I dunno what is going on here, but I am four hours in on my colonoscopy prep, have had all but the last two 8 oz glasses of Muralax, all the Dulcolax, and I had two minor bowel movements, and I feel a little pressure, but I am not having any of the explosive shits or any of the stuff people normally talk about.
To be honest, I keep waiting for something to happen and it’s just not.
This really is a full service blog.
*** Update ***
9:12 pm- Nevermind.
West of the Rockies
Waaaaait for it…..
West of the Rockies
She’s gonna blow!
Raoul Paste
Pride goeth before a fall
frosty
Here I sit, broken-hearted …
… I can’t remember the last time I saw a pay toilet.
CaseyL
Yeah, it starts off slow and low key.
Then, just as you start thinking, “hey, this isn’t so bad!” your intestines announce that the preliminaries are over and the main event is about to start.
Juju
Eeuwwe.
RAM
My last colonoscopy prep two years ago was a LOT less unpleasant than the one five years before it.
Stephen
In those famous words “The best is yet to come!”
David 🌈 ☘The Establishment☘🌈 Koch
And all time we thought you were full of shit
terry chay
I think you posted too soon.
Same thing happened to me earlier this year. But then the dam broke and I was pooping water for the next 8 hours before I was able to fall asleep and then poop more in the morning.
The stuff works pretty effectively nowadays. The hard part is drinking all that water butI heard it is much less than in the past.
Albatrossity
Patience will be rewarded.
LeftCoastYankee
I hope you weren’t planning on sleeping tonight….
satby
Yeah, you’ve convinced me. I’m sticking with Cologuard.
The Moar You Know
SuPrep is better. But slam some more water, Cole. It will happen.
I had four surgeries on my intestines in 2021, so I have some experience in this. Diverticulitis gone bad if anyone is curious. I don’t suggest having surgery on your intestines unless you really have no choice. It is life-altering.
Baud
I think you’re out of the woods. You should go out on the town and have some fun.
Glidwrith
Thar she (he) blows!
Starfish
Doug Jones is talking about the January 6 hearings on Twitter.
chrome agnomen
@Baud: maybe go to a dance
Baud
@chrome agnomen:
Or an amusement park.
Cameron
I’m sorry, but if the blogfather doesn’t give a shit, why does he think anybody else will?
Crusty Dem
It’s coming. It’s not soooo bad. But it’s coming
Steeplejack
This thread and the earlier one have flushed any slight embarrassment I might hypothetically have felt about blogging my nutsack operation last December.
Sandia Blanca
Patience, Grasshopper.
Suzanne
I hope you have one of those bidet attachments.
Suzanne
After the procedure is over and you are super-empty, do you have that amazing feeling of being super-light and glowy? I love that feeling.
Glidwrith
@Glidwrith: (Checks the time) Damn, my predictive power is awesome!
Josie
@satby: The Cologuard was easy. The hardest part was handing the package to the UPS person, knowing full well that they knew what was in there.
glc
Update is clarifying.
MomSense
LOfuckingL!
Josie
@Steeplejack: Indeed, I don’t think any of us need to be embarrassed about anything from this point on.
Turgidson
This is the top notch content you can’t find elsewhere on the series of tubes.
zhena gogolia
This has to be the most classic John Cole post of all time.
Suzanne
I keep hitting refresh. Need moar updates.
Karen
At least you didn’t have to drink Go Lytely. Tastes like lemon bug spray. Nasty.
CaseyL
The update made me laugh. Told ya!
zhena gogolia
@Baud: Hahaha
prostratedragon
@terry chay: Before I was even through the first of two liters I had to drink recently, I had found a new standard for hatred. At least my gastroenterologist complimented me on how far up the tube he was able to see.
Grumpy Old Railroader
I find myself wondering why me, of self recognized superior intellect, found it necessary to click on this particular post and then read every comment. I should know better LOL
zhena gogolia
@Suzanne: Yes, you do.
Glidwrith
@Turgidson: That’s because the tubes just don’t have the lubes that the Juice has!
Wombat Probability Cloud
@Grumpy Old Railroader: Seeking clarity from two starting points?
satby
💙💚💛 Never change John!
different-church-lady
Ah, I see you are having “The Experience.”
different-church-lady
Colonoscopy prep happens like the collapse of civilizations: slowly, then all at once.
bcw
@44. ..like the collapse of civilizations, including the being overrun part.
The thing I forgot after my last colonoscopy was that the laxatives are still there after you get done and are allowed to eat. That food is on a zero retained-calorie basis….
Mike in NC
Had a colonoscopy this year and they found one small polyp. Doctor told me to come back in five years. Yay!
Chetan Murthy
So, uh, my doc told me to take the “fecal occult blood sample” test. Which consists in smearing a bit of your pooo on a card and submitting that card to the testing lab. They analyze it, etc, etc. Came back all-good-to-go. I blame my high consumption of beans and carrots.
[time to make a salad ….]
Bobby Thomson
It’s this kind of quality blogging that keeps us here
Lyrebird
@Suzanne:
Only glow I felt was a suspicion I was glowing in the dark after chugging so much Gatorade. And relief that I don’t have to do it again for several years.
It’s worth it, but no part of it was enjoyable.
@The Moar You Know:
I hope you gained much relief from the procedures you had to have!
Spanky
@Suzanne:
Ummm, no. No you won’t get anything but much, much moar of the same.
Ken
There was a nuclear war, right? We all died and this is Hell.
CaseyL
@Ken: You know you’ve reached A Certain Age when colonoscopies are considered acceptable subjects for conversation.
It’s Community Bonding.
Suzanne
@Lyrebird: I always feel like my face looks really clear and bright, like a Neutrogena ad, after a good poo. Probably psychosomatic, but I enjoy it.
Honus
@CaseyL: my first LSD trip went kind of the same way.
Ceci n est pas mon nym
Long, long time ago I was a coxswain for the crew team. But I wasn’t done growing as I went to college young, and it became increasingly harder to make weight (my target was 120 lb). So in desperation one day before a big race I did something I’d heard people talk about, take laxatives.
Night fell. No effect.
Morning came. Nothing.
We had the race. Nothing.
And then we had the drive home.
Subsole
Okay folks, shut down The Internet. It’s over.
Mister Cole’s won it this year.
Carlo Graziani
It was the last couple of glasses of that dreadful stuff that I had to choke down that were the worst part of the experience for me. The explosive sluice-gate opening wasn’t so bad, because I expected it, and I accordingly hadn’t been hanging out in rib and fried chicken joints for a few days prior anyway.
The nurse who checked me in asked whether I knew what procedure I was there for, and was momentarily nonplussed when I said sure, they were going to shove a TV camera up my ass, but took it in stride — he merely noted that most people don’t put it quite that way (my wife just shook her head…) In retrospect I see now that I missed an opportunity to smile brightly and say “I’m here for my liposuction — got to get in shape for the beach!”
Anyway, the colonoscopy exam report complimented me on my colon prep, which, er, thanks?
Subsole
@Ken: No, no
Hell is in the toilet bowl, silly.
This is purgatory.
Ken
So it’s true. Hell is other people.
Subsole
@Ceci n est pas mon nym:
Huh. It’s funny how stories about laxatives and stories about edibles have the same general outline…
Subsole
@Ken: So if this is hell, does that make Cole’s toilet the Lake of Fire?
Crusty Dem
@Carlo Graziani:
And a good time was had by all. I had more problems with not eating for nearly 48 hrs. Made the mistake of running 5 miles 24 hrs into fast and hit the energy wall. Didn’t mind the prep but you are spot on about the last few glasses, they took some effort.
On the plus side, that Propofol nap was delightful. Best sleep Ever.
Dangerman
Try not to scare the animals too much.
John Revolta
@Mike in NC: Does anybody ever have one and they DON’T find “one small polyp”? What I mean is, I found out last time that if they find “one small polyp” and cut it out, suddenly that’s now a surgical procedure rather than a diagnostic procedure and they get to charge you, or hopefully your insurance, twice as much.
JanieM
@John Revolta: I’ve had 4 or 5 where they didn’t find any polyps. My most recent they took out a couple, told me to come back in 5 years instead of 10.
Dangerman
@JanieM: Shit (so to speak), they told me to come back in 3. And I’ve burned one of those years.
John Revolta
@JanieM: Well, people say I have a suspicious nature. Of course, they’re just trying to make me think I’m crazy.
frosty fred
@John Revolta: Yup, I’ve had two with no finding, since then gone to the occult blood card.
SiubhanDuinne
@Subsole:
I kinda see what you kinda did there.
CaseyL
@John Revolta: My first, they didn’t find anything.
I had the same shock as you after the second, when – as you said – removing polyps turned the procedure into a “surgery,” and a good bit more expensive.
It does get more complicated if they find any: they have to tie off or freeze – I don’t know which – the polyp(s), remove them, run the bits off to biopsy, and then close the tiny little wound – which is in an intestinal canal, so they have to be damned careful about it
I don’t understand why insurance wouldn’t cover the additional expense, though. I mean, what else are they supposed to do? Leave the polyps there?
El-Man
Apparently NZ has one of the world’s highest bowel cancer rates, and I’ve just gotten my test kit for the national screening program in the mail. Well, time to send in that sample. The last one was clean and I eat reasonably well, so no sweat yet.
PS – growing old sucks.
Lyrebird
@Suzanne: Hey that sounds great… and I sure like to be able to add a positive thought in to an otherwise not pleasant process.
Have a great night! And here’s to a healthy blogfather, too!
BigJimSlade
@West of the Rockies: Been there, pooped that.
BigJimSlade
@Albatrossity: but not with sleep.
BigJimSlade
@LeftCoastYankee: I didn’t get a wink
Soprano2
I did the Cologard but the sample was suspicious so I had to have the colonoscopy anyway. That turned it into a diagnostic procedure which cost more. I’ll never do the Cologard again.
Many years ago my husband had to have a procedure where they stretch the esophagus, but his doc accidentally put down colonoscopy. That caused a lot of confusion…..
BigJimSlade
@Suzanne: I call that feeling “I want a scone now dammit!” :-)
(a chocolate chip/chunk scone, or failing that, a 5-grain, those 2 are the best, though a local bakery does sell one split in half with raspberry preserves which is great – it has some big oats in it, so it’s still kinda chewy like a 5-grainer.)
BigJimSlade
@different-church-lady: wow. nailed it.
Ruckus
@RAM:
Same here.
The whateverthehell that was that I had to drink the 2 times before, which I’m sure was drained from a used car battery, was replaced with something far, far better. Taste = Not battery acid. Success/progress = Not nearly as prisoner of war dinner resulting.
Ruckus
@Steeplejack:
It has been said that this is a full service blog.
Possibly a little too full service…..
RepubAnon
@Subsole: Given that the Internet is just a series of tubes – perhaps a colonoscopy prep is what Trump’s “Truth” site is modeled on…
BobinPDX
Just reminded me of the classic SNL fake commercial.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ku42Iszh9KM
Fair Economist
@Suzanne: No, I feel vaguely off and uncomfortable after the prep is done.
AJ of the Mustard Search and Rescue team
@CaseyL: like a Debussy prelude, perhaps?
https://youtu.be/jlLoXvamfZw
AJ of the Mustard Search and Rescue team
@zhena gogolia: top 3 for suree
AJ of the Mustard Search and Rescue team
@Suzanne: you and John both :D
Fair Economist
@Carlo Graziani: My first prep used Magnesium Citrate, which I think tastes fine. No problem.
My second was sodium sulfate, which was horrible. Blecblechblech. Way more expensive than magnesium citrate, too.
Ruckus
@John Revolta:
Not one polyp on mine.
I’m not sure that is all that to be proud of but still in a contest like this, every little bit helps…..
Ruckus
@El-Man:
“PS – growing old sucks.”
Not as much as the alternative…….
frosty fred
@Ruckus: I’ve stopped using that line since the time I got the response, in a rather grim tone, “Not necessarily.”
West of the Rockies
This is what I signed up for…
BigJimSlade
@Chetan Murthy: I did that with a big old sample, as well. It was weird sending off a dump in the mail.
Ruckus
@frosty fred:
Well sure, if you are as shitty a human (possibly, possibly not) like SFB.
Ruckus
@West of the Rockies:
You did notice the no refund clause in your contract – didn’t you?
prostratedragon
@Subsole: hot and sour soup from Nicky’s on 53rd & Woodlawn.
frosty fred
@Ruckus: No, as it happens the speaker was a cousin of my mother’s, whom I hadn’t seen in decades, and whose husband unbeknownst to me was dying a lingering and painful death of cancer. I just decided a person never knows what someone else’s context is.
BigJimSlade
@frosty fred: I’ve joined the occult too.
Cathie from Canada
@The Moar You Know: Yes, that’s very true. I was able to have my ostomy reversed, but overall my digestive track is never going to be the same.
Juju
Is this what shit posting means?
Miss Bianca
@John Revolta: Meeee…the doctors told me they found nothing of note and come back in ten years.
Which will be something of a challenge because I’m not sure I even remember what year I had the colonoscopy!
Sandia Blanca
@Miss Bianca: If your physician’s office is like ours, they will call you when it’s time for your next one. You will then say, “What? There’s no way it’s been (x) years.” And then they’ll provide you with the exact date of the last one.
SteverinoCT
Once upon a pleasant weekend, I had a couple of bowls of Raisin Bran for breakfast. I washed it down with a few glasses of apple juice.
Then, all innocent, I went for a drive, heading out for a good hour and a half before looping back. And then, whoops, the last hour was at a considerably faster rate with some heroic clenching.
Happy to share.