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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Hell’s Trapdoor (Open Thread)

Hell’s Trapdoor (Open Thread)

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In this video, right after Carly Fiorina says, “Your next President of the United States, Ted Cruz,” she disappears:

It is reported that she fell off the stage and was uninjured. Maybe. But who’s to say the devil himself didn’t just open a trapdoor to hell after she told that big fat lie?

Satan is allegedly the “Father of Lies,” so why would a standard bit of campaign mendacity provoke his wrath? Maybe the devil hates that miserable son of a bitch Cruz as much as everyone else does.

Open thread!

Reader Interactions

84Comments

  1. 1.

    scav

    Maybe she’s just learned her place and knows to get out of the way pronto when the true savior appears on stage.

  2. 2.

    Ryan

    It’s obvious that Hitlery and Obama’s time machine are behind this shenanigans. Carly is now the second person to go up against the Clinton Machine and live to tell about it!

  3. 3.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Simon Maloy ‏@ SimonMaloy 2h2 hours ago
    so many Fiorina Falls Off Stage stories and not a single golden parachute joke #smdh

  5. 5.

    cleek

    @srv:

    Let’s all hear again, about Bernie not helping the party…

    well, there’s the part where he’s essentially out of the race but continues to shit all over Clinton and the Party itself. that doesn’t help anyone but St Sanders.

  6. 6.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Um, Carly…Rafael doesn’t even stand a chance of a first ballot nomination, let along being the nominee, so “Next President of the United States” is terribly, terribly presumptuous of you.

    Oh, wait. This is Carly, the bidness genious we’re talking about.

    Never mind.

  7. 7.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Revrick: If the Presidential candidate in question were The Donald, there’s no doubt about that.

    “Get on the plane. Go home. Get on the plane.”

  8. 8.

    Keith P.

    I look forward to hearing Carly sing “Sweet Child O’ Mine” while sitting in a motorized throne.

  9. 9.

    Mike J

    HAZARD SCORES! CHELSEA TIES IT UP AT 2!

    Leicester win the league if the score holds for 7 more minutes plus stoppage.

  10. 10.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @srv: The magic word here is “a POLITICO analysis”. Which means “ridiculously suspect.”

  11. 11.

    Renie

    It appeared that Cruz looked down at her and did nothing but turned towards the people standing next to him.

  15. 15.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Mike J: Forgive me if my math is off, but $9.5 million of $36 million is slightly more than 1%?

  21. 21.

    Just Some Fuckhead, Clinton Supporter

    I thought I’d done witnessed The Rapture, glawreeeeeeeeeeeee to God! Take me, Jesus!

  25. 25.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    @Mike J:

    Dunno. But nine bookings just for Tottenham today.

    Does the EPL do post-match reviews and tack on penalties?

    Uh-oh, ruckus by the tunnel!

  31. 31.

    Uncle Cosmo

    When Orange Julius characterized Cruz-Rhymes-With-Lose as “Lucifer in the flesh,” even the Prince of Darkness took exception.

  35. 35.

    Miss Bianca

    @redshirt: Most Elizabethan plays with devils in them routinely used the trap door feature. They were built into the stage. Medieval plays tended to go with the hell-mouth image.

    @NotMax: Oooh…you’re wicked!

  36. 36.

    Germy Shoemangler

    It is reported that she fell off the stage and was uninjured. Maybe.

    I was puzzled by the non-reaction of Ted & Heidi. I’m guessing iCarly landed on her rump and then looked up, laughed and told them “I’m okay, I’m okay” and so they continued campaigning.

    I mean if she’d really hurt herself, they would have stopped and given her immediate attention, right?

    Right?

  37. 37.

    kindness

    That video of Carly falling would be classic if we could post our own audio over it. We’re an imaginative bunch. Of course it would be better…

  40. 40.

    Germy Shoemangler

    @Miss Bianca: There’s the scene in “A Hard Day’s Night” where the old man sneaks on the rising platform (thinking he’s found the perfect hiding place) and finds himself suddenly onstage at a Beatles concert.

  41. 41.

    Uncle Cosmo

    Expansion on the announcement of the discovery of 3 planets in the habitable zone of a “nearby” star, mentioned in an earlier open thread:

    Astronomers focused on a star originally named 2MASS J23062928-0502285 … now known as TRAPPIST-1, … in the constellation of Aquarius about 39 light-years from Earth.

    From Space.com

  43. 43.

    schrodinger's cat

    I found this awesome video, Maulie Maulie that documents the journey (vari) that thousands of devotees make from all over Maharashtra to Pandharpur to see their Maulie (mother) Vithoba on the banks of Chandrabhaga. They usually walk, singing and dancing along the way. So much in common between varkaris (Bhakti movement in general) and Sufis in their rejection of the more conservative aspects of their respective religions.

  48. 48.

    tybee

    @srv:

    Get to the choppa before Hillary pulls the latter up:

    what if she pulls up the former?

  49. 49.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Rommie: I believe the proper term from Mr. Cruz’s home state is sumbitch.

    what do they say in Alberta? “oh, I’d say that fella’s a right stinker, eh!”

  52. 52.

    Calouste

    @goblue72: As full of shit as Bernie “my tax returns are really simple, but my wife can’t find them” Sanders?

  53. 53.

    Uncle Cosmo

    @Germy Shoemangler:

    I was puzzled by the non-reaction of Ted & Heidi.

    For some reason that non-reaction called to mind Candidate Stilson using a baby for a shield in The Dead Zone. Maybe because it sheds light on DetesTed’s character (or more properly, lack thereof). Might be nice if it had the same effect on the real-life campaign.

  55. 55.

    Schlemazel Khan

    His majesty, Cruzifer, is unaware of the fall but Mrs. Cruzifer sees it, reacts for a second and then goes back to smiling and waving. She is the perfect, soulless, match for the evil pustual.

  56. 56.

    Mike J

    Benchmark Politics ‏@benchmarkpol 1h1 hour ago
    New poll, Clinton +19 in California.

  57. 57.

    Germy Shoemangler

    @Uncle Cosmo: I saw the video of Ted facing a crowd of sign-waving Trump supporters. He calmly refutes each of their shouting points. Even brings Mike Tyson into the discussion, hoping that’d win them over.

    No punches were thrown but the crowd was NOT buying what he tried to sell.

  58. 58.

    Mnemosyne

    @Germy Shoemangler:

    I only saw that movie for the first time recently (what can I say, I’m a young’n, relatively speaking) and that scene made me laugh out loud. Perfectly timed for maximum comedy.

  61. 61.

    raven

    I always knew he was a stupid motherfucker.

    Lou Holtz — a College Football Hall of Fame inductee and sports analyst — endorsed Donald Trump for president on Monday.

  62. 62.

    Germy Shoemangler

    @Mnemosyne: The scene with the old man meeting the magician and giving him a congratulatory slap on the back, accidentally killing one of his concealed birds.

  63. 63.

    Schlemazel Khan

    There are Dems who think Hill fans are dumb.
    Seems she’s “evil” and “venal,” to some.
    Here’s my question: When Bern
    Does back Hill, will they spurn
    “Sainted Bern” and demote him to scum?

  64. 64.

    Germy Shoemangler

    What if someone throws a pie at Cruz and he grabs iCarly as a human shield…
    And then his approval numbers go up?

  65. 65.

    Schlemazel Khan

    @raven:
    Gawd but I hate that tiny motherfucker. He was scum when he was here & I had to listen to his canned speech 4 times because the big money boys thought it was motivational. It was bullshit on toast & he is as phony as a $3 bill

  66. 66.

    Iowa Old Lady

    @Mnemosyne: Hey, Mnem, I was eating lunch in Panera and reading Hamiltome, when a college age woman stopped by my table and said she was obsessed by the play. She’d gone running that morning with the album pumping through her earbuds. She said she sang along and pretended she was Lafayette.

  67. 67.

    Schlemazel Khan

    Can Carly help Teddy prevail?
    His desp’rate Hail Mary will fail.
    Though she’s brighter than Palin,
    Ted’s ‘woman card’s’ ailin’.
    He’s not SURE Carly isn’t a male

  68. 68.

    Germy Shoemangler

    @Schlemazel Khan:
    Those who hate Hillary still will
    If/when Sanders shakes hands with HillBill
    But don’t worry, they’ll be fine
    They still have Jill Stein
    For the rest of us: the Art of The Dill…

  69. 69.

    Mnemosyne

    @Iowa Old Lady:

    Apparently you can take a “Hamilton” spin class in NYC. It’s frickin’ everywhere. I told you about the yarn ads I saw that referenced it, right?

    If you look on YouTube, they did a Ham4Ham where they had three people compete to win a copy of the cast album by doing Lafayette’s rap from “Guns and Ships.” The winner was an Asian-American woman in her early 20s who brought the house down.

  70. 70.

    Shana

    The young woman who won is a friend of my younger daughter and a fellow UChicago alum.

  72. 72.

    Gimlet

    rollingout.com/2016/05/02/little-richard-gravely-ill-according-to-bootsy-collins/

    Iconic musician and father of Rock & Roll, Little Richard is believed to be in serious medical distress. Over the past few years, Little Richard has suffered from a stroke, hip surgery and most recently a heart attack that has seen him become even more reclusive in his Macon, Georgia home..”

    The rumor mill has started to fly and fans are now growing concerned over the singer’s health and reports that family members are gathering at his bedside. Multiple media outlets are now reporting that Little Richard is in critical condition at an unnamed hospital. However, there has been no official word from his publicist or family members about his health. In 2013, he suffered a heart attack during a fundraising event for the Recording Academy and announced his retirement from music a few weeks afterwards. Before the announcement, he had to stop a concert when he told the audience that he could barely breathe and exited the stage.

  73. 73.

    shortribs

    @srv:

    But less than 1 percent of the $61 million raised by that effort has stayed in the state parties’ coffers,

    It doesn’t do any good sitting in a coffer (and really, who uses those anymore?), so I assume it’s been spent or as the article said, transferred to the DNC who’s sole purpose is to build the Democratic party, what’s the issue here?

  76. 76.

    Ken

    @raven:

    Aren’t these guys a little premature on who wins?

    We’re an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality.

  77. 77.

    Ken

    @Schlemazel Khan:

    Mrs. Cruzifer sees it, reacts for a second and then goes back to smiling and waving. She is the perfect, soulless, match for the evil pustual.

    Maybe she suppressed her first instincts and kept going, all the while thinking “He said keep smiling, he said keep smiling and waving, I mustn’t get him angry again…”

  79. 79.

    Sad_Dem

    @Germy Shoemangler:

    I mean if she’d really hurt herself, they would have stopped and given her immediate attention, right?

    If by “attention” you mean ring-pulling and going through her pockets for change, then yes.

  80. 80.

    ThresherK

    All I can think of is Margaret Hamilton, as the Wicked Witch of the Westt, going thru a trap-door.

  83. 83.

    Chip Daniels

    Maybe someone else noted it, but I had to laugh at seeing the Yahoo headline, about how Heidi Cruz has responded to accusations that her husband is the Zodiac killer.

    It reminds me of the famous LBJ line, where he wanted to accuse some guy of being a pig-f*cker, just to watch him deny it.

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