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Balloon Juice

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Balloon Juice, where there is always someone who will say you’re doing it wrong.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Stop using mental illness to avoid talking about armed white supremacy.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

Oh FFS you might as well trust a 6-year-old with a flamethrower.

Republicans got rid of McCarthy. Democrats chose not to save him.

Many life forms that would benefit from greater intelligence, sadly, do not have it.

They were going to turn on one another at some point. It was inevitable.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

When they say they are pro-life, they do not mean yours.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

This really is a full service blog.

Let’s bury these fuckers at the polls 2 years from now.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

They punch you in the face and then start crying because their fist hurts.

If you voted for Trump, you don’t get to speak about ethics, morals, or rule of law.

There are a lot more evil idiots than evil geniuses.

Republicans choose power over democracy, every day.

If you’re gonna whine, it’s time to resign!

I desperately hope that, yet again, i am wrong.

I have other things to bitch about but those will have to wait.

Republicans cannot even be trusted with their own money.

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You are here: Home / Archives for 2009

Archives for 2009

Holy shit

by DougJ|  December 8, 20097:02 pm| 100 Comments

This post is in: Assholes, Good News For Conservatives, We Are All Mayans Now

With all due respect to Stanley Kaplan, I can’t believe they published a Sarah Palin Op-Ed on global warming:

“Climate-gate,” as the e-mails and other documents from the Climate Research Unit at the University of East Anglia have become known, exposes a highly politicized scientific circle — the same circle whose work underlies efforts at the Copenhagen climate change conference. The agenda-driven policies being pushed in Copenhagen won’t change the weather, but they would change our economy for the worse.

[….]

Without trustworthy science and with so much at stake, Americans should be wary about what comes out of this politicized conference. The president should boycott Copenhagen.

My brain is broken. I hope I have enough gin in my house to get to sleep tonight.

I’m going out for a bit. I may not return. I am just going outside and may be some time.

Update.

Update update. I guess we all forgot to say “green balloon”.

Holy shitPost + Comments (100)

Good Deeds, Unpunished, Etc.

by Tim F|  December 8, 20096:02 pm| 38 Comments

This post is in: Domestic Politics

If you were a Republican, and the Democratic White House just opened unprecedented numbers of government records to the public, what would you do?

***Update***

Not that I disagree with the idea of opening up the government to scrutiny by the rest of us. Just the reverse! I am thrilled to see Obama live up to a promise involving government records. Too bad the media won’t take sides every time rightwing activists lose their shit over some ordinary thing (it might compromise their evenhandedness) and Obama will most likely end up regretting it.

***Update 2***

Don’t get too excited about any Plamegate docs showing up. Obama has blocked every chance to shine daylight on the last administration. You might as well remember it now or else you’ll keep getting disappointed again and again – he does. not. want. that. fight. Congress will have to force him to move forward on accountability for Gonzo, Plame, Iraq, torture or anything else. Otherwise we might as well get used to the eight year memory hole.

Today’s directive will almost certainly cover government operations going forward.

Good Deeds, Unpunished, <i>Etc.</i>Post + Comments (38)

The iatropic excitement of rough sex

by DougJ|  December 8, 20094:34 pm| 123 Comments

This post is in: General Stupidity, Good News For Conservatives

I know you’ve all been wondering Rod Jetton’s “safe words” were. They don’t disappoint:

[W]hen he left the woman’s home the next morning he told her: “You should have said ‘green balloons’.”

I like these safe words for a lot of reasons: (1) the similarity to the name of this blog and (2) the fact that it sounds like an expression the At Pack would use (“black swans”, “green shoots”), for example.

But, still, I can’t help but wax nostalgic about the carefree innocence of double wetsuits and dildos.

The iatropic excitement of rough sexPost + Comments (123)

Time for a Taibbi Update

by John Cole|  December 8, 20094:05 pm| 70 Comments

This post is in: Republican Stupidity, Assholes

Remember that excellent Matt Taibbi piece about the Republican way of doing things when in the majority that featured stories like this:

The GOP’s “take that, bitch” approach to governing has been taken to the greatest heights by the House Judiciary Committee. The committee is chaired by the legendary Republican monster James Sensenbrenner Jr., an ever-sweating, fat-fingered beast who wields his gavel in a way that makes you think he might have used one before in some other arena, perhaps to beat prostitutes to death. Last year, Sensenbrenner became apoplectic when Democrats who wanted to hold a hearing on the Patriot Act invoked a little-known rule that required him to let them have one.

“Naturally, he scheduled it for something like 9 a.m. on a Friday when Congress wasn’t in session, hoping that no one would show,” recalls a Democratic staffer who attended the hearing. “But we got a pretty good turnout anyway.”

Sensenbrenner kept trying to gavel the hearing to a close, but Democrats again pointed to the rules, which said they had a certain amount of time to examine their witnesses. When they refused to stop the proceedings, the chairman did something unprecedented: He simply picked up his gavel and walked out.

“He was like a kid at the playground,” the staffer says. And just in case anyone missed the point, Sensenbrenner shut off the lights and cut the microphones on his way out of the room.

Looks like Taibbi needs to do a new piece, this time about how these petulant over-grown kids act in the minority:

In September, the Orlando Sentinel reported that Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL) had noticed Republicans House lawmakers intentionally forgetting or losing their voting cards in order to delay votes. Starting late in the summer, Grayson said he saw 60-70 GOP congressmen engaging in this tactic:

    GRAYSON: They’d all walk to the front of the House and, laughingly and jokingly, put their arms around each other’s shoulder like it was some kind of clownish fun. And they did this over and over to make sure every vote took half an hour. That’s how low things have gotten. I could give you countless examples just like that. They’re simply obstructionists and there’s nothing you can do about it.

I really don’t know how this country is supposed to operate when one of the two political parties is composed almost entirely of crazy assholes. The entire party has gone wingnut.

Time for a Taibbi UpdatePost + Comments (70)

That old seafaring, bold and daring

by DougJ|  December 8, 20093:17 pm| 76 Comments

This post is in: Domestic Politics, Good News For Conservatives

Realistically, there’s no way any of the principled centrists from Maine are going to support anything even vaguely like a public option.

And, of course, the fact that only 58 out of 100 Senators do support one just proves that we’re a center-right nation.

That old seafaring, bold and daringPost + Comments (76)

The Wankery Continues

by John Cole|  December 8, 20092:31 pm| 79 Comments

This post is in: Bring on the Brawndo!, Democratic Stupidity

Via Atrios, this:

The United States would begin financing its military engagements in Iraq and Afghanistan with war bonds under new legislation introduced Tuesday.

Sen. Ben Nelson (D-Neb.) unveiled the “United States War Bonds Act of 2009” early this afternoon, which would authorize the Treasury Department to begin selling bonds to fund the wars.

The bonds, Nelson said, would be purposed with helping to pay for the military efforts, in particular the surge of 30,000 troops in Afghanistan, without having to resort to the “war surtax” that has been discussed by some liberals in the House and Senate.

He really does not understand that all of our debt is structured through bond sales and the like, does he?

If I were a liberal in the Senate, here is what I would do. I would immediately write up a Stupak like amendment to make sure none of the funds raised in the war bonds co-mingles with any of the other funds raised by the sale of other treasury bonds, just to make damned sure no “WAR VICTORY YELLOW RIBBON ON MY CAR BEN NELSON IS A JACKASS BONDS” fund any abortions.

That ought to piss off the poor bastards at the Bureau of the Public Debt. The problem is, Ben Nelson is so goddamned stupid he will probably think it is a good idea.

For double fun, someone could go to the floor and suggestr we keep the proceeds from war bonds in Al Gore’s lockbox.

The Wankery ContinuesPost + Comments (79)

Her Own Private Idaho

by John Cole|  December 8, 20091:26 pm| 139 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

This is my personal hell:

plsmakeitstop

We’re going to spend the next four years chronicling this know-nothing hustler, and after that four years is up, we’ll be right back where we started, staring down the same empty road wondering how in the hell she didn’t manage to learn a damned thing in all her travels.

Her Own Private IdahoPost + Comments (139)

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