I have no idea where I am. This happens quite frequently and, I suppose, is to be expected after about 80 years or so of intemperate dedication to the pharmacopoeial pleasures. However, there is loud music and I have a 40 dollar cocktail in one hand and Brad Pitt in the other, so wherever I am it’s fancy.
Brad keeps bitching because Angelina got turned away by the bouncer for wearing open toed shoes, although I suspect it had more to do with the fact she smells like a civet on heat when you get up close. Brad, frankly, looks like shit. Nineteen kids and a girlfriend with both daddy and brother issues will do that to you. However, I’ve given the poor thing a pill, so he should perk up soon.
Gloria and Anderson are off trying to find coke, if they can stop arguing for five minutes about which of them is taking home the twin Albanian sailors who Gloria picked up earlier at Katie Couric’s party. Leitenant Prek and Leitenant Preng (for those are their names – what can you expect from a place that had a king called Zog?) are on shore leave for a few weeks and on the make in New York, and Katie hired them to serve as shirtless waiters because (apparently) “it’s my party, and I want it to be special”.
Prek and Preng were the highlight of the party, as half naked, bemuscled men bearing cheesy lobster tarts so often are. Otherwise it was just the usual for one of Katie’s parties – non-vintage champagne, too many bankers and media types with powdered noses, Katie complaining all the time because there’s not enough coke at her own damn party, and Dan Rather passed out in his own sick in the bathtub. People tend not to admit they have coke in Katie’s presence because she gets quite grabby if she thinks the lines aren’t being dispensed fast enough. Every time she heads in the general direction of the bathroom, there’s a brief stampede as everyone tries to hide in the kitchen.
Anyway, we escaped from Katie’s apartment by tossing a baggie into the spare room and leaving while she was still tangled up in the duvet, grabbing the lieutenants on our way, and then ended up here, whatever it’s called. I gave up remembering the names of nightclubs years ago. My drink is good. Brad’s pill is so good that he’s started eyeing up Prek’s tattoos, while Prek and Preng are currently gazing into each other’s eyes in a manner which would, if weren’t a filthy old thing, be quite shocking.
Oh, I forgot. At Katie’s party we ran into Gore Vidal who, I’ll be frank, I had thought was dead. At our age it’s often easier to assume.
He looked very well, and we spent a most enjoyable half hour chatting about whether Santorum would be more entertaining to watch under the influence of mushrooms or ketamine, and a great new technique that Gore developed for hiding laxatives in battenberg cake. Hint – it’s in the jam. Just before he left with one of the other waiters, Gore told me a positively eye watering anecdote about Onassis and Jackie and a cucumber that I dare not repeat. Such an old charmer.
Well dears, there’s still no sign of Gloria or Anderson, so I’m going to take these three boys back to the safety of my suite at the Plaza before they make a scene on the carpet. I hope you have a lovely weekend too.
Music in this post, as often, with thanks to the invaluable Alfitude.
Am I the only one that just doesn’t get this Sarah character? Is it just me?
@blackfrancis789: You might not be the only one, but there are lots of other threads where you can talk about stuff.
Sarah Proud and Tall
I don’t get you either, dear, so it all evens out.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@blackfrancis789: I’m afraid so. Pity, that.
@blackfrancis789: It’s just you, sorry.
Happy Friday night, Sarah, my dear.
Next time you run into Mr. Vidal, do tell him that he still has a special place in my heart — my twelve-year-old self had read (& plotted to steal from) other excellent essayists, but none with Gore’s sense of elan!
Thank you for another lovely dispatch, Sarah. Reading these before bedtime always brings visions of, well, not sugarplums exactly, but other entertaining tasties dancing in my head.
The answer, of course, is none of the above. But I just turned my spice level in my lemon-cream pasta to near-Thai, so my perspective on life is a bit skewed at the moment. And I’m tragically sober.
Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason
@Jess: I’m just a sick puppy, or maybe it’s Sarah, but I read that as
@Joseph Nobles: That is very true. This one being an open one, it seemed like as good a place as any.
Not trying to start a thing, just wondering if I was all alone.
Comrade Colette Collaboratrice
Eeek, that first video is like the bastard child of Ice Castles and a Bay City Rollers video.
Damn, I’m old.
Hot Canuck babe checking in. It’s been unseasonably mild in Toronto all week (15-20C, or 60-70F), and it’s going to stay in the low 20s all next week.
I’ve seen a few warm days in March before, but a 2 week stretch like this is unprecedented.
I’m starting to tan. Like, not on purpose, just from being outside walking from place to place. It is the third week of fucking March.
@Comrade Mary: What is this “sun” thing you speak of? Was it that big light in the sky that occasionally peeked through the cloud cover today? I’m not sure how I feel about it. Seems a bit shifty to me.
@Comrade Mary: Hot Canuck babe, you are too funny!
I noticed my arms were red today, and for a minute I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Then I realized. Oh, sun. (I had ridden my new bicycle for about half an hour today.)
Dude, you need to get out of Seattle.
@Spaghetti Lee: Okay, when it storms like Fereginar for three days straight, things get blocked out of the memory.
This is an open thread, right?
Okay, I use Google Chrome as a browser on my MacBook Pro. Why does this site get rendered on Chrome on the MacBook Pro like … ew … I can’t even describe it … it’s a lot like a site with badly-formatted auto-generated content? It renders normally on the awful Safari on MB Pro and also renders perfectly well on Chrome on a Google phone.
#first world problems
@Glinda: The site is having trouble detecting the browser properly in some cases. I’ve never seen it happen in Safari on my Mac, but I’ve seen it once or twice on my iPhone. I think Chrome seems to have the most trouble from the comments I’ve seen.
Hopefully Cole will have the webmistress get that fixed up.
@Martin: I have yet to have a formatting issue except on my mobile connection. And even then it’s so rare I figure it’s a software issue. My ad blocker must be stopping whatever is making the formatting go crazy.
@Yutsano: Well, I’ve never seen anyone report it prior to a few weeks ago, and then a LOT of people started reporting it happening constantly, so I think it really is something on the server side.
Luckily, that can be corrected.
@Martin Thank you. I hate using Safari. Should I send an email to someone?
so where are the cute boys again?
@Martin: Seems curious that it has yet to occur with me. And it’s not like I have an exotic set-up (FF10 on Win7) so I’m not sure. I guess I shouldn’t look gift horses in mouths and such.
@Glinda: Nah, I think Cole has heard more of the problem than he wants as it is. He asked us for feedback and then told us all to STFU about the mobile site issues.
Just lovely, Ms. Sarah. I need to eat something, but there are no menz around. ::looks around hopefully::
@ant: Oh. My. I am currently watching the uncensored version. Ahem.
The prophet Nostradumbass
@blackfrancis789: That the next 15 comments on the thread had nothing to do with the story ought to tell you something.
Overpriced and overrated Apple product is the likely culprit….
The prophet Nostradumbass
@WyldPirate: Google Chrome is an “Overpriced and overrated Apple product”?
@asiangrrlMN: It’s late, so I hope you don’t mind my asking…
Months ago, I read your 5 posts about your Canadian guy, and I have been wondering how that’s going, if it’s still going. You sounded so happy, I have been hoping that all is well. I hope you don’t mind my asking, I intend no offense.
@ant: Except, oddly enough, uncensored or unrated did not mean what I thought it meant. Sigh.
@WaterGirl: No offense at all, WaterGirl! We broke up. It was a very hard thing, but ultimately, for the best. I’m back on the market, bay-beeee!
@The prophet Nostradumbass:
No, Apple’s shit doesn’t play well with non-Apple stuff is the problem.
@asiangrrlMN: Really sorry to hear about the breakup since you seemed so happy. On the up-side, maybe that relationship, which seemed to maybe be different from anything you had experienced before (?) will open the door to another wonderful relationship.
On an unrelated note, I read your comment from this morning (last night?) about one of your boys only wanting to hang out with your right boob. So sweet that he has a preference!
@WaterGirl: I learned a lot from it, yes. And, thanks.
Heh. Yes. Shadow only likes my right boob for some reason. It’s really strange. I’m fine with it as long as he doesn’t knead TOO hard!
I just got around to re-reading the old thread linked earlier today, from when Cole found Lily:
I Think This is the One.
Off to bed…
@asiangrrlMN: Come to think of it, my black Bear only kneads my right boob, too. I often try to sneak a soft blankie in there… for me, it’s the nails that come out. Ouch!
@Martin: But it’s not a mobile site issue. That works fine … albeit it’s a little small on mobile devices but I can spread my thumb and forefinger to get it larger and readable.
However Chrome on Mac is a whole different unreadable animal.
@WyldPirate LOL! While I’ve grown to appreciate your view of the fact that Apple products are seriously overpriced, this happens to be a free Google app that’s causing my problem.
To add to the reports, I have no problem with unrequested mobile site on firefox or chrome, on both windows and linux.
I do have it on fennec (firefox mobile) on android. Even when I ask for the desktop version, I get the mobile. The built in nook browser works fine too.
Nice post! Reminds me of scenes from Chip Delany’s Sci-Fi book, Nova. One of my favorites, btw, so, this is great praise.
Sarah, did you know Katie was a Rider?
she did conformation hunters and baby greens, basically beauty/money pageants for horses.
i rode hunters as a kid. trainer gets off the 50000 pony, kid gets on and rides her course.
Sometimes i was so nervous about not pinning that i threw up on my boots.
praise allah pony club and eventing rescued me from that world.
poor Katie never escaped.
My workaround for browser issues: delete the ‘www.’ from the url and both the site and comments revert to the non-mobile version. (MacBook Air, Safari.)
@Sarah Proud and Tall: not a Pixies fan?
here comes your man
Skippy the Wondermule
I saw Brad waltzing in the streets last night, you done him good. I hope the guy in the bear suit got home okay, he wasn’t steady on his feet.
But we’re all steady on our backs, thankfully.
I like to pretend that Sarah is a quadruple amputee sitting in a nursing home, having gone mad from the dual tortures of neglect and the tv positioned in front of her being tuned eternally to E!. These dispatches are just her insane ramblings spiked with the insane ramblings from E!. Whatever it is- it’s brilliant.
Poor Brad. What he must do for a little fun….
@electricgrendel: nice nic.
I like the Sarah postings, they are so fantastical and funny, and definitely a unique item on the political blogs I read. At first I didn’t get them either but now I love them.