The hardest part of this new nutrition plan (on day four now) is that I did not realize how much of my life was centered around shopping and cooking and thinking about my meals. Whether it was cooking, or choosing where to go, I thought about it a lot. Now that everything is planned for me and not very elaborate, I just have a lot more time, and I don’t like it.
Also I miss fucking cheese.
Another Scott
Let me tell you about this place called “Balloon Juice”. Reading and writing there is a good way to use up the extra hours you have now.
Cheers,
Scott.
Denali5
What about your gardening? I was very impressed by your front and back yard?
Baud
@Another Scott:
You trying to ruin the good thing we got here?
Triumph
I’m no nutritionist or psychiatrist but I don’t think you were supposed to be fucking the cheese to begin with
Nukular Biskits
OUR BLOGMASTER! HE LIVES!
;>)
thalarctosMaritimus
“Also I miss fucking cheese.”
Phrasing!
My sympathies, too.
Sister Golden Bear
More time for naked mopping.
geg6
You’re supposed to eat the cheese, Cole. Not fuck it.
eclare
Wait, what are you doing?
Also, I eat too much cheese. Are any of the vegan ones any good or any better for you? I mainly use cheese to sprinkle over veggies, so I would not be eating it plain on a cracker. But I do need it to melt nicely.
Yutsano
Let it be noted that on this day the 15th of May Two Thousand and Twenty-three that Balloon Juice After Dark commenced at…
*checks notes*
2151 Eastern Daylight Time.
billcinsd
Cheese is for eating, not fucking
Baud
I thought this was a liberal blog, but everyone is kink shaming Cole’s fromage-a-trois.
eclare
@Baud:
Hahaha…
wonkie
@eclare: I don’t eat any real cheeses because of the cruelty, but I also don’t like many vegan cheeses. However, the vegan parmesan cheese I get at Kroger is outstanding and I use it on lots of things including just sprinkled on veggies. The brand is Follow YOur Heart.
BSR
Gonna recommend fucking a wheel of brie over something harder like romano or parmesan (at least without olive oil). YMMV. Don’t ask how I know this…
MagdaInBlack
@Baud: Ouch 😊
p.a.
I thought protein & fat, i.e. cheese, were good again?
Especially the processes of cheesemaking “improve” the healthy aspects of the fat. Somewhat.
Weapon X
@Baud: Eh, trois? What or who is the missing piece?
Baud
@BSR:
I’d also recommend using a condom when dealing with blue cheese.
different-church-lady
Food phrasing, BOOM!
zhena gogolia
It’s time to go to bed, but I can tell this will be epic.
eclare
@wonkie:
Thanks! Kroger is my grocery store, I’ll look for it. I go through a lot of parm.
HinTN
@zhena gogolia: Yeah you right 😉
Baud
@eclare:
For obvious reasons, I read that as porn.
bbleh
See previous comment re day-on-day-off scheme. No change in foods (or drinks), just portion control. It’s about as friendly as it comes …
skerry
@Weapon X: Cole must have found the mustard
BSR
@Baud:
Good advice! Bacteria (however delicious) are not always our friends.
SixStringFanatic
Guess we need a “Food Porn” tag now?
SiubhanDuinne
I spent way too much time (and money!) at the DeKalb Farmers’ Market yesterday, and am currently enjoying a most amazing Wembleydale cheese with cranberries, along with a glass of red wine. Am not sure I would bother listening to anyone who told me I could no longer have cheese. Okay, maybe if I were John’s age. But at mine? I’m going to enjoy what pleasures I can. I’m far too old to die prematurely.
zhena gogolia
@SiubhanDuinne: I hope you’re enjoying it by ingesting it. (See thread.)
gene108
Fill the time with naps or video games or commenting on Balloon-Juice
Yutsano
@zhena gogolia: Honestly? At her age she can do whatever she wants with the cheese.
Jackie
@skerry: But he’s not confessing “where.” I’d bet in a long unworn jacket pocket.
I found a $50 bill that way: Jean styles changed drastically while pregnant with 1st born. Jeans buried in back of closet for years. While purging closet found jeans, and while still not in style, figured I could make cutoffs from them. Fifty bucks in the back pocket!
Ohio Mom
It might take more than four days to get used to a new routine. We are all pulling for you, Cole.
Poe Larity
@Baud: There is literally a video extracted from John’s dreams
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blCUP-XHniY
sab
We wre avidly waiting for your first novel.
Seefleur
@eclare: good vegan cheese does not exist. Not on this plane of existence or anywhere else. I tried, REALLY tried to allow that vegan cheese could be part of my life. No fucking way.
Baud
@sab:
Forbidden Cheese
dmsilev
@Triumph: If the cheese is sufficiently aged, and there’s full consent, I don’t really see a problem with it.
mrmoshpotato
I see the cheese fucking has already been thoroughly discussed!
RevRick
Young man: Rabbi, I have a strong desire to live forever. Is there anything I can do to help me with this desire?
Rabbi: Get married!
Young man: Really? Is it that simple? If I get married, I can live forever?
Rabbi: No. But the desire will go away.
It’s the cheesiest joke I know.
dmsilev
@mrmoshpotato: I feel safe in predicting that it’s only just getting started.
eclare
@Seefleur:
Thanks…I’ll give it a shot, but I have a feeling you’re right.
SiubhanDuinne
@zhena gogolia:
@Yutsano:
I chose my verbs — enjoying, having — with full awareness of their ambiguity in the thread’s context!
cain
You know it sucks that Cole is doing this health thing, getting married and turning his life around.
I was sure he would have made an excellent candidate for Queer Eye. I’m sure I would have cried during that episode. 😂😂😭
James E Powell
@RevRick:
I read where Hebrew National is going to start importing kosher cheese from Israel. They’re going to band it as Cheeses of Nazareth.
cain
@dmsilev: 😂😂😂
eclare
@cain:
Hahaha…I cry during every episode! Love that show. Also love that the latest season is in NOLA.
Ohio Mom
@James E Powell: Groan…
Jackie
@cain: Oh, absolutely! Can you imagine Carson *adjusting his wardrobe*?😂🤣😂
eta the Original Queer Eye – haven’t followed the subsequent version(s.)
mrmoshpotato
@dmsilev:
I didn’t say it was anywhere close to done. :)
RevRick
@James E Powell: Ok. That’s cheesier.
sukabi
John, of all the things to do with cheese, fucking it shouldn’t be on your list….🤪
RevRick
@Ohio Mom: What? Wasn’t that Gouda nuff for you?
Jay
@Seefleur:
by accident, at the Halal grocery near us, we picked up a feta, because it was the smallest sized container, we don’t need a kilo of feta for 4 Greek salads over 2 days, (heat dome).
Turns out it was vegan, not really feta at all, but it was great, (less salt) to the point we saved the container, and keep bugging the store owners to try to get more in.
RevRick
@sukabi: I suspect there’d be lots of de Brie left behind.
terben
@James E Powell: And the mini cheeses will be marketed as Baby Cheeses.
different-church-lady
@RevRick: A reverend tells a joke about a rabbi, and the bartender says…
Baud
@RevRick:
That’s a Gouda one.
Chris T.
@RevRick:
Less cheesy, but entirely true: a CRON diet (Calorie Restriction with Optimal Nutrition) may or may not make you live longer, but it will definitely make you feel like you lived longer, because of all the added misery and hunger. Ideally, there’s more to life than just the number of days….
StringOnAStick
@eclare: I am now allergic to any dairy product from cows, and cutting that out of my diet improved my cholesterol by 40 points. Even if I could reverse this age related turn of events, I wouldn’t just because it’s easy to binge on cheese and the cholesterol numbers don’t lie. Goat cheese is fine, at least so far and the extra expense of it means I keep it to very little. I haven’t found a vegan cheese that’s worth it, expensive, highly processed and flavor-free.
SiubhanDuinne
@Baud:
Edam and weep.
Chris T.
@SiubhanDuinne: Stop, you’re killeen me!
Jay
@different-church-lady:
a Priest, a Minister and a Rabbit walk into a bar. The Bartender asks them what they will have. The Rabbit says, “I don’t know, I am only here because of autocorrect.”
Baud
@SiubhanDuinne:
You Muenster!
Yutsano
@SiubhanDuinne: I suppose you want to be feta’d for that.
Nukular Biskits
@wonkie:
Exposing my ignorance here (because I’m too drunk on Screwball Whiskey to Google it), WTF is “vegan cheese”?
Pete Downunder
Man goes to see the guru on the mountain. “Oh, Guru, how do I live forever?”
“It is simple my son, give up drinking, give up smoking, give up sex.”
“If I do that I’ll live forever?”
“No, but it will seem like it”
StringOnAStick
@Nukular Biskits: Just like it sounds: “cheese” made from plant sources, no dairy involved.
eclare
@StringOnAStick:
Thanks! I looked at the vegan one recommended above, and it is very high in sodium, which is a no-go. So I prob need to slowly cutback.
sukabi
@RevRick: lol
Timill
@Baud: Blessed are the cheesemakers…
West of the Rockies
Eliminating multiple foods from your diet is hard. And should you happen to backslide a little, try to do better the next day. Following a new food regime with 90-95% success is better than giving up entirely. Allow yourself grace. The first ten days can be fucking miserable.
Hang in there.
James E Powell
@West of the Rockies:
Obviously not meant to be taken literally. I refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.
2liberal
Rotating tag! (submitted)
currawong
I think my dog would kill me in my sleep if I stopped buying cheese.
Jackie
@West of the Rockies: Exactly. One day at a time. Literally. Thinking beyond the day you’re in will sabotage the next day.
It’s exactly like quitting smoking or drinking or whatever addiction one’s trying to overcome.
CaseyL
Vegan cheese is an abomination.
It is the inflatable sex doll of dairy foods (to continue the fucking metaphor).
I am very sad they took cheese away from you, John. Is this a permanent thing, or can you maybe have cheese again some day once you get your numbers down for an extended period of time?
Nancy
This was fun.
John Cole, you seem to go all out/all in on life changes. Rigorous diet vs small steps. If it works for you, that’s what matters. Drastic is difficult so you are entitled to some complaints. Hope it all goes well for you. And weight loss doesn’t have to come before true love
Ruckus
Ok some fun news for the day.
One of my neighbors found a black and white huskey walking around without a collar or any ID. I walked the dog around the neighborhood without any luck but I just got back from getting her chip read and contacted the owner, who is coming to pick her up. She lives about 1/2 mile from here so a good days outing for her.
Pup and family reunited!
Jackie
@Ruckus: That’s a great way to end the day! I love happy endings!🥰
Jay
@Ruckus:
how is it that you are a stray dog magnet?
Cologne?
Roll in beef jerky every morning?
eclare
@Ruckus:
Yay for you!
🐾BillinGlendaleCA
John, I think fucking cheese is ok on your diet, eating it is the problem.
The Lodger
@SiubhanDuinne: I’d join in with the cheese puns but I don’t know jack.
Westyny
I hear pets can provide a welcome distraction. Though come to think of it, they, too, like to be fed.
karen marie
@StringOnAStick: Goat cheese is cheap at Trader Joe’s. I love a bit in an omelet and mac&cheese.
I will never stop eating cheese. If I can’t have cheese, life has no joy.
karen marie
@currawong: Cheese makes my dog fart. Tomatoes are her treat of choice. Unfortunately, she can smell them and barks incessantly until I give her some.
Sally
@Triumph: Haha, I am embarrassed to say that was my first thought too!
Edit: Now I see I am in good (relative term) company
John
I could see missing eating cheese but …
Jackie
@Westyny: And love cheese
Jay
@karen marie:
With Digger, it was mango’s. He would scream like he had been starved for decades, as soon as you cut one open.
Casey on the other hand, well, we never figured out the trigger, but she would lie on the couch or her mat, let go an SBD, wake up, give us the “you people” stink eye and leave the room. Seconds later, we would be gagging and opening all the windows and turning the air purifier on.
JoyceH
Maybe I missed an earlier thread, but what IS the new Cole food regimen?
Ken
@JoyceH: Healthy.
Origuy
@JoyceH: He mentioned it a few days ago in this thread. Nothing specific, just “if you like it, you can’t have it”
eclare
@Ken:
Thank you! I wondered about the change too. I missed that post.
And that post was not in the “food” category.
Ruckus
@Jay:
I believe I may have been a dog whisperer in a prior life. Dogs just seem to take to me very well. I sat on my bed while on the computer and this Husky jumped up and laid down next to me. My last dog was a type A asshole to everyone but me and my dad’s business came with a German Shepard watch dog named very appropriately – Poison. Poison’s dog house was made with 4x4s and corrugated steel. He could drag it, 2 fully grown adult men couldn’t budge it. He was like a pet dog but to only me. I’ve just always been a dog guy and the dogs just seem to respect me. And I haven’t worn cologne in decades. I have rolled in beef jerky before though but it has also been decades…..
Ruckus
@eclare:
I found large, thick sliced pepperoni at the market and it goes really well with tillamook sharpe cheddar. Of course one reason it tastes so good is that I’m sure this combo isn’t at all good for you.
Jay
@Ruckus:
yeah. New West dog park about 20 years ago. It’s fenced, but you have to cross a soccer field and baseball diamond to get there,
Woman frantically yelling out and running around the soccer field, chasing a dog, (lab cross). She comes to the dog park for help, just adopted, shelter dog, doesn’t know their name, slipped the collar.
So I walk out, dog’s curious, talk gently to the dog, walk it “on heel” back to the dog park, open the gate, tell it to sit, which it does, we releash it, and the woman is amazed,
“Dog Whisperer” she says,…..
T says no, “sweet potato and whitefish dog treats in his right hand”,
which of course, the dog got.
Jay
@Ruckus:
a good red wine cuts all the fat and salt down,…… just saying.
eclare
@Ruckus:
Sounds delish!
Ruckus
@SiubhanDuinne:
I am a senior, and no not in HS. I retired at 72 and am now almost 74 yrs not quite so young. And I agree on eating food that tastes good. Because one of my issues is that my sense of smell left the building 6-8 yrs ago and a lot of what makes a lot of foods, foods that we like, is smell. Our sense of taste is actually quite basic. It consists of 5 things, sweet, sour, salty, bitter, and umami. The actual thing we call flavor of most foods is from the smell. It’s why when you have a cold your food doesn’t taste anything like it does normally. And that’s what food tastes like to me. It does make it far easier to watch my weight.
Ruckus
@Jay:
I stopped consuming any alcoholic beverages over 20 yrs ago. I noticed that I was enjoying them too much and said no more. Easy peasy. Haven’t missed it at all. Also I was not really a wine drinker although I could tell a good one from the cheap shit.
Jay
Sadly, there are no good non alcoholic red wines.
I don’t “enjoy” the beer, (drinking too much), I like how it get’s me out of my head, which is not a nice place to be these days. Lets me sleep.
Chris T.
@CaseyL: Note that there’s a difference between “fully vegan” cheese (or I should say “cheese”, with the quotes) and “vegetarian parmesan” cheese. “True” Parmesan (which is cheese from Parma, Italy) and its clones are made with rennet, which comes from cow stomachs, which makes it “non-vegetarian” (and this rennet is recovered from cows that are being processed for meat, it’s not siphoned off live cows). However, there are other ways to make the stuff that don’t involve using cows. That’s what you find in a regular supermarket around here. It’s generally milder than “true” or “real” Parmesan but I find it quite acceptable…
Amir Khalid
@The Lodger:
Do you know Monterey Jack?
Ruckus
@Amir Khalid:
I used to know a Monterey Jack. Worked at a motel there. I think he was the manager.
NotMax
Oooh, a string of cheese funnies.
::wide grin::
Q: Which super-hero hangs out in a Spanish cavern?
A; Batmanchego.
Odie Hugh Manatee
“Also I miss fucking cheese.”
I’ve done a lot with cheese but nothing to it. You’re right, stop thinking about food like this. No. Bad boy!
👀
Kidding aside, change is hard and changing something this far into your life is going to take more than a bit of work. You’ve got a bunch of people cheering for you (and flipping you shit 😁 ) that you can unload on when you feel the need to.
As if that last part really needed to be said…lol!
NotMax
@Ruckus
In other words, the big cheese?
NotMax
‘What was another of Portnoy’s complaints, Alex?”
Tony Jay
Reads thread:
Calls up Hollywood Studio Exec:
“Hey, Chuck, it’s me Tony, your cousin Tony, yeah, remember that American Pie reboot you were looking for a hook for? We’ll get a load of this…”
WereBear
@StringOnAStick: Goat cheese really does show that quality is better than quantity.
Chris T.
@WereBear: Goat cheese is only edible in tiny quantities in the first place.
WereBear
@Tony Jay: I swear there’s a heckuva thriller lurking in the “Truth about the 55-Plus Active Community” on Youtube.
WereBear
@Chris T.: Bug or feature?
lowtechcyclist
@James E Powell:
What a friend we have in cheeses…
And apparently more than just a friend. ;-)
Alternatively, from Cheeses Christ Superstar:
What then to do about Cheeses of Nazareth?
Fuck ’em!
RevRick
@Jay: That just goes to show that autocorrect can be a hare off.
Dorothy A. Winsor
I woke up and found this thread. What a strange way to start my day.
What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us?
@BSR: Blue cheese is made with penicillin mold, though I doubt it’s capable of clearing up that STD a guy might have gotten from that Gouda in Amsterdam.
What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us?
@James E Powell: I have a friend in the Bay area who as a side hustle puts out a brand of Mac and cheese called Mac and Cheesus.
The Quiet One
So the first time a person sees this blog THIS post is what they read! For me it was years ago and you all were talking about the cars you owned in the past. I am disgusted by all this fuckin cheese talk and will not be back …until tomorrow.
zhena gogolia
@Tony Jay: So glad I came back to read this thread this morning.
Frankensteinbeck
@Amir Khalid:
My least favorite Rescue Rangers character.
RevRick
@different-church-lady: Circumsion? Because he’s gonna be cut off?
WaterGirl
@JoyceH: I would call it the Impossible Diet.
Nothing that stark is sustainable.
MomSense
This is the content that makes this top 10,000 blog (are there even 10,000 blogs anymore?) the absolute best.
Josie
I must admit, this thread has given me a whole new look at cheese. Great way to start the day.
ETA: You have to challenge yourself with new ways of cooking, John. Such as how to make riced cauliflower taste good.
LiminalOwl
I have long wished to make up a “Honk if you love Cheeses” bumper sticker, but fear the wrath of outraged believers in parking lots.
If I could give up cheese, I might stop being obese. Alas, the only time I tried, I lasted just barely six weeks. And that was thirty years ago.
billcinsd
What a friend we have in cheeses…
And apparently more than just a friend. ;-)
It’s good that John got out of the cheese’s friend zone
MinuteMan
@geg6: Better for his weight if he does it the other way around, though.
SteveinPHX
What a way to start a Sunday!
“Also I miss fucking cheese.”
You guys start running with this and and my cheeks are wet from laughing my ass off.
(Oh no…)
Ruckus
@NotMax:
Well not THE BIG cheese, but A big cheese……
Ruckus
@WereBear:
I live in a 55-Plus Active Community. I mean it’s called that but really that word active is doing a hell of a lot of work there. It’s more like a 55-plus dormitory. We do have our moments though, they are just few and far between. Now it may be because the average age is likely over 75…
Ruckus
@Josie:
Such as how to make riced cauliflower taste good.
OK now you’ve gone just a cauliflower too far.
BigJimSlade
@NotMax: Good one!
wmd
More time? Not thinking about food?
Surely there are other things to think about – maybe read more books with the extra time?
JimV
I always suspected you were a cheese fucker.