Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

Let’s bury these fuckers at the polls 2 years from now.

Republicans do not trust women.

Bark louder, little dog.

It is not hopeless, and we are not helpless.

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

“Loving your country does not mean lying about its history.”

Disappointing to see gov. newsom with his finger to the wind.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

Republican also-rans: four mules fighting over a turnip.

Jack be nimble, jack be quick, hurry up and indict this prick.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

The rest of the comments were smacking Boebert like she was a piñata.

If a good thing happens for a bad reason, it’s still a good thing.

Republicans want to make it harder to vote and easier for them to cheat.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

If you thought you’d already seen people saying the stupidest things possible on the internet, prepare yourselves.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

DeSantis transforming Florida into 1930s Germany with gators and theme parks.

Dear Washington Post, you are the darkness now.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

Quote tweet friends, screenshot enemies.

You are here: Home / Politics / Media / Kristol Lite

Kristol Lite

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All English-language software should be equipped with a mechanism that prevents these particular words from being presented in this sequence:

Users who stubbornly attempt to evade the safeguard should have their hard drive erased. Jesus. I get that the Republicans are in despair over their sucky presidential slate, as well they should be. But this constant caterwauling about a Douche ex Machina is getting embarrassing. Suck it up, crybabies!

Reader Interactions

38Comments

  1. 1.

    dmsilev

    Candidate selection advice from the man who gave us Sarah Palin! What could possibly go wrong?

  5. 5.

    Egg Berry

    Isn’t it obvious? The transitive properties of Kristoltelian wrongness means that Chunky Bobo must be wrong in his pronouncement. i.e., Bloody Bill is always wrong, and Chunky Bobo is talking about Bloody Bill, therefore, Chunky Bobo is wrong.

  6. 6.

    Chuck Butcher

    Do you suppose that one day they’ll figure out that their brand of politics breeds these guys? That even their replacements are just as bad once subjected to… I suppose you could call it scrutiny?

  7. 7.

    Linda Featheringill

    If they, the concerned Republicans, had been criticizing stupidity and publicly praising intelligence and/or maturity for the past few years, they would have a better slate of candidates today. As it is, the thoughtful and decent Republicans are all hiding and staying low.

    Therefore, the greater mass of Republicans now have the candidates they deserve.

  8. 8.

    DanielX

    Bill Kristol has been right all along.

    Brain struggling to process…Bill Kristol has been right…been right all along…Bill Kristol right?

    Whew. Lockup cleared; statement from Douthat, invalid.

    Had to recall one of the rules for living: whatever Bill Kristol says, bet the opposite way. You can’t go wrong.

  9. 9.

    kay

    @Chuck Butcher:

    Do you suppose that one day they’ll figure out that their brand of politics breeds these guys?

    This is exactly it. They’re not going to attract good people because good people aren’t going to want to work within that.

    Can you imagine working for Newt Gingrich? Jesus. Nightmare job.

  10. 10.

    DanielX

    Let it be noted, btw, that although Mitch Daniels is a standard issue corporate Republican douche waffle, he IS intelligent and politically astute. I mean, he’s a two term governor of my fair state when his record in his previous position – W’s budget director when the deficit was taking the E train to Mars – should have automatically disqualified him for any public position higher than solid waste management in Redkey. Granted, that may say more about the (lack of) intelligence of the electorate than it does about the intelligence of Mitch. But Mitch, as a governor, realizes that if you’re elected to govern, somewhere along the line you actually have to govern. The Tea Party, which pretty much is the Republican electorate here, doesn’t give a rusty goddamn about governing, and they detest Mitch the same way they detest Mittens. Plus he’s got even less charisma then Mittens, and Mittens makes John Kerry look like Mick Jagger. No one is more aware of these realities than Mitch, which is why he made the very prudent decision not to jump in regardless of the importunings of the likes of Bloody Bill.

    Oh yeah, there was the other reality that his wife (who’s already left him once) and his four daughters really REALLY didn’t want him to run. One more confirmation of his intelligence – although if the five most important women in your life tell you they don’t want you to do something, it doesn’t take genius to realize that you shouldn’t do it if you want your life to remain serene.

    Also, too – Mitch doesn’t need the headaches of having to deal with hostile Democrats or Tea Party types who hate him the devil hates holy water. He can go back to some corporate sinecure at Eli Lilly or elsewhere after he leaves the governor’s office, pile up the bucks and be well positioned to be selected as Secretary of Commerce or something if a Republican wins in 2016, if he so desires.

  11. 11.

    Montysano

    Republican primary voters deserve a better choice than the one being presented to them

    No, Ross, those voters are getting exactly what they deserve: grifters, rich douchebags, morons, and lunatics.

  13. 13.

    RSA

    What a hilariouly bad column. If Bill Kristol was right all along that “Republican primary voters deserve a better choice than the one being presented to them” then so is everyone else who observes that this pack of candidates is the bottom of the barrel. And the ending!

    But that’s very different from saying that it couldn’t, if someone, from Daniels to Jeb to Bobby Jindal, were willing to step into the breach that caution has created, and cowardice has sustained.

    That’s persuasive. “Why doesn’t someone else run? Cowards, all of you.”

  14. 14.

    MariedeGournay

    I’m surprised after reading that statement I wasn’t sent back to the fifth dimension.

    Also, what’s with all the Libertarian corpses men? Looks like they should kept in a jar by Dr. Pretorius.

  15. 15.

    MikeJ

    If some less crazy Republican decided to hop in the race today, in how many states could he or she get on the ballot? Assume they have a stack of petitions already stapled to the application and the check to the Secretary of State already made out. What percentage of the remaining delegates could anybody contest?

  16. 16.

    eastriver

    Well, along with douche ex machina, I offer up Newt’s primary character flaw: ruberis. look it up; “overly proud at being a provincial dick.” That’s Greek, mofos.

  17. 17.

    MattF

    Self-refuting assertions: “‘All Cretans are liars’, said the Cretan” , “This statement is false”, “Bill Kristol was right.” Kind of a surprise that there’s anyone out there who doesn’t know this.

  18. 18.

    Princess

    Thanks to Mitch Daniels, Indiana is about to become a right-to-work sate, probably today. Yeah, that’s what we need as a country: reaching and striving to emulate…Oklahoma.

  20. 20.

    Rathskeller

    Has Kristol really been calling for Jeb Bush and Bobbie Jindahl to run? That man lives in his own reality.

  23. 23.

    HRA

    After watching all of the debates (God help me), it has come down to my thinking McCain even with the barracuda in tow was sane in retrospect and that’s a significant leap.
    Daniels, Jeb Bush and Jindal are vulnerable in different ways as well. There is no rabbit to pull out of a hat. They are reaping what they sowed.

  24. 24.

    Violet

    Mitch Daniels is a little leprechaun of a man. No way he plays well on the national stage where they want a cowboy in a white hat to ride in and save the day. I can’t figure out why anyone thinks he’d be a good candidate.

  25. 25.

    El Cid

    Republicans get a sliding scale of competence whereby governing figures who are merely harmful to the public but roughly within the bounds of sanity and capable of semi-rational discourse are seen as impressive if not magical figures, and the standard crazies who fill the slate are seen as normal, and you really have to distinguish yourself in terms of vileness, stupidity, and craziness in order to be seen as somehow not making the bar of Republican competence.

    I should Google it, but David Brooks wrote a column so excitedly in awe of Mitch Daniels urging him to run that I really do believe that Brooks was masturbating while he wrote it.

  26. 26.

    aimai

    Betty, the Rumproast liveblog of the debate was so good that I didn’t even have to see the debate! I just read the liveblog this morning. Thank you for this invaluable service.

    aimai

  27. 27.

    JGabriel

    Betty Cracker @ Top:

    I get that the Republicans are in despair over their sucky presidential slate, as well they should be.

    Why? I get why the rest of the country would feel chagrined by the GOP Presidential choices, but why should Republicans?

    It’s important for us to keep in mind that the weakness of the Republican field is a consequence, not chance. When you demand anti-evolution, anti-abortion, climate change denying, anti-Islam, anti-Mexican, xenophobic, homophobic, free-market extremists for your standard bearer, your choices will be limited to either liars or the insane.

    From the Mainstream Republican’s perspective, that should be a feature, not a bug. They’re getting the candidates they demand. I find it puzzling that they don’t like them.

    .

  29. 29.

    handsmile

    While GOP soothsayers like Kristol, Douthat, and Brooks may rend their garments over the flaws of their party’s presidential candidates, a roster foretelling doom (“Save us, oh Bobby Jindal, you’re our only hope!), actual GOP primary and caucus voters are evidently cheering hosannahs.

    In every single GOP primary/caucus so far this year, voter turnout has increased from that of 2008. In Iowa: over 2,300 more caucus votes, a 2% increase. In New Hampshire: almost 14,00 more voters, a 5.6% increase. And in South Carolina: 155,489 more voters, a 25.7% increase!

    As JGabriel commented above (#27), “from the Mainstream Republican’s perspective,” even if not that of its pampered punditubbies, the current menu of GOP presidential candidates offers all the raw meat and bilious drink they crave.

  30. 30.

    losgatosca

    It’s like no one remembers that as his chief of staff, Kristol was often referred to as Quayle’s brain.

    Which started the Kristol streak of winna’s.

  34. 34.

    Scott P.

    In every single GOP primary/caucus so far this year, voter turnout has increased from that of 2008.

    Need to subtract Democrats and Independents who are playing spoiler since they don’t have a Democratic primary to vote in.

  36. 36.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @The Other Chuck:

    Won’t happen. That particular string can’t be uttered; fail safes are in place to insure that the unit will self destruct if the CPU sends that string to the vocalizer to be processed.

    It’s one of the features of the RomneyBot 3000 that’s been incorporated into the KristolLite 2000.

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