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You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Cat Blogging / How to Restrain Your Dragon

How to Restrain Your Dragon

by John Cole|  December 28, 20163:54 pm| 72 Comments

This post is in: Cat Blogging

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So after the Shitmas episode on Christmas, I made an appointment to take Steve to the groomer yesterday, but I had to cancel it because the circle of trust has been irreparably broken for a while and I could not find him. I called and cancelled and said I will try to capture him today and bring him in for some manscaping.

Fortunately for me, last night, when Steve thought I was asleep, I watched him slide open the closet door in my bedroom, go in, and close it behind him. For months I have been yelling at Thurston for going into the closet because the door was always open. Now I know who the real culprit is, though, and no, I am not going to apologize to Thurston. I’m sure he did something else that deserved a yelling.

At any rate, I caught him this morning, took him to the groomers, and when I came back he was still being worked on so I took the opportunity to take some pictures. This is what I saw:

Normally when I come back to the groomer, he looks like he has acquired a thousand yard stare from months of trench warfare, but this time he said Steve was a gentleman and very well behaved. Maybe after the indignity of Shitmas, this was nothing bad for Steve.

He currently is napping in his cat tree and appears to be happy, so he might let me live.

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Reader Interactions

72Comments

  1. 1.

    BGinCHI

    December 28, 2016 at 3:57 pm

    I thought for a minute from the post title that Cole had gotten a girlfriend.

  2. 2.

    Rosalita

    December 28, 2016 at 3:57 pm

    In spite of having to go to the groomers, I bet he feels better after the manscaping. Having dingle-berries stuck to you all the time is not at all dignified

  3. 3.

    Feebog

    December 28, 2016 at 3:58 pm

    He looks somewhat resigned to his fate. At least he is cleaned up.

  4. 4.

    Rosalita

    December 28, 2016 at 3:58 pm

    @BGinCHI: thread’s over, you win

  5. 5.

    Feathers

    December 28, 2016 at 4:00 pm

    The catface of understanding. There is no good, there is no bad, there is only cat.

    That said, shitmas reminded me that although I love my friends’ longhair cats, and lived happily with Licorice, my former roommate’s longhair, when my situation again allows me to have a cat, it will be a shorthair. I miss my Loopie.

  6. 6.

    m.j.

    December 28, 2016 at 4:05 pm

    He’s obviously plotting revenge.
    If only the Democratic party could do the same.
    …and yes, that should be the mindset. I will not accept this absurdity. I will not.

  7. 7.

    Major Major Major Major

    December 28, 2016 at 4:05 pm

    @Feathers:

    The catface of understanding. There is no good, there is no bad, there is only cat.

    Yup.

  8. 8.

    KG

    December 28, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    Normally when I come back to the groomer, he looks like he has acquired a thousand yard stare from months of trench warfare, but this time he said Steve was a gentleman and very well behaved. Maybe after the indignity of Shitmas, this was nothing bad

    It took me three readings to figure out you meant that the groomer normally looks shell shocked, not Steve.

  9. 9.

    Yarrow

    December 28, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    Steve has pretty eyes.

  10. 10.

    randy khan

    December 28, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    Some cat.

  11. 11.

    blackcatsrule

    December 28, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    Did you take these pictures…they’re wonderful. You can really see his beautiful markings and colors.

  12. 12.

    Gin & Tonic

    December 28, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    Who took the pictures for you? They are well-lit and in focus.

  13. 13.

    Yarrow

    December 28, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    Did you have a look around that closet for the mustard?

  14. 14.

    oklahomo

    December 28, 2016 at 4:11 pm

    Oh he is such a beautiful cat, John. More pictures please.

  15. 15.

    PaulWartenberg2016

    December 28, 2016 at 4:12 pm

    look at that face.

    Steve is planning his revenge.

  16. 16.

    John Cole

    December 28, 2016 at 4:14 pm

    I took the damned pictures. It’s very easy to take a picture of a stationary cat tied down to a table in a well lit room, ffs.

  17. 17.

    Anne Laurie

    December 28, 2016 at 4:17 pm

    As long as Steve’s gonna be an outdoor cat, free to go snack on whatever wherever, it might be a wise move to make a regular appointment to update his ‘grooming trim’ (keep his butt/groin clipped close). It’ll be easier for Steve to take if it’s just one of those unfortunate human-centric things that happen every couple months… and easier for you if “Shitmas, the Sequel” can be avoided!

  18. 18.

    Tom Levenson

    December 28, 2016 at 4:18 pm

    After photo 3, I want proof of life every 12 hours, John.

  19. 19.

    sherparick

    December 28, 2016 at 4:19 pm

    @PaulWartenberg2016: Or he is thinking “I hated shitmas and this whole grooming thing, but I must admit that it is kind of nice not to be covered in shit and stinking to high heavan.”

  20. 20.

    kindness

    December 28, 2016 at 4:20 pm

    Steve is no Trump. He’s plotting.

  21. 21.

    CaseyL

    December 28, 2016 at 4:21 pm

    I watched him slide open the closet door in my bedroom, go in, and close it behind him.

    I’m impressed enough that Steve opens the closet door for himself. That he also closes it behind him is really impressive. Not merely the act, but the conceptual understanding of the action.

    @KG:

    It took me three readings to figure out you meant that the groomer normally looks shell shocked, not Steve.

    ..and I didn’t pick up on that until I read your comment!

    Steve’s whiskers are tipped forward and his pupils not insanely dilated, which to me looks like a cat at ease with the world. He also looks very, very handsome.

  22. 22.

    zhena gogolia

    December 28, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    Steve is a beautiful boy! I wish he were president-elect.

  23. 23.

    p.a.

    December 28, 2016 at 4:24 pm

    “stoopid hairless ape shall pay…”

  24. 24.

    Wallis Lane

    December 28, 2016 at 4:25 pm

    That is one magnificent feline.

    That sequence of pictures looks like when they film a gradual closeup of the murderer’s face in a choppy edit, usually set to the music from the Psycho shower scene. Be very afraid, John.

  25. 25.

    Brachiator

    December 28, 2016 at 4:25 pm

    Great thread title

  26. 26.

    schrodingers_cat

    December 28, 2016 at 4:26 pm

    That look says, your days are numbered.

  27. 27.

    Manyakitty

    December 28, 2016 at 4:27 pm

    @Tom Levenson: Yeah, that was my thought, too. Steve, he plots revenge.

  28. 28.

    K488

    December 28, 2016 at 4:28 pm

    Steve is a gorgeous beast. He looks like a giant reincarnation of our late beloved Tim, who lived 19 years with us. And who provided us with a variety of Shitmasses as well…

  29. 29.

    schrodingers_cat

    December 28, 2016 at 4:31 pm

    @zhena gogolia: Agreed, its time to give an outsider a chance. Time for a feline American.

  30. 30.

    MomSense

    December 28, 2016 at 4:33 pm

    Are you sure you feel safe going to sleep tonight given the expression on Steve’s face? I think he is plotting his revenge.

    Be afraid. Be very afraid.

  31. 31.

    crawdad

    December 28, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    Steve is waiting for John to go to sleep.

  32. 32.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    December 28, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    @John Cole in OP:

    so he might let me live.

    I’d still sleep with one eye open just to be on the safe side.

  33. 33.

    Patricia Kayden

    December 28, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    Opening and closing closet doors. Hmmmmm. Not sure how I feel about that. What happens when he knocks out and pushes Cole into the closet? Nah.

  34. 34.

    schrodingers_cat

    December 28, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    @MomSense: For you, Salman Khan and Aishwarya in their prime, from Hum Dil Deke Chuke Sanam, from SLB of Devdas fame. This one is a weepy!

  35. 35.

    MomSense

    December 28, 2016 at 4:39 pm

    @schrodingers_cat:

    Wonderful. Thanks. I’ll watch tonight

  36. 36.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    December 28, 2016 at 4:41 pm

    @Patricia Kayden: If he’s smart enough to open and close the closet door, he probably realizes that food comes from the humun.

  37. 37.

    b1narys3rf

    December 28, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    You’re surprised the cat opens and closes doors and made the dog the fall guy?

    I worry about you. You probably still think one of you other house-mammals is the alpha. Better give Steve extra tuna especially now that he’s not gonna mess himself, and so you don’t get smothered soon.

  38. 38.

    Roger Moore

    December 28, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    @randy khan:

    Some cat.

    Some neck.

  39. 39.

    JaneE

    December 28, 2016 at 4:44 pm

    Cats do like to be clean. After the shock wears off, they realize that the stupid human was only trying to help them get clean. I second the idea to have his nether parts trimmed for fewer dingleberries. We know it is time for another trim when we find “presents” dropped around the house. When Scooter runs out of the box at full tilt, it is a sure thing that a dingleberry is after him, and if we are lucky he will shake it off on the tile, because the carpet is catsh*t brown.

  40. 40.

    Major Major Major Major

    December 28, 2016 at 4:59 pm

    @Wallis Lane: my thoughts exactly.

  41. 41.

    Just One More Canuck

    December 28, 2016 at 5:01 pm

    @JaneE: “Catshit Brown” – is that what they called it at the carpet store?

  42. 42.

    rikyrah

    December 28, 2016 at 5:01 pm

    Steve is still scary. But, I am glad that he got groomed.

  43. 43.

    Josie

    December 28, 2016 at 5:03 pm

    When you least expect it………..

  44. 44.

    Mary G

    December 28, 2016 at 5:05 pm

    My cat Shiloh is extremely smart. He goes into the kitchen cabinets or the linen closet during the day and closes the doors behind him. He also figured out how to open the back door if the deadbolt isn’t on. And he has been trying to turn that.

  45. 45.

    Pogonip

    December 28, 2016 at 5:11 pm

    I am glad to hear the groomer is napping in the cat tree and will probably let you live.

  46. 46.

    3Jane Tessier-Ashpool (a/k/a Lorinda Pike)

    December 28, 2016 at 5:12 pm

    @JaneE: Some don’t like to even be close to anything they consider “nasty”. Our Sage (who, coincidentally also has the nickname “Scooter”) is a rather small cat, although she is eight years old. She is extremely picky about the litterbox, which she shares with her sister. If in the middle of the day it is not absolutely pristine, she will begin to whizz, then lift her delicate tuches above the edge of the box, resulting in a kitty-pee river on the floor. I think she knows she’s done something wrong, because when that happens (after she tries to “cover up” the resulting river) she dashes out of the laundry room like her booty is on fire. I know I probably need two boxes, but they would both go in them, which would defeat the purpose.

    Yep, I’m lucky that floor is tile also…

  47. 47.

    Pogonip

    December 28, 2016 at 5:13 pm

    @rikyrah: He looks happy to me. Ears pretty much upright, no snarl. It probably felt good to get rid of the rest of the dingleberries.

  48. 48.

    3Jane Tessier-Ashpool (a/k/a Lorinda Pike)

    December 28, 2016 at 5:17 pm

    @Pogonip: And with that Maine Coon undercoat, there may have been some residual that John didn’t get to, which was still aggravating to Steve’s sensibilities.

    Yep, looks happy to me.

  49. 49.

    Pogonip

    December 28, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    @3Jane Tessier-Ashpool (a/k/a Lorinda Pike): He’s not bristling, either, as far as I can tell with all that fluff.

  50. 50.

    Pogonip

    December 28, 2016 at 5:32 pm

    @3Jane Tessier-Ashpool (a/k/a Lorinda Pike): P.S. Wasn’t it Cole who said that as a child his sister named a cat Mr. Fluffypants or something similar? This demands the question: why is Steve, of all critters, not called Mr. Fluffypants? Or is he? Is his full name Steven Fluffypants?

    AAAADAAAAMMMM! We need an analysis!

  51. 51.

    EL

    December 28, 2016 at 5:46 pm

    @Pogonip:

    I am glad to hear that the groomer is napping in the cat tree and will probably let you live.

    Priceless!

    On par with “Let’s eat Grandma.” vs. “Let’s eat, Grandma.”

  52. 52.

    Fair Economist

    December 28, 2016 at 5:46 pm

    Fortunately for me, last night, when Steve thought I was asleep, I watched him slide open the closet door in my bedroom, go in, and close it behind him.

    That’s downright – scary.

    Do you think he realized he was getting Thurston punished for things he did, too?

  53. 53.

    Pogonip

    December 28, 2016 at 5:53 pm

    @EL: The first is only correct if Grandma and you are sailing on the Medusa.

  54. 54.

    Pogonip

    December 28, 2016 at 5:55 pm

    @Just One More Canuck: It was on sale!

  55. 55.

    StringOnAStick

    December 28, 2016 at 5:57 pm

    Damn, Steve is a handsome beast. I love long haired Torbies. And he’s smart enough to figure out how to open the closet and close it, just so some dog doesn’t come in and act all barbaric with that nose up the butt routine that dogs do and cats find utterly appalling. That’s a smart cat.

  56. 56.

    Pogonip

    December 28, 2016 at 6:04 pm

    @StringOnAStick: We had one that, when the neighbor’s dog sniffed, would always say “Prrrt?” in a politely inquiring tone. I guess “Prrrt?” equaled “My butt and I are fine, thank you; how are you today?”

  57. 57.

    RepubAnon

    December 28, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    @3Jane Tessier-Ashpool (a/k/a Lorinda Pike): I have one litterbox for each of my cat, plus one as a spare. One is a self-cleaning box – which even works sometimes. They each have one that they consider their own – and sometimes have contests over who can be the last one to use the neutral zone box.

    Re Steve “Fluffykins” Cole, I agree – that cat is plotting revenge. Steve’s probably reading How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You right now for inspiration… (Example: does your cat dig excessively in its litterbox? It’s practicing how to hide the body…)

  58. 58.

    Pogonip

    December 28, 2016 at 6:13 pm

    Does Steve remind anyone else of the furry tribbles from Star Trek?

  59. 59.

    The Lodger

    December 28, 2016 at 6:29 pm

    @Wallis Lane: Still far more handsome than Tagg Romney, tho.

  60. 60.

    debbie

    December 28, 2016 at 6:30 pm

    Speaking of dragons, I’m about to finish the second season of Game of Thrones. I want one of those baby dragons!

  61. 61.

    Darkrose

    December 28, 2016 at 6:32 pm

    Poor Steve. Bet he feels a lot better now, though.

  62. 62.

    Aleta

    December 28, 2016 at 6:32 pm

    Have a nice story about a mail order animal supply co. I ordered a couple of inserts for cat heating pads. I had an old one that lasted 15-20 years (used occ. for old or sick cats). (The cat ones are only very low heat, only switch on if cat gets on.)

    New ones came today but not ideal, so I called Ch*wy co. to return. Got instant refund and was asked to donate the heaters to a cat rescue or a person in need.

  63. 63.

    The Lodger

    December 28, 2016 at 7:00 pm

    @Pogonip: Wash your hands, kids, it’s Donner time!

  64. 64.

    Roger Moore

    December 28, 2016 at 7:09 pm

    @The Lodger:
    Maitre d’: Donner, party of four! Donner, party of four!
    Customer: It’s three, and we’re not hungry anymore.

  65. 65.

    seaboogie

    December 28, 2016 at 7:26 pm

    Planning a 5-day trip for my Dad’s wedding mid-Jan, and 21-y-o cat is kind of dodgy, health-wise. Landlord will tend her, but her appetite waxes and wanes and she’s getting pretty scrawny. That said, she’s kind of like the Energizer Bunny – she does keep going and going, and rallies when I most fear we are nearing her end – for a few years now.

    I contacted our vet who is nearby, and – if necessary – they will come out to euthanize her in my absence. Kind of the ultimate house call, and another vet did it for my eponymous Seamus pup so I didn’t have to move the big fella while he was dying. One of the many advantages of living in a rural-ish community, that has a sense of community.

    Also in the interesting position of clearing a space in my freezer in case said kitty needs to be put down while I’m away and she needs to be parked there for a bit. Travel plans always a bit complicated, and in some situations, moreso.

    I worried about this maybe 6 months ago, and Zoe rallied. Could be doing this 6 months from now. She’s not a great cat, companion-wise, but I really admire her resilience and persistence.

  66. 66.

    phoebes from highland park

    December 28, 2016 at 7:32 pm

    Steve is a true beauty and I’m glad he’s cleaned up. I bet he’s glad, too.

  67. 67.

    pluky

    December 28, 2016 at 8:00 pm

    @debbie: baby dragons grow up to be big dragons, acquiring nasty habits along the way. keep watching!

  68. 68.

    debbie

    December 28, 2016 at 8:06 pm

    @pluky:

    So I’ve heard, alas.

  69. 69.

    Pogonip

    December 28, 2016 at 8:29 pm

    @Roger Moore: Patrick McManus noted that a natural leader will emerge in any group, and that the reason humanity gets into so much trouble is that natural leaders often have an intelligence level somewhere below bowling balls. This certainly seems to have been true of the Donner Party, and, I believe, explains a lot about the history of the Middle East.

  70. 70.

    3Jane Tessier-Ashpool (a/k/a Lorinda Pike)

    December 28, 2016 at 9:56 pm

    @RepubAnon: Sadie, Sage’s sister, digs to China all the time. I may be in trouble…

    Love the “neutral zone” reference, because we play “hall hockey” all the time. Not with a puck (although we could) but a balled-up piece of paper. They will slam each other into the boards (baseboards) all the time.

  71. 71.

    Gemina13

    December 29, 2016 at 12:11 am

    @John Cole:

    I think the pictures look damn good. And Steve is a beautiful cat – he’s got gorgeous eyes. Must be a feature of Maine Coons; a good friend has one, and his eyes are just as lovely:

  72. 72.

    Gemina13

    December 29, 2016 at 12:30 am

    Dammit. I can’t save the picture. :(

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