Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

You would normally have to try pretty hard to self-incriminate this badly.

If you’re gonna whine, it’s time to resign!

Lick the third rail, it tastes like chocolate!

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

… gradually, and then suddenly.

I really should read my own blog.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

I’m more christian than these people and i’m an atheist.

So very ready.

Also, are you sure you want people to rate your comments?

How any woman could possibly vote for this smug smarmy piece of misogynistic crap is beyond understanding.

Authoritarian republicans are opposed to freedom for the rest of us.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

Humiliatingly small and eclipsed by the derision of millions.

The fundamental promise of conservatism all over the world is a return to an idealized past that never existed.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

Everybody saw this coming.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

Museums are not America’s attic for its racist shit.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Of course you can have champagne before noon. That’s why orange juice was invented.

The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.

Someone should tell Republicans that violence is the last refuge of the incompetent, or possibly the first.

You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / Thurston Ate My Fucking Salad

Reader Interactions

55Comments

  4. 4.

    Mike in NC

    Is Greg Norman’s (Aussie golfer) a franchise? We recently went to the one in Myrtle Beach, SC for dinner. Ordered the calamari appetizer, which was merely OK but was big enough to feed ten people. My fish and chips dinner included a huge slab of fried haddock, three fried jumbo shrimp, cole slaw, and about a pound of home fries. The portions are enormous and the prices a little ridiculous. Filet mignon on the menu was about $90.

    On the other hand, the Crazy Crab in Hilton Head is one of the best restaurants I’ve been to in years. Great atmosphere, great menu, excellent service, and wonderful and reasonably priced food. If we lived there we’d be regulars. They have 2 or 3 locations.

  6. 6.

    geg6

    He was hungry.  He said you are not feeding him properly and are keeping delicious veggies and salad dressing from him out of spite.  What else could he be expected to do when you carelessly leave yours sitting around?

  7. 7.

    Barbara

    Well, all I can say is that you left it in an easily accessible place — I once came downstairs to find my part miniature pinscher, part Dachshund sitting on my kitchen counter eating an apple. She also made it onto the dining room table to polish off some roasted Brussels sprouts. But nothing beats my beagle hound who made it onto the table to polish off a piece of cake in the 20 seconds it took me to let my husband know dessert was ready. She was sitting underneath the table when I came back, no speck of cake to be seen anywhere — she even left the dish on the table — but she was licking off a lot of icing from her nose. I love them all.

  14. 14.

    Grover Gardner

    I received a rather alarming GoFundMe update from Larime this afternoon, that his partner is in the hospital and there is no one to care for him.  I’m not sure what to do.  Is anyone at BJ in touch with his situation?  I’d like to help if I can but it sounds like there’s a bit of a crisis.

  18. 18.

    Sister Golden Bear

    So… you made delicious food, and you left it in an easily accessible location unattended for 20 minutes with Thurston in the house… and you expected it to be there when you got back…. Don’t you know he hasn’t been fed in weeks, maybe months.

  27. 27.

    Joy in FL

    @Grover Gardner: I just used the GFM contact button to contact John, and I emailed WaterGirl.

    Hopefully we will be able to get some peace of mind in the form of money on the way to Larime on Monday.

  28. 28.

    Hoppie

    Well, of course, what else did you expect?  Do you really teach higher ed?

    I knew a Borzoi that once left a trail of crumbs from an entire chocolate cake in, about, 60 seconds.

  30. 30.

    Betsy

    @dmsilev: My brother’s small dachshund-beagle mix once ate an entire turkey frame while the family went for a late afternoon walk after polishing off their thanksgiving dinner, having carved  the rest of the meat from the bones and put those slices in the fridge, and left the remaining frame on a table.

    Dog threw up turkey bones and had the runs for days.

    Brother says Dog would do it all again in a heartbeat if he could.

  32. 32.

    Chetan Murthy

    Since  this is a domestic thread, I’ll just share that I’m finally (*finally*) cleaning up my house, after *years* during the pandemic of just not cleaning/throw-out-stuff.  It’s actually great, though I’m having to do it in waves.  You can’t remove all the dust at once it seems: you have to remove it in N waves.

    And I’m making caramelized onions tonight, so I can use ’em on pizza tomorrow.

  34. 34.

    Chetan Murthy

    @Jay: You’re thinking of dust hamsters.  I’m thinking of dust buffalo.  When I get rid of these monsters, it’ll be a marked decrease.  Then, yeah, I’ll get into the endless cycle of chasing dust around the house.  What a miracle that’ll be!

  35. 35.

    Shalimar

    At least it wasn’t brownies.

    Yes, my idiot brother left brownies in the floorboard of his truck where his dog got them about 6 weeks ago.  Thankfully she is fine.

  36. 36.

    Leto

    With all the troubles at home and abroad, we at least still get John Cole stories. One day someone will put in the effort to collect all of these as an anthology, and it’ll be an eternal best seller.

  38. 38.

    eclare

    You are surprised?  My dog doubles as a garbage disposal.  If something is not behind a closed door, it’s hers.

  39. 39.

    sab

    @eclare: My pittbull is a picky eater. If it is not a neighbors’ dog she is not interested. //

    I do miss my lab and my uncle’s cocker. Those guys would eat anything.

    My pitbull is pickier on food than any of my cats.

  40. 40.

    sab

    @Chetan Murthy: Our local humane society has a thrift store so I can unload all rhe stuff I love but don’t need there.

    My husband’s big concern is that when I dump stuff off I then shop and come home with more than I dumped.

    Nice chairs for $10. Who can resist?

  41. 41.

    mrmoshpotato

    @sab: My sister’s pitbull actually won’t disturb any people food.  She’ll sniff the air near anything that’s aromatic, but she’s never begged or tried to steal food.

  42. 42.

    sab

    @mrmoshpotato: That’s it. She won’t eat if we are around. I think that she thinks humans are larger meaner pitbulls

    Eta God knows what they did to her in her previous human family.

  43. 43.

    Bruce K in ATH-GR

    Could be worse. During the pandemic, my parents and my brother spent some time on one of the Greek islands, out of season, to avoid the risks of the pandemic as best they could, especially since Mom and Dad are quite old. Mom and Dad returned to Athens for medical reasons, and my brother stayed behind, and was befriended by one of the local cats.

    Summer of last year, there was an incident – the family had returned to the island, Mom was getting ready to cook a filet steak for the family … and that same cat snuck into the kitchen through an open door and grabbed the entire raw filet from the kitchen counter to feed it to her kittens.

  45. 45.

    Ann Marie

    I once went to answer the telephone, very briefly, and when I came back the roast beef in my sandwich had been neatly extracted without disturbing the rest of the sandwich.  My late cat Tye knew just what he wanted.

  46. 46.

    opiejeanne

    When I was a kid we went to potluck suppers in the church basement several times a year. Mom had made a lemon meringue pie to take, and as we were just about ready to leave she yelled at us, including Dad, to get into the kitchen. She pointed to the top of the pie and demanded to know which of us had nipped off the browned peaks of the meringue on top. My sister and I were not fond of that particular dessert*, and Dad would never do anything so outrageous, so we were bewildered by the question.

    Our cat then made an appearance, wondering what the commotion was about, and there was meringue stuck to her whiskers. Mom removed all of the meringue from the pie, made a new batch, and browned it in the oven, and off we went to the potluck. Back then, those Methodist women were great cooks, fried chicken by Doreen, gorgeous cakes by  her aunt whose name escapes me. Mrs Jackley did put too much black pepper in everything.

    *We did wise up to how good lemon meringue pies are when we got a little older.

  48. 48.

    NeenerNeener

    When my sister and her husband were relocating to Virginia they left their Lhasa Apso with us while they went looking for houses. My mother caught the dog on the kitchen table eating a stick of butter. Not long after that the dog decided a poinsettia plant in the house looked tasty and took a bite out of one of the leaves. She actually survived that, but we had to feed her an extremely bland diet of boiled chicken and cottage cheese for a week or two until her digestive system healed.

  53. 53.

    PDXBob

    Thurston was just helping with portion control.  If you forgot you had food to eat after 20 minutes, you didn’t need to finish that food.

    Also, growing up we had a toy poodle that jumped on the dining room table and ate a stick of butter in no time flat.  Found him still on the table, licking his chops.

  54. 54.

    SomeRandomGuy

    You named him after a famous tycoon who skinned people left and right, and you’re surprised he conned you out of a SALAD? You need to watch more reruns!

    (In reality: I hope you can laugh about it – I’ve had days where CONSTRUCTING an entire SALAD would have been as much as I can deal with, and I would be filled with fury at the “(expletive) (expletive stand-in for animal) (expletive deleted) RUINED MY LIFE…”.)

    Now, on to more trivializing mockery of your situation, such as a good friend will do, *after* taking you out for an emergency burger(“F___ the diet for once”).

    PS: look up dogs and sweet potatoes, and for an oldie that’s still a goodie, “dogs in elk”. (Spoiler: it’s that guy, singing that song, never gonna give you up… no, wait, this is back before rickrolling.)

Comments are closed.