Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I swear, each month of 2025 will have its own history degree.

“They all knew.”

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

Trump’s cabinet: like a magic 8 ball that only gives wrong answers.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

I like political parties that aren’t owned by foreign adversaries.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

Balloon Juice, where there is always someone who will say you’re doing it wrong.

Every one of the “Roberts Six” lied to get on the court.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

With all due respect and assumptions of good faith, please fuck off into the sun.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?

Hey hey, RFK, how many kids did you kill today?

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

People are weird.

Giving up is unforgivable.

Books are my comfort food!

Everybody saw this coming.

The republican speaker is a slippery little devil.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

There are some who say that there are too many strawmen arguments on this blog.

Narcissists are always shocked to discover other people have agency.

You are here: Home / Absent Friends / RIP / RIP Lily Cole (????-2022)

RIP Lily Cole (????-2022)

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RIP Lily Cole (????-2022) 1

I woke up this morning and Lily was asleep in her dog bed underneath my desk, so I went to take a shower after feeding Steve. After showering, I came into the office, and Lily had somehow gotten wedged underneath my office chair, with all four legs splayed out, lying in a puddle of urine. I said “oh Lily,” tried to pick her up so she could walk, and her legs just went out again. Tried again, same thing. And I knew.

Every dog owner knows when it is time, and I have known for a while the bill for 13 years of unconditional love was coming due. I cleaned her up the best I could, wrapped her in a towel, and headed to the clinic. My usual vet was not available, so I went to the Animal Urgent Care in Wheeling. I kept a hand on her the whole way to know I was there and because she was really out of it, and I tried to keep it together for her so she did not sense anything was wrong with me.

Got there, was taken to a back room, waited for what seemed forever, and they finally came back and gave her a shot to relax her. I was holding her when they gave it, and maybe 30 seconds after they gave her the pre-shot, she was for the most part gone. Her bladder evacuated on me, and she was in a deep, deep slumber, completely relaxed. I sat there holding her for the next fifteen minutes, just trying to somewhat keep my shit together, because my end of the bargain had not been held up, and I owed her still.

Another five years or so passed, and finally the vet came back, we found a vein, and administered the dose that would end Lily’s life. I held her in my arms, talking to her, felt her heart stop and her chest no longer rise and fall, had the vet confirm her heart was stopped, and just sat there for a while, just the two of us. I wanted to just run out of there before I completely broke down, but I had to wait for the post-mortem abdominal spasms to end. I was not going to leaver her there twitching on the table, I was going to hold her until I knew she was gone. The spasms finally stopped, and I had a very ugly, ugly cry for a while before pulling my shit together, paying the vet, and driving home. The Lily era has ended, and we are both better off.

***

RIP Lily Cole (????-2022)

Lily was a special dog. We met at a turbulent time in my life, and over the years we dealt with my anxiety and depression, my alcoholism, the loss of Tunch and Rosie, her cancer, and so many other things so big and small. I knew the moment I saw her that she was the one, even though I had gone to the shelter to adopt a cat. There are just so many things I want to say about her, but can’t, because I’m not in the right place right now. But I can say that I doubt I will ever have the same unconditional love for a dog that I did with Lily.

RIP Lily Cole (????-2022) 2

***

Lily Update- Home Again

I will miss so much about her. Her delicate eyelashes, her goofy smile, the way I would go to give her a kiss and she would burp in my face, her constant presence at my feet in her dog bed. The way that she seemed to be constructed from after market parts, with a neck thicker than her head so no collar could stay on, the long legs and the curled tail, the super thin abdomen. She was very feline, too- and walked along the backs of the couch and rarely barked, and if you tried to play with her and throw a ball to her, she thought you were trying to assault her.

I’m so fucking crushed right now. I can’t keep writing I need to go cry.

I will love you forever, Lily. You were the best dog in the world.

*** Update ***

I want to thank you all for your kind words, they really mean a lot, and I know that many of you feel the same loss. She wasn’t only my dog, she was all of ours. I’ll never forget how you all gifted me with four more years of her during her bout with cancer. One thing that does bring me comfort is that we were able to squeeze every good day out of her that was possible. Even yesterday she was eating well and napping and not in pain, and she was not showing any signs of physical pain today. She had thousands of wonderful days, and one bad one, but I know I did everything I could to make it as easy as possible for her.

In other news, I went to eat my feelings at the Italian restaurant and got to the big city and realized that I was only wearing boxer shorts, so I got fast food at a drive through. It’s nice to know there is still some normalcy and stability in my life.

Reader Interactions

424Comments

  2. 2.

    Ivan X

    I’m not really the most pet-oriented of jackals but this was really moving and brought a tear to my eye. I’m sorry, John, and I appreciate the care and love you gave her until her last moment.

  3. 3.

    Soprano2

    I am so, so sorry John, it hurts the soul to lose one you love the way you love Lily. I’ve enjoyed reading about her exploits. Keeping you in my thoughts and my ❤️. 😭😭

  6. 6.

    Eunicecycle

    Oh no John! I am so sorry! You gave her so many wonderful years and she gave you the same. You did your best for her. I am crying with you.

  8. 8.

    JR

    Haven’t commented on a thread here in years, but this is devastating. Lily was a light for all of us back when we were all going through the darkness. May her memory be a blessing.

  11. 11.

    A woman from anywhere (formerly Mohagan)

    Oh my God, John, I am so sorry. You and she were the most perfect couple, and your love for her shone through everything you ever wrote about her.  May her memory be a blessing. Truly the best dog in the world (and I say that as a cat lady).

  17. 17.

    Carolina Dave

    Condolences John, sometimes animals can make us a better people. Thanks for having the courage to post this. I’ll pet my dogs now.

  18. 18.

    pluky

    Three dogs and three cats past, I know the ticket is payable on the way out, but have been shocked each time on the price. Cry as much as you need John. Blessed be.

  19. 19.

    Mousebumples

    I’m so sorry to hear this news, John. I’ll echo others – may her memory be a blessing. You gave her so many wonderful years, a wonderful home. She knew how much she was loved.

  20. 20.

    Formerly disgruntled in Oregon

    Such a sweet girl.

    What did we hoomans do to deserve the unconditional love of our dogs?

  21. 21.

    Stardus614

    I’m so sorry. I never met her, but my heart is broken. I just wanted to reach out and tell you how sorry I am, and that I’m grateful that you shared her with us all these years.

  22. 22.

    Meyerman

    I am so sad to hear that she is gone. Thanks for loving her so much and giving her a good life.

  25. 25.

    Scamp Dog

    I’m so sorry to hear the news. Your stories about her were alway great to read, and she’ll be missed by so many people who haven’t met her. I still miss my dog of a lifetime, Biscuit, my Border Collie, who’s been gone for five years now. As Adam says, may her memory be a blessing.

  28. 28.

    Betty

    What a terrible loss. Lily won the hearts of everyone who reads this blog. We can only say how wonderful that you found each other even if the time was too short. Your grief is understandable.

  33. 33.

    gwangung

    I am so sorry, John. Not really a pet person, but I know how you loved her, and know how you’ll miss her. May her memory always be a blessing for you.

  35. 35.

    WaterGirl

    I love you, sweet Lily.  Who’s a good girl?  Such beautiful eyes, a window into a sweet, simple soul who loved John more then anything.

  36. 36.

    Soonergrunt

    I’m so sorry for your loss, John.

    This is a beautiful and touching tribute to your wonderful companion. You were both so very lucky to have found each other.

    Thank you for sharing Lilly with us all these years, and for sharing this last story of her.

  37. 37.

    Sphex

    I am so sorry, John. This is the hardest part of loving them as we do. But I am also so so happy for both of you- and for all of us- that you got to share life with each other for a while. She adored you, and you gave her a great life. May many happy memories be a blessing.

  39. 39.

    SiubhanDuinne

    Oh John. There are no words.

    You gave Lily the best possible life and she repaid you with love. When she let you know she was ready, you gave her the best possible passage out and she repaid you with memories.

    There are lots of tears in the Jackaltariat today, including mine.

  42. 42.

    Cheryl from Maryland

    Oh, John, I’m so sorry for your loss.  You loved Lily so much and so well.  She was a delicate lady – one could tell from your first post about her in 2009.  Be kind to yourself – you gave her a wonderful life, as she did for you.

  43. 43.

    HeleninEire

    I am so sorry. Crying along with you. She was the the most beautiful girl in the world. Just the BEST!

  45. 45.

    AliceBlue

    John I can only echo what everyone else here has said.  You gave Lily her best life and she enriched your life in so many ways.

    Rest in peace sweet girl.

  46. 46.

    Zelma

    Crying John.  I remember when Lily came into your life.  Such a sweet girl.  It was fun to get to know her. And we all lived through her cancer scare.  You gave her a very good life, but I’m pretty sure she gave you even more.  RIP.

  47. 47.

    feebog

    So sorry John.  We lost our sweet pup a few months ago and it was almost exactly the same story.  Thinking good thoughts for you today.

  48. 48.

    TxTiger

    Your love for Lily shone through every time you wrote about her. How wonderful that you held her through her transition to the next place and let her know that you are always, always there for her, just as she was there for you for so many years. Blessings to you and your family – human and pet and even us here on the blog – as we all grieve sweet Lily.

  49. 49.

    comrade scotts agenda of rage

    As fellow animal nuts, we like to share in the joy as well as the sorrow of having these creatures in our lives for an ever so brief period. Losing them is never easy and it never gets easier.

    I know as humans we’re wired somehow to believe in an afterlife so I always imagine our pets are out there somewhere, either waiting for us or floating along supported by the love we gave them during their lifetime.

    And the loving memories we carry with us until we’re gone.

    So sorry John.

  54. 54.

    frosty

    Oh, John I’m so sorry. You and Lily had a real bond and you did well by her at the end, especially through the heartbreak. You have my sincere condolences.

  55. 55.

    SFBayAreaGal

    I’m sorry for the loss of your beloved Lily.

    She knows how much you loved her.

    May her memories give you great comfort.

  58. 58.

    PaulWartenberg

    The lives of our companions, our dogs and our cats, are so goddamned short it’s not fair, it’s never fair. I still miss my cats Tehya and Page. I know my mom misses her cat Nimba and our family dog Fella (who bonded and loved mom more than anyone else in the family).

    Everyone, hug your pets tonight and pet their heads and kiss their noses and tell them they are loved.

  59. 59.

    Boudica

    I am sitting here crying for you and Lily. It was so wonderful the way you wrote about her and your love for her. Rest in peace, Lily.

  61. 61.

    Mingobat (f/k/a Karen in GA)

    Trying not to cry.

    I was a cat person. Never really saw the appeal of dogs. But your experience with Lily made me think they might not be so bad, and maybe one day I’ll give one a shot.

    Now we have Iggy, Muppet, and Chauncey, and Iggy, Muppet, and Chauncey have us. Our home is complete in large part because Lily was such a good girl.

    Thank you, Lily. I’m glad you had a happy life full of love.

    I’m so sorry, John.

  62. 62.

    Alison Rose

    Oh, John, I am so very sorry. It is the absolute hardest thing to go through. I am certain Lily felt loved and supported the whole time because you were with her and you were doing the right thing for her. You are the best pet dad out there. I hope with time, the memories will bring you comfort. Love you, my friend.

  65. 65.

    Mike S

    I’m so sorry to see this. I’ve watched your journeys with every pet you’ve had since the Iraq war started and the one thing I can say without reservation is that every critter you’ve been with couldn’t have had a better dad.

  69. 69.

    oldster

    I’m so sorry, John.

    I held our little Cavvy when it was time for him to go. This is a good time for me to remember him with love.

    To Lily, and to Wally. They give us so much while they are here.

  70. 70.

    Anotherlurker

    Oh John, I am so sorry to hear this about your beloved Lilly.  This is the most difficult part of the contract we sign with our pets.  We agree to take care of them and they agree to love us.  It is a fair bargain, judging by how much love is exchanged between us.

    I am going to be going thru the same heart rending process for my wonderful Golden Girl, Addie.  Her mammary tumor is a carcinoma. I don’t know how long she has but her time will arrive much too soon.

    Again, my heart goes out to you, John.  Cherish your memories of beautiful Lilly.

  74. 74.

    KBS

    Oh no, I am so damn sorry to hear this! I’m glad you had so many good years with her but this part just sucks. May her memory be a comfort to you always.

  77. 77.

    geg6

    OMG, I’m ugly crying.  So glad I got to meet sweet Lily.  John, my heart is breaking for you.

  78. 78.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Oh no.

    It was the story of you finding Lily and giving her a home that sucked me into this blog all those years ago. She was a beauty, and I could tell from the way you wrote about her that she was a special dog.

    You gave her the life she deserved.

  79. 79.

    Kristine

    I’m sobbing. I am sorry. I remember when you adopted her.

    If it’s any comfort, she was at home in her safe place. This wasn’t the end of a painful illness, but about as peaceful as possible. It may not help now, but maybe it will later.

  80. 80.

    A Good Woman

    My condolences John.  My adult life has been filled with cats.  I renew the bargain every time I bring a new feline friend home, and that includes the ugly crying at the end.  And then I start the cycle again.  There is just something about the love and joy they bring me that I can’t live without.  Pretty sure it is the same for you.

  84. 84.

    Madeleine

    I don’t cry often, but I cried when I read your message, John. I didn’t know Lily so I can’t say I loved her, but I can say she was lovable–in every photo and every post you wrote about her. It was clearly her time, but I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself and your other beloved animals.

  86. 86.

    Ksmiami

    I’m so sorry about this- there’s never a good time and these beasts are our soulmates. My baby is turning 12 and sometimes I see his moments of confusion and age. My heart feels for you and Lily and I must say, I’m glad you stayed with her till the end. Good hooman, she’ll be waiting for you.

  87. 87.

    Spanky

    I don’t know what to say except how extremely sorry I am, how shitty this makes me feel, and most of all, thank you for sharing her with us.

  90. 90.

    wmd

    I have sympathy for your loss. Condolences.

    Remember to be good to yourself. I suspect that will mean your menagerie will be giving and getting extra love as you all grieve.

  91. 91.

    Ruckus

    John, there really are no adequate words for losing your best friend. You had no idea on that day what she would become in your household. As we get older we find that this story gets repeated and hated and expected. But no matter how long one lives, there are special partners in this trip and Lily was very special. Greave because it’s normal, and she deserves it. We all hope to met that special one in life and you did. Count yourself lucky and know that you gave her a great life and a great friend.

  95. 95.

    Hilfy

    You gave Lily a wonderful life, John Cole.  Especially remembering the animal hoarder where she lived first.  So you’ve earned another gold star in Heaven, where Lily is waiting for you. Condolences, and all that.  Go hug Steve.

  96. 96.

    CaseyL

    Oh, John.  I am so incredibly sorry.

    The Lily Era was and will always be a Saga.

    She brought you light and love when you most needed it.

    You gave her life and love so many times over – adopting her from the hoarding situation, showing her the joys of living (I will never forget the video of Lily in the grass, soon after you brought her home, trying to roll in it all over her body), and paying any price to – successfully! –  save her from cancer.

    You gave her The Best Life Ever, with all the love in you, and in return she gave you The Best Love Ever.

    And you saw her out in a way that honored you both.

    May her memory be a blessing.

  97. 97.

    J R in WV

    So sorry for your loss.

    Just last week I took our 17 y o kitten Spike to the clinic for that last trip — she had stopped eating, was a wisp of her healthy self, and held her while they gave her those shots. Was so hard. Not all tears are ugly!

    Take care of yourself, John!

  98. 98.

    Barry A-H-S-S

    I’m sorry John.

    It’s no consolation, but our memories are the only real thing in our lives.

  103. 103.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    Oh God no.  She has been such a rock not only for you but for this blog when we were all pulling for her through her cancer.  I can only hold you in my heart tonight my dear friend and be glad that you held her as she romped over the bridge to go and give Rosie and Tunch some shit.  Ugly cry all you want pal, you earned it.  She was the best of girls.

  104. 104.

    satby

    You gave her a good, deeply loved life and she gave you that back and more. You supported her to a gentle end, and she sent a messenger to let you know she was ok and there will be room in your heart for another one when you’re ready. She really was special. 💔💔

  106. 106.

    Jackie

    Oh, John.
    I am so sorry. We all know how much you loved her and how much she loved you. I remember how afraid you were when Lily was diagnosed with cancer and you were afraid you’d lose her then. She recovered and gave you so many more years to spoil her.

    I lost my Cinder in almost the exact same circumstances – except going to the vet. Our vet was coming to my house, but Cinder passed in my arms before she arrived. I must have held her to my heart for at least an hour stroking her before I was ready to let the vet take her from my arms. She was 20 1/2 yrs old and I’d had her since she was a 5 week old kitten. I still miss her – I’ll always miss her. Cinder was special. Lily was special, and you will miss her forever.

    Rest In Peace, sweet Lily.🌈

  111. 111.

    CarolPW

    Everyone thinks their dog is the best dog in the world, but in the case of Lily you would be right to think that. The community grieves with you.

    @Omnes Omnibus:  I think that’s more a Thurston letter.

  114. 114.

    oldster

    I remember when you loved Lily so much that you wrecked your shoulder in order to protect her when you fell.

    You were carrying her, and slipped on ice, if I recall. And as you fell, your first thought was for her safety, not your own. And so, you shattered your shoulder blade.

    Did she understand that sacrifice? Probably not the details. But she already knew you loved her. She always knew you loved her. And the humans understood the details, too.

  118. 118.

    Bard the Grim

    You and Lily were a very special pair, probably a once in a lifetime thing.  And you got four extra years together, which is a little miracle.  Lily was very lucky to have you.

  119. 119.

    Anne Marie

    Been reading here since shortly after Lily came on board, not sure if I’ve ever commented, but I had to share my condolences. She was such a gem, and your love for her is one of the (many) things that has made this blog worth reading for a dozen years. This definitely hits harder than any celebrity death, and I will be extra cuddly with my dog-nephew tonight and thinking of you. Much love ❤️.

  120. 120.

    Cjcat

    They are all precious but a few are the ones that you kept yourself alive for when you thought you hated life. My Boo, a mixed Jack Russell, made it to 18 for me. There is a hole in my heart that only she filled to this day and I cry for her in the night. I am so sorry for your loss.

  121. 121.

    Elizabelle

    What a sweet girl, and what a good life you had together.  I am so sorry, John.  You were both lucky puppies.

  122. 122.

    Janet

    I’m so sorry. My heart breaks for you and your pack family. She was extraordinary. She knew how much you loved her.

  124. 124.

    Manfrommadras

    John,

     

    Old time reader, back to thi site when I sw your tweet. I have been following you since 2007 nd been there thru Tunch, Thurston, Lily, etc. Everytime you lose  pet, its like our loss. Bless her soul…🙏🙏🙏

  125. 125.

    Faithful Lurker

    I am so sorry. Lily was a special dog, that one in a lifetime dog. We had one and lost him after 10 years and the sorrow is familiar. I’m so sorry.

  129. 129.

    Chip Daniels

    I am so sorry to hear this.

    You both were so lucky to have found each other and spend the years you did. Such a sweet adorable gift she was, and that sweetness will be yours always.

    Play in peace across the rainbow bridge, Lily.

  130. 130.

    thalarctosMaritimus

    I’m so sorry to hear the news, John. You and she gave each other wonderful lives. Thank you for sharing your stories with us.

  132. 132.

    Dan B

    Lily would not want you or any of us to feel sad but it’s impossible not to.  What a love she was and what love we still feel.

  133. 133.

    stinger

    Oh, John. I cannot say I know how you feel, but I have loved and lost several dogs, and I’m pretty sure my little Yorkie Josie will be going some time in the next day or two. I’m just sitting here watching her breathe and already missing her. Sixteen years old, and I’ve had her for only eight.

    Thank you, THANK YOU, for loving Lily. You saved her, she saved you, and between the two of you a world of loving and good deeds has sprung up, far wider than you could have imagined.

    The hole she leaves will never completely fill, but the edges will heal.

  135. 135.

    Genine

    Oh, no. I am SO, SO sorry about Lily. I remember when you first got her. She’s been on quite the journey with you. You were both blessed to be in each other’s lives. RIP, Lily.

  144. 144.

    Betty Cracker

    Sweet Lily. What a great dog she was, and how lucky that you two found each other. You needed her, and she needed you, and you went through so much together. You did right by her, and she knew you loved her. That’s all we can do.

  146. 146.

    Thor Heyerdahl

    John my deepest condolences.

    May we be as blessed to find the same level of love that you had for Lily.

  148. 148.

    greg

    My condolences. All us long time juicers remember when she came into your life. RIP to a great friend to Sir John.

  150. 150.

    piratedan

    for those of us that frequent this here space on the interwebs, our pets are our family and our pets and your pets are parts of that family and in each and every case, we feel diminished in the now, and understood how they helped enrich our lives.  You did good for each other and as they say, isn’t that enough?

  151. 151.

    Sandia Blanca

    More ugly crying from here–this is such sad news. I remember very fondly the cute little bows she came home with from visiting the vet.

  152. 152.

    Wyodem

    I’ve been following Balloon Juice for years and have never posted. But a part of me fell in love with Lily–or maybe I fell in love with your love for Lily. Your post made me cry as well. I have no doubt Tunch met her at the Rainbow Bridge.

  153. 153.

    Mai Naem mobile

    John, I am so so sorry. Its obvious Lily and you were that once in a lifetime pair. You gave her a  wonderful life . She’s with Tunch right now talking about you.

  156. 156.

    Quantum man

    So very very sorry.  She was a special girl.  Reminded me of our girl Nike.  Looked so much like her.  Losing them is so hard.

  157. 157.

    Jack Canuck

    So sorry to read this, John. I don’t comment too much but I’ve been coming here daily for 15+ years, and it’s clear how much you love your animals. Losing one is so hard.

  158. 158.

    Steeplejack

    Tears for Lily here, Cole.
    🌈🐾
    We haven’t seen this in a while, but it’s well appropriate now.

    “We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan.”
    – Irving Townsend, Separate Lifetimes

    h/t raven

  162. 162.

    cbear

    Ah, John, there is both so much to say about sweet, sweet Lily– and yet nothing that adequately reflects her love for you, and yours (and many of ours) love for her.

    Today I’m praying that there actually is a God…..a God who created his greatest masterpiece when he gave us our dogs (and cats)….. who is now holding one of his sweet children in his arms and comforting her. I hope there is a God so that he might comfort you also.

    Sending out as much love into the universe as I can for you and your beautiful little family, less one.

    Peace, my brother.

  163. 163.

    japa21

    John, we have known her and loved, but not like you. The emptiness is unbearable right now, I am sure. Know we are here for you.

  164. 164.

    HinTN

    Everyone has said it but I’ll say it, too. Such a sweet sweet friend you had, John Cole. My deepest condolences and joy for the great life you gave her to have with you.

  166. 166.

    Starfish

    Oh, I am so sorry. This was the dainty dog that you took a shoulder injury for. She will be missed.

  171. 171.

    Torrey

    I’m so very sorry. Like some others, I was drawn in by Lily. Posts with her were always the best ones. Everyone has already said what can be said. You were lucky to find her, and she was lucky to be able to spend her life with you. Give the tribute of tears, as we must, and know that you gave her the best life. And thank you for sharing her with us.

  172. 172.

    Lyrebird

    Oh I am so sorry.  Lily’s sweetness came through to the reading world every time you posted about her.

    Hope you have some people nearby who can come give you some non-electronic hugs, too.

  175. 175.

    EzraRulz

    My heart breaks for you..a bigger truer love doesn’t exist, they give us so much and take a piece of us when they leave.

    The hurt is exquisite..just know she’d be right there comforting you if she could. Sweet good girl, best good girl.

  176. 176.

    Wolvesvalley

    Weeping with you, John. Lily was such a love. Thank you for sharing her with us all these years. We will all miss her.

    If there is a link to donate to Walter’s Fund at Athenspets in her memory, could WaterGirl please put it up? (I could not find a link to that fund on their website.)

  178. 178.

    Sorryforlaughing

    John, delurking to say that as I just recently said goodbye to the cat of my heart (RIP Honey) I unfortunately understand how heartbroken you are. I remember when you first adopted Lily—you rescued her from an awful situation, gave her a wonderful life, and now have ended her suffering and given her peace and rest. Goodbye, sweet Lily and John, I am so sorry.

  179. 179.

    Johnny Gentle (famous crooner)

    I’m sorry, John. I remember when you got her, I remember all your adoring posts about her, and I remember a few years ago when you had a close call with her. You gave her such a good life. No lil’ rescue was loved more, treated better or made more of an internet star than Lily. RIP, good girl.

  180. 180.

    Mj_Oregon

    My heart goes out to you, John.  You rescued Lily from a terrible situation and gave her an amazing life full of love.  Pet owners always know that someday we have to say goodbye and it’s so much harder when it’s that special one who needs us to be there through the final act of love, giving them comfort and the knowledge that you are with them to the end.

    Lily was the best, good dog and you are the best pet dad that any dog or cat could ever find.

    Need to go cry now…

  181. 181.

    rikyrah

    So sorry, Cole😢😢😢

    Lily was beautiful and unique😭😭😭

    She was also loved by you from the moment she came into your life until the end, and she knew it.🙏🏾

  183. 183.

    Steve Stuart Stonestacker

    Hang in there John, and blessings on you and Lily. We always know when we take one in we’re signing up for heartbreak but, by God, their boundless love makes it worth it.

  184. 184.

    spoot

    Long time lurker, I also have a dog named Lily.

    I am so sorry for your loss, terrible terrible pain.

    Her eyes were pure love. She made her home in your heart, now she’s gone, there is a hole there.

    Take care of yourself, John.

  190. 190.

    Argiope

    Dammit, John, I’m so sorry.  Lily was clearly the best of the best. I know she knew you loved her and esteemed her, stayed by her side through thick and thin.  What gifts you have been to each other.  I wish dogs lived as long as their humans.

  193. 193.

    schrodingers_cat

    I am so sorry to hear this. Thank you for sharing Lily with us. She was an angel on this site of jackals and hyenas.

    I still miss my tabby kitteh boi who passed in 2021 June and my ginger girl who passed away just before Christmas.

  195. 195.

    Bud Gundy

    So sorry for your loss, John. I know how difficult it is to a lose a furry, four-legged family member.

  196. 196.

    Jill

    No one could have loved a dog more. It’s been a privilege to be able to follow her life with you.

  197. 197.

    Miki

    @Omnes Omnibus: Thank you for this. I spent 7 months nursing my Sully through Chronic Kidney Disease last year, too long, TBH. It’s a perilous, confusing, painful  journey. But it’s not all that journey was.

    Sully also shit on everything I loved.

    And, in spite of myself, opened my heart to another far-too-temporary life.

    Yay.

  198. 198.

    NobodySpecial

    I’m very sorry, Cole. Glad to know you loved and were loved, and thanks for giving us memories of her.

  199. 199.

    Miki

    Oh John.

    No words.

    Just shared heartache.

    “We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would have it no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan.”

    — Irving Townsend

  200. 200.

    R-Jud

    I distinctly remember reading about you adopting Lily while sitting up late with the then-newborn Child. You gave each other so much and I’m so sorry for your loss. She was a dear little soul.

  203. 203.

    Medicine Man

    I’m sorry, John. I know that shit is hard. You gave her a good life and you were good companions to each other. That matters a lot.

  204. 204.

    persistentillusion

    @comrade scotts agenda of rage: There’s a lovely book that my friends circulate when a beloved dog passes:  Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant.  My copy has pictures of loved dogs, mine and others and after fetching it and looking at the internal covers, I’m in tears.   John, please accept my most sincere condolences for the loss.

  207. 207.

    Lavocat

    I am so sorry for you losing Lily. You loved her dearly and it is obvious she loved you. The fact that you are so crushed speaks volumes about your relationship. It is amazing how an animal can change your life and turn you into a completely different person, a better person. Have a good long cry, and perhaps many more, and know that the John Cole you are would not be possible without the Lily who lingers long in your memory. Find peace, my friend.

  208. 208.

    William D

    my condolences. thanks for sharing this story, and all the others. the love and grieving lily inspired is affecting many people in many places.

  209. 209.

    laura

    Oh how that lovely dog loved you, and helped you find a way to live and you are better for having loved and been loved by Lily.

  212. 212.

    NutmegAgain

    Oh, I am so very sorry. But glad you were with her at the end. And glad you two went on such a life journey together. Thank you for sharing so much of Lily and her stories with all of us. Chances are good that you’ll always have her in your heart. Giving them an easy death is one of the hardest things, but it’s one of the kindest things we do for our life companions. Sending virtual hugs and some hot cocoa.

  213. 213.

    Wolvesvalley

    @CarolPW: ​
    @CarolPW: ​  Many thanks! I put in a donation. There was no way to say it was in memory of Lily, but I hope she knows anyway.​
      And thanks to WaterGirl, too!

  215. 215.

    cain

    Oh John, I’m crying just typing this. I’m so sorry for your loss. I feel I can feel your pain from here. When you needed a special love during a bad time in your life she was there. It’s that makes me cry because I had a pet that did that for me. 💔

    Godspeed Lilly ..

  216. 216.

    TriassicSands

    Oh, John. Sadly, this day always comes and its inevitability never makes it any easier to bear. If there is one thing that has been obvious for all these years it was that, in Lily, you had found your perfect companion. You’ve never spoken of her without total unconditional love and she was fortunate to have spent these years with you. I’m so sorry for your profound loss.

    Try to remember that there are always critters out there who need people like you to take them in, care for them, and give them the love and devotion you gave to Lily.

  217. 217.

    ColoradoGuy

    There is nothing quite like losing a beloved dog (or cat) with their unique personality, and their physical way of expressing it with their bodies. My deepest condolences, John.

    Thank you for being there at the end.

  220. 220.

    Feathers

    So sorry for this. I had a friend who talked about how the river of dog (and cat) just flows through some people’s lives. It won’t always be the same dog, they touch our lives deeply, but the river flows on. Best of wishes to you at this sad time.

  221. 221.

    OzarkHillbilly

    I had a very ugly, ugly cry for a while

    So very very sorry John, but there is nothing ugly about that cry. I wish there was something I could say to alleviate your pain but there isn’t. I know, I’ve been there. And I will go there again, willingly. Because they give so much unconditional love and there is nothing quite like it.

    Know that she loved you and that you gave her, her best possible life.

  222. 222.

    DKinSD

    I’m so sorry, John.  Long time reader but very infrequent commenter.  I remember when you found her, and as I recall you looking for her prior owner, someone said something to the effect of “well, I guess you’ve got yourself a dog”.  I’ve probably read most of your stories about her and I can only hope that I can be half as good a caretaker of the dog that I got last year as you were for her.

  225. 225.

    O. Felix Culpa

    It’s amazing how much one can weep for a dog (and their human) they have never met. Heartfelt condolences, John, and let flights of angels bring Lily to her rest.

  226. 226.

    Ruviana

    Oh John I am so sorry! I just saw this on Twitter. Lily was your goodest bestest doggo and your care of her was inspiring. May her memory be a blessing to you.

  227. 227.

    MazeDancer

    Oh no, oh no. I keep saying that over and over.

    Lily had a perfect life. Absolutely perfect. She was loved and adored and that is all a dog can ever want.

    You changed my life, John Cole, when you said the only way to stop the pain of losing a pet was to get another way too soon. So I did. And found out your were right.

    At least your panther is coming.

    It won’t be enough. But it will be something.

    Sending you all the hugs.

  229. 229.

    MazeDancer

    Oh no, oh no. I keep saying that over and over.

    Lily had a perfect life. Absolutely perfect. She was loved and adored and that is all a dog can ever want.

    You changed my life, John Cole, when you said the only way to stop the pain of losing a pet was to get another way too soon. So I did. And found out your were right.

    At least your panther is coming.

    It won’t be enough. But it will be something.

    Sending you all the hugs.

  231. 231.

    UncleEbeneezer

    My deepest condolences to you Cole.  I still cry semi-regularly for our Juniper even two years after her passing.  Sounds like you had a great doggie and a wonderful relationship.  Hopefully in time the joy of the great memories will outweigh the sadness of the loss, but as you know it’s a very slow process.  Virtual hugs to you.

  232. 232.

    Ohio Mom

    I am devastated for you John. Such a terrible loss. Please be extra kind to yourself in the coming weeks as you adjust to your new world without your beloved Lily.

  233. 233.

    zhena gogolia

    I am so, so sorry. We have been without internet all afternoon. I love Lily so much, and you for giving her such a great life.

  234. 234.

    Currants

    Aw Cole, I’m so sorry.  You’re lucky you’ve had her, and we are too, and we all know—as you must—that she also knows she was lucky to have you.

    Sending love and peace—and patience for yourself. 

  235. 235.

    Sister Machine Gun of Quiet Harmony

    I remember when you adopted her and I remember reading so many joyful posts about her. She was such a sweet dog and I know you loved her so much. You gave that dog a very good life. You were both better for the time you had together. I know it will be rough for a while. I wish you the best. Hug Thurston and Steve a little extra.

  237. 237.

    Another Scott

    I’m very sorry John.  :-(

    You gave her a great life.

    Remember the good times.

    Best wishes,
    Scott.

  238. 238.

    RileysEnabler

    I’m sorry, John. Lily has been such a part of this world for so long, I can’t imagine the depth of your loss. She was the best dog, and you were her very best dad.

  242. 242.

    CaseyL

    In other news, I went to eat my feelings at the Italian restaurant and got to the big city and realized that I was only wearing boxer shorts, so I got fast food at a drive through. It’s nice to know there is still some normalcy and stability in my life.

    Though I’m sure gut-rending grief had a lot to do with it, that is still so very John Cole.

    You darling man.

  244. 244.

    steppy

    God, it’s so hard, even when you know it’s time and the best thing to do. Remember the joy and remember we love you and all the piglets.

  245. 245.

    MTCinVA

    I’m so sorry for your loss and believe that you were both blessed to have found each other.  Even though we didn’t get to meet Lily, your posts and pictures of her (especially with those sweet puppy dog eyes) made us all fall in love with her too.

  246. 246.

    tokyocali (formerly tokyo ex-pat)

    I am so sorry. There truly are certain pets that are the “bestest” and Lily was one of them. She had a wonderful life with you and I hope you can find comfort in the memories. Thank you for sharing Lily, Tunch, Rosie, Steve and Thurston with all of us. Now, I had better blow my nose, wipe my face, and get ready to teach.

  247. 247.

    narya

    Adding my tears and my condolences to this thread. We’re all holding you and Lily in the light.

  249. 249.

    beth

    I am so sorry  – I’ve loved reading stories about Lily over the years and know that you gave her truly the bestest life.  I’ve felt that pain with losing my best dog ever, Coco, and my memories of her comfort me.  I hope the same for you.

  251. 251.

    jackmac

    So sorry, John. I’m glad you were able to be with Lily through the end. Your descriptions brought tears to my eyes as I recalled being with my doggos in their final minutes. It’s just gut-wrenching. But you gave her a great life and Lily clearly returned lots of love.​</p
    ​
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    ​

  252. 252.

    Eljai

    Lily was beautiful.  John, you took such good care of her.  I remember the cancer treatments and I’m so happy she was able to live a few more years.  I’ll always treasure the photos you shared.  She will be missed.

  253. 253.

    karen marie

    Now I’m crying.  I’m crying for Cole, I’m crying for Lily, I’m crying for me, I’m crying for Our Gracie, I’m crying for My James, I’m crying for My Patty, and My Alice Springs, and all the other pets I’ve loved and who loved me.

    It’s so hard losing any pet but some are especially hard to lose.  My heartfelt condolences to you, John.

  254. 254.

    ceece

    so sorry, John. Lily was a special dog, not just to you but to all of us. I am glad you had her, and she had you. You gave her the very best life.

  255. 255.

    Edmund Dantes

    Oh my. Not the news one wants to read.

    You gave her so much. You saved her as much as she saved you.

    Rest In Peace Lilly and thank you for taking care of John.

  256. 256.

    Jackie

    Someone once said “grief is the price you pay for loving someone.” This definitely applies to John and his Lily.

  257. 257.

    Renie

    So sad to read this. Lily was a special member of your family and I always enjoyed reading your stories about her. You gave her a good life and she gave back all her love. You will always have great memories of her.

  259. 259.

    GreyMichael

    I’m mostly a lurker but I wanted to offer my condolences about Lily. You gave her such a better life than if she hadn’t met you.

  260. 260.

    Elmo

    I am crying so hard right now, and having to explain why I’m crying for a dog and a person I’ve never met is making it both worse and funny.

    I remember when she had cancer and we all panicked that it would be the end. My God, I am so terribly, terribly sorry for your loss John.

  261. 261.

    VOR

    I offer my sincere condolences. Lily was a huge part of your life and give you years of love and joy. You are better off for experiencing that love. And we on your blog are grateful for sharing Lily’s life. She was clearly an amazing friend and companion.

    Grief is hard. Please take care of yourself.

  262. 262.

    Tata

    I’m so sorry, John. Lily was very special, and you gave her a wonderful life. That’s the best we can do, but even though that sometimes feels like it’s not enough, it’s everything.

    Go in peace, Lily.

  264. 264.

    Captain C

    Lily was a Truly Excellent Dog and you gave her a great life.  It’s going to be rough for awhile, but always remember that you gave her as much good as she gave you (which was tons) and that it’s wonderful that you found each other.

  265. 265.

    Juju

    I’m so sorry you lost your most special Lily.  My thoughts are with you.  She was a wonderful girl.

  267. 267.

    Barney

    Your love for your companions has always been reassuring, and even inspiring, John – the blog shows compassion starts, and endures, at home, and I send all my sympathy.  We’ll miss Lily, but always remember her.

  269. 269.

    Ann Marie

    Oh no, John I am so sorry for your loss!   Lily was your angel, and you did right by her from the moment you met her.  In the end, you held it together so you didn’t distress her and did what was necessary.  I’ve been there too many times and you have my deepest sympathy.

  271. 271.

    Percysowner

    I’m so sorry Cole. I know you loved Lily, but more importantly, she knew you loved her.

  272. 272.

    Raoul Paste

    As heartbreaking as it gets….And it takes a lot of strength to write such a tribute.  Dogs  are wonderful creatures

  273. 273.

    Anne Laurie

    I’m sorry, John. She was a very special dog, and we’ll all miss hearing about her.

    You gave her thirteen good years, after her sad start in life, and she loved you as much as you loved her. As our president would say: May the thought of her soon bring a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eyes!

  274. 274.

    Pika

    John, I am so sorry for your loss. She absolutely blossomed with and for you, and you made her so happy, safe, and secure. All peace to you

  280. 280.

    Sword of Damocles

    So sorry to hear Mr Cole. It is never easy losing a pet, but be comforted by the life that you gave her.

  281. 281.

    brantl

    Chin up, Mr. Cole, you gave her a great life, and she spent it with animals and people she loved.

  282. 282.

    Leslie

    I’m so sorry, John. What a special dog. I’m glad she got to spend so many years with you.

  283. 283.

    Mandarama

    Oh, John Cole…I’m so sorry to hear this news. Lily was a gift from this world, and to it. Thank you for sharing her with us.

  284. 284.

    hrprogressive

    Ahhh I remember when you got Lily. She’s been as much a part of Balloon Juice as you’ve been.

    She was an amazing dog and you gave her, and shared with us, an amazing life.

    She will never be forgotten. May she rest well now, and may you find your own peace soon.

  288. 288.

    lowtechcyclist

    When we bring a dog or cat into our family, we know their lives are so much shorter than ours, and we only have them in our lives for a time.  But that still doesn’t make it easy when they go.

    RIP Lily.  And my thoughts are with you, John.

  290. 290.

    Fraud Guy

    The hardest, and most important part, of pet ownership.

    Godspeed, Lily, and thank you, John.

  291. 291.

    Bex

    I remember all the pretty bows Lily got after her treatments.  She wore them well.  RIP sweet girl.

  292. 292.

    Layer8Problem

    We are privileged to be given an opportunity to love and to be loved that’s all too short.  Lily loved you and you gave love and care to her.

  293. 293.

    bbleh

    Good girl.

    I’m very sorry for your loss.

    She had a wonderful life, and she made yours better.  That’s really what counts.

  294. 294.

    Jay C

    So sorry to have to read this, John: sincerest condolences.

    Having to let go is the hardest part of having animal companions, RIP Lily.

  296. 296.

    Mike S (Now with a Democratic Congressperson!)

    All of my possible sympathies got out to you John!

    That is by lightyears the hardest part of pet ownership. A 2 am walk for a pee at 0 degrees F, is nothing compared to it. That’s why we still don’t have a dog 3 years after I held or Tasha the same way.

    Hug your other fur babies. We have only had one pet at a time. maybe that was a mistake.

  299. 299.

    JeanneT

    Oh John, so sorry for your aching heart, but so glad you and Lily were together for so long.  May her memory be a blessing.

  300. 300.

    Fester Addams

    I’m saddened to hear you had to let Lily go. It’s always been clear how special she was to you. You were both lucky to have each other, for a while.

  301. 301.

    Trollhattan

    Special, special, special dog, sweet Lily. I’m so very sorry she’s gone.

    Sharing a tiny slice of your grief, John Cole.

  302. 302.

    Amir Khalid

    I got to this thread late, because of the time difference betwwen your side of the planet and mine. But I’m in tears along with you and everyone else here; that’s just how much Lily means to all of us. Rest in peace, Lily girl.

  303. 303.

    Barbara I

    Oh, John, I am so sorry. I understand how we may love all our pet children, but there are always those who burrow into our hearts just a little deeper. My thoughts will be with you tonight.

  304. 304.

    artem1s

    Lilly was a good dog and well loved. The best eulogy a fur baby can have. So sorry for your loss.

  305. 305.

    PIGL

    let me add my belated condolences, and my thanks for your excellently well-written essay/obit/eulogy.

    Has it really been four years since the cancer episode? I am very glad you and Lily were granted those years.

  308. 308.

    MomSense

    Oh John, I love her and I’m just so very sorry.  She was a four legged angel with golden fur. She loved you and she was loved not just by you but also by a weird pack of big hearted anti social jackals.
    Sending love and condolences.

  309. 309.

    Skepticat

    I’m late to this and finding it difficult to type through my tears. Yes, you were kind enough to share the wonderful Lily with us—thank you. We all knew/feared/dreaded this day would come, but you handled it as well as it could have been managed. Many of us have been in the painful place you’re in, and we sympathize and empathize. You gave her a wonderful life, and she returned that in full measure. You may never be in the same room with her again, but she hasn’t gone far. (Thank goodness you had on at least boxers.)

  311. 311.

    One of the Many Jens

    I am so very sorry, John. Lily was such a lovely girl.

    I’m grateful that you and she found each other, and shared so many good years together. And I’m grateful that you shared a bit of her with us, as well.

    Man, this just sucks.

    Take care of yourself, ok?

  312. 312.

    Pauline

    I am so very, very sorry John. I remember when you got first got her (has it really been 13 years?) and then the when she was diagnosed with cancer and we were all holding our breath and hoping for the best in those first days. I am so glad that you got those extra four years with her. She was the sweetest little thing and this post is a beautiful tribute to her.

    I won’t ask that her memory be a blessing because I know that it already is.

  313. 313.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    I read this and had to step away for a bit. Things were a bit too blurry to comment at that time. I’m so sorry to hear this, John. My deepest condolences on your loss.

    You did the right thing but Dog it hurts. Damn, getting blurry again.

  314. 314.

    One of the Many Jens

    Also, on a more mundane note – have you considered just keeping a spare pair of pants in your car for your boxers-in-public situations?

  316. 316.

    MBL

    God, John, I’m so sorry.  I’ve been wondering about her for a couple of weeks; it randomly hit me a bit ago that you hadn’t mentioned her on the site for a while, and I didn’t want to ask in case the worst had happened and you just didn’t want to talk about it.

    I’m going to go miss every pet I’ve ever had now.  Take care, man.  Eventually the good memories will outweigh the grief.

  319. 319.

    Kevin

    So sorry John. I lost my 15 year old lab in much the same way. Slowly (I knew it was coming, not many labs that old) then suddenly (one night his stomach turned and he was gone in a couple hours). I am glad I got to hold him and cry with him in his last moments. He was a great dog and with me through some low times.

  320. 320.

    White & Gold Purgatorian

    John, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a beloved pet leaves a hole in the heart. Hugs and healing for you and all who loved Lily.

  321. 321.

    Krista/RedKitten

    John, I am so, so sorry, my friend. Lily was such a beautiful little dog — one of those ones whose tiny size hides their enormous heart. You gave her the perfect home and did everything you possibly could for her. Losing her is terrible, but I hope the 13 years of love and memories  will help carry you through the grief. <3

  324. 324.

    Sis

    John, I am so very sorry. No matter how long we have them, it’s never long enough. I know from your writing how special she was. My favorite Lily post was years ago on a day  when it had snowed heavily. You took her to potty first thing in the morning, and you said she said to hell with this and ran back to the bed and dove under the covers. What cracked me up was the pic you posted of just her front half covered; her little backside and back legs were sticking straight out. I don’t know why it stuck with me, but it was just hilarious. Love to you, and again, I’m so sorry.

  325. 325.

    Hawes

    Here I am, crying my eyes out over a dog I never met, because in some way you made her live for me, too.

  326. 326.

    AndyG

    I’m heartbroken for you, John. Your tales of Lily and Tunch were some of the things that kept me here when I first started reading Balloon Juice many years ago, and every post about her showed us all how much you loved her. She was a very lucky girl – not only to be loved by you, but by countless readers all over the world who followed her life and helped out with her bout with cancer. Thank you for being her forever human.

  327. 327.

    Betsy

    I’m so sorry, John Cole.  Those are beautiful pictures of your household family.  Lily will be missed here too.

  330. 330.

    Brachiator

    Peace to you, John Cole. I loved Lily from afar, through your own love for her. She was clearly special, and your comments about your relationship with her always made me smile.

    Take care, and thank you so much for sharing your adventures with her.

  331. 331.

    Drunkenhausfrau

    “It came to me that every time I lose a dog, they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog that comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all of the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and as loving as they are.” – Anonymous

    of course, yours will also be cat. Big cat.

  333. 333.

    Wanderer

    Lilly lived her best life with you and through you to us.  Thank you for sharing the joy with us. I am so sorry for your pain today but Lilly is free forever and will always be with you.

  334. 334.

    NotoriousJRT

    So very late to this thread, John, but please know I am weeping for you as I write.  All of us who have had to make the most awful “out of love” decision knows something of the pain you are feeling.  You did right by Lily in every way, and I am convinced she will always be one of your angels just no longer an earthly one.  Take care of yourself and please remember that if you do come to love another dog dearly, it does nothing to diminish how absolutely special Lily was.  RIP, little girl.

  337. 337.

    Sherparick

    I am so sorry you loss Lily today John. She was the perfect dog. Her adventures with you, & how you & she got through the cancer 4 years ago were a special part of reading this blog. You gave her a good & safe life & she gave you unconditional love. That love cannot die & will be with you always. Here memory is a blessing. And now I have some tears to wipe away, for Lily, a very good dog.

  339. 339.

    EarthWindFire

    She was the best baby girl. You gave her so much, and she gave it back tenfold. RIP dearest Lily.

  340. 340.

    MGB

    I’m delurking to say I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing our furry ones is never easy. But you have a community of jackals that hopefully can at least know there are a lot of people who held Lily in our hearts.

  341. 341.

    Emma from Miami

    RIP the best girlie in the world. Those of us that believe know she is now surrounded by all her friends, romping in the ever flowering fields.

  342. 342.

    Lurker-since-forever

    I’ve read about Lily since the very first day … long time lurker here, but I thought it important to step up and say I’m so very sorry. She had a wonderful life that mattered. And she mattered to a whole lot of people.

  344. 344.

    WendyBinFL

    So sorry to learn of Lily’s passing, John. Grateful that you shared with us her sweetness, and the depth of your relationship. Sending light and blessings to you and the rest of the Cole family.

  345. 345.

    Naija Gal

    I landed at JFK, saw your tweet about Lily and gasped “no!”  I feel like I got to know Lily from your descriptions over the years, so this hurt. I know she’s hanging out with Tunch right now talking about you. Hang in there!

  347. 347.

    Tim in SF

    I’m so sorry, John, for your loss.  I remember when you wrote about Lilly back when you got her. I had been reading the blog for a few years by then (I came in right before Terry Schiavo). I haven’t commented much over the years, but I wanted you to know that I loved every post about her.

    Every dog owner knows when it is time

    I’m agonizing over my own dog’s end of life issues. I don’t know that it’s time. He has good days still. But he has horrible long bouts of trouble getting his breath some nights. Long periods of choking. When he’s going through it, I can see fear in his eyes – he doesn’t know what’s happening or what to do. Last night I stayed up with him from 4am until 5:30, until he could breathe again.

    I am at my wits’ end and I’m exhausted. He’s looking up at me as I write this with love in his eyes.

    I’m fucked.

  351. 351.

    AnnaN

    Oh man.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I don’t know you and I didn’t know Lily, but the tears are streaming.  Sending a warm and comforting hug to you through the ether.  There is solace in knowing you gave her such a wonderful life.

  352. 352.

    randy khan

    I’m so sorry about Lily.

    I’m really late to this, but I just have to say it’s such a gift to have that kind of relationship with a pet, and there’s no way you can pay it back to that pet.  But you can pay it back in other ways, and for as long as I’ve been reading this blog, you’ve been doing that.

    And I can’t believe it’s been four years since the cancer.

  353. 353.

    Scout211

    I just got home and read this.  😢

    I am so sorry John. What a beautiful post you have written honoring your beautiful, sweet girl. 

  354. 354.

    The Lodger

    So sorry to hear about Lily. She was a treasure. Our black cat is also in his last days, and my sympathies go out to anyone whose pet is about to go.

  356. 356.

    Bostondreams

    Oh deepest sympathies. I know this pain can be so hard, but you made her so happy in the time she had!

  357. 357.

    Seefleur

    Late to this post – my heart goes out to you John. Lily was a good girl, yes, she was – and will be missed by many who never met her irl. Hugs to you. 😢

  358. 358.

    RobertDSC-Mac Mini

    My condolences on your loss. We lost 4 dogs in the past year and it’s excruciating. She was the light of your life and we are thankful to have seen her grow and love.

  359. 359.

    grandmaBear

    I’m so sorry she’s gone, but you gave her a happy life and all your love. In the future you will remember that love swelling in your heart when you think of her.

  360. 360.

    wonkie

    I remember when you first got Lily. I remember thinking that your love for her was going to bring great pain sooner or later. I’ve been through that, and I was afraid for you. I hope that your memories of her and your love for her will sustain you through your loss. Trite as it is to say, best wishes, John.

  361. 361.

    Patricia Kayden

    So sorry for your loss.  She was so loved and will live on forever in our memories.  ((JOHN))

  362. 362.

    xephyr

    So sorry John. Losing a loved pet can rip you apart. The last thing I said to my dog Jackie when she had to be put to sleep (as I held her in my arms) was to keep an eye out for me because I’d be following her one day. Knowing we will one day lose our beloved animal friends is the price of admission…

  363. 363.

    planetjanet

    Lily was a truly unique dog and meant to find you.  I am so sad for you.  Please take care of yourself.

  368. 368.

    Rusty

    That’s hard news.  They all have their personalities and a special place in our hearts.   Your a good man JC, and the tears are because of your caring.

  370. 370.

    Mike R

    So sorry,  a great dog is truly a gift.  She was lucky to have a truly caring companion, cherish the good times.  Again so sorry dogs are better than humans by  miles.

  373. 373.

    Brunhilde

    I am so sorry, John. She was a good dog and a fine friend. I will miss your stories of her. Wishing you comfort in this painful time.

  374. 374.

    pieceofpeace

    I’m sorry for this tough, tough loss.  How fortunate you and Lily were to have lived every day giving and getting the best of love for one another.

  375. 375.

    Yellow Dog

    Oh John, I’m so sorry.   I know you don’t need me to tell you this, but you did the right thing.  At a certain point they get to where they’re not having any fun, despite our best efforts.  And then we have to perform our last responsibility, and our last, terrible kindness.  The comfort you can take is that she knew that you loved her with heart and soul to the very end.

  377. 377.

    Peke Daddy

    I’ve never been with a pet when they’ve passed. I’ve given them the last full measure of devotion and nursed them to the end, but just couldn’t be there. You’re the best dog daddy any fur baby could have, John. Your love for Lily was sublime. You’ve given me the courage to see my old man Peke across the Rainbow Bridge when the time comes. Peace and love, John. Some words I first saw on Balloon Juice in closing:”We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached.Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,never fully understanding the necessary plan.”​

  378. 378.

    Jimmm

    So, so sorry, John…  she was a wonderful companion and I’m so glad she could be with you for as long as she was.

  379. 379.

    Marigold

    I’m so late to read this, but now I’m crying. You and Lily loved each other so much, and this was a beautiful tribute. Take care of yourself, John.

  380. 380.

    Orchid Moon

    John,  you gave Lily her best life.  You have wonderful memories of her that you have shared with us.  Sending you caring thoughts.

  382. 382.

    way2blue

    Oh.  Sigh.  I had been worried because I hadn’t seen you mention Lily for a while.  And wondered how she was doing.  Her triumph over cancer was remarkable.  I doubt she could have done so without you.  And she apparently gave as good to you as she got.  Such a sweet girl.

  383. 383.

    LNNVA

    I’m so very sorry, John. Your love for her was always evident in your writing about her. She knows how much you loved her and how lucky she was you found her. I have been where you are, having lost my Muffin last year after 14 years. The pain will ease, and the memories will always be there. Take care of yourself. You mean a lot to all of us out here, even us lurkers.

  386. 386.

    Cowgirl in the Sandi

    Just saw this and John, I am so, so sorry.  I remember Lily with her bows and always enjoyed hearing your stories about her.  Rest in peace sweet Lily.

  388. 388.

    Lexiltucky

    John, I just saw this and I’m so sorry.

    Remember the good times and life that you had together.

  389. 389.

    DaddyJ

    John, from where I lurk, Lily embodied one of Dean Spanley’s “seven great dogs in the world.” Your love for her, compared to your amusing gripes about your other animals, means she must have really been something quite special. She will be missed in these pages.

  390. 390.

    Msb

    Very sad to hear this news.
    I hope you can take comfort in the happy life you gave to Lily, and in her love for you.

  391. 391.

    The Moar You Know

    John:  I have that “once in a lifetime” dog right now, and I know what it’s going to be like when that bill comes due.

    I cannot adequately express how sorry I am.

  392. 392.

    sab

    I am so sorry for you and your loss.

    Was she well recently? We have lost two old dogs to sudden illness. It’s shocking for the family, but probably best for the dog, and in the long run better for the family. You deal with what must be done and then mourn.

    I had a dog with lymphoma that I loved dearly. I made the wrong decision and didn’t give him the medical treatment he needed. I thought I was sparing him pain. Instead I was cutting his life short. You didn’t make that bad choice, and in the end you made the only choice.

    She was a lucky girl to have had you and your other pets in her life

    ETA You gave her a second chance relatively early in her life with the lymphoma treatments, and you weren’t forced to make horrible decisions at the end of her life, when the only right course was inevitable.

  393. 393.

    Trine

    I’m so sorry, John. I’m glad you and Lily shared so many years together, plus a few more.  <3

  394. 394.

    Iamhbomb

    You gave Lily the best life she ever could have had, John, and I’m sorry for this loss.

    I suppose some people might think it’s strange to be sad about the death of an animal they’ve never actually met, but, having seen her in these pages since the beginning of her stay, I am sad.

  395. 395.

    SWMBO

    Peace and comfort to you and all the jackals that are missing Lily tonight. It’s crazy what will suddenly catch you and turn the grief loose again. One of our dogs was Laundry Dog. The day after she was stolen from us, my husband went to do laundry and she wasn’t there to “help” him. It was her JOB and she wanted to help every time we did a load.
    There were many other dogs, each with their own quirks, that still catch us unaware.
    Take care of yourself.

  396. 396.

    Antonius

    I didn’t come to the site yesterday. Oh, John, I’m so sorry. You gave her such a good life.

  398. 398.

    daize

    John, so sorry for your loss. Lily was a beautiful soul and she loved you. You gave her the best life.

  402. 402.

    Freemark

    So sorry JC. Losing your best friend like that will always be one of the worst days of your life. But if you had the choice to do it over again without her and avoid the pain you wouldn’t because those 13 years and your memories of her are worth practically any level of pain now. And for her those 13 years were incredible years filled with love. She had the best life a dog can have with you.

  409. 409.

    Miss Bianca

    I’m just seeing this now, John, and I am so sorry to hear it.

    Lily, the sweetest girl ever, and did she ever get lucky with you. RIP, Lily Cole.

  410. 410.

    Chat Noir

    I just saw this post, John. I am SO sorry for your loss! I remember when you rescued Lily. You gave her the best life ever and were a great dog dad to her. Please know I feel your loss and sadness over your very precious angel.

  411. 411.

    Joelle Park

    I just re-read this for the gazillionith time and now I’m weeping in the Anthem, AZ Circle K parking lot (I don’t know if you have experienced the misery that is a Circle K parking lot… but I’m probably not the first person to cry in this lot today and it’s just cresting 8 AM).  It resonates even more deeply this morning after receiving a text from my ASU colleague Jennie (who John met last Friday during one of his epic office phone call bombings peppered with the word Fuck and other HR horrors) saying that she will be giving her ancient and ailing kitty the sweet gift of a painless, quiet death this weekend.  Reading John’s poignant, heartfelt truth and the kindness in the comments and thinking about Jennie and her family and the pain we are all collectively going through is a bit overwhelming.  And so I’m sitting here in my car in this miserable fucking parking lot in a racially cleansed community boasting Trumper flags and supposedly a raging swinger’s community and letting the tears roll down my face in a good old fashioned ugly cry and trying to make sense of it all.  My heart aches for all the people and all the pets and even all those depraved and confused Trumper Swingers.  I swallow the hard nauseating tears and think… at least we all got to live and love one another for a little while.  That love only makes the loss more painful… but As John says… it’s all part of the bargain we make.  Much love to the House of Cole and to Lily.  I feel so lucky to have shared your den with you during homecoming.  I know that you will live in John’s heart forever. <3

  412. 412.

    BellaPea

    I don’t ever post here any more, but had to tell you how sorry I am for the loss of Lily, John. She was truly an angel on earth.

  413. 413.

    DougL

    Ah, John.  The post we all hoped to never read but knew must come.  All of my condolences to you for your loss.  And to everyone who has ever loved a dog … fortunate are you, for it surely loved you back.  Their time is too short but the hole they leave in our hearts is so large when they depart.

  414. 414.

    Biff murphy

    Remembering all the pics of her going to treatment, So sorry John. My wife and I just went through something similar. Even when you know it’s coming you’re never ready to say goodbye

    Best biff

  416. 416.

    SFAW

    John –
    I am so sorry for you and Lily. It has always been obvious how much you loved her, and she you.

  420. 420.

    David Hunt

    I’ve been offline and only just saw the notice.  My heartfelt condolences.  I’m pretty much a lurker these days but I remember when she came into the household.

    RIP Lily

  421. 421.

    Angela

    I’m so sad at the news of Lily’s passing. I loved your love affair with Lily and it gave me courage to let go and deeply love the pup I have now, more than I’ve let myself love any living being before. I’m sure I’m not the only one, that’s a lot of love Lily and you helped create. A hug for you and the rest of your critters.

  424. 424.

    TH

    My sincere condolences for the loss of such a beautiful friend.

    But also: I want to thank you for writing this detailed, exemplary account of how you handled her final moments. I’m saving this post because I will use it as a guide for how I should treat my own dear dog buddy when I send her off to her happy hunting grounds.

    You described several humane gestures that didn’t occur to me, and I’m grateful that you did that so that I can make my dog’s final moments equally as good as the final moments you gave to Lily. I raise a toast to you. Total respect. You’re a good guy.

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