The family truckster is prepped, immaculate, have all the first aid stuff ready, and the cargo rack is installed and ready for luggage. I feel the most middle aged I ever have. I even camouflaged it for the trip south to the beach:
New swim trunks and the rest of my beach essentials should arrive tomorrow. Coming soon to a beach near you, rednecks:
I’m considering pre-emptively starting a gofundme to help pay for the inevitable heat stroke(s).
In all honestly, I am actually surprised at how excited I am to go on vacation. Having someone around who makes you do things is kind of nice.
Miss Bianca
OK, I gotta admit, seeing all the redneck signifiers on a freakin’ Honda CRV – even if they have been merely photoshopped – is pretty fuckin’ funny. Enjoy your vacation, JC!
cs
Here’s a version of the Gadsden Flag we can all agree on. Perfect for the Honda.
CarolDuhart2
While it’s a little disconcerting to see all that crap on your car, you gotta do what you gotta do. Don’t be surprised if a few with darker hue give you mean looks.
khead
I was gonna ask if you are going to “the shore” or “the beach”, but the picture and talk of a trip south means “beach”.
dmsilev
What, no ‘rolling coal’ mods to the car?
lollipopguild
The Family Truckster!
Death Panel Truck
I’ve always heard it as “Ass, gas or grass…” The most desirable option being the first one. ?
Schlemazel
Try to relax and enjoy the time.
Did you suffer from heat stroke while in country? My kid did & he cannot take the heat now. Wonder if that is a thing.
kindness
I’m all over that Gas, Grass or Ass sticker. It was big back in the 70’s.
Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (Formerly Mumphrey, et al.)
Buen viaje. Keep out of the sun and you’ll be all right.
ruckus
@Miss Bianca:
Who said they are photoshopped? JC has been trolling his own blog for years.
A Ghost To Most
I’m even willing to give you “truckster” for a C-RV. Have a good trip.
Matt Smith
Regarding the final paragraph: Who are you, and what have you done with John Cole? He’s all grouchy with a heart of gold, and this was written by some dewey-eyed Pollyanna type. I hope he’s okay.
Roger Moore
Don’t worry. We’ll have a GoFuckYourself set up.
zhena gogolia
Have fun. I hate the beach but love the ocean.
trollhattan
I laughed. Onliest way to make it better would be on a Prius.
Made two passes through the State of Jefferson last week so have had my heapin’ helpin’ of rural redneckistan. Also discovered where the PT Cruisers all ended up.
? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?
Zoinks! I guess John Cole is regressing back into a Rethuglican!
Miss Bianca
@cs: Ok, that was a COL – Chortle Out Loud – since I am at work and all. Love it.
Sab
@cs: Wasn’t that flag posted by troops in Afghanistan a couple of years ago?
Roger Moore
@trollhattan:
A Nissan Leaf.
Jeffro
“…have all the first aid stuff ready…”
I feel like I’m listening to my wife here. It’s a vacation, not combat.
Miss Bianca
@ruckus: I thought I’d left myself an out with that particular turn of phrase. Just in case, you know, they *hadn’t* been photoshopped.
debbie
@ruckus:
I’m pretty sure they’re Photoshopped. The signs don’t follow the contours of the side of the car.
Major Major Major Major
@Roger Moore: but that’ll just mail him dildos and glitter.
Schlemazel
@trollhattan:
an asshole at work that drives a prius with an NRA sticker on it
Mnemosyne
@Death Panel Truck:
Now that phrase always makes me think of the late great Carrie Fisher playing a nun in Dogma. She is, of course, hilarious.
@zhena gogolia:
You need one of our awesome rocky West Coast beaches where you can wander around looking at tidepools. Much nicer than those boring sand beaches.
Mnemosyne
@Jeffro:
Uh, have you been following Cole’s adventures for more than six months? The man injured himself in his own new-to-him house by falling through the deck. Twice.
He needs a first aid kit. Actually, he probably needs his own personal EMT at this point.
zhena gogolia
Did anyone post this, where Colbert got Luther the Anger Translator back? I could be a good woman if I had Luther with me every minute of my life.
trollhattan
@Schlemazel:
Yup, they’re so numerous here there’s no longer a Standard Issue Prius driver (recalling a certain “Curb” episode). I’ve even had a few try and mow me down while cycling. Saw a “Hillary for Prison, InfoWars” bumper sticker on a Saab recently, which really scrambled my world view.
MomSense
A month ago I walked out of the freakingJoshua Chamberlain museum with my kid and a redneck pick up truck drove by flying a yuuge Confederate flag. WTF.
zhena gogolia
@Mnemosyne:
Yes, I like cold rocky beaches like at Sea Ranch or Yachats, OR.
trollhattan
@zhena gogolia:
It’s hilarious. Colbert is having a hard time not losing it at a few points.
SiubhanDuinne
@cs:
Am I misremembering, or is that one of Betty Cracker’s masterworks?
CZanne
@Schlemazel: yes, it’s actually a thing. Having experienced a temperature related incident (either hypothermia or hyperthermia) leaves one more vulnerable to the same type of emergency in the future. It’s at least partially conditioning, because having had an emergency once, the body recognizes the warnings faster. (Research behaviorists actually study this.)
Wapiti
@Schlemazel: It was a known thing when I was in the Army: once someone suffers a heat injury (dehydration, heat exhaustion, heat stroke) they are more susceptible to heat injuries in the future. The same goes for cold weather injuries.
*ninjaed*
Seanly
@Death Panel Truck:
That was the preferred order in which I’ve heard it also…
schrodingers_cat
@trollhattan: That is one fugly car.
schrodingers_cat
@MomSense: I have seen them in upstate NY, western ME and an occasional one in Mass too.
schrodingers_cat
@Jeffro: That’s why we didn’t suggest a medic.
JPL
His first stop will be at Betty’s house, where he will be welcomed with open arms.
Miss Bianca
@zhena gogolia: @trollhattan: Hell, *I* was having a hard time not losing it, and I’m just watching it on Youtube!
Mike in NC
@MomSense: I was stationed in Maine (NAS Brunswick) many years ago before anybody knew the story of Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, but a friend of mine from NJ claimed the state had more rednecks than Georgia.
NotMax
Off to confer, converse, and otherwise hobnob with your fellow wizards.
Presume you did not order these as a gag gift.
;)
schrodingers_cat
@Mike in NC: I doubt it, ME has a really small population.
geg6
@Jeffro:
Remember who you’re talking to here. It’s John Cole. The man who can turn mopping the bathroom into a pornographic disaster area.
WaterGirl
@MomSense: OT, I recall that you had high hopes for the fellow from Maine not rolling over in the voting rights cabal. I saw something posted today that made it seem like he is going to do just that. Wondered if you had seen anything about that and what your thinking is.
It was in one of the earlier threads, so I don’t have a link but I could google if needed.
debbie
@zhena gogolia:
That’s hilarious. I always fall asleep after the monologue. :(
trollhattan
@schrodingers_cat:
Remember the Bette Midler movie where everybody drives Yugos? [looks it up: “Drowning Mona”] This was a bit like that, only with PT Cruisers.
MomSense
@schrodingers_cat: @Mike in NC:
I’m used to seeing rednecks west of I95 but not so much in coastal towns.
MomSense
@WaterGirl:
Dunlap? I’ll look for it.
Miss Bianca
@NotMax: that’s like Ellie May from “Beverly Hillbillies” crashed “Beach Blanket Bingo”.
japa21
@Miss Bianca: Actually, looked a lot like Cracker’s work.
NotMax
@trollhattan
Friend had one of those. It was in the shop so much we quipped that the PT stood for Part Time.
MomSense
@WaterGirl:
Did it seem like he would roll over? I just read that he said whatever they do has to be in favor of access by voting public in their government.
WaterGirl
@MomSense: That doesn’t fit with what I saw on BJ earlier. But I don’t recall which thread it was! Maybe I’ll search for the word “Maine” because whoever posted the comment mentioned that it was the guy from Maine.
The Pale Scot
Polarized sunglass are worth the investment when at the beach
WaterGirl
@MomSense: It was Kay.
Quote posted by Kay:
Kay’s comment:
Mary G
Try not to get exasperated about punctuality. It is required to be waived on vacations. If you all decide to go to lunch at 1 p.m. there is no law saying you have to be ready at 12:45 and may indeed leave at {{{gasp}}} 1:48!
Elmo
Just got back from my own beach trip – my first on the Atlantic. I grew up in San Diego County, so my wave expectations were not met, but it was otherwise really lovely. A pod of dolphins played about 100 yards offshore every day. Great time, and planning the next one now.
Jeffro
@Mnemosyne: been following him for years … all the misadventures just mean that stuff is behind him now
geg6
@Mary G:
Heh. Hope he can learn to relax. But it’s Cole, so…
RinaX
Try not to drown, please.
A Ghost To Most
@MomSense:
In Denver, it’s one big Mashup of hippies to cowboys. I’ve been coal-rolled by jacked up white pickups while in My Prius twice; I laugh; my off road vehicle would far outperform those top heavy behemoths.
raven
@Elmo: What expectations did you have?
SiubhanDuinne
@zhena gogolia:
Remember the WHCD where Luther came on and anger-translated Obama’s remarks? That was one for the ages.
zhena gogolia
@SiubhanDuinne:
Yes, he’s so great. It was a thrill to see him with the real Obama.
gene108
@MomSense:
Represents all the Mainers, who fought and died for the Confederacy, because it was their home and they fought nobly against Northern Aggression.
You know: Heritage not Hate.
/sarcasm
OCD
Not a single “Feeling good Louis!”?
I am disappoint.
dmsilev
Hairforce One is looking for scapegoats. Again.
(NYT)
WaterGirl
@dmsilev: Shorter Trump:
“I never would have made him attorney general if I hadn’t thought he would stop this damn investigation in its tracks.”
magurakurin
@raven: and which beach? It’s a big coast and every dog has its day. I have had some very good surfs in New Jersey when a hurricane swell has appeared.
Omnes Omnibus
@trollhattan: Eek!
dmsilev
@WaterGirl: Basically, yeah. A good chunk of the rest of the interview is him whining about Comey and issuing vague threats towards Mueller.
trollhattan
@Omnes Omnibus:
IKR? (as the kidz say) Mortified doesn’t begin to describe….
ETA I know my 9^5 lives because a collection agency tried to nail me for a unpaid parking ticket from eight months after I traded it in.
TenguPhule
@Jeffro:
Combat has periods of silence.
schrodingers_cat
@trollhattan: I has a Prius, but no stickers. The most annoying ones I see here are BS stickers. He sure has a lot of fans here.
WaterGirl
@dmsilev: He is so out of touch with reality, it’s very scary. That tweet today about democrats and death, death, death? Shocking, even for him.
SiubhanDuinne
O/T, and a FTFNYT link, for both of which I apologize profusely, but …
Keep digging, Mr. President.
ETA: Never mind. I see it’s well-covered in earlier comments.
WaterGirl
The other stuff I can maybe understand, but the Trumnp-Pence sticker I just can’t understand. Can’t decide whether I would puke or be driving to set the car on fire to cleanses if from the defilement.
StringOnAStick
@A Ghost To Most: It’s funny that you and I live in the same small town and also drive the same kind of car. I haven’t been coal rolled by that asshole who drives around town in a jacked up deep blue PU with two full sized US flags flying in the bed , but I and another Prius driver were brake-checked on C-470 by yet another jackass PU right before the election. I guess the two of us driving beside each other was just too big of a temptation.
TenguPhule
@WaterGirl:
Be prepared for final solution tweets then.
Yeah, I think he’ll go there.
JPL
@SiubhanDuinne: lol I hate Sessions and I was talking about adoption with Putin during dessert.
schrodingers_cat
@SiubhanDuinne: Now I have to sprinkle holy water on myself for clicking on the Vichy Times link.
schrodingers_cat
@Omnes Omnibus: Apparently, Nainital does have some good skiing. I have not traveled much at all in northern India, so I am going by what the intertoobz are telling me.
WaterGirl
@SiubhanDuinne: I hadn’t actually seen the article, so I appreciate the link.
Trump pretty much said/implied he would fire Mueller if he looks into his money laundering and financial irregularities. Yikes. I mostly skimmed the article because it’s about Trump and I can hardly bear it, but yikes, this is one stupid, stupid man. He simply does not know how to keep his mouth shut or when he should be doing that.
edit: added the word “implied”.
MJS
How does any interviewer not include the question, “You do know you are completely insane, don’t you?” when interviewing Trump.
WaterGirl
@JPL: I know… if I had been taking a drink when I read that I would surely have spit it out of my mouth. Adoption! What a moron. Did you see the joke someone here posted earlier?
WaterGirl
@schrodingers_cat: lol.
debbie
@Omnes Omnibus:
OT, but thought of you when I heard this.
http://www.wbur.org/artery/2017/07/19/proctors-ledge-memorial-salem
JPL
@WaterGirl: I didn’t see it earlier, but that is lol.
MomSense
@WaterGirl:
Here’s what he said on MPR.
doesn’t want to stifle voters.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Mnemosyne: I take a nurse with me.
dww44
@WaterGirl: I, for one, am all in for Trump to continue spouting stuff like he’d fire Mueller if Mueller doesn’t confine himself to Russian interference in the election. Makes impeachment/office leaving a real possibility sooner rather than later. Even “THE BASE” will soon begin to have a hard time with some of his efforts to turn himself into a Putin like dictator. Even they must’ve absorbed some American history and government somewhere along the way that makes them admit how wholly un American this President is.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Mary G: IOW, leave The German at home.
Kay
I love car vacations. Vacations by car. Not the car going on vacation.
My daughter once called me “a driving enthusiast”, sarcastically, while we were on a ‘fun’ trip :)
schrodingers_cat
Reunited with the love of his life on the beach, from Saathiya*,
would love to go here. The beach looks awesome.
*saathiya == someone who travels with you, synonym for a life partner/spouse.
WaterGirl
@MomSense: That seems less bad than what I saw on a previous thread. What’s your take?
WaterGirl
@dww44: un-American. I think we should all be saying that about Trump every single day. That includes our elected democrats.
schrodingers_cat
@Kay: You know what’s even better, train journeys.
Omnes Omnibus
@schrodingers_cat: Good to know. Thanks.
Omnes Omnibus
@debbie: Cool. Thanks.
Jeffro
@dmsilev: Everything is just so unFAIR to poor Donnie. Life’s been one hardship after another, dontcha know…
Ruckus
@debbie:
No kidding.
Gotcha!
Ruckus
@MomSense:
Saw one of those in Marin County CA back in 2011. County voted 80% Obama in 2008. Jacked up 4×4 and of course the truck belonged to the kid in a local family who were/are all major assholes. Of epic proportions. Lived at the end of a cul de sac and they parked where ever and however the liked. Dad drove his Audi R8 down the street at about 40 over the limit. Good parent examples they were. Bet the neighbors liked them.
MomSense
@WaterGirl:
I’ve known him for a long time and he’s always been an advocate for voting rights. He’s been consistently against voter ID laws and attempts to prevent students from voting where they go to school. We have same day voter registration and some of the highest turnout rates in the country. He said he intends to debunk voter fraud claims and I have no reason to doubt him.
WaterGirl
@MomSense: Happy to hear that. Thanks for taking the time.
rikyrah
Have a good time, Cole???
J R in WV
@Wapiti:
Yeah, I did lots of physical work in great heat years ago, and it makes it really hard to even be out in a day up in the 90s. Like today was, tomorrow will be. Spring, Fall and Winter are my seasons. Summer is right out.
HeartlandLiberal
Who needs to go South for heatstroke? Here in South Central Indiana this week, daytime temps are in the low to mid nineties, nighttime lows are in the low to mid seventies. Heck, we might as well move back to our ancestral place of origin, Alabama. Thanks to the vagaries of global warming, I just checked the weeks forecast in Birmingham, my hometown, and damned if the temps are not a few degrees LESS than here in Indiana. Go figure. Oh well, time to go water the garden again so it does not shrivel and die. We have actually had serious discussion lately centering on moving to say Marquette, MI, on the shores of Lake Superior. Fewer people, lower temperatures. Sounds good at the moment.
HeartlandLiberal
Oh, and on the beach, watch our for the jelly fish. Some ecologists are reporting surging populations. I consider it likely that, along with the cockroaches on terra firma, the jelly fishes will inherit the oceans of the Earth after we humans are done wiping ourselves and 90% of the other species off the face of the Earth in this, the ongoing anthropocene / holocene extinction.
Vicki Delany
Have fun, John. Here in bucolic rural Southern Ontario, I was shocked – yes, shocked – the other day to see a car with Tennessee plates and a Trump/Pence bumper sticker in town. Those people wandered way out of their comfort zone.
Jamey
Rent a paddle-board.
It’s relaxing and fun. You and the crew will have a ball!