A Holiday to Remember
This Chevy ad, which commenter marcopolo sent to me, is really more like a short movie, a work of art, about a loved one’s dementia during the holidays.
I wondered how any ad taking on this subject matter could possibly not be tacky, but it wasn’t.
I know we have some BJ peeps who are going through this, and I can’t imagine that it’s not even tougher during the holidays. You may find this comforting, or it may hit too close to home.
One of my takeaways is that even when it seems like there’s nothing you can do, maybe there’s some small thing you can do.
I just wanted to share this somehow in case others might like to see it, but don’t feel like you have to watch to comment – this is a totally open thread, so we can talk about anything.
Open thread.
Two Peas, Same Pod
HumboldtBlue
Why the fuck is Liz Cheney on MSNBC? She just gave some bullshit answer to Wallace about why she voted for and supported Trump throughout this whole fucking term, except for the insurrection. The fucking nerve of that right-wing shitbag to pretend she’s some moral fucking crusader against injustice is as false as anything that comes out of Trump’s mouth.
BretH
Saw that from a share on Facebook and it got really dusty in the house when the commercial hit its stride. It’s better in the few minutes it runs than many a full length movie, imo.
WaterGirl
@HumboldtBlue: Isn’t Nicole Wallace on maternity leave? Or maybe she’s just part-time for awhile and not totally on leave?
Good for Wallace for asking the question!
Old School
@HumboldtBlue:
She’s plugging a book.
Searcher
The commercial itself is well-done, but I think John Denver is doing the heavy lifting there.
Jeffro
That commercial hit a nerve with me a day or two ago…whew.
In other news: Tuberville has lifted his 10+ month hold on over 430 military officers’ promotions. McConnell got to him and said a) you’re about to lose a bipartisan vote to promote them anyway, and b) you’re going to make the party look terrible in a presidential election year. So…all the best reasons!
(none of this has been reported on Fox of course, the fuckers)
Ten Bears
Made me cry, durn ya’
There’s one of those old crummies sittin’ out back of the barn, doesn’t look near that good
Do not discount Darth’s Daughter …
Kay
Jackie
A beautiful moving commercial! I held back tears until John Denver’s voice made me cry.
Thanks for front paging this!
Soprano2
That ad was posted in my FB spouse support group. It made me cry. People talked about how it’s not that simple, which is for sure true, but it’s good in that it humanizes people with dementia. There are so many comments in that group about how friends never visit anymore, it breaks my heart.
Scott
Man, I just sat here and cried a bunch. Brought back bittersweet memories of being with Mom and her dementia. Just walking the neighborhood holding hands in a complete reversal of roles. I cherish those memories.
karen marie
@Searcher: Thank you for the trigger warning. I had more than enough of him back in the ’70s.
kindness
Brings a tear to your eye.
Old School
Raoul Paste
I like the Amazon, commercial of the elderly ladies sledding down a hill, The Beatles background music of In My Life is what makes the room dusty,
Dan B
I couldn’t watch the whole commercial. Going through my mother’s much milder dementia while AIDS was going full tilt. She was living in my house. I went to work and came home to keep her company except when it was time to visit a friend in hospital or on their deathbed. I did not have a partner until a few years before she died. I guess there’s still a deep well of grief for a decade and a half.
Sparkedcat
Definitely a tear jerker. Especially when you are witnessing the slow decline of someone you love. There comes a day when you take the car keys away.
Soprano2
@Sparkedcat: Or in my case you get the state to say they aren’t allowed to drive anymore. No way he would stop voluntarily. He still asks why he doesn’t have a key to his Blazer. I tell him it’s because he’s not allowed to drive anymore.
MagdaInBlack
@Raoul Paste: Oh lord, my best friend since kindergarten sent that to me. We both got all weepy.
Jay
https://nitter.net/Mike_Eckel/status/1732138824006799785#m
Guy Incognito
Dammit, Someone is cutting onions, but I’m the only one who cooks in the house!
CaseyL
Holy hell, that commercial is a work of art. Made me bawl.
My Mom still has all her marbles at 89, but her body is slowly failing. During a recent conversation, she said that, over the years, if she had one wish regarding old age, it was that her mind stayed intact. She has, so far, gotten her wish.
Regarding Liz Cheney – I don’t know what value she adds to any political conversation. She has no constituency outside the MSM. The GOP has disowned her entirely, and Democrats don’t want or need her for anything, because other than her renunciation of all things Trump (which only happened after he sicced a mob on her workplace), her policy positions are simply awful.
Sure Lurkalot
@HumboldtBlue:
Like 2001 “it’s full of stars”, MSNBC is full of Republicans or former Republicans or Never Trump Republicans. Like most corporate media, MSNBC is not our friend (h/t Driftglass and Bluegal and they are right as rain).
I watched Rachel Maddow’s interview last night and not a hardball thrown. It’s crystal clear that Liz has no answers for her voting record, her reprehensible (former) colleagues whom she not too long ago considered principled and honorable, the misled “patriots” who stormed the Capitol.
Oh yeah, she’s hawking a book (the shorter answer is usually better).
Mousebumples
I’ll have to watch and listen later as I’m at my daughter’s YMCA gymnastics lessons right now. Dementia is tough, however, so thank you for highlighting this.
jackmac
The Chevy ad was beautifully done. It is, indeed, a work of art.
Trivia Man
@Kay: I have high hopes the youth will save the country and the world. Not just in this country in 2024, but world wide transformative change.
It starts with turning out to actually vote. They own the world already, through strength of numbers and energy to DO STUFF. And compassion.
WaterGirl
@Dan B: 💕
Kay
@Trivia Man:
Oh, I don’t know. So many of them are goofballs! :)
But it’s good news they’re planning on voting.
Torrey
Thanks for front-paging this. It is indeed simplistic, but, as Soprano2 pointed out, it humanizes people with dementia at a time of year when that’s important. I’m glad they set it up so the granddaughter takes initiative. The actress playing the grandmother is spectacular.
As for the use of John Denver, yeah, OK. There was no way they were going to get a non-soppy song for this, although I have a suspicion that what the grandmother really wanted to hear was one of Bette Midler’s raunchier numbers or possibly something with a heavy beat by the Rolling Stones.
WaterGirl
@Jay: That doesn’t say what the reason was. ??
Mai Naem mobile
Really well done ad. Made me cry. I really admire the creative people who have the talent to do stuff like this. Music, movies, ads, books whatever.
FastEdD
Everyone gets old and falls apart. It happens to us all. The hardest thing is when that person’s body is still here and their mind is gone. The person you love is … somewhere else. It will break your heart, but during the holidays it is even tougher. Hugs to all who want them.
Jackie
@CaseyL:
My Dad was alert up to his death, when his heart just tuckered out at 99 years old. Being able to share his life stories and memories with his great-grandchildren was and remains the greatest gift ever.
Citizen Alan
@HumboldtBlue: And I will say it once again from the rafters—I still think Liz Cheney’s only objection to the Insurrection was that it was in service of Shitgibbon instead of her own wing of the GOP. If Dubya had lost narrowly to Kerry under circumstances where doubt could be cast on the votes of one or more states Kerry states, I think she absolutely would have supported a GOP-led coup to keep Dubya and her father in power.
Jay
@WaterGirl:
Traitor Mitch won’t support a vote with out “borders”.
No sense for Zelenskyy to get involved in American Dysfunction.
Call it a wash, fight to the last man.
Slava and I have been talking about him getting out. How to do it when it’s the end, where to go where he can get back to Canada. Planning for the worst. He’s going to stay to the end, but at some point, it’s the end. Sent him a big bag of first aid stuff.
OzarkHillbilly
This… hits a little too close to home. Wouldn’t it be nice if dementia worked that way? I just want those who haven’t been there yet to know, it doesn’t work that way. Not in my experience anyway.Sounds good. Looks good. Not reality,Dementia is hard, an everyday struggle. You have to watch small pieces of the one you love disappear one bit at a time, and then the day comes when you realize they aren’t there any more. What is worse, you have to “abandon” them… and I can’t begin to tell you the horror of that.Sorry to be the downer, but I know all too well the reality. I listened to my old man pray for Jesus to come and take him. I heard him beg me to take him home. I heard him wish to see his mother again. I heard him call me Brunch. I felt him beg me to take him home while crushing my hands in desperation, in absolute fear of being left alone. Again.Folks, I learned to lie to him because it was kinder to let him think I was going to the toilet and would be right back than to tell him. “Goodbye Pop, I love you.”
Bard the Grim
Thank you for the video, WG. Lost my 85-year-old Mom a couple months ago after 12 years with Alzheimer’s. I was several states away and thus removed from the daily struggle. Can’t imagine how Dad managed, although a good bit of denial seemed to help. OzarkH… my sympathy.
WaterGirl
@Citizen Alan: I doubt you’ll get much disagreement on that in these parts.
Soprano2
@OzarkHillbilly: I dread the day I have to make this decision about my husband. I was lucky with my mom, and my dad died when I was 21. Most days are the same, until you see something else that’s different now, and there’s nothing you can do about it. If it were a physical illness there might be a treatment, but for this nothing. I’m so sorry you had to go through that with your dad, it sounds so terrible.😥
WaterGirl
@Jay: Thank you!
Who is this in reference to?
WaterGirl
@OzarkHillbilly: Heartbreaking.
Orson
@Mai Naem mobile: This made me cry, too. I too admire the creators of this video. I would *never* have expected to see something like this from…….. Chevrolet.
Jane Menear
My father and five of his sisters died of Alzheimer’s. Daddy lived for 11 years after the onset of symptoms. If I had tried to help him out of his chair, he would have knocked me down. My mother was exhausted, and taking care of him shortened her life by years. The last five years in the nursing home, he never got out of bed. When he finally died, he weighed 80 pounds. To think there is commercial value in dementia…makes me wonder…
MomSense
Whew that was intense. I’m near the beginning of this journey with my mom.
WaterGirl
@MomSense: I’m sorry to hear that about your mom.
Unrelated, did you get my text?
There go two miscreants
Reading the comments (and not just the ones in this post) from folks here who are or have been confronted with relatives sinking into dementia makes me very glad that we escaped that with both parents. I was relieved at the time, and more so when reading about your experiences. You definitely have my sympathy.
Scout211
Thanks for posting that commercial, WaterGirl. I hadn’t seen it before. It did make me cry.
Yes, it hits too close to home and yes, it’s a bit too sugary sweet and unrealistic. But I liked how they portrayed the family and how much they love and support her.
Grandma in the commercial is still in the early stages, though. She is overwhelmed in the family setting with so many people and so much noise. That’s common with dementia. But one-on-one with her granddaughter, she comes back to herself a bit. Chevy would like you to believe that it was the Chevy that brought her back, but it was likely getting out of all the noise and chaos.
Albatrossity
Thank you
Jay
@WaterGirl:
I have a friend, Slava, who I worked with at Depot, who went back to Ukraine to fight. I have been supporting him and his family in any way I can,
He’s a tanker, Soviet trained, now commander of a platoon of Leopard 2’s, he and his crew are currently on leave, because they got hit and they have been given leave after recovery.
Slava bought a bombed out house in Odessa, and he text’s me about the renovations for advice. I helped get his wife a job at the UCA in Winterpeg and his son transfer from UBC.
WaterGirl
@Jay: Thanks for the refresher. I knew about your friend and now that I see your comment, I recall that I knew his name was Slava.
But somehow when I read your earlier comment i thought Slava was your wife’s name so I couldn’t figure out who the hell “he” was.
WaterGirl
@Scout211: You have much more personal experience with this than I do, but in my more limited experience, it can be kind of a crapshoot. Do they remember you today or don’t they? Sometimes something seems to trigger something and it’s like a light comes on and then they are there with you, and lucid. Or not. Fleeting.
My takeaway wasn’t that Chevy wanted us to think it was the car that brought her back, but it was the car that took them to the places she had known, and it was seeing all those old places that brought her back. And yes, getting away from all the craziness.
So many people on BJ have been talking about their experiences with dementia lately, I was a little uncertain about posting this and unsure how folks with react, but I also wanted to share it, so I took the leap.
Glad that no one hates me, at least not for this!
brantl
@karen marie: I never got enough. He was a spectacularly decent human being.
brantl
@Old School: If he founded wings, he was only 1 for 2. But the Moody’s? They were spectacular.
Soprano2
@WaterGirl: Yes, it’s a crapshoot. Some days I come home and Mr. Soprano is up and on the couch dressed, looking at his IPad and listening to the radio. Other days, like today, he’s still in bed and only got up to graze, let the dogs out and use the bathroom. He hadn’t taken his meds yet. I never know how he’s going to be. Sometimes I feel guilty still working but I’m not sure how much different he would be if I were home all the time. I need to keep working to be sane.
frosty
@OzarkHillbilly: I had similar experiences with both my parents, who were in a continuing care place >300 miles from me. They moved there when my Dad got diagnosed with Parkinson’s. I saw them a couple of times a year and each time there was another thing that Dad couldn’t do any more.
Mom had vascular dementia her last few years. She told my brother and I “I don’t want to be here.” We tried to tell her that the CC place was the best thing for her. She answered “No, I mean Planet Earth.”
brantl
@frosty: Yeah, she was done, then. My mom came to the same conclusion. I would guess it’s much better to know when you’re done.
Old School
@brantl: He may have been there for the formation of the Moody Blues, but he quit in the mid-60s. Justin Hayward was his replacement.
emjayay
@OzarkHillbilly: There’s a lot more in your comment than in that Chevy commercial fantasy. Nicely done, and also one implausible thing after another.
bbleh
While I was caregiver for my mom, who had progressive dementia (non-behavioral, thank dog), I was made aware of a book for caregivers of people with dementia called The 36-Hour Day. I wish I had known about it much earlier. It’s stuffed with information — encyclopedic, really — including important practical basics and many smaller-scale suggestions, but it’s also good in one particular respect: characterizing the perspective and feelings of the patient. It points out repeatedly that dementia victims are often confused and scared, and what seem like hostile actions/reactions are often overreactions to feeling overwhelmed, about which the patient then feels ashamed and further confused. I would recommend it to anyone who cares for a person with dementia, and especially for those early in the process.
Cowgirl in the Sandi
Thanks for posting this Watergirl. It’s a very hard, long trip my husband and I are on – and it makes it even scarier for him since he saw the same thing happen to his mom. We just try to take it one day at a time.
Don K
@Jackie:
I consider myself fortunate that my parents were alert until their deaths, even as their bodies deteriorated. Now, my sister is having to live through my brother-in-law’s mental deterioration, which I’m sure is devastating after 64 years of marriage.
Anyway, thanks for sharing this ad/vignette. I’m sure someone was cutting onions while I was watching it!
Miss Bianca
@Kay: Yay! Encouraging news. (Most of) The kids are all right, for sure!
Gravie
I’ll vouch for the power of memory when it comes to Alzheimer’s people. My MIL had next to no short-term memory, but with a prompt she could remember the names of a couple f classmates who showed up at an assembly when she was in high school back in WWII. Photos also helped her retrieve some of her life. It wasn’t sure-fire, but it was magic when it happened.