All English-language software should be equipped with a mechanism that prevents these particular words from being presented in this sequence:
Users who stubbornly attempt to evade the safeguard should have their hard drive erased. Jesus. I get that the Republicans are in despair over their sucky presidential slate, as well they should be. But this constant caterwauling about a Douche ex Machina is getting embarrassing. Suck it up, crybabies!
dmsilev
Candidate selection advice from the man who gave us Sarah Palin! What could possibly go wrong?
MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson
@dmsilev:
From the GOP’s point of view, hopefully, everything!
Omnes Omnibus
It’s Chunky Bobo; did you really expect better?
M31
“Douche ex Machina”
That is fucking brilliant.
Egg Berry
Isn’t it obvious? The transitive properties of Kristoltelian wrongness means that Chunky Bobo must be wrong in his pronouncement. i.e., Bloody Bill is always wrong, and Chunky Bobo is talking about Bloody Bill, therefore, Chunky Bobo is wrong.
Chuck Butcher
Do you suppose that one day they’ll figure out that their brand of politics breeds these guys? That even their replacements are just as bad once subjected to… I suppose you could call it scrutiny?
Linda Featheringill
If they, the concerned Republicans, had been criticizing stupidity and publicly praising intelligence and/or maturity for the past few years, they would have a better slate of candidates today. As it is, the thoughtful and decent Republicans are all hiding and staying low.
Therefore, the greater mass of Republicans now have the candidates they deserve.
DanielX
Bill Kristol has been right all along.
Brain struggling to process…Bill Kristol has been right…been right all along…Bill Kristol right?
Whew. Lockup cleared; statement from Douthat, invalid.
Had to recall one of the rules for living: whatever Bill Kristol says, bet the opposite way. You can’t go wrong.
kay
@Chuck Butcher:
This is exactly it. They’re not going to attract good people because good people aren’t going to want to work within that.
Can you imagine working for Newt Gingrich? Jesus. Nightmare job.
DanielX
Let it be noted, btw, that although Mitch Daniels is a standard issue corporate Republican douche waffle, he IS intelligent and politically astute. I mean, he’s a two term governor of my fair state when his record in his previous position – W’s budget director when the deficit was taking the E train to Mars – should have automatically disqualified him for any public position higher than solid waste management in Redkey. Granted, that may say more about the (lack of) intelligence of the electorate than it does about the intelligence of Mitch. But Mitch, as a governor, realizes that if you’re elected to govern, somewhere along the line you actually have to govern. The Tea Party, which pretty much is the Republican electorate here, doesn’t give a rusty goddamn about governing, and they detest Mitch the same way they detest Mittens. Plus he’s got even less charisma then Mittens, and Mittens makes John Kerry look like Mick Jagger. No one is more aware of these realities than Mitch, which is why he made the very prudent decision not to jump in regardless of the importunings of the likes of Bloody Bill.
Oh yeah, there was the other reality that his wife (who’s already left him once) and his four daughters really REALLY didn’t want him to run. One more confirmation of his intelligence – although if the five most important women in your life tell you they don’t want you to do something, it doesn’t take genius to realize that you shouldn’t do it if you want your life to remain serene.
Also, too – Mitch doesn’t need the headaches of having to deal with hostile Democrats or Tea Party types who hate him the devil hates holy water. He can go back to some corporate sinecure at Eli Lilly or elsewhere after he leaves the governor’s office, pile up the bucks and be well positioned to be selected as Secretary of Commerce or something if a Republican wins in 2016, if he so desires.
Montysano
No, Ross, those voters are getting exactly what they deserve: grifters, rich douchebags, morons, and lunatics.
Raven
And in other news from the Peach State
WASHINGTON – Andrew Adler, the owner and publisher of the Jewish weekly Atlanta Jewish Times announced his resignation on Monday after publishing an op-ed in which he suggested that Israel assassinate US President Barack Obama.
Oy ya’ll.
RSA
What a hilariouly bad column. If Bill Kristol was right all along that “Republican primary voters deserve a better choice than the one being presented to them” then so is everyone else who observes that this pack of candidates is the bottom of the barrel. And the ending!
That’s persuasive. “Why doesn’t someone else run? Cowards, all of you.”
MariedeGournay
I’m surprised after reading that statement I wasn’t sent back to the fifth dimension.
Also, what’s with all the Libertarian corpses men? Looks like they should kept in a jar by Dr. Pretorius.
MikeJ
If some less crazy Republican decided to hop in the race today, in how many states could he or she get on the ballot? Assume they have a stack of petitions already stapled to the application and the check to the Secretary of State already made out. What percentage of the remaining delegates could anybody contest?
eastriver
Well, along with douche ex machina, I offer up Newt’s primary character flaw: ruberis. look it up; “overly proud at being a provincial dick.” That’s Greek, mofos.
MattF
Self-refuting assertions: “‘All Cretans are liars’, said the Cretan” , “This statement is false”, “Bill Kristol was right.” Kind of a surprise that there’s anyone out there who doesn’t know this.
Princess
Thanks to Mitch Daniels, Indiana is about to become a right-to-work sate, probably today. Yeah, that’s what we need as a country: reaching and striving to emulate…Oklahoma.
DanielX
@Princess:
Why not the best? Let’s try for Mississippi.
Rathskeller
Has Kristol really been calling for Jeb Bush and Bobbie Jindahl to run? That man lives in his own reality.
MattF
@Rathskeller: My recollection is that Kristol has been calling for anyone other than the current set.
Davis X. Machina
Bill Kristol has been right all along.
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
Hey, Chomsky was [email protected]M31: Chill. We don’t get to pick our relatives, bud.
HRA
After watching all of the debates (God help me), it has come down to my thinking McCain even with the barracuda in tow was sane in retrospect and that’s a significant leap.
Daniels, Jeb Bush and Jindal are vulnerable in different ways as well. There is no rabbit to pull out of a hat. They are reaping what they sowed.
Violet
Mitch Daniels is a little leprechaun of a man. No way he plays well on the national stage where they want a cowboy in a white hat to ride in and save the day. I can’t figure out why anyone thinks he’d be a good candidate.
El Cid
Republicans get a sliding scale of competence whereby governing figures who are merely harmful to the public but roughly within the bounds of sanity and capable of semi-rational discourse are seen as impressive if not magical figures, and the standard crazies who fill the slate are seen as normal, and you really have to distinguish yourself in terms of vileness, stupidity, and craziness in order to be seen as somehow not making the bar of Republican competence.
I should Google it, but David Brooks wrote a column so excitedly in awe of Mitch Daniels urging him to run that I really do believe that Brooks was masturbating while he wrote it.
aimai
Betty, the Rumproast liveblog of the debate was so good that I didn’t even have to see the debate! I just read the liveblog this morning. Thank you for this invaluable service.
aimai
JGabriel
Betty Cracker @ Top:
Why? I get why the rest of the country would feel chagrined by the GOP Presidential choices, but why should Republicans?
It’s important for us to keep in mind that the weakness of the Republican field is a consequence, not chance. When you demand anti-evolution, anti-abortion, climate change denying, anti-Islam, anti-Mexican, xenophobic, homophobic, free-market extremists for your standard bearer, your choices will be limited to either liars or the insane.
From the Mainstream Republican’s perspective, that should be a feature, not a bug. They’re getting the candidates they demand. I find it puzzling that they don’t like them.
.
Bruce S
“Douche ex machina” is now part of my official vocabulary. Congrats!
handsmile
While GOP soothsayers like Kristol, Douthat, and Brooks may rend their garments over the flaws of their party’s presidential candidates, a roster foretelling doom (“Save us, oh Bobby Jindal, you’re our only hope!), actual GOP primary and caucus voters are evidently cheering hosannahs.
In every single GOP primary/caucus so far this year, voter turnout has increased from that of 2008. In Iowa: over 2,300 more caucus votes, a 2% increase. In New Hampshire: almost 14,00 more voters, a 5.6% increase. And in South Carolina: 155,489 more voters, a 25.7% increase!
As JGabriel commented above (#27), “from the Mainstream Republican’s perspective,” even if not that of its pampered punditubbies, the current menu of GOP presidential candidates offers all the raw meat and bilious drink they crave.
losgatosca
It’s like no one remembers that as his chief of staff, Kristol was often referred to as Quayle’s brain.
Which started the Kristol streak of winna’s.
Roger Moore
@Linda Featheringill:
Along with Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, space aliens, and smart right wing columnists.
Bulworth
The only thing more laughable than having Newt as the nominee would be having Mitch Charisma Daniels as the nominee.
Rathskeller
@losgatosca: I never knew that. That is amazing. Thank you.
Scott P.
Need to subtract Democrats and Independents who are playing spoiler since they don’t have a Democratic primary to vote in.
The Other Chuck
What happens the day Bloody Bill says “I am wrong”?
Villago Delenda Est
@The Other Chuck:
Won’t happen. That particular string can’t be uttered; fail safes are in place to insure that the unit will self destruct if the CPU sends that string to the vocalizer to be processed.
It’s one of the features of the RomneyBot 3000 that’s been incorporated into the KristolLite 2000.
Arclite
Bwahahahaha. This post is frickin’ hilarious. Thanks, Betty!