It was a long fun week here at Home, Crap Home.
On Saturday I flew to Connecticut, and on Sunday we drove down here with her two children and they spent the week here and left this morning to go back to their dad’s for Easter. As a life long bachelor and curmudgeon, the house is really quiet and I haven’t even yelled at Thurston for barking.
We had a whole list of stuff that I wanted to do with the kids, go to Oglebay Zoo and see the otters, take them to the Carnegie Science center, and so on, but I had forgotten how good Bethany is for kids. They were content playing with the lacrosse sticks, walking to the park and getting filthy in the creek, riding bikes, and chasing Thurston and Rosie. Gerald (my neighbor and the fix it guy who did so much on my house) took them fishing with his kids, and they liked that a lot, too.
They are from urban and suburban areas in NY and CT., so this was the first place they had ever been where they could just look to mom and say “We’re going to the park” and then just go on their own. I’d forgotten how important that is when you’re a kid, that feeling of freedom and independence. I’m hoping they are going to come back for a couple weeks this summer.
Thurston has been moping around the house looking for them, and at one point today I could not find him and he was up on the third floor sleeping in one of their beds. At any rate, if mom approves maybe I will post a picture of them later on. I did finally figure out you don’t need to worry about what you make for them- just don’t cook anything for yourself and eat what they don’t- they’ll find something they like and eat it.
One thing that was amazing is that they were very intuitive with the pets. Rosie never really growled, they were rougher with Thurston, and they treated Lily like a dainty lady. William loved Steve and would close himself into the bathroom downstairs every morning (I have to feed him in a separate room to keep Thurston away), open the cat food, give it to Steve, and then sit there and pet him the whole time he ate. Steve really liked it. When they were leaving his mother asked him if she said good bye to Steve, and he said “I had some quality time with him this morning.” I forget that even though kids are young, they are still little people.
ABC hung some curtains and did some more decorating, so when I clean up a bit and have some good light I will take some pictures. We repainted the dining room and I have not shown you that yet.
How was your week?
Happy for you and yours, Cole.
Man, it is so much easier for a male to step into a family situation.
Sniff! You’ve grown so fast JC!
I am inexplicably happy for you because I don’t know you but it seems like you are moving into a really nice part of your life and that’s great. May things continue to go well.
Long-time lurker, but I felt the need to reply… John, you have found a keeper – and better yet – you seem to recognize that :) I’m so happy for you! And, happy for ABC’s children :)
Villago Delenda Est
All this domestic bliss is weirding me out, man.
Bill E Pilgrim
Wait what, there’s a her?
I have got to remember to check in here without the six or eight month breaks….. you lose the plot completely.
So of all the odd things, I skied at Ogelbay Park a couple times from Pittsburgh in the late 70s. Tiny ski area, didn’t even have chair lift back then, just a couple Poma lifts to drag your kid butt back up the hill (think frisbee on a metal pole, pulled up by an overhead cable).
I thought it was fun then. Now I need about 10X or 20X the vertical drop.
I had no idea there were things like a zoo there. We’ve been gone from PGH for 37 years….
the Conster, la Citoyenne
Domestic John Cole is the future liberals want.
mai naem mobile
‘I spent some quality time with him’ awwwwwwe. That’s sweet/funny.
There’s times I think of the stuff my parents let us do alone and the times they left us alone at home… and my parents were considered kind of overly protective by my aunts and uncles. Nowadays, CPS would have been called on my parents.
Villago Delenda Est
@Bill E Pilgrim: “What? Tyrion did WHAT to Tywin?”
Bill E Pilgrim
As long as this doesn’t mean no more naked mopping and entertaining pratfall stories. Domesticated JC, not sure I’m ready for that.
You just made my week with this sweet post. You are surely suited for the domestic life. I hope you have many more weeks like this and I hope you keep sharing.
taming of the crew. hoocudda thunk?
Bill E Pilgrim
Quickening of the pulse before noticing the spelling. Oh, moping.
Steve in the ATL
You know what the best thing about kids is? When they get older and go off to college and you have two in college at the same and they are both in private college because they don’t want you to be able to retire ever or buy an airplane or boat or whatever.
But yeah, fishing and lacrosse are fun, too.
Like the other posters, I am genuinely happy for you, JC, and don’ worry about the blog–there are plenty of people here to keep up the cynicism while you’re contented.
@Villago Delenda Est:
I’m with you on that.?
Yeah, I’ve got a feeling they’ll be BEGGING to come back for a couple of weeks this summer.
So when ABC goes home to meet them and ask if they were happy to be in in Bethany, one of them is going to say “I miss Lily”?
Woman can’t win for winning.
@the Conster, la Citoyenne:
Speak for yourself.
@Bill E Pilgrim:
And it sounds like it’s getting serious…..fast. Oh, my!
Interesting. I would say that I was pretty independent as a kid and it was because I lived in an urban environment. I could hop on a subway to the zoo or walk to any one a half dozen parks or go to the movies or whatever. I grew up in DC but it was even more true in New York where I also spent a lot of time as a child.
It always seemed to me that it was the suburban and rural kids that were far more dependent on rides from their parents or their friend’s parents to go almost anywhere.
I took the day off of work to recycle my old computer and eat lunch at an Italian restaurant. That’s my way of observing Good Friday. Anyhoo, this post made me happy, thanks!
Glad Cole and his significant others had a good visit.
But what is with ‘Home, Crap Home’? Cole is trashed the place already? Any recent pics of House Beautiful?
I love this post, John, and I love what’s going on in your life right now. All your goodness is coming back to you.
@Brent: Same here. I think children are chaperoned way more than when I was a kid in the 80s.
Very happy for you, Cole. A big change from having fraternity brothers staying with you. :-)
I look forward to Christmas when you send out a family picture with the kids and the tree. ;)
Happy for your happy. Karma also provides positive outputs for positive inputs. Seems like pay forward pay back. Happy for you, savor the simple pleasures.
@Brent: People hover over their kids more and give them less freedom now, even though it’s statistically much safer than when my friends and I were street-running back in the 60s. I tell people that the Shameless show is a documentary of my people.
John, happy for you all! Glad you all found each other.
Long time mostly lurker.
I became a US citizen this week.
Given the current political situation, a little more bittersweet than I’d hoped, but there y’go.
We raised our kids in the burbs of Seattle, but there were 2 weeks of every summer where we joined a bunch of other families at a camp. Bliss to just let them have their freedom & run around in little packs.
Trying to understand how ABC’s ex could possibly let her get away … she seems lovely.
@Cookie monster: Congrats.
@Cookie monster: Congratulations!
Steve in the ATL
Congrats–your chances of being violently deported just dropped by 5-10%!
@Brent: I agree. I grew up in a very small town and when I was 11 we moved to a city. I was able to hop a bus and go everywhere for a dime(it was the early 60s). Along with that, I often had to walk very long distances from where I was to where the bus could take me where I wanted to go. My country and small town cousins would come to visit and were shocked at how much we walked in the city. They were also amazed at all the distances and the places I could go without an adult taking me.
John Wick is a rather silly movie.
@Cookie monster: Congratulations!
@Cookie monster: I’m glad you’re here!
Villago Delenda Est
@Brent: My parents just REFUSED, outright, to give us rides to school and such. Totally out of the question, no way, walk your ass (we were just out of bus range to the junior high) over a mile to junior high, kid. HS changed that, there was a bus, but if you missed it…well, start walking!
Northern West Virginia was a great place to grow up. Most of it’s gone now, Bethany might be the last nice small town.
Oh, and John, I think That Girl is in my town this weekend for WTJU.
Sounds like an almost perfect week JC. Stay frosty.
Villago Delenda Est
@Cookie monster: I can appreciate the bittersweetness of it. Still, congratulations, welcome to the club, you probably know a hell of a lot more than most birthright citizens about our history and our government…definitely more than that idiot in the White House.
What a lovely and sweet post, John. Glad the visit went well. I’m sure the kids will be begging to visit for a few weeks in the summer. Hell, it sound so idyllic, I want to visit for a few weeks in the summer.
@Cookie monster: Congratulations! Are you excited to vote?
Villago Delenda Est
@Honus: Ann Marie is in your town? Is Donald with her? (Not THAT Donald, silly…)
So happy for you. Cole. Cosmic timing–you move into a bigger house, and Look What Happened.
May it continue.
Congratulations, and welcome! I hope your new country treats you right. (And please come out of lurkdom and comment here more often.)
@Cookie monster: congratulations and welcome to the voting public. You can do something about the problems here now. Hope that cheers you up a bit.
@Cookie monster: Congratulations!
I’m in the middle, maybe end, of a big home renovation. Well, a big renovation on a small house. The house we wanted was too expensive but still in market but at a great price :-(
Gut kitchen, add new chandelier and sconces (repro art deco from the ’30s from vintage hardware).
Purchased new in package kitchen drawer and door handles/knobs from the ’50s (National Lock Company and Amerock from eBay).
Add ’30s inlaid wood furniture from antique shops, a 1941 Big Ben alarm clock and a 1941 (working) Philco radio for our 1941 house, French art noveau lamps (four of them) and one art noveau vase from Belgium (off of Etsy) and we are on our way to an authentic 1940s house!
My wife laughs when I tell her about my childhood. Her parents are deaf and always wanted her in eyesight. Mine?..
There was and old dilapidated textile & dye mill near my grandfather’s house in Woonsocket with this pool of viscous opaque sludge next to it that never evaporated or drained away. It made a very satisfying blorp sound as it absorbed whatever you threw into it. As we headed out we’d yell “We’re going to the chemical pond”, and my mother would just say “be back for dinner or you won’t eat”.
It was a simpler time. Knowing exactly what chemicals were in the pond might explain a lot.
@Villago Delenda Est: Yeah, I hope so! My other half is a local elected Democrat (local committee, that is), so I like to think I’m taking notice. Just sorry in came through after November. I wanted to vote, dammit!
@Steve in the ATL: sadly, that’s something I’ve worried about… I wish I could say I was joking.
@Yarrow: Yup. Registered the same day!
Idyllic is the word that comes to mind. An idyllic week. Sweet beyond words. It’s wonderful that things worked out well. The mental image of Thurston missing the kids so much he’s sleeping on their bed makes me all verklempt.
Summer should be lovely.
Both the mill and the sludge are probably still there (we live in Cumberland)
ETA: The textile jobs aren’t coming back, either. But no idiot has promised that they will.
She’s clearly fucking nuts.
@jl: doubt it – I’m in California. Love it here, but votes won’t change much on the national level. Voting against the forces of darkness will at least feel good though.
One thing I was glad about is, normally the President records a welcome message video that is played at the ceremony. Apparently, that hasn’t happened yet, so instead we got a video of Madeline Albright telling us how important voting is. Works for me…
J R in WV
Congratulations on your citizenship. Not as easy as just being borned here. Like all the rest of us. I hired several guys on H1-B visas who are citizens now, which I always felt good about.
And politics is like that, you win one, you lose one. I’m trying to get over it, easier said than done!
James E Powell
Welcome to the team. Register to vote yet?
ETA – Should have scrolled down before I wrote down.
@J R in WV: Mmm… This one didn’t feel like a normal loss… :(
What does this mean?
@Brent: I grew up in the DC suburbs, and we wandered all over the place. We had to get a ride to get to “somewhere” like a store, but we certainly walked to the park or the woods by ourselves, and when we were older, down a trail to the Potomac.
We have friends who never let their kids walk around their neighborhood alone; they just had play dates because it’s “so much more dangerous now.” (It’s not.) Suburbs vary, of course, and some are less walkable than others, and have fewer interesting places to wander.
Not sure I’d be posting pics of the kids.
@Cookie monster: Yay! I remember when my wife became a citizen. I didn’t think I would care that much, but I was really excited when it actually happened. I was also disappointed that I wasn’t able to go to her ceremony for naturalization. She was also very excited. One thing she has over you is President Obama’s signature instead of ick.
@efgoldman: @efgoldman: My uncle lived in Cumberland. He was in construction and had all manner of mob ties. He was found hanged in some old couple’s basement – they were too old to go down there themselves. Ruled a suicide but with strong suspicions that he had help. Just a typical Rhode Island family.
@JCJ: am envious of your wife!
@JCJ: My ex got W’s sig, but then she got to vote for Obama.
J R in WV
AND John Cole, thanks for giving those kids a week in WV, I’m sure it was totally different than they expected. And so glad they got along with the critters well.
Congrats, and hang in there. So glad for you and the new house, and the remodel working out with neighbors and your Dad helping out so much.
And thanks for the blog, too!
We’ve only been here since 2002, part of the great migration when Enormous Brokerage and Mutual Funds LLC moved a few thousand jobs from Boston and hired a couple thousand more. I got tired of driving 58 miles each way from the Boston burbs every day. Plus there was no way we could afford to buy a house where we were.
@Cookie monster: Congratulations, and welcome! We need all the D voters we can get!
We were also allowed to just meander around “downtown” Pawtucket when we visited my grandmother. Three kids all under 8, just wandering around this unfamiliar city neighborhood without supervision. Come to think of it, I’m not sure my parents really liked us all that much.
@guachi: Sounds gorgeous.
Were there actually open stores and businesses then?
Sounds like those Russians who commit suicide by shooting themselves seven times in the head.
Thanks to everyone who offered congratulations. I appreciate it. And yup, I’ll be another solid D voter.
I came for the politics (in 2006…. Wow) and stayed for the pets.
@guachi: OOO – my wife lurves vintage furnishings and decor. I like them, and what you describe sounds very cool to me, but she would be breathless.
@efgoldman: not really – that’s why I put downtown in quotes. It was physically located in what should have been downtown Pawtucket, but we spent most of our time exploring empty buildings.
Great! At any point in the ceremony did they say “Welcome, jackals”? Now that you’re One of Us you can help pry the helm back for the sane folk. We can use more talent.
@Cookie monster: Congratulations and welcome!
Ya know – thinking about it, what are the rustbelters bitching about? It’s not like what happened to them is unprecedented. Look at the Blackstone Valley.
I know nobody’s much interested, but there’s NOTHING like NHL playoff hockey
Montreal and the Rangers are having an old-fashioned original six hatefest.
Except for ::ptui:: Penguins over Columbus, all the series/games are really close and really tense
@Geeno: And the whale blubber industry has also fallen on hard times. It’s not like there aren’t plenty of examples of industries changing and even disappearing. But what has happened to the Rust Belters has happened TO THEM and NOW. That’s the difference.
@trollhattan: hah! Nope, No mention of jackals!
They did urge us all to vote every election. That was my biggest take away from the ceremony, after the whole “finally, a citizen!” thing :)
John, I am so happy for you.
@efgoldman: Yow forgot the upcoming playoffs – it’s hard stay interested in the NHL past much November when you’re a Sabres fan these days, but I do like some playoff hockey.
I need a second TV for sports.
My father passed away this afternoon. I got nothing but decisions, & after the rushing about, a hole in my daily life. (Seriously glad for the existence of daily Kaddish after the funeral).
And the Merrimack Valley, and the Connecticut River Valley (that was paper mills, not fabric), and Fall River (Fabric) and New Bedford (Revere copper) and Maine (paper and shoes)…..
Many of the old mill cities (Especially in RI and ME) have never recovered.
@Tenar Arha: Deepest condolences on your loss.
Anybody put up the Mayhew signal? Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services released 1800+ pages of new regs on Good Friday in the hopes that no media would notice.
yup — playoff hockey is the greatest
the Habs/Rangers game was incredible tonight
@Tenar Arha: my condolences. It’s a very difficult time.
Condolences. It’s tough. Lost my mom not long ago. It gets better but it’s never the same. Hang in there.
Not so now. The steel mills started closing in the 70s, and anyone who was paying attention could see that large-scale coal-fired plants were going away.
@Cookie monster: Congratulations and welcome! We need all the sane poeple we can get ?
I grew up in the late fifties/early sixties, and for four years lived in a small Texas college town. We rode our bikes everywhere distant, or walked. I especially remember riding on the farm roads with my cocker spaniel in the bike basket, my friend riding with her basset hound. My mom never seemed to worry about me. (Yes I am female.) When we moved to the DC suburbs, I walked or rode the bus. My parents did have to drive me to the astronomy club once a month, but that was an exception. It was an evening meeting and pretty far from our home. Loving the memory of my dad, RIP, for the time he took me and my telescope to watch an eclipse with my friends in the dead of winter. He dozed in the parked car, waking up periodically to run the engine to heat up the interior. I think we stayed till about 3AM.
@Geeno: And whaling too !
@Tenar Arha: Condolences on your loss.
Your evident happiness makes me happy.
That’s especially true as I’m about to return to the States for a while, and I’m also returning to try–again–a relationship that’s been on again and off again (mostly off) for forty years. What I missed most and most look forward to (besides his dog) are the shared casual domestic things such as painting and puttering. I hope that my insignificant other and I can maintain the comfort level you and ABC seem have achieved (though it may require life being a politics-free zone, somewhere I seldom live).
And Cookie Monster, welcome to a place we hope you’ll help make better.
Retail shed more jobs in the last 3 months than coal has in the past 10 years.
@Tenar Arha: My sympathy. That hole is hard.
@Geeno: I’m sorry about your uncle.
@Tenar Arha: My condolences.
@efgoldman: Sure, but if the Rust Belters are complaining, then they’re alive so they’re living it now. Factories have shut down and towns have fallen apart, opiate epidemic…now. Or they’ve got one of the last few steel mill jobs and wondering when their turn is. Now. I’ts been happening for decades but they’re still experiencing it now and wondering when the jobs will come back. It’s one thing they were promised, all those Rust Belt towns. Steel mills would reopen. Jobs would come back.
Villago Delenda Est
@Tenar Arha: Been there, Not easy. Deep condolences!
@JCJ: I took my wife to DC after she was naturalized. Unfortunately she got HW’s signature.
@Cookie monster: Congrats!
@Mike J: Retail jobs aren’t real jobs. Only coal and factory jobs are real jobs. Didn’t Jesus say that in the Bible?
Condolences to you and your family. A parent’s death leaves a big hole.
@efgoldman: Maine had textiles too, and tanning, canneries and fish processing … Steam plants and smaller hydro in the small towns… lots of woods jobs lost in the last 40+ years.
Two hours of Graham Parker and the Rumour…was in the mood while porch sitting and pulled out some old vinyl for the turntable. The stuff we forget..”Nation of Shopkeepers,” “Mercury Poisoning,” “Hotel Chambermaid,”….and a cool remark of “Hold Back the Night.” Then, of course, had to go looking for the original by The Trammps.?
@Cookie monster: Well, hey, sounds like a pleasant surprise for your citizenship ceremony. I’ll take that as an omen for better things to come.
Yeah, but look who made the promise. Even the kkkrazy kkkaukus RWNJ congresscritters aren’t stupid enough to make those kinds of promises.
@Tenar Arha: My condolences. May his memory be a blessing for you and your family.
John – you gave ABC’s sons such a wonderful gift, from a time nearly gone by. That freedom and indepence in a safe environment where everyone knows you and your family…the ability to explore and wander, to have new adventures (fishing) with other trusted friends…that is absolutely priceless. Four critters – no waiting – and their own upper bunk of the third floor at Home Sweet Home, that must have been so much fun for them.
Compared to a uniform and pristine suburbia that is overly supervised and homogenious – with kids usually highly scheduled and waiting to be picked up and ferried to the next scheduled activity is not conducive to the moments that make our hearts sing. You and ABC are making a space for wonderful, expansive experiences for her sons, and for memories that will last a lifetime for them.
You are correct sir.
A 7 mile hike in Griffith Park is much better than a hockey game.
@Tenar Arha: Condolences.
So very sorry. My deepest condolences to you and your family.
No pictures of the children please.
Aside from that, sounds lovely.
@Aleta: Thanks, but that’s almost 30 years back now. Christ, that whole branch of the family pretty much went down. I think the only survivors from that branch are a cousin who ran away from home 40+ years ago and still won’t speak directly to her mother who is the other survivor.
Okay – that’s depressing – done talking about the paternal side of the family now. Zounds – it really sounds bad when you put it all together in one story.
@Tenar Arha: I’m sorry for your loss.
@Spanky: Okay, I laughed out loud at that.
@Tenar Arha: sympathies. May your Kaddish be reflective. (That’s what it’s for; I’m starting to think our ancestors had some pretty good ideas. You know, with the exception of bacon. Good idea at the time I’m sure, but…)
Who does this treachery? I shout with bleeding hands
Yeah, still love GP and the Rumour.
Smedley the uncertain
@Cookie monster: Congratulations! As the son of immigrants I have some appreciation of the significance. Welcome is not the right word but I can’t think of another at the moment to express my congratulatory feelings.
Sorry for your loss. Hope he had a long and honorable life.
@Villago Delenda Est: Funny, I did the opposite. I drove my kids to school because then I knew they’d gotten there. Plus there was no way I could get them up early enough for the bus schedule. They would have missed it, followed by much mutual wailing and gnashing of teeth and I would have had to drive them anyway.
They took the bus home, though.
@Yarrow: The point is, no one ever talked about saving the textile and paper mills, or the canneries. Economics happened, and you dealt with it. When the jobs left, no one tried to maintain the fantasy that they’d be coming back.
@efgoldman: They believed it and voted for him. They think those factory and steel mill jobs should come back to their towns. They’re complaining about it now, just as they have for decades.
@Villago Delenda Est:
Hah, that happened to me. But was like 7 or 8 years old. I missed the bus, and I was too embarassed to tell my mom (and get yelled at) so I walked the three miles to the elementary school.
On the way, some of my parent’s friends/colleagues spotted me walking down the road and rang up my mom and dad. They were waiting for me when I got to the school. They were quite relieved. I was like “oh crap, I’ve been found out!” We still talk about that. I had memorized the trip on the bus to the school.
@Geeno: That’s exactly right. It’s been happening forever–industries change, jobs move on. But Rust Belters think they should be able to keep those jobs, just as the coal miners do. It’s weird.
There are always state and local elections. A lot of stuff that directly affects us is decided at that level.
Black47? I’ve got their I think first album. It’s alright. A little depressing. If I wanted that, I would listen to the Pogues. :-)
@Mike J: hell no, I am happily +4 right now. No CMS regs that put War and Piece to shame for me
@Tenar Arha: I am so sorry to hear of your loss, and send you my heartfelt condolences. The loss and grief is so disorienting, especially after the focus of caretaking.
It gets easier. I don’t think it really gets better.
Yesterday I was looking through some old pics, looking for something specific for a friend and ran across pics of my dad. Not any better seeing those than the day he passed, sitting there on his hospital bed with my arm around him. 16 yrs ago last month.
@David Anderson: Thank god.
So under appreciated. Honestly, I had forgotten about my old college vinyl until tonight. Had some CDs that a friend made for my trip. GP got me through some areas of Utah. A good thing.
Beats the heck out of a pack of of frat boys draped all over the furniture, huh?
@Villago Delenda Est
Walked well over a mile to and from elementary school from 1st grade on. Part of the route went through some woods.
@Yarrow: I think it has something to do with who does those jobs, gender-wise.
@Redshift: Yup. I’ll be voting in each and every one, you can count on it.
I think most of them actually know it’s a fantasy, they just won’t admit it, even to themselves.
When the farms started collapsing in the first half of the last century, the cities offered plenty of jobs that didn’t require formal education or a diploma. Now, even if the rust belt and mining workers wanted to move to a city (they don’t) the jobs require tech knowledge and training, usually with a post-secondary credential.
@jl: It was indeed. I was kind of dreading having to sit through… that voice. Seriously.
You REALLY need a dating website, Johnny.
It’s not all that weird. They had good paying jobs. They earned their money the old fashioned way, dirty and dangerous. Probably a good number of their friends and relatives had jobs because of that mill. And when that mill job left town, there was nothing to replace it. Their houses had no real value because whose going to move to a town with too few jobs so selling and moving didn’t work, they got screwed. Some politician tells them he’s going to make everything OK, it’s not that they really believe him, it’s just what else do they have?
Congrats Cookie Monster! I barely remember my own swearing in. But getting that U.S. passport enabled me to have an awesome summer job working for Guinness a couple weeks later! :-)
@Tenar Arha – So sorry for your loss.
Lost my dad just before the 2008 election. Fast…pancreatic cancer. My mom’s was so odd..she was 92, (I teased her and she didn’t appreciate it…”92…but you look like a hard 70.” Honestly, we can all hope for that…she looked great, ex Beauty Queen in the ’40’s). Anyway, hers was a car wreck…I had been in NC visiting for 2 weeks, left, and she was involved in a freak car accident about the time I walked back in my house here. Yes, I know…92…but it still haunts me. I wasn’t at all prepared for it at the time.
@Tenar Arha: I am so sorry for your loss.
You know, of the many “huh, that’s weird” bits of coincidences, my mother died after sunset two days before Rose Hashanah about 9.5 years ago, and my father died in the afternoon before Shabbat, 2 days before the last two days of Passover. (Basically these are tickets to a guaranteed short Shiva depending on if one’s family is religious & fast planners).
Smedley the uncertain
@Tenar Arha: Sincerest condolences. Sorry for your loss.
Thanks for the additional happy news.
Dad had Alzheimer’s for 20 yrs, in a way it was a relief that he no longer suffered. Mom made it to 95, I think she just refused to go until she had no choice.
And, you are right…it doesn’t really get better but it changes; the grief is more manageable, I guess. I’m so not good at expressing this kind of stuff. We do it, we get through it…there’s really no other alternative. In other news, I’m pulling out Nick Lowe vinyl. It’s a music kind of night.
I said I took a hike in Griffith Park, I hiked to the heliport and took this picture.
ETA: This was the second hike I was going to take on my birthday, but I spent most of that day waiting in the parking lot for a tow truck.
It is. I’ve been listening to lots of stuff that I have saved but haven’t listened to in quite a while. No pun intended but Dead Can Dance, Tangerine Dream, Ludovico Einaudi, The Civil Wars…….
I don’t think it’s that it’s more manageable but it just becomes another part of your life, you get used to the loss, you learn to accept it, you keep breathing, you move on. At first you have to manage it, after a while you’ve learned how.
The Steve feeding story and general pet assertiveness makes me think these are great kids. I hope everything keep moving forward for you, the missus, the child folk and your pets good sir.
No better Friday than one where you grow together with other human beings.
Get relevant or get lost.
@Smitty: Say what? Maybe you meant to be somewhere else.
Oh, no. I am so sorry. That is a very tough loss. Be kind to yourself; I hope you find comfort in sweet memories.
It just got better.
John Lee Hooker. The Healer.
? Your tastes are bit more eclectic but I did check out a couple. I’m an old school rock and roller, blues, some jazz thrown in. In related news, listening to Dean Martin right now…gearing up for some of my dad’s favorites by Eddy Arnold. Music Saves Us!
Ah…Mr. Hooker! Great show, late 1980’s. Humble man.
He lived out by where I grew up, I went to school with his nephew.
@?BillinGlendaleCA: Seems Eddy Arnold connections float in and out of my life. Neighborhood bar had a young kid who would come in and play on Fridays. He would want people to try to “stump” him. I tried with my vast knowledge of Mr. Arnold❤ . Turned out his grandfather was a friend and played with him. The Kid knew everything “Eddy.”
Dear John, that was a sweet thing you wrote. Those kids sound like good ones, and I’m so happy for you that you found ABC and her kids.
You made me laugh out loud at something too convoluted to explain to my spouse who’s wondering what I’m laughing at. Thanks a lot.
@efgoldman: Troy, N.Y. The most expensive neighborhood in the US in the early 1800s was in Troy. All of the factories are gone long ago.
@Tenar Arha: I’m so sorry for your loss.
@Cookie monster: Congratulations! Welcome to our humble whatchamacallit.
I always viewed more as a bar brawl.
ETA: I see you had second thoughts as well.
I’m so sorry. I know you spent a big chunk of the last few years taking care of him, so you’re probably going to feel very lost for a while. That’s totally normal when someone leaves a hole in your life.
@Cain: I did almost the same thing, decided to walk home when I was about 5. We hid from the bus driver (he lived across the street from me so he knew me) and started walking. A girlfriend convinced me I could walk home before the bus got to my block. Ha!
My parents were a bit upset when I didn’t get off the bus and came hunting me, found me only a block from the school; it was a long block and I hadn’t started right away because of having to wait for the bus to leave. Dad had come home from work early to vote and he had bought me one of those little metal cars. Dinky Toy or TootsieToy. Almost didn’t give it to me.
@?BillinGlendaleCA: from that angle the Pointy Building* is not visible. It’s so dwarfed by the newer high-rises that it’s not very visible from the other side, either.
*City Hall. That’s what Lohman and Barkeley used to call it.
@?BillinGlendaleCA: Yeah, wasn’t sure “argument” was the right term. Thought about saying “fist fight”.
@opiejeanne: The top of the Pointy Building is visible behind the Criminal Courts Building. You’d have to move pretty far to the west, I’ll check my pics from Mt. Lee, to see the entire building.
ETA: You can see the entire Pointy Building from Mt. Lee(where the Hollywood Sign is).
@?BillinGlendaleCA: Since the comment editor won’t load my comment…In addition to being further west(and slightly north) of the helipad where I took that shot, Mt. Lee is also about 600′ higher.
@opiejeanne: I said the kid looked like she’d been in a bar brawl after her surgery, so the term has stayed with me. Her reply was “Yeah, and lost”.
mai naem mobile
@Tenar Arha: Condolences on your dad passing away. When my dad passed away,my brother in law told me that I was going to learn way more about my dad than I knew before. It was kind of true. We got letters from people who had known my dad for decades who he either hadn’t talked to in years or he would talk to very occasionally when he went back home. Some were about how he helped them do xyz. Some were about how much they enjoyed talking to him. Anyhow, you might find the same thing with your dad.
From time-to-time I mention that I visited Oglebay for an NC State University School of Sports Management that I was a part of in the early 80’s. We’d be there for a week in the winter for the school and return for a planning session in the summer. John has never acknowledged it and I know he won’t now but, what the hell, I’m still mentioning it.
@Tenar Arha: I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad in 1995; it does get better but I don’t think we ever stop missing them. I was just telling satby this story about my dad:
My dad came to my house every year for Easter after my mom died. The first year I asked him what he wanted for easter dinner; I was expecting him to say either turkey and stuffing or lamb, the two traditional holiday meals at my house growing up. My mom was greek so we always had lamb at Easter, but it was our first year without her so I wanted to let him choose.
My dad: “spaghetti and meatballs”.
Me: “we can’t have spaghetti and meatballs for Easter!”
My dad: “okay, meatloaf, then.”
Me: “spaghetti and meatballs, it is!”
And that became our traditional meal for Easter, every year for the next 10 years, until I lost him, too.
@raven: Hey raven, I am hardly ever here at the same time as you anymore. :; waving ::
What do you mean by “John has never acknowledged it”?
@WaterGirl: I mean I will post something about it when there is a relevant post. Zip, nada, silence.
Did you watch the video of the trial testimony?
@raven: No, I missed it. Did you watch? Wondering what that was like and what the outcome was.
@raven: Ah, I didn’t realize Oglebay was so close to Bethany. I suck at geography and didn’t catch the connection.
@WaterGirl: Yes, it was not a happy thing but her testimony confirmed that I was right in asking her if I should writing a letter of support. He got 10 years and actually made threats to her via mail after the fact. It’s sad but she is really strong and hopefully will be able to move ahead with her life.
@WaterGirl: Here it is if you are interested.
Yes, Oglebay is right outside of Wheeling. We would go up to the West Liberty University gym and shoot the rock during down time. I know John doesn’t engage much with his patrons, it’s cool.
[email protected]Tenar Arha: I am so on sorry for your loss.
@raven: Her dad sent threatening email to her from prison? That’s crazy. Do they not monitor email sent from prisoners? And how does a person only get 10 years for murdering their own son?
There are people in prison for longer than that for non-violent drug offenses. wow.
@WaterGirl: I guess because the son and father were in a fight earlier. She mentions the threats in the vid I think. The people who contacted me felt like any more time was essentially a death sentence.
So glad to hear about your week, Cole.?
So sorry your loss. Condolences.??
Please vote in every election.
When I was young,the only instructions that I received during the summer were:
You better be in this house when the street lights come on.
That was it.
@Tenar Arha: I’m so sorry Tenar Arha. The deepest condolences to you and all your family.
@rikyrah: yep, that was the curfew. And check in for dinner.
Ironically, my dad was a homicide detective most of my childhood. He lived
every working day with the worst that could happen to someone, and crime rates were higher then, not just in Chicago but everywhere. And yet there was never the idea that a parent should monitor their child every minute of every day like there seems to be now.I say that to people and they solemnly tell me that “world has changed”. My response is “yes, it’s safer now”.
In 10 years of mostly lurking on this blog, I’ve commented perhaps half a dozen times, usually at times of of mishap with well wishes. I’m so glad you’re finding such happiness, it looks good on you. May you have many years of it yet to come.
@?BillinGlendaleCA: you came here for an argument?
@Tenar Arha: I am so sorry for you.
@Brent: Yes, my daughters pretty much get themselves everywhere by bike or public transportation, while my friends who are in the suburbs or exurbs are still driving their kids until the minute they get a license.
Glad things worked out. Nothing like kids to balance your life out.
For me it was a good week. Work was quiet so I was able to get one of the motorcycles on the road. Got 3 nice rides in. Last night I mapped a ride to Seacoast Sport Cycles in Derry NH. They had an open house and unveiling of the new Ducati Supersport. The bike was great and the route is now one of new favorites. Some nice long rolling and twisting roads. Grin ear to ear..
Even when you have kids raising them from birth to adults, you can forget how truly delightful little people they were when young. We are enjoying re-experiencing that now with our growing number of grandchildren and it does bring back memories of what our kids said and did when little. We were having facetime conversation with our far away granddaughter, 3-1/2. She was demonstrating a put together toy for us and then would ask, “Do you have any questions?”. We would ask a question and she’d say, “That’s a very good question!”. Of course, grandparents think everything their grands do and say is amazing but all the little people are awesome humans, at least until warped adults mess them up.
@Tenar Arha: My deepest sympathy to you and your family. My father died almost 4 years ago, and I still have dreams where he is as alive as ever. You’ll have good memories, I’m sure.
John, it sounds like you all had a great time and that ABC has wonderful kids. Congratulations!
@satby: maybe it’s safer now partly because people try to pay attention.
As a child I wrote my bike to school for summer band camp. I was hit by a car, very scary then crutches and pain for several weeks. I still ride my bike sometimes and want my kid to learn but looking at roads and such I am not likely to encourage him to go beyond the neighborhood. Pretty large neighborhood good biking, easier to get to friends and the breeze from faster than walking feels good and blows the mosquitos away but cars don’t pay enough attention.
@Geeno: this is not true. They always complained about the lost jobs for decades and wrote about it in the latitude of the time and preferred the politicians that told soothing lies. It’s just that time passes and I guess eventually attention moves on. The rust belt coal mine sets are the current still whining past all reasonable hope but there have always been others before in this country and others.
We need higher tax rates at the upper levels to discourage capital monopolies and a tax structure that encourages higher wages at the lower and middle levels so that more people can save enough to start their own businesses. New business start up rates are lower than decades ago and that means we don’t have enough newish medium size businesses to displace the stale dying big businesses. All businesses and industries have a life cycle span and like the bio circle of life you have to have replacement babies growing up or…..you reach a point of none enough jobs or choices. It’s normal for someone at the top to want to freeze the board so they stay but it’s not in everybody else’s best interest to allow that. Our tax structure has changed the dynamics a lot in the past several decades. Too much wealth stuck at the top and the rich just don’t spend enough to match the formerly huge number of middle class.
Great post. You made some points I had not thought of before.
We never know if we’re quite prepared for that kind of loss until it actually happens, do we? I’m glad to hear that the Kaddish prayers are helping to keep you strong.
It occurred to me today that I’m 55 years and nine months old — within a week of the age at which my father, a much healthier and more vigorous man than I am now, died in 1983. A spooky thought.
Hey! I’ve lived in Derry most of my life! Watch out for nerdy liberals running on those twisty roads; there’s a good chance it’s me or, if he’s visiting, my younger brother.
A very good synopsis of why we need our tax structure to be changed and why innovation is mostly coming from the top these days. Try to imagine a new Apple, Intel, Microsoft or etc these days. People don’t seem to do startups to succeed on their own merits these days, they do it to sell out to bigger companies because that’s almost the only thing capital can be found for. Current business is for the rich to get far richer and everyone else to screw off. It’s a lousy way to run a country.
No One You Know
@Tenar Arha: I’m so sorry for your loss, Ternar Arha.