Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Trump should be leading, not lying.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the gop

“But what about the lurkers?”

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

After dobbs, women are no longer free.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

My right to basic bodily autonomy is not on the table. that’s the new deal.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

Rupert, come get your orange boy, you petrified old dinosaur turd.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

People really shouldn’t expect the government to help after they watched the GOP drown it in a bathtub.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

“When somebody takes the time to draw up a playbook, they’re gonna use it.”

The next time the wall street journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

Narcissists are always shocked to discover other people have agency.

Wake up. Grow up. Get in the fight.

The line between political reporting and fan fiction continues to blur.

This fight is for everything.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

Authoritarian republicans are opposed to freedom for the rest of us.

Not loving this new fraud based economy.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Holy Fuck, Alexandra Petri Has Outdone Herself

Holy Fuck, Alexandra Petri Has Outdone Herself

by | 92 Comments

This post is in: 

Hello, I’d like to report a murder.  Where?  In the Washington Post.

What?  Oh, who did it?  It was Alexandra Petri.

Gift Link ⬇️

Opinion: Nikki Haley explains what other things were about!

Was it good or bad that a mob descended on the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021, yelling “Hang Mike Pence” and trying to prevent certification of the presidential election?

(laughs) Don’t go easy on me! I think the Capitol is certainly, in the hearts of Americans, a place, and capitalism itself is so important. What do you think?

Do the villains in “Star Wars” seem like they’re based on Nazis?

(laughs) Wow, all right! Coming in with a real challenge! So, obviously, freedom is the most important thing. And we keep coming back to that question of, what can the government tell you to do or not do? I think it comes down to capitalism, of course, is good, and we need to do things to make sure that unaccountable bureaucrats aren’t wielding excess power. And stars are wonderful. But most important of all, what role does government play? Are we compensating the contractors who build our Death Stars?

Can you say something bad about the villains in “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” who were clearly Nazis?

Well, I think the villains were basically, you know, any time the free market doesn’t operate to produce maximum freedom.

If we have an election and Donald Trump does not win, does it still count?

Listen, I know about counting! I was an accountant. We need to have capitalism.

Is the climate changing because of human activity?

Freedom is foundational!

Why was the Republican Party founded?

Reasons, of course, and I think government overreach. Also capitalism.

You’re not afraid to say that it was an abolitionist party?

Are you afraid to say that?

What is “The Sound of Music” about?

I think the subject of “The Sound of Music” is basically, well, so many wonderful things — faith, of course, and the free market, and the waving of flags and, of course, capitalism. And certainly that’s the real question, right?

I truly think this Haley debacle is worse than Dukakis riding around in the tank.  Except there were visuals for that one.  All we’ve got here is the little spin-around on stage.

Open thread.

 

Reader Interactions

92Comments

  1. 1.

    wjca

    I didn’t think that this was one of Petri’s better columns.  Possible because it’s hard to satarize mush.  But even a national treasure can have an off day.

  2. 2.

    WaterGirl

    @wjca: I thought it was great, and it shows how pathetic and not ready for primetime Nikki Haley is.  I bet the big money guys have a lot of regrets right now.

    But if there’s one thing that Balloon Juice teaches us, it’s that we are not all the same.

  8. 8.

    NotMax

    HumboldtBlue

    So what did YouTube in its severely finite wisdom foist on me when I neglected to turn autoplay off earlier today while taking care of business in another room?

    Let’s put it this Dorothy Parkerish way — tonstant viewer fwowed up.
    ;)

  9. 9.

    SpaceUnit

    However unprepared for primetime Nikki Haley may seem to us, she’s really just laying down effective cover fire for the GOP’s descent into full metal fascism.

    She’ll have our useless mainstream press twisting themselves into pretzels debating the true role of slavery in the civil war while the trump party constructs actual death camps.  And her denial of slavery is pretty much MAGA doctrine now.  Haley is a clown but I ain’t laughing.

  10. 10.

    Splitting Image

    I truly think this Haley debacle is worse than Dukakis riding around in the tank. Except there were visuals for that one. All we’ve got here is the little spin-around on stage.

    Is it worse than Ron DeSantis sitting in a chair and looking for all the world like a Munchkin?

  11. 11.

    wjca

    @WaterGirl: Happy to give you all something to complain about, I guess.

    Personally, not complaining at all.  Everything Petri does is good.  Just didn’t think this one achieved great — which she does so often.

  15. 15.

    Harrison Wesley

    This clarified it for me: the Haley-DeSantis ticket.  Or was it the DeSantis-Haley ticket?  Whatever, it’s very clear that it’s clarified.

  17. 17.

    wjca

    @Splitting Image: Is it worse than Ron DeSantis sitting in a chair and looking for all the world like a Munchkin?

    When it comes to shooting himself in the foot (not to mention other parts of his anatomy), DeSantis has no peer among the candidates.  Even Vivek is a piker by comparison.

  21. 21.

    WaterGirl

    Reminder:

    New Year’s Eve zoom at 7 pm Eastern.

    New Year’s Day zoom at 1 pm Eastern, so our friends around the world can join us without it being the middle of the night.

    send me email for the zoom link.

  22. 22.

    Parfigliano

    Haley is another minority that will do as told mistakenly believing her white masters will spare her.

  28. 28.

    WaterGirl

    @Alison Rose: Yeah, I thought it made Haley look like a fool.

    *well, she already looked like a fool, but if someone was trying to tell themselves that Haley did fine, that it wasn’t so bad, I think those hopes are now dashed.

  31. 31.

    RaflW

    @Parfigliano: Does she think Trump’s “blood of our country” comment exempts immigrants from India, or their first generation kids?

    On the surface, he appears to be saying it about people who cross the border illegally. But as he spirals further into his open, furious white supremacy, I don’t think he is going to make much if any distinction.

  32. 32.

    Shalimar

    @WaterGirl: I thought it was very well-written, and she nailed Haley’s non-responsive bullshit.  But I didn’t laugh as much as I do with Petri at her best.

  33. 33.

    Alison Rose

    @Shalimar: For me, I don’t think this column was meant to be as LOL-worthy as others. I think her aim here was more about amplifying just how craven and inane Haley’s response was, especially since her camp is acting like “what are you talking about it was GREAT and also that person was a DEMOCRAT” and whatever.

  34. 34.

    KrackenJack

    A reprise of 2016 with the not TFG candidates getting their moment in spotlight and blowing up or burning down. Jeb, Ben, Ted, Marco.

  35. 35.

    WaterGirl

    Closing the laptop, heading for bed.  This is a open thread so it doesn’t all need to be about Petri’s column.  What’s everybody up to?

    Big plans for New Year’s Eve?  it was a big deal for me when I was younger, either partying or reflecting on the year, and on life.  Now it’s mostly just another day. Maybe I’m jaded.

    Goodnight everyone.

  36. 36.

    WaterGirl

    @KrackenJack: Okay, one last comment.  I don’t know how Trump remains functional with all the walls closing in on him.  His psyche is fragile to begin with.  I simply don’t understand how he’s not in a total panic, rocking in the corner.

    Are his attorneys and his “friends” all lying to him, telling him it’s going to be fine?

    Otherwise, it makes no sense.

    edit: And what’s with Melania?  Not even in the family holiday photo.  Unless she was hidden in the back, and I missed her.  And then her weird comment and being a diplomat, or some odd thing.  That made me wonder if Trump might plan on picking her for VP?  shudder

  37. 37.

    Another Scott

    @RaflW:

    From December 2015 (via NPR):

    Donald Turnip made a drastic call on Monday for “a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our country’s representatives can figure out what is going on.”

    And he tried to do it starting in January 2017.

    Everyone knows where he stands on foreigners he doesn’t like – for whatever reason. (Her parents are Sikhs.)

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  38. 38.

    wjca

    @RaflW: as he spirals further into his open, furious white supremacy, I don’t think he is going to make much if any distinction.

    Making distinctions, of any kind, would be nuance.  TIFG doesn’t do nuance.  (Arguably, wouldn’t recognize nuance if it smacked him up side the head with a 4×4.)

  39. 39.

    eclare

    @RaflW:

    I agree, TFG will go after all  immigrants, period.  Nikki is so craven not to call him out as a first gen, like WaterGirl said, just like the Log Cabin Republicans.

  42. 42.

    wjca

    @Alison Rose:  and also that person was a DEMOCRAT”

    And naturally, in a general election there wouldn’t be any Democrats involved.  Brilliant spin from someone whose whole schtick is being more electable than the others.

  43. 43.

    Alison Rose

    I haven’t gone out on NYE in a long time, but usually I at least stay up till midnight to watch whatever random livestream I can find and wait for the clock to flip over, then go to bed. But this year, I’ve decided “fuck that”, since with my garbage health, I am apparently 43 going on 89, and also I am not able to sleep in due again to my garbage health. I’ve been trying to go to sleep well before midnight (some nights, my stupid brain won’t allow that) and I’m not gonna treat tomorrow night any differently.

    Of course, the dipshits setting off fireworks all over my city might make that difficult.

  46. 46.

    wjca

    @WaterGirl: I don’t know how Trump remains functional with all the walls closing in on him.  His psyche is fragile to begin with.  I simply don’t understand how he’s not in a total panic, rocking in the corner.

    How sure are we that he isn’t?  The usual flood of tweets (or whatever) could easily be staff generated.  Or AI generated for that matter.

  47. 47.

    Chetan Murthy

    @Alison Rose: born in Bamberg, SC.  If she weren’t a natural born citizen, she wouldn’t be running for president, right?  Haha just kidding!  Just like TFG can run for president even though he’s disqualified by the 14th Amendment, she can run for president even though she’s disqualified by the constitution.  IOKIYAR natch!

    nvm.  I need to read better!

  49. 49.

    wjca

    @Chetan Murthy: If she weren’t a natural born citizen, she wouldn’t be running for president, right?

    Hey, if TIFG can invent stuff about where Obama was born, he can do the same for whomever he picks for VP.

  50. 50.

    Jay

    A fake emergency call to police resulted in officers responding Friday night to the home of Maine Secretary of State Shenna Bellows just a day after she removed former President Donald Trump from the state’s presidential primary ballot under the Constitution’s insurrection clause.

    She becomes the latest elected politician to become a target of swatting, which involves making a prank phone call to emergency services with the intent that a large first responder presence, including SWAT teams, will show up at a residence.

    Bellows was not home when the swatting call was made, and responding officers found nothing suspicious.

    While no motive for the swatting attempt was released by the Maine Department of Public Safety, Bellows said she had no doubts it stemmed from her decision to remove Trump from the ballot.

    https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/maine-state-official-who-removed-trump-from-ballot-was-targeted-in-swatting-call-at-her-home-1.6705961

  51. 51.

    eclare

    @HumboldtBlue:

    I have a soft spot for “Rockit” because one of the high school marching bands where I grew up played it.  The band danced and really put on a show.  So fun to see.

  52. 52.

    AnneWith

    I love Alexandra Petri. Sometimes, Petri’s columns are a sledgehammer a la Gallagher hitting a watermelon, amazing, delighting, and amusing us. Other times, they are a stiletto, cutting so sharply that we do not recognize we’ve been stabbed in the heart until well after the blade has been removed.

  54. 54.

    mrmoshpotato

    Can you say something bad about the villains in “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” who were clearly Nazis?

    Well, I think the villains were basically, you know, any time the free market doesn’t operate to produce maximum freedom.

    Careful, Ms. Petri.  Sarah Palin might yell at you for making fun of her.

  57. 57.

    RaflW

    @Another Scott: Well, that got me interested in her backstory.

    Which led to this Religion News Service story from earlier this year (I’ve been a past donor to RNS. I’d imagine the Xtian right doesn’t think much of the place, but it’s run by legit journalists, imo, though this particular piece is more commentary, and worth a full read. No paywall).

    Once she was in the Legislature, her conservative colleagues’ skepticism could be cruel. According to a 2021 Politico Magazine profile, “Some of her Republican colleagues would try to provoke her with jokes about alien gods; others would force uncomfortable discussions about religion.” Jake Knotts, a veteran GOP lawmaker, said: “Everybody knew she wasn’t a real Christian. Everyone knew she converted for political purposes. Her whole career has been stair-climbing, and becoming a Methodist was just one of those stairs.”

    “Everybody knew she wasn’t a real Christian.” It’s just wild to me that she’s so ambitious that she wants to be the defacto head of a party that has other elected officials who not that long ago openly mocked her and treated her like shit.

  64. 64.

    Chetan Murthy

    @RaflW: I’m reminded that a big goal of the Inquisition was finding Marranos who were ethnically Jewish converts to Christianity, who were suspected of remaining Jews within their families and close friend networks.  [Hope I expressed that right — not that all Marranos were like that, but that the Inquisitors basically suspected all Marranos of being that.]

  67. 67.

    JaySinWA

    @NotMax: I do wish she had kept her foot out of her mouth long enough to put a dent in Donald’s inevitability. A less than clear cut win in an early primary might take some of the steam out of his sails, to mix a metaphore.

  70. 70.

    JWR

    From CNN’s KFILE, February 21, 2023. In short, it looks pretty bad for ol’ Nikki. Here’s just a taste of her confusion about, well, everything:

    Defends the flag

    In the 2010 interview, Haley said the Confederate flag was not “racist” but part of heritage and tradition within the state. She called the flag’s location a “compromise of all people, that everybody should accept a part of South Carolina.”

    “You know, for those groups that come in and say they have issues with the Confederate flag, I will work to talk to them about it,” Haley said. “I will work and talk to them about the heritage and how this is not something that is racist. This is something that is a tradition that people feel proud of and let them know that we want their business in this state. And that the flag where it is, was a compromise of all people that everybody should accept as part of South Carolina.”

    It goes on, and gets worser and worser.

  72. 72.

    mrmoshpotato

    @NotMax: Hopefully someone else will win a state’s Rethuglican primary, so Dump can prove GOP voters to be stupid again.  See 2016 Iowa primary.

  74. 74.

    Citizen Alan

    @Shalimar: It’s not a subject that lends itself to real humor, IMO. Underneath the joke is the extremely unfunny realization that In one of our two political parties a politician is unelectable unless they are willing to pandor to racists and white supremacists.

  75. 75.

    wjca

    @Citizen Alan: Underneath the joke is the extremely unfunny realization that In one of our two political parties a politician is unelectable unless they are willing to pandor to racists and white supremacists.

    Expectations that Haley has doomed her campaign by being insufficiently racist might well be correct.  But it may be worth waiting until after the first few primaries to see if the implosion actually happens.

    I don’t know about others here, but I have had some challenges figuring out what whackjob will actually win the votes of Republican voters.  I know that a lot of Republicans in Congress worry most about being primaried from someone further to the crazy right.  But in fact, quite a few seem to survive by merely being sufficiently crazy.  Even if they have a crazier opponent.

  76. 76.

    yellowdog

    I don’t  think this will hurt her at all. She is saying exactly what the fascists want to hear.

  79. 79.

    cmorenc

    Nikki is still sending me daily love texts about freedom! And BTW please send along a campaign donation $ to show my appreciation. Still a mystery why she has this crush in me, since I have been a registered D since I was old enough to shave and have only ever donated to D candidates.

  80. 80.

    artem1s

    @JaySinWA:

    I do wish she had kept her foot out of her mouth long enough to put a dent in Donald’s inevitability.

    he’ll be gone someday. and the worse they all look, especially on camera, while he’s going down in flames, the harder it will be for them to recover when the power void opens up. the GQP will pivot. that’s inevitable. and when they do we want them to be as weak as possible. they may try to resurrect someone like Darth Jr. or King John Kasich. And when they do they will try to memory hole the fact that when it really mattered in 2016 they all stood around slack-jawed while TIJoDFG (TIndicted, Jailed, or DeadFG) pissed on the country and constitution and vulnerable. And they willingly ignored and or aided and abetted what he was just so they could grab power when the void opened up.

    we can wish for a lose/lose. we don’t have to wish for any of them to retain any credibility. we don’t have to choose the less worse of evils – they do. fire and ashes should be the only thing left of GQP when this is all finally over.

  82. 82.

    sdhays

    @yellowdog: I’ve been struggling with this too. What she said is not beyond the pale in the Republican Party. But maybe it dooms her in New Hampshire since New England Republicans still care about what their ancestors died for in the Civil War.

  84. 84.

    Denali5

    What Yellowdog said.  I was shut down for talking about my miscarriage at dinner with likeminded friends. People don’t want to talk about or deal with some issues.

  85. 85.

    Bupalos

    @JaySinWA: I continue to be amazed people think this was an unprepared mistake from Haley. It’s absolutely strategic. She isn’t running for your vote, she’s desperately trying to pull votes off Trump. “What do you want me to say about slavery?” is a decent dogwhistle on that side referencing the media conspiracy against Real Anericans. You just can’t hear it.

  86. 86.

    Belafon

    I read somewhere that the factions in Star Wars were references to the War in Vietnam, and the Americans were the Empire.

  87. 87.

    Glidwrith

    @SpaceUnit: I don’t know why it really struck me yesterday, but someone mentioned the thugs have had every opportunity to turn away from the Shitgibbon. Not once, not twice, not even three times when the cock crows, they are welding themselves in to full-on fascism.

    I really hope when the primaries and general elections roll around that the numbers are well short of the 74 million that voted for Shitgibbon.

  92. 92.

    grubert

    @Bupalos: “What do you want me to say about…” any topic is like broadcasting you’re lying, prepared to lie, and really feel the opposite of what you’re saying.

    Good catch.

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