Jezebel‘s Anna Merlan, “Sail (Far) Away”:
… [Sean David] Morton is a radio host, among other things. Here he was one of the lead organizers of Conspira Sea, the first annual sea cruise for conspiracy theorists. While the ship looped from San Pedro to Cabo San Lucas and back, some 100 of its passengers and I would be focused on uncharted waters, where nothing is as it seems. Before we docked again, two of them would end up following me around the ship, convinced I was a CIA plant.
Elsewhere aboard, people’s vacations were already exuberantly underway, the cigarette-browned casino bustling. Those of us in the conspiracy group were crammed into a dim, red-carpeted conference room in the bowels of Deck 6 to hear Morton, a Humpty Dumpty-shaped man with a chinstrap beard and an enormous, winking green ring, explain our mission.
“Conspiracy theorists are always right,” Morton told the room. He spoke with the jokey cadence and booming delivery of his profession; he’s basically Rush Limbaugh, if Rush Limbaugh claimed to have psychic powers (Morton practices a form of ESP known as “remote viewing,” which he says he learned from Nepalese monks). It was a bit of a pander, since the room was filled with conspiracy theorists.
“In 40 years,” Morton added, “as many people will believe a bunch of Arabs knocked down the World Trade Center as will believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.” A lot of people nod…
There was Helen Sewell, a British astrologer, and her husband Andy Thomas, a conspiracy researcher. There was Jeffrey Smith, an anti-GMO activist with no scientific credentials and a previous career in “yogic flying.” There were Sherri Kane and Leonard Horowitz, a team in both research and life, who were there to tell us how the media and the CIA control the gullible populace.
There was Laura Eisenhower, the great-granddaughter of President Dwight D. Eisenhower, a fact that sometimes would seem significant and sometimes would not. She explained she was there to show us how to get beyond “the seven chakra system that’s been implanted within us,” and a bunch of other similar phrases I found hard to follow. There was Nick Begich, the son of the late Alaska congressman John Nicholas Joseph Begich, a low-key, sweet-natured guy who believes the government is controlling both the weather and people’s minds with the use of a research program called HAARP.
Near Begich was Winston Shrout, who runs a staid-sounding financial advice company called Solutions in Commerce, dedicated to the idea that the U.S. government and the Federal Reserve have us all literally enslaved. A few seats down was Dannion Brinkley, who’s from South Carolina, and who has died and been to Heaven three times. Death, he told us, is not, in fact, real.
Most notably, there was Andrew Wakefield, the British gastroenterologist who authored the now-infamous 1998 study that suggested there might be a link between the MMR vaccine and autism. Jenny McCarthy was breathed into being because of Andrew Wakefield…
Spoiler: These people are (at best) generally unhappy, not to mention very lightly hinged. But, as Douglas Adams would say, “mostly harmless.”…
Tara the Antisocial Social Worker
How silly. Everyone knows the world is run by cats.
Omnes Omnibus
@Tara the Antisocial Social Worker: Explain the mole people.
David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch
@Tara the Antisocial Social Worker: change a single letter and cat becomes cia.
obviously cats are a cia front.
Mnemosyne
I still maintain that people latch onto conspiracy theories because the truth that the universe is random and makes no sense is much too threatening. It’s much more comforting to believe that someone is in charge, even if it’s an evil someone or someones.
Ken
Sometimes I regret having morals. Babbling nonsense and sucking up money from idiots is so much easier than working.
Mnemosyne
Also, Ennio Morricone just won his first Oscar. John Williams was, of course, a class act.
ETA: Also, I think the camera caught Harvey Weinstein crying.
PeakVT
Where’s an iceberg when you need one?
PurpleGirl
@Omnes Omnibus: Better yet — the lizard people.
Emma
@Mnemosyne: Wait. He never won an Oscar before tonight? WTF?
divF
@Omnes Omnibus:
“Mud-Wrestlers from Outer Space vs. The Mexican Mole Women”.
Waldo
Here’s what I don’t get: 9/11 WAS a conspiracy. That’s the government’s official explanation. Shouldn’t theses kooks be out there trying to prove it was instead the work of a few unrelated piloting errors?
Omnes Omnibus
@PurpleGirl: Well, yeah. But I want my answer about the mole people. They creep me out.
Anya
John Oliver is doing a good segment on how inconsistent and full of crap Trump is. Best oppo research. A must watch.
David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch
This one is my favorite. Over the past 7 years I’ve run across kooks on facebook and twitter who insist Obama is controlling the weather.
Conspiracy Theorists Say Obama Engineered Hurricane Sandy
I would to love see Obama starring in the next X-Men movie as Ororo Munroe/Storm
PurpleGirl
@PeakVT: Melting before it reaches Greenland due to climate change.
Mnemosyne
@Emma:
Nominated 5 times, never won until tonight. He did get an honorary Oscar a few years ago.
Bill E Pilgrim
I once got Studio 54 and Area 51 mixed up and ended up getting thrown out by a bouncer with three heads.
PurpleGirl
@Omnes Omnibus: K, no problem.
ETA: I seem to remember a police show which had lizard people from outer space. Very convoluted theory but funny.
Felonius Monk
There would have been a much larger attendance but for the fact that many potential attendees were still being held in detention camps set up in abandoned Walmarts in Texas that are run by Chinese nationals at the behest of Emperor Obama.
Mike J
@Bill E Pilgrim:
Mike J
@Mike J: FYWP doesn’t like fake html in brackets, rimshot (too lazy to do lt gt tags)
srv
It’s a damn conspiracy why Trump hasn’t been nominated for an Oscar.
Omnes Omnibus
@Bill E Pilgrim: From which place?
Ken
@PurpleGirl: Alien Nation, perhaps?
Bill E Pilgrim
@Omnes Omnibus: Oh you’ve been to Studio 54 also.
Howard Beale IV
“Mostly harmless”? The anti-vaxxers are fucking dangerous.
GregB
Hey wait a minute. If you wanted to get rid off all of the conspiracy whack-bags would it be the greatest thing ever to get them all in one place and away from the rest of prying eyes of the world and then get rid of them with one torpedoe?
Omnes Omnibus
@Bill E Pilgrim: I am more a CBGBs guy. But I was really too young for it when I lived nearby. I was still 13 when we moved from CT in ’78.
Bill E Pilgrim
@GregB: Only if it were fired by Dan Quayle.
Ken
@GregB: Not a torpedo, that would reveal the conspiracy. Just replace each of them with a duplicate – whether robot, clone, or alien pod is up to you. Eighty people get on the ship, eighty “people” get off the ship, and no-one’s the wiser.
Mike J
@Bill E Pilgrim: Studio 54 closed when I was in jr high, but I did make it to CBGB.
Omnes Omnibus
@Ken: Do you really think that hasn’t happened already? How fucking naive are you?
Micheline
OT. This Josh Krashaar is such a hack.
Bill E Pilgrim
I’ve actually never been to Studio 54 either. But did go to CBGB also, once or twice.
PurpleGirl
@Ken: No, I think it was CSI: Las Vegas. Alien Nation had other weird creatures.
ETA: If you Google lizard people TV show yoy get references to “V” and also to reptiles being in the government. One consipracy has President Obama being a reptile from space.
Ken
@Omnes Omnibus: You mean the robot duplicates from the 2015 cruise were replaced with alien pod duplicates during the 2016 cruise? How deep does this go?
Omnes Omnibus
@Bill E Pilgrim:
So you say.
Bill E Pilgrim
CSI: CBGB is the one I’d like to see.
Omnes Omnibus
@Bill E Pilgrim: Jesus, how would they deal with the forensic evidence from the restrooms?
cynthia ackerman
In 1978, I was at Studio 54 when Andy Warhol was given a garbage can full of money, for his birthday. Great times.
Mnemosyne
Well, so much for my Oscar picks at work. That was a surprise.
David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch
Now that Dicaprio has won an Oscar he’s going to be a real babe magnet.
Omnes Omnibus
@cynthia ackerman: I can’t enumerate the ways that that is wrong.
Mike J
lamh36
Leo won…good now enough already…Leo at least got noimanted what, 6 times, which is more than some of the greatest actors and actresses of color ever had.
Anyway, I’m off to bed now…good night BJ
John Revolta
@Emma:
Kinda makes ya ask yourself………………………why now?????
Bill E Pilgrim
@Omnes Omnibus:
Exactly.
Veerry carefully.
Omnes Omnibus
@John Revolta: The goddamned mole people. Obviously.
Mike J
@lamh36: Cary Grant never won and was 10,816 times the actor Leo is.
Pappenheimer
@Bill E Pilgrim: On a side note, if death isn’t real, I’d like Mr. Brinkley to bring Douglas Adams back with him next time.
BillinGlendaleCA
@Mnemosyne:
Of course he is, he’s a Bruin.
Mary G
Charlie Pierce will be happy with Spotlight winning best picture. Journalism isn’t quite dead yet.
Mike J
@Mary G: Journalism is alive, newspapers are dead.
Mnemosyne
@Mike J:
We tried getting my boss a subscription to the LA Times. Somehow, the LA Times website signed her up for the Baltimore Sun instead despite a delivery address in LOS ANGELES, charged her card three times without ever sending a single newspaper, and never refunded us. I had to call the Baltimore Sun to cancel it because the LA Times customer service had no fucking clue how to fix it.
cckids
Ha. They’re playing “Fight the Power” over the credits. LOL
PurpleGirl
Gee, I wonder happened to those good old fashioned conspiracy theories involving the Masons or the Illuminati.
Omnes Omnibus
@Mike J: Grant will be remembered long after many Oscar winners are forgotten. O’Toole never won one either.
Mnemosyne
@lamh36:
Leo’s not a bad guy, but the hype was getting out of control.
Omnes Omnibus
@PurpleGirl: Do you have any idea how many Illuminati post on Balloon Juice?
Mike J
@Omnes Omnibus:
WeThey try to keep down to three at a time.PurpleGirl
@Omnes Omnibus: LOL. Good one, laughing so hard I can’t type.
Elizabelle
@Mnemosyne: Year of a lot of small pictures.
And when the first thing you hear about Leo’s movie is the studio denying that its star was raped by a bear …. (that was literally the first thing I ever heard about The Revenant).
Mike J
@Elizabelle: That’s what they want you to think, With a screenplay by Bill O’Reily, what else could happen?
lamh36
@Mike J: Alot of great actors never won, but at least they were nominated.
The number of actors of color with multiple nominations 3…Denzel, Sidney and Morgan…that’s it. Let’s not even begin to figure out the number of non-Black minority nominations.
When you aren’t even nominated, you have no chance of winning.
So good for Leo for the win, but the whole “whoa is Leo” bit…was grating…especially with the whole “oscars so white” bit
Bill E Pilgrim
@Omnes Omnibus: More illuminaughty here, really.
Elizabelle
@Mike J: I never yet wanted to see the movie. Sounded gruesome.
Omnes Omnibus
@Mnemosyne: There was an Esquire(?) writer a few years ago who had interviewed DiCaprio, Pitt, and Damon who was asked to differentiate them. He said how he thought each would react if the interviewer passed out during the interview. His view: Leo would call his publicist, Brad would use a pen knife and ballpoint pen to perform an emergency tracheotomy, and Matt would tie the interviewer’s shoelaces together for lulz.
David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch
Leo is more of an Errol Flynn than Carry Grant.
John Revolta
@Omnes Omnibus: Uh huh. Say, how come YOU know so much about them, anyway??
Omnes Omnibus
@John Revolta: Be prepared.
ETA: Let’s just say, maglites are your friend.
Roger Moore
@Omnes Omnibus:
All of them, Katie.
Mike J
@lamh36: And when you aren’t even in the movie, you can;t get nominated.
Didja see the spread in the Times today [1]about being not white/not male in Hollywood? Dozens of stories from stars about being ignored. Eva Longoria talked about not being ethnic enough to get latin parts, and what I noticed was she didn’t even notice the non-latin parts they ignored her for because they already had her narrowed down to one category.
[1] today in print, 5 days ago on the web
BillinGlendaleCA
@PurpleGirl: You know the Masons stole the cornerstone of the US Capitol.
Mnemosyne
@Omnes Omnibus:
I actually interviewed DiCaprio back in his “Gilbert Grape” days. Nice kid, but VERY hyperactive. And, yeah, a former child actor is going to call his publicist if something unexpected happens.
I think DiCaprio is trying to model his career on Pitt’s, which is a smart move. Pitt is turning into a very good producer.
Mnemosyne
@Omnes Omnibus:
G found the old Nokia ringtone for my iPhone and regrets it every day.
Bill E Pilgrim
My ability to read, or think, seems to be going. Night…
chopper
was one of the ship guests complaining about a secret CIA psyop program housed in the basement of the pentagon where dudes like me are paid handsomely to fuck with liberal blogs?
Omnes Omnibus
@chopper: Nah, mclaren wasn’t there.
Mike J
@chopper: Next meetup drinks are on you/Uncle Obama.
lamh36
@Mike J: I think I may have read that article online.
I recall reading the following from Wendall Pierce…
I mean, “they didn’t have Black people then”…really…really
BillinGlendaleCA
@Omnes Omnibus: You sure about that?
OT: I got my first Senior Citizen discount today, bought a $5 frame at Goodwill and got 10% off.
chopper
@Mike J:
good thing I get paid in pallets of cash.
Omnes Omnibus
@BillinGlendaleCA: Did we get a 14 paragraph write-up?
BillinGlendaleCA
@Omnes Omnibus: Point taken.
Omnes Omnibus
I’m off. Please don’t burn the place down in my absence.
lamh36
Anyway, I’m off to bed now for real.
I’ve had enough from Hollywood tonight.
gwangung
@lamh36: Yeah….there are MILLIONS of those stories. I.e., “Why are you here? It’s a casting call for doctors, not Orientals.”
Peale
@lamh36: I believe that I have proof that black people were invented by Shakespeare purposefully to take credit away from the hard working whites who built the pyramids. Do I get a discount on my next cruise?
BillinGlendaleCA
@Omnes Omnibus: [Get’s lighter out.]
Roger Moore
@lamh36:
You missed Will Smith (Ali and The Pursuit of Happiness).
Mnemosyne
@lamh36:
Live theater (including opera) has become much more color-blind, but movies and TV are still stuck in their old ways. And I do mean “old” — when Lena Horne was an MGM star, they would only use her in standalone sequences that could be easily edited out by Southern exhibitors so their customers wouldn’t be offended by the sight of a talented black woman. A huge part of Production Code enforcement was making sure that Black actors were never seen in anything other than servant parts. Hollywood is still convinced that white people don’t want to see black actors on their screens even though shows like “Scandal” are huge hits.
Everything Chris Rock said tonight about Hollywood’s style of racism was 100 percent true.
BillinGlendaleCA
@gwangung: I’ve never met an Asian doctor… wait my last doctor was Korean.
BillinGlendaleCA
@Peale:
Only if you think they were built to store grain, and then you have to bunk with Dr. Carson.
Anoniminous
@lamh36:
Trying to wrap my mind around someone being so grotesquely stupid as to have their brain come up with that and then issue forth from their mouth.
Mnemosyne
@lamh36:
I just found out about Mary Seacole last week. She was a nurse during the Crimean War who was celebrated at the time, but almost completely forgotten by history.
There are plenty of people of color in history, but they’ve been erased or forgotten or whitewashed. There were probably more than a few POC’s who were part of the Roman army that occupied England, but you won’t see that in the Hollywood version.
jl
Do they allow RNC or GOP pols on the thing? I hope not.
That would be the real test on whether they are completely insane or not.
BillinGlendaleCA
@jl: Who’s sanity are we testing? The GOP folk or the CT folk?
Mike J
@Mnemosyne:
How about the Lone Ranger?
John Revolta
@Mnemosyne: As you surely know, Hollywood (like everyone else) does tons of market research on its products. If they think white people don’t want to see black actors on their screens they’re probably basing it on something more than what their Uncle Leo said…………………………
Mike J
@John Revolta: I remember how many people hated watching those Denzel Washington and Will Smith movies. People stayed away in droves.
jl
@Mnemosyne: It’s a racist erasure of history. Until recently the power structure in Hollywood was white guys. Now a few girls are breaking in.
I think I mentioned in comments before that I read an article about the demographics of the wild west, cattle men and mining, homesteading. The non-Native population was a third European White, a third African-American and a third Mexican, more or less (Edit: though some overlap between Native and Mexican). One of the two cowboys who invented the modern rodeo was black.
But you put African-Americans in a modern Western and some dipshit white critic whines about political corrections leading the fake characters. It’s is really unbelievable. And one reason why vast majority of Hollywood movies are, IMHO, very stereotyped when it comes to culture. It is mostly hetero white guy entitled sexist culture, very narrow and bigoted in many ways. It is white bread culture. I guess back in the day there used to some interesting gay subtext, but I can’t think of anything else.
BillinGlendaleCA
@Mike J: I know I did, but I’ve not seen a movie in years.
jl
They could make a tragicomedy about the rise and fall of Chris Christie, but it would be so sad, squalid, simple minded and pointless, who would watch it? Looks like there is video to with the sound, but I can’t bear to watch it right now.
Hot Mic Captures Trump Telling Christie To ‘Go Home’ (VIDEO)
“Get in the plane and go home,” Trump can be heard telling Christie. “You go home.”
Christie said “OK.”
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/trump-christie-go-home
Keith P.
@jl: Trump’s shit weekend gets even better, as this little spiel about Trump’s dad getting arrested at a Klan riot showed up on MSN. I’m not sure he’s quite prepared for all that is going to get thrown at him. Politicians getting this far at least have some kind of vetting (usually), but Trump’s been the head of his own private company for most of his adult life.
gwangung
@BillinGlendaleCA: Well, one out of every six doctors in America are Asian…
Link
BillinGlendaleCA
@gwangung: One out of 6 people here in CA are Asian.
Joel
Between this boat and the Scientology one, the US should really consider issuing Letters of Marque to take care of this issue.
ruemara
@Joel: I lol’d.
BillinGlendaleCA
Next clear day here in LALAland, I think I’ll visit Blue Jay Way.
gwangung
@BillinGlendaleCA: Heh. And how white are all those shows set in CA? (WIth the BIG exception of CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND)
sm*t cl*de
“where “other things” includes “indicted conspirator in alleged tax fraud and cheque forging”.
BillinGlendaleCA
@BillinGlendaleCA: I should add, the house the George wrote the song is still there on Blue Jay Way(though they did rebuild the pool, changing it from circular to a rectangle with a spa).
BillinGlendaleCA
@gwangung: I’m not sure what part of town those are supposed to be based in. Most of my neighbors here are Latino, Armenian and Asian.
Suzanne
AAAAAHHHHH I just found out that Spawn the Elder has been cutting herself. I am freaking out right now. FUCK.
PurpleGirl
@Suzanne: Stay calm and talk with her. Tomorrow you could also call her doctor for a referral or go on-line for information. Could it involve something about her father? [[[[hugs for you and Spawn the Elder}}}}
John Revolta
@Suzanne: Yikes. I knew a girl across the street who was doing it. Nice smart girl too. Well, she grew out of it and now she’s fine and all grown up but that’s all I can tell you…..don’t know how they dealt with it but it’s not uncommon. Stay strong & get some advice.
Suzanne
@PurpleGirl: I’m going to call her doctor and get a referral to a psych. She has been angsty and anxious as of late, but she is also at That Age, so I haven’t wanted to make her feel weird about it. I know that some of her anxiety and anger comes from some of the crap her dad does. Arrrrrrgh.
@John Revolta: Thank you. I’m not the best at perspective.
A Humble Lurker
{{{Suzanne & Spawn}}}
At least you know, and that means you can help.
Suzanne
@A Humble Lurker: I don’t know if I can help.
The people in my life who have had mental health struggles are not really what I would call happy, thriving individuals. I am scared.
A Humble Lurker
@Suzanne:
Help isn’t always just what you can do. Help is sometimes getting someone to someone who can do more than you ever could. Just remember that those afflicted with mental issues are not a monolith, and that it’s more than normal to be scared for your kid.
Fair Economist
Well, Suzanne, she’s got you for a mom and that’s got to be good. All my advice is already given, but {{{Suzanne&Spawn}}}
Mary G
@Suzanne: You might need to get some help for yourself, too. Light and healing and hugs to you.
PurpleGirl
@Suzanne: Sounds good. And I agree with Mary G — you could talk with a professional too about the problem. But whatever, try to stay calm yourself. Hugs and healing thoughts for both of you.
opiejeanne
@Howard Beale IV: I’m surprised it took until the 26th comment for someone to say that about Wakefield and the rest of the vaxxers.
Last week one of my daughter’s co-workers was diagnosed with whooping cough. You need boosters every ten years, and there are just enough anti-vaxxers around the Seattle area that she caught it from one of their kids.
opiejeanne
@PurpleGirl: Those conspiracy theorists were at the Malheur Wildlife Refuge up until a couple of weeks ago.
prob50
@Bill E Pilgrim:
It took me a few moments to get it, but that sure gave me some chuckles.
prob50
@Omnes Omnibus:
I was 9 when we moved from CT (Norwalk) in 1959. Been in Los Angeles ever since.
prob50
@Mnemosyne:
I now get two copies on Sunday, but I’m afraid to report it to them. I’m pretty sure if I do I won’t get any at all.
raven
Cool to see that Mark Rylance won the Oscar over phony ass Stallone!
Zinsky
There was a book that came out about 15 years ago called “Them” by Jon Ronson that covered the conspiracy theorists very nicely. Worth a read.
OzarkHillbilly
@Suzanne: My youngest went thru a period of depression during HS where he “dreamed” about it. With out going into details, it had to do with his mother, issues of abandonment, guilt, etc etc. Yes, I too freaked the fvck out. Had no idea what to do, where to turn, or anything else, so I did the only thing I could think of and got him into counseling.
4 years later, a lot of ups and downs, and believe me it felt like a lot more downs** than ups, he came out the other side with his head on pretty straight. He still has issues, when it comes to their mother both my sons will always have issues, but he knows who he is and he’s OK with that.
The most important thing is to be there for them, always, no matter what, no matter how hard they might try to push you away, never never never give up. And tell them that, especially when they are most angry with you. That is the one thing my son needed to know more than anything else.
**if i ever see the inside of a courtroom again….
OzarkHillbilly
@Suzanne: Also what Mary G said about getting yourself help too. I took counseling too and while the one on one was…difficult, because she and I did not see some things the same at all (which I took as what I needed to hear even tho then, and even now still, I thought she was just plain wrong about some things) the group counseling was a real boon. It was just nice knowing I wasn’t the only one in the world dealing with this sh!t.
raven
@OzarkHillbilly: @OzarkHillbilly: My niece had a similar period and, with help, she seems to be doing well now.
Tokyokie
Sounds like http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059712/?ref_=nv_sr_1
Or maybe http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075406/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
And damn, I didn’t remember that Oskar Werner was in both those.
raven
Joe is falling to pieces about his party!
BillinGlendaleCA
@raven: Got started a bit late on watching, wow. They’ll probably have to medicate Joe on Wednesday morning.
BillinGlendaleCA
Joe of the Morning doesn’t understand his party. Hey Joe, that’s who they are; Trump just isn’t using the “quiet voice”.
MomSense
@Suzanne:
You can do this. You are a great mom and you love your daughter. Absolutely get the help of experts and as Ozark said; don’t let her push you away. Even if she rejects you, knowing that you love her no matter what will be what she holds onto.
You can do this. I believe in you.
Suzanne
Thanks, all.
Matt McIrvin
@chopper: Silly, that’s the cell where they keep Magneto.
Elizabelle
@Suzanne: Best to you and to elder Spawn. Come here to vent, as you need.
Shana
@jl: Arena Stage here in DC did Oklahoma a few years back and Laurie, Aunt Eller and Curly were African American. There was an article in the program about how many AAs there were in the territories so it was historically accurate to include them.
J R in WV
There are testers waiting to test, but there’s more waiting while Alain and a friend of his work on stuff the friend is expert in but that Alain wasn’t as up to speed on. Actual programming language work as opposed to web page organization etc.
So now looking towards the end of the week.