Hey folks, sorry for falling off the map. I got super sick last week, and I feel like the inside of my skull and guts have been scraped out. I have bad post-concussive symptoms from a car crash I was in 2 months ago, and it’s been really gnarly the last week and a half. I traveled to DC two weeks ago as a sort of “canary in a coalmine” test, and boy did that canary have a rough time. My doctor has me off-work for another 3 weeks at least. Fun stuff!
I’m very bad at being patient and allowing myself to rest. Just like with activism, I feel like I have to DO something, but sometimes the best thing to do is wait, rest, heal, and let other people know that I’m gonna be down for the count. Burnout is real real real.
Of course, I also hate asking others for help, which I’m sure a lot of you can relate to! But when other people relate their struggles, I tend to feel better about asking for help and being gentler with myself.
What are your strategies to be gentle with yourself when you’re going through a rough patch? What can you share that might help others?
Open thread :)
Within metal domination
Baud
Ouch. Take care of yourself.
I’m never gentle with myself, but there’s no reason you shouldn’t be.
lee
Concussions are serious. Please take extra care of yourself. The probability of a second concussion is much greater after the first.
As for self-care, I usually have a series I’m in the middle of rewatching. So I just watch thru whatever it is.
Since concentration can be difficult while recovering from a concussion rewatching something makes it a bit easier.
The Kropenhagen Interpretation
Video games to keep my mind active, meditation for when my mood gets away from me, and weed also serves both those purposes.
geg6
Careful with that concussion. They can affect you longer than you’d ever think.
As for self-comfort, depending on the problem, chocolate, hot tea, chicken noodle soup and/or Star Trek: NG. Picard always soothes me.
UncleEbeneezer
Stepping away from news/social media and political blogs that suck me into arguing is the main thing I will try and do when I’m burnt out. And taking short hiatuses (hiati?) from organizing/activism too. I love exercise, fresh air and nature, so walks along our local foothills and tennis are big for me. Travel, camping and scenic drives, definitely help me recharge. If I can’t be active, watching good/favorite movies and listening to music, reading books, listening to podcasts and noodling on guitar are some of my go-to distractions. I’m about to get Septoplasty/Turbinate Reduction surgery on Weds and will have to be fairly inactive for the following week during recovery, so I’m already trying to figure out what to do during that time.
West of the Cascades
Please take good care, and please try to be gentle with yourself. I have a hard time doing that, but what helps me (a bit) is remembering kind words from a dear friend or loved one saying that self-care is important and that it’s OK and appropriate to take care of yourself. Sometimes that gets through my “must push through this” thick skull and I can actually take care of myself. And the memories that others care about me help me get through the rough patch (as does seeking out someone in real time to say it yet again!).
Barbara
Sorry to hear this. I don’t think there is any timetable for recovering from a concussion, you just have to listen to your body.
To me, the biggest impediment to self-care is being unable to sleep well. It seems like I am unable to sleep well two days in a row. My elderly dog is definitely a contributing factor, but it’s not just her. I get too interested in the things I do while awake and find it hard to let go when trying to sleep. I also have very bad, pandemic-induced habits of working in my room (I have a very full house).
I hope you start feeling better soon.
trollhattan
Will third the comments on how serious a concussion is. We do not yet have chemical markers for testing whether it’s safe yet to return to “normal” activities, such as offensive line left guard, so play it conservative.
I’m a shitty patient so have no personal advice on how to cope–not being a coper.
narya
I (re)read or watch things that I love, or even just . . . like. And, dumb as it sounds, I try to remember to take some deep breaths. If the weather and my condition permits, I try to get some exercise; the vigorousness of the exercise depends on my condition, but even a walk can be super helpful. At the worst of my employment-induced stress, I used a sleep meditation app to help me unwind. I’m not a Meditator, but I found the app (ten percent happier) to be super helpful.
Sending you healing thoughts . . .
raven
Ohio Mom
This isn’t really the answer to your question but it is related. If I had a concussion, I would google and read up on the treatment and prognosis, and what danger signs to look out for. You don’t have to look up symptoms, you’ve already been diagnosed.
That’s what I do for all my family’s various maladies. It helps to be informed when you are dealing with doctors. Of course they are always better informed, they went to med school and you didn’t. I always like to remind them I know they know more than I do. But especially if you don’t have a diagnosis yet, it helps to be able to point them in the right direction.
When Ohio Dad was first diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes years ago, there was barely an internet and I wasn’t on it. I had to go to the library and look through books, and a lot of them were woefully outdated. It’s a great advancement to be able to look things up on your home, wherever you are.
Wishing you a speedy recovery.
cvannatta
Joining the chorus of the “please take extra care after concussion” song. Concussions can take upwards of 10 months (yes, that long) to heal.
For self-care, my strengths are reading, learning, and thinking, so I lean into those a little to take the pressure off other parts of me (e.g., decision-making, rocket science, deadlines). I try to give myself some gentle exercise opportunities so I’m not a complete slug. I indulge in hobbies and crafts that don’t depend on precision or timetables. The combination helps me generate the mental and physical energy to do things I must to keep the house comfortable and the inhabitants fed.
@UncleEbeneezer: Yowsa-ouchie on the nose surgery. Music and audiobooks might be the way to go for the first few days.
Princess
People like to help. They like to feel useful. Look at you: you take time out of your day to educate us ignorant slobs because you hope you will be useful and it will make the world better. Other people feel the same. So go ahead and ask for help. Get someone to bring you groceries, if you need them, or do your dishes, or make your food. It will help you and make them feel good.
Ohio Mom
@raven: That’s intersting, that the shooter was not male. As the internet meme goes, Another member of our well-regulated militia.
Jacqueline Squid Onassis
I’m very good at recognizing my weaknesses and forgiving myself for things caused by those weaknesses. The other thing I do, particularly while recovering, is tell myself that soon this will just be a terrible memory that may turn into a good story to tell.
While I used to push myself to get back to full activity (had a mastectomy on a Friday, was back at work on Monday), 4 major procedures in 13 months taught me to force myself to listen to my doctors and go slowly.
WaterGirl
Sorry to hear this!
When my nephew got 3 concussions (!) in the same year in high school, he was not supposed to have much screen time.
Eddie, is that the case with you, too?
If so, maybe listening to podcasts or books on tape would be better than watching or reading something.
planet eddie
@lee:
unfortunately this is not my first one, which is why I’m struggling so bad in recovery. I’m lucky that my family and friends are so supportive! They know I hate sitting still and I wouldn’t be unless it was serious. Time !
rikyrah
Please take care.
Please rest.
Get better :)
CaseyL
Echoing everyone else: concussions are serious, don’t push yourself!
What I do when I need to decompress sometimes depend on what the weather is like, because one of my coping mechanisms is to take a walk – but only when it’s nice outside and I can stroll somewhere that lifts my spirits.
Otherwise, comfort reading: I have many books, actual paper books, that I’ve read so many times they’re practically memorized. But re-reading them yet again is like dropping in with an old friend. Among my favorites for this sort of reading are Tim Cahill’s various very funny collection of travel essays.
Ksmiami
Rest, hot tubs, good music and cake. Not necessarily in that order…
Quinerly
@raven:
“Appears to be female teenager.”
2 assault style weapons and a handgun.
gene108
Rest is extremely important for allowing the body to heal. I like to listen to longform YouTube or Podcasts about specific topics. Even better if I find the narrators voice soothing. I just lie down and let these play, while I halfway pay attention.
planet eddie
@WaterGirl: I’m listening to 20,000 Leagues on audio book right now, and I have lots of podcasts! I try to limits my screen time, which is why this is my little window today :)
Raoul Paste
You’re not Mitch McConnell are you? This talk about going to DC sounds suspicious.
Consider that a lot of people here at BJ are wishing you well, and take it easy. It’s a nuisance, but it will pass.
piratedan
@narya: I echo those sentiments, something familiar that you enjoyed the first time is a good way to go. I also recommend naps, naps are good and sometimes listening to your body and heeding what its telling you is a wisdom unto itself.
Quinerly
@raven:
Presbyterian school. 33 teachers total. 8 to1 teacher to student ratio. Preschool thru 6th grade.
laura
We had a dear friend die in August due to fentanyl in cocaine. To deal with our shock and grief, four of us have been meeting monthly to make some art, eat cheese and process/check in. Saturday we painted with watercolors and the conversation drifted into how very necessary this soul restoring get together is- not just the grief, but the world of ever present hard stuff. Someone brought up the subject of differing kinds of rest. This is in no way meant to address the medical aspects of concussion or tbi, but hopefully it may resonate with some Jackals.
https://www.betterup.com/blog/types-of-rest
lowtechcyclist
scav
Might also help to disentangle how much of your being hard on yourself is externally rooted, dependent on your worrying about how others might see you (“Oh, they’ll think I’m weak, O they’ll think I’m selfish, Oh blah blah blah”). Mute that channel for a bit — replace it with the equally external all-doctors channel — and maybe the internally generated nagging will be manageable. practically speaking? Finding a project might help, maybe especially one where you’re learning something new or dealing with something avoided — necessarily simpler things, knitting or dusting under all the bookcases or reading a skipped book from high school English vs skydiving and ending world hunger). Like most advise, this is all shiny because it’s not over- or perfectly- used.
Elizabelle
@ eddie:
You could read this. Loved this story. Three brothers, one with Down Syndrome. And, there’s a “perro”grino — their dog along.
The Guardian: A lesson in slow travel: walking the Camino de Santiago with my brother
Especially good for you, because one lesson was patience. And: Reuben’s art. Lots of really good drawings of Aslan the lion.
And. Two of the brothers wrote a book, years after this Camino experience.
The Guardian again: Brother, do you love me? The cry for help that sparked a care-home rescue mission
Reuben, the brother with Down Syndrome sent up a rescue flare. He had become nonverbal in his care home.
Nelle
I just finished reading Run Towards the Danger, by Sarah Polley (she just picked up an Oscar for Women Tallking. It’s a memoir about body and acting. It’s all very good, but the pertinent part is that she had a concussion from a heavy fire extinguisher falling on her head. After suffering for three years, she finally got help in Pittsburgh. Maybe helpful to you, maybe not.
The book is worth reading, concussion or not.
Quinerly
@Quinerly:
Now saying that she has been identified as a 28 yo woman.
C Stars
I’m sorry to hear about your rough time. Something I find incredibly soothing is doing puzzles. If I’m not feeling great, I usually choose puzzles that aren’t too challenging and are fun for me in some way. Like, for instance, a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle with an image that is soothing or that I enjoy looking at, or a Monday or Tuesday NYT crossword puzzle book, or punny crossword puzzles. When I had Covid the first time it was extremely mild in terms of cold symptoms, but then I had a series of like 15 migraines in the following two months that were debilitating (I had an MRI at that point, just migraines). Looking at a screen just hurt, but I could do puzzles on paper and found that soothing and distracting. Another thing I sometimes do when not feeling well is sketch in an aimless way–just fill an entire sketchbook page with scribbles or patterns. It’s weirdly satisfying.
Elizabelle
@ eddie: another WaPost gift link. This is an article comprised of cartoon art.
On Germans and their cake and coffee visit culture, and enjoying the outdoors in any weather (find out more about that in the reader comments — they are even more informative).
WaPost:
The German customs my partner taught me to embrace
Cake and coffee is Kaffee und Kuchen.
Josie
I noticed that several commenters mentioned comfort reading. I also do that–reading some favorite books over and over, like a conversation with an old friend. Another calming activity is coloring mandalas, since I am not the least bit artistic and can’t sketch. I hope you find your answer and feel better soon.
StringOnAStick
Funny, I’m just on the other side of my first and highly unpleasant bout with Covid. Generating enough energy to do anything was very hard, but I did listen to some podcasts and yesterday I grabbed my favourite garden books off the shelf just to look at the photos. The latter was really restful.
Matt McIrvin
It is very very very very very very tough. Switching from Internet to books (can be e-books or audio books) as my primary source of distraction material definitely helps.
I actually went on a big Jules Verne kick recently–was struck by how 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea seems several times better than anything else he ever wrote, though many of his others are at least fun reading.
Another Scott
@Elizabelle: Coffee culture cannot beat wine culture…
(Via Oryx)
Cheers,
Scott.
Sister Golden Bear
Ugh, so sorry hear about the concussion. Just remember, self care is an act of resistance.
Matt McIrvin
…For me, the roughest thing is when they officially decide that recuperation time is over and you’re expected to pick up where you left off and perform like a superhero.
Don’t be afraid to push back a bit and admit you’re not at 100%.
Another Scott
My J was rear-ended when she was driving in a parking lot when she was in grad school. She thought she was Ok, but a few hours later started having headaches and nausea and ended up at the emergency room. She eventually slowly recovered without them really figuring out what was wrong.
Fast forward a couple of decades when she had some dental work done and suddenly the pain and headaches came back, along with other teeth pain. The only thing the dentist could think to do was root canals… :-(
Long story short, her jaw was slightly dislocated in the accident and it took someone who understood TMJ to explain what was wrong and figure out treatment. (There’s an important nerve that runs by the jaw joint close to the ear. If that nerve is pinched or irritated, all sorts of bad things happen.)
Recovery can be slow, take it easy, and best of luck. Get checked out by a specialist if things continue to seem “off” or weird. Medicine is getting better all the time in understanding and treating soft-tissue injuries, but it’s still hard to convince some docs because it doesn’t show up in an X-ray.
Feel better soon!
Cheers,
Scott.
MomSense
I typically try to power through until my body revolts and I am forced to self-care. I do not recommend this!!
Hope you feel better.
planet eddie
@Matt McIrvin: I’m writing a translation/stage adaptation of 20,000 Leagues, and I’m having a blast. I’m hoping if it goes well that I can some of the others too ! :)
BruceFromOhio
I’ll respond as though it’s a rough mental patch, physical rough patches I do what my PT, OT or doc tells me.
If it spews social media or news, turn it off – cell phone, tablet, computer, carrier pigeon, stone tablet, in-laws. Lock the front door, take the phone off the hook. Just turn all that shit off.
Spa day – wash, scrub, buff, clip, trim, shave, and move slowly and thoughtfully towards physically cleansed.
Lay off the excesses – abstain from alcohol and recreational drugs, eliminate processed foods (if it’s sold in plastic and has more than a dozen ingredients, save it for later), stick to basics and just drink water. This is the hardest one to pull off, it takes planning and I cherish my excesses, but if I need to heal, gotta give everything a break.
Pretend I’ve been imprisoned awaiting trial – if it has to do with work or anything stressful or strenuous, sorry, I’m in jail and can’t get to it right now, check back later. Let all calls and messages go to voicemail.
Accept limits – can only sleep so long, can only do spa day in prison for so long, can only binge watch for so many episodes, and on X day at yy:yy I return to the world as it is; until then, everyone and everything can fuck off.
I can typically get this protocol completed over a weekend or holiday, and it works wonders.
ETA: Hard-cover books and any reading that is in hard copy are required – picking a series or show to stream and binge is a close second, but ONLY that show – no cheating and looking at the news or sports. I love the suggestions around the classics (Verne) my favorite go to is LeGuin or Zelazny.
Mel
Oh, Eddie – I am so, so sorry that you are having to deal with post-concussion illness.
Please be gentle with yourself.
A few years ago, my car got hit by a semi. The driver was young and had just recently been licensed to drive a big rig. Long story short, he came over into my lane at night on a major highway, drove into the driver’s side of my car, assumed that the impact and the grinding metal noise meant that he had run over some debris on the highway (??) and that it was stuck under his rig. What actually happened is that he just kept on driving into and partially over my car (we suspect that he was texting or had fallen asleep), and his semi began to climb the side of my car, crushing the driver’s side doors and framework and then shooting my car out like a slingshot bolt and sending me spinning through two lanes of traffic when he finally slammed on his brakes. i had front and left side of the head impacts, plus other injuries.
So… it took some months for the concussion related problems to resolve. I had light sensitivity, headaches, nausea, difficulty focusing (both visually and in terms of concentration), cognitive issues, dizziness and vertigo, etc.
Below are some things that helped a bit, at least in terms of my injury. Every body responds differently to that sort of injury, though, so listen to your body and let what works for you be your guide.
1. If you haven’t already, and it is doable based upon your location, insurance, etc., see a neurologist who specializes in concussion recovery,
2. Rest as much as you can. I was exhausted by doing simple, run-of-the-mill things, and it sounds like you are experiencing that bone-deep fatigue, too. It’s unnerving and so damn frustrating, but apparently a normal after-effect.
3. If you are having any nausea (alone or with headaches) talk to your doctor about temporarily using anti-nauseants. I had intermittent nausea for several months, and didn’t make the connection initially. I was unconsciously avoiding eating and drinking normally b/c of the low-grade nausea, and ended up dehydrated, which in turn worsened things.
4. Be kind to yourself.
If you are having difficulty focusing as clearly, if you feel cranky or are having mood swings, if you are having some forgetfulness – all of these things are quite likely part of the post-concussive syndrome . It is the result of an injury, and is NOT a “fault” or something that you can “fix” by force of will. Time, rest, and decent medical care should lead to these issues improving, but it is important (although sometimes hard) to keep your focus on the light at the end of the tunnel when things get frustrating.
5. Seek out support (physical or emotional) when you need it. A post-concussion syndrome is often an “invisible disability”, and people (even those who are injured and recovering) sometimes have difficulty processing the fact that someone who shows no blatantly “visible”, physical signs of injury, pain, illness, etc. is struggling with very real symptoms.
Please don’t fall into the “I should be able to do all these things!” self-blame trap. Nope – right now, you can only do what you can do. It will likely vary from day to day and week to week, and that is normal and part of the fluctuations to be expected as you recover.
Tell the supportive people in your life what you are experiencing. If you need help, say so. If it is offered and needed, say yes to it. Someone dropping 25 dollars on to your Uber Eats account or bringing over a pot of soup that lets you rest instead of cooking when you are exhausted, or someone just hanging out quietly with you on a Saturday evening when you don’t feel well enough to go out and socialize – little things like that will make a surprisingly big difference as you recover. Remember, you would do the same for the people in your life. We are all going to need help at some points in our lives, so please pace yourself, be gentle with yourself, and don’t overdo and set your recovery back.
I listened to audiobooks for a while, despite being a total bookworm. I had some visual problems, and the frustration of not being able to focus or follow the storyline using a print or Kindle book increased my stress.
Bright light caused intermittent problems, so i bought several pairs of cheap sunglasses and kept them in my car, in my bedroom, on the bench near my front door, etc. Also, we used soft light light bulbs.
I don’t do well with guided meditation, but listening to audio of nature sounds helped me to relax and fall asleep at night. I’m partial to rain sounds, but there are lots of options- ocean noises, woods at night, etc. if nature sounds are relaxing for you.
Post-it notes are great if you are having any minor memory or organizational issues. I’d stick my morning reminders on the bathroom mirror, or on the toilet seat. Can’t miss them there…
The trickiest part for me hit unexpectedly. I deal with chronic, serious autoimmune illness and clotting disorders, and so I thought I had a pretty good handle on the “life is fragile” reality. But, WOW. About two weeks after the accident, I started having panic attacks. I had never had one before; knew the symptoms and signs from working as a counselor years ago, but nothing prepares you for experiencing the actuality of panic.
The first one happened about a month into recovering, when my brother and hubby were helping me to test drive a replacement for my totaled car. I got in, and froze. I literally couldn’t make myself start the car. That wasn’t the panic yet, although it was certainly related to the post-accident stress and trauma. Hubby and brother talked me through it, and I was able to drive a little bit on a side road, but I could not make myself go onto the highway. They were both wonderful and patient, and sat with me until I felt okay, dropped me off at home, and took the car on the highway to complete the test drive. I was sitting on the porch waiting for them, and when they pulled onto the street, my brother gave a little toot of the horn. That was when the shit hit the fan, out of the blue. I hyperventilated, fell off the bench, and had a full-blown panic attack.
Afterwards, I realized that the spark that lit the fire had been the sound of the horn (when the semi-driver first hit me, I blared my horn, then everything became a blur but I could hear all the car horns and his semi horn as I got shot across the highway through the traffic.) Later, I had a similar incident out of the blue when a car crash scene popped up in a movie I was watching, and one a full year or so later when out InstantPot accidentally got set on a still hot stove burner. That one was a baffler, until my friend said “Wait a minute. Burning rubber and hot metal and chemical smells? Car accident smells…”
So, depending upon the circumstances of your concussion, you might have some unexpected reactions (anywhere on the range from mild, fleeting images or hesitancy or emotional discomfort to outright avoidance or panic) to sights, sounds, actions, places, related to your injury. If so, don’t hesitate to seek out counseling support. Nobody should have to try to process the stress of an injury or accident by themselves, much less deal with the aftermath alone. i know that you are an extremely intelligent person, and know that already and would encourage others to take good care of themselves, but sometimes it helps to have a gentle reminder that that same caring is sonething we should apply to our own selves, as well.
I hope at least some of this is helpful, and I am so glad that you are here on Balloon Juice.
UncleEbeneezer
Slow TV: Long hiking videos, travel videos and Asian/Scandinavian farm-life videos are all pretty relaxing for us. There are also some great ones of trains and boat views with spectacular scenery
PS- very sorry to hear about your injury
FelonyGovt
Very late to see this, but I’m so sorry about your injury and that you’re feeling poorly, Eddie. I echo the advice to put news and politics etc. aside for a while, and just do whatever fun, relaxing things you can manage to do. Get plenty of rest and drink water.
I hope knowing that so many of us here are concerned for you, helps some.
Betsy
It’s nice to have fresh flowers or good Belgian or German chocolate from Lidl. Inexpensive, too!
Gentle yoga always leaves me feeling refreshed even though I’m not very able compared to my youth and me doing yoga isn’t graceful. It gets the lymphatic system moving and clears the stress out.
JustRuss
I’m a recovering ask-for-help-hater. I often have to remind myself that when I do ask for help, it usually goes well and I feel a lot better. Still have some resistance, just have to suck it up and push through it.
Bonnie
I make myself one or two grilled cheese sandwiches to make myself feel better. My Mom would fix that for me when I was a kid.