme with anything.

    They all get: I say, what about, breakfast for kitty-kats: in the morning, and as random songs occur to me the closest cat gets sung to.

  131. 131.

    Comrade Scrutinizer

    @raven: Speaking of memorials, I noticed that, tucked away in the basement floor of the science building at Smith, there’s an exhibit case with a great picture of Joe, and a few posters of his last work. A nice remembrance.

  132. 132.

    SiubhanDuinne

    I like your face and I like your nose.
    I like your feet and I like your toes.
    I like your neck and I like your purr.
    I like your back and I like your fur.
    I like your tummy and I like your tail
    And I like the place where you used to be a male.

  133. 133.

    beltane

    My dog likes when I sing “All You Need Is Love” to her. She is vaguely aware that “love” is something good, though not nearly as good as “treat” or “walk”.

    I never sing to the cats. It embarrasses them.

  134. 134.

    imonlylurking

    Oh, I forgot one. (Actually I’m forgetting more than 1-I’m always singing to animals.)

    Sawyer didn’t learn his name for a really long time, and I got into the habit of singing the Dreidl song to him, only I would sing Sawyer instead of dreidl. At one point he thought his name was SawyerSawyerSawyer.

  135. 135.

    geg6

    @lamh35:

    I’m recording that. That’s one I’ve been waiting breathlessly for that one. Supposed to be excellent and really quite a study of racial panic.

    I’ve been crazy busy (we’re up 18% in acceptances over last year). But I had my evaluation with my director today. Probably the best one I’ve ever gotten. I’m pretty proud of myself. The past year and a half have been very difficult professionally, what with all the controversy around the University as a whole and with having a highly publicized threat situation with a former student (with mental health issues) at my campus in particular. That we are pulling out of that is great and a huge relief. I have also seen convincing evidence that the University seems to actually understand how they need to change how they operate. And now my whole department’s hard work is paying off. Almost makes me feel like I might one day start to feel as good about the work we do as I did before the shit hit the fan and the rot at the top was exposed. Hopefully, the upcoming trials will end in justice for the victims and the rest of us can go back to work repairing the reputation of a great university.

  136. 136.

    Old Dan and Little Ann

    My wife has more freakin’ nicknames and songs for our dog Yeller than I can even count. My personal one is inspired by Rio. “His name is Yelly and he dances on sand.”

  137. 137.

    Morzer

    The cat threatened to sue for cruelty to lawyered-up animals if I sang to her again.

    Some critters are just ungrateful moochers and looters.

  138. 138.

    Southern Beale

    I’m kind of curious if I am the only one who sings to my pets every chance I get.

    No, you are not. Every one of our pets — that’s 7 cats and 2 dogs — has a theme song at our house. Usually a play on their name of some kind.

    We’re silly that way.

  139. 139.

    beltane

    @Morzer: Cats are just generalized critics. Music critics, food critics, interior design critics-anything there is to criticize they will critique.

  140. 140.

    opie jeanne

    I thought I was the only one who did this.
    I’ve always used

    ‘You’re a rich cat and you’ve gone too far,
    And you know it doesn’t matter anyway.

    YOu can rely on the old man’s catnip, etc.”

    Or I sing whatever I’ve just heard on the radio.

  141. 141.

    lamh35

    @geg6: it pisses me off.

    you have people to this day using Tawanna Brawley around Al Sharpton’s neck, but ya got reporters like like Bob Herbert, Pat BuKKKanan and Donald Trump (who took out a FULL PAGE AD for NYC to reinstate the death penalty just for these 5 kids!). It took over 10 years before BuKKKanan was off tv, and hell even after the birther crap Donald Trump is STILL on tv.

    And yet, just a few weeks ago, I remember commenters STILL using the Tawanna Brawley shit against Al Sharpton.

    pisses me off to no end.

    oh and NYC still refuses to settle CP5 civil case

  142. 142.

    Redshift

    @Mr Stagger Lee: It’s true; SyFy has become such a wasteland that I never look at it unless there’s something specific I intend to see. I actually only tuned into Defiance because Ms. Redshift wanted to give it a look; the promos reminded me way too much of that aggressively stupid “the electricity stopped working” post-apocalypse show. (My impression of that one is that network executives looked at Walking Dead and say “we want one of those!”) So expectations were low, and I was pleasantly surprised. (I actually liked it more than Ms. Redshift.)

    After having a look at IMDB and seeing that major writers and producers on it are alumni of Farscape, Caprica, Reaper, etc., I’m a bit more hopeful.

    As for the reality shows, the reason for them (and the bad monster movies) is that they’re cheap. The thing the cable utopians never could see is that 500 channels doesn’t drive TV production to create something for everyone, it just means that all those time slots that will never get a big audience have to be filled as cheaply as possible. In the early days of broadcast, it was game shows and wrestling, now it’s reality shows and cheesy movies.

  143. 143.

    Suzanne

    Mine, to my cat Scout, when she needs to leave me alone whilst I am using the toilet: “SCOUT, SCOUT, GET THE FUCK OUT, YOU ARE THE CAT I CAN DO WITHOUT”.

    Luna gets the Scooby-Doo theme song: “Luna Luna Loo, I love you”.

    Zelda doesn’t really have a song. She has profanity instead.

  144. 144.

    ? Martin

    @Redshift:

    I’m a bit more hopeful.

    Terra Nova, add aliens, subtract dinosaurs. Defiance.

    At least, that’s pretty much how the pilots played out.

    it just means that all those time slots that will never get a big audience have to be filled as cheaply as possible

    Race to the bottom. HBO is cleaning up by refusing to play the game.

    But fuck do I love me some bad monster and disaster movies. But they have to be really bad – low budget, kinda campy. SyFy comes around my way now and then when they do disaster movie days. The rest of the time they’re just shit.

  145. 145.

    Toberdog

    To the tune of Handel’s “For unto us”:

    Wonderful Companion
    The mighty Dog
    The everlasting canine
    The Pup of Peace.

  146. 146.

    MattR

    @Martin:

    Race to the bottom. HBO is cleaning up by refusing to play the game.

    HBO does have the advantage of not having a fixed number of time slots to fill with original programming. They can always choose to show another movie rather than airing some crappy original show.

  147. 147.

    kdaug

    @Redshift:

    I have a tendency to get into shows in the second season (because a lot of them take that long to hit their stride.)

    I have to say – and I may be repeating myself here, because I’m old and senile – check out Orphan Black. BBC America, on after Dr. Who.

    Only 3 episodes in, and really impressed with how quickly they’ve hit their stride.

    Clones.

  149. 149.

    'stina

    I delurk to present you with:

    For the departed Athena Cat
    You say meow
    I say meow
    You say meow
    and I saw meow meow meow
    meaooooooow
    You say meow and I say meow.

    For my Fusilli puppy:
    Don’t you want some tummy to rub?
    Don’t you need some tummy to rub?
    Wouldn’t you love tummy to rub?
    You better find a tummy to rub, rub.

    My Celosa gets Barkemian Rhapsody, which is essentially an extended tummy rub while we sing (taking turns at various parts) the entirety of Bohemian Rhapsody to her. She especially loves it when my husband gets to the head banging section.

    Celosa also gets an original composition that I wrote when she was a puppy:
    She’s a tiny little puppy with a tiny little tummy.
    She’s a tiny little puppy with a tiny little tummy.
    She’s a tiny little puppy with a tiny little tummy.
    She’s a tiny little puppy with a tiny little tummy.
    She’s a tiny little puppy with a tiny little tummy.
    She’s a tiny little puppy with a tiny little tummy.
    Puppy puppy puppy tummy tummy tummy
    Puppy puppy puppy tummy tummy tummy
    Puppy puppy puppy tummy tummy tummy
    Puppy puppy tummy tummy
    Puppy puppy puppy tummy tummy tummy

    My husband says that it’s not a bad song.

  150. 150.

    celiadexter

    I sing to both my cats when I brush them each morning. It’s part of the spa treatment. Dexter usually goes first and most recently I’ve been treating him to Bob Wills’ “Rose of San Antone”, not for any particular reason except that I know and like the song since my husband plays in a Western swing band. Celia and I have been working on “Rie y Llora”, a song by her namesake, Celia Cruz. I’m learning “Lagrimas Negras” for her, since it’s a beautiful song as well as also Cuban. Unfortunately, my singing leaves a great deal to be desired, but the cats keep coming back for more.

  151. 151.

    Thymezone

    Yes, every one of my many cats has had his or her own special song. Cats love to be sung to. You can just about hypnotize most cats by singing to them. Learn one or two simple songs and just repeat them over and over. It helps to include the cat’s name in the lyrics.

  152. 152.

    cmm

    Joey, one of our 3 pups, gets “snuggle puppy” to the tune of “Rubber Duckie.” When I am in bed nd ready to sleep I sing that and she comes up the bed nd “assumes the position” laying on her back or side in the crook of my arm so I cn skritch her for a bit til I drift off. She hs become so used to this routine that if I don’t head towrds bed by 10 AM or so, she starts following me around making exaggerated sleepy eyes t me.

  153. 153.

    Beatrice

    Really wish there was a way to “like” posts. I got a big kick out of a lot of these.

    Here is my original composition for my cat Teddy:
    “Give us a big Teddy kiss
    Give us a big Teddy kiss
    Teddy, Teddy, Teddy
    Teddy, Teddy, Teddy
    Teddy, Teddy, Teddy
    Teddy, Teddy, Teddy
    Give us a big Teddy kiss”

    This can be repeated several times with these variations:
    “Give us a big Teddy purr”
    “Give us a big Teddy smile”
    “Give us a big Teddy hug” etc.

    Teddy also enjoys “Teddy Boy” and “I Will” from The Beatles. There are other cats and other songs but that’s probably enough for now.

  154. 154.

    KS in MA

    Here’s a variation on singing to your pets:

    “If you ask herders why they use a specific type of sound to elicit a response from a particular kind of animal, they will confirm that their animals give milk only to that sound and not to any other. Just as lullabies calm babies, repetitive melodies seem to relax animals and make them more likely to nurse. A closely related technology consists of songs sung to animals as they are being milked, also with the aim of relaxing the animal and making the milk flow more freely. An example is a yak-milking song sung by Tuvans living in Buyant District of western Mongolia, recorded in summer 2000.” (from “Where Rivers and Mountains Sing: Sound, Music, and Nomadism in Tuva and Beyond,” by T. Levin (Univ of Indiana Press, 2006.) A weird, interesting book!

  155. 155.

    Shortstop

    I am purely charmed by all y’all’s pet songs. Even (perhaps especially) Suzanne’s bathroom ditty.

  156. 156.

    janeform

    Here’s what I sing to my dog during walks:

    He’s a good boy
    He’s a good boy
    He’s Ramsey.
    Run run run
    Run run run
    Run run run

    Good boy, good boy, Ramsey
    Run run run etc.

    AND

    I’m on a walk
    I’m on a walk!
    Ramsey
    Run run run
    Run run run
    Run run run

    The run run run part was more apropos when he was younger and actually ran a lot.

    (eta the second verse)

  157. 157.

    Shortstop

    @Maeve: Our dog’s name is Clementine and I like to sing “My Funny Valentine” to her, switching “Clementine” for “valentine” and making the small change of “…when you open it to speak, do you bark?”

    Sometimes we sing to the tune of Liz Phair’s “Whip Smart”: “I’m going to teach my dog to play poker and not wag her tail when she’s got a great hand.”

    And when I’m feeling a little Whitmanesque, I sing the doggie electric.

  160. 160.

    sfinny

    Cat has to hear me sing in the shower so “Fuzzy butt, fuzzy butt, you have a fuzzy butt” most likely doesn’t rate.

  161. 161.

    Suzanne

    @Shortstop: Awww, thanks. I adore that cat. I just wish she wasn’t quite so demanding of my attention while I’m poopin’. Like, can I get five minutes alone?! EVAR?!

  162. 162.

    Scamp Dog

    Biscuit hasn’t inspired a lot of altered song lyrics, but I used to have a black lab mutt that I got from the Table Mountain animal shelter in Golden, CO. His song used the tune of The Girl From Ipanema:

    Long and thin and black and furry,
    the dog from table mountain goes scamping,
    and as he’s scamping, the dog scamps at goes “oooowww”

    [he would tease my wife’s dog all the time, sneaking up behind her and nipping her tail, then running in circles around her while she spun in place and barked at him. Now back to our regularly scheduled lyrics…]

    Oh, but he tortures her daily!
    Usually by pulling her tail-y!

    This post has inspired me, so I think Miss Biscuit may finally get some songs of her own.

  163. 163.

    Mnemosyne

    @Suzanne:

    I would ask, “Why don’t you close the door?” but Keaton has figured out how to open the bathroom door all by himself, so trying to lock him out is useless.

  165. 165.

    Yutsano

    @Morzer: There’s always a critic…

    Kan I haz moar play wif new troll plz? I didn’t get much chance at work today.

  166. 166.

    Kitts

    I have adapted so many songs to be about my cat. There’s the old-timey “you are my kitty, my only kitty….” there’s “wake me up, fluffybutt” (from Build Me Up Buttercup”, and now were bringing it into the new decade with “Heeeeey, fluffy lady! Op op op op oppan kitty style!” Next up is my cat-themed remake of Streets of Laredo. My friends are slightly worried about me.

  168. 168.

    Louis

    Falling James in the Tahoe mud
    Stick around I tell you all a tale
    How I fell in love with a gun street girl
    Now I be dancing in a Birmingham jail
    Dancing in a Birmingham jail.

  169. 169.

    R-Jud

    “Come all without
    Come all within
    You’ve not seen nothing like the flighty Quinn“.

    (She’s not mighty in the least.)

    My husband sings a version of Queen’s theme for Flash Gordon at them: “CATS! Ah-ahhh! Saviors of the kittyverse!” And eventually bellows “Tully’s ALIIIIIIIVE!” in his best Brian Blessed impersonation.

  170. 170.

    Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism

    I used to sing Gumbie Cat to my much-missed Punkin. These days, any musical impulse is more likely to take the form of “Heyyyy silly kitty”, “orange kitty style”, “silly kitty style”, “wiggly kitty style”

  171. 171.

    Montarvillois

    My dear 17-year old cat Elvis passed on last summer (he left the building). I sang to him from the King’s repertoire every chance I could.

  172. 172.

    James Hare

    Juliet gets the Mickey Mouse Club song (J-U-L, I-E-T Juliet the cat!) Evita usually gets “Cecilia.”

  174. 174.

    skyweaver

    I am currently re-watching all seasons of West Wing, and every time the theme song comes on I sing at the top of my lungs to my lab/retriever mix named Athena. I can’t write down any lyrics because they change every time the show comes on and I’m watching, like 3 or 4 a day. Athena obligingly wags her tail as I do it, but really she’s more patiently waiting for me to finish so she can just go back to sleep.

    I love pets – they give you a specific target to vent any pent-up silliness one has.

  176. 176.

    Interrobang

    I like to sing “Music, Music, Music” to my cat Gypsy, because she adores me so much. I don’t change the lyrics at all. I also follow Sister Rail Gun’s musical stylings and sing “Heeeey, sexy Georgie” or “Heeeey, handsome fellah, op op op op oppan Georgie style!” to my cat George.

    I don’t recall having a specific song that I used to sing to my old cat Nero, but we did like to listen to “skritchin’ music” together, which was anything with the kind of beat that made for good skritches. :)

  177. 177.

    John PM

    “For I’m going to Lousiana for to see my Hollyanna sign Holly-wolly doddle all the day…”

  178. 178.

    Jamey

    “He’s so tiny. He’s so sweet. He’s got dirty, little feet. Punk Rock Cat. Punk Rock Cat.” Sung to the tune of “Punk Rock Girl,” by The Dead Milkmen.

    My cat, Lloyd, had a ridge of fur on his back that went in all directions but the right one, thus, it looked like Richard Hell’s hair (from back in the day). The dirty feet part was a nod to commercial play…

  179. 179.

    S-Curve

    My wife sings “Cookie Time” to the tune of “Lollipop” (not the Lil Wayne version): “Cookie Time, Cookie Time, Cook Cook-a Cookie Time.”

  180. 180.

    Debbie

    I was able to obtain my Australian Shepherd Zoe because she was returned to the breeder for not being of uniform coloring. Stupid person! For 11 years I would always sing “You are so beautiful” to her when she sat on my lap. Last year she had a very aggressive cancer that decimated her poor little body quite quickly. I was singing the song to her through tears as she died. She was the smartest, most loving dog ever.

  181. 181.

    fergie

    @Quaker in a Basement: I sang the same to the dogs, (now deceased). Now I sing to the cat. I sing: To howdy doody time
    It’s puppy dinner time
    It’s puppy dinner time
    add nonsense words here to the rest of the tune.

    My parents sang to the dogs, I have continued this.
    I saw someone above sang O Holy Night. that is also on my parade of animal hits!
    fergie

  182. 182.

    Ms. D. Ranged in AZ

    I actually made up a song for my dog Abby (now deceased) that sounded sort of like the melody of “I’m just wild about Harry” and the lyrics started out with “It’s all about MEEEEE and not about you. Just about MEEEEE…..” You get the idea. I was more prone to baby talk and stupid nicknames like Abby Wabby or Maggie Waggy or Pooper Scoopers (since sh*tting is an all time fav with the canines).

  183. 183.

    Bob In Portland

    I talk politics and current events with the dogs, as well as addressing questions of dog morality. I do occasionally sing songs modified to take in the dogs names and behavior, but I don’t sing directly to them.

  184. 184.

    Deb T

    Are you sure that gully washer wasn’t a toad strangler? That’s what we are getting today.

  185. 185.

    EmmATX

    I substitute my cat’s name, Mr. Biscuits, into whatever I’m singing at the moment. But the song I only sing to him is MC Hammer:

    duh duh duh duh… duh-duh… duh-duh Tiny Biscuit!

  186. 186.

    GR

    We have a bunny and I sing fractured songs to him all the time.

    —–

    Little bun little bun
    don’t you know you’re the one
    the cutest mini-lop there ever was
    gonna spend all my money
    on food and toys for the bunny
    not for hugs not for kisses just because

    —–

    Good morning little bunny
    good morning little bunny
    I love to watch you hop, hop
    you’re the cutest mini-lop, lop
    You’re so cute, cute
    sweet, sweet
    the kind of bun I’d like to meet, yeah
    won’t you come hop over to me?

    —–

    No no no, no no no-no-no-no,
    no no no no, no no no no,
    no-no no, no no no

    No bunny can do the
    HOP
    like you do

    No bunny can do the
    BINKY
    like you do

    No bunny can do the
    BEG FOR FOOD
    like you do

    No bunny, no bunny
    No bunny, no bunny
    No bunny but you

  187. 187.

    Anne E

    When I take my cats to the vet they yowl loudly at regular intervals. I sing “I’m getting married in the morning” from “My Fair Lady” and I time it so that the high notes align with the yowls. Like “Ding dong the bells are gonna CHIME!” They definitely get into yowling in sync.

Comments are closed.