This story from U.S. Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen’s July visit to China would probably be getting more play if the former president-current defendant hadn’t been indicted yet again yesterday:
Here’s an excerpt from a HuffPo story on Yellen’s mushroom meal that includes some of her remarks on CNN last night:
“So I went with this large group of people and the person who had arranged our dinner did the ordering,” Yellen told CNN’s Erin Burnett on “OutFront” Monday. “There was this delicious mushroom dish. I was not aware that these mushrooms had hallucinogenic properties.”
“I learned that later,” she continued.
Yellen’s mushroom meal was first reported by a food blogger who spotted Yellen’s group at the eatery. It was later confirmed by the restaurant, which posted on China’s social media platform Weibo that it was an “extremely magical day” — and that Yellen “loved mushrooms very much.”
“I read that if the mushrooms are cooked properly, which I’m sure they were at this very good restaurant, that they have no impact,” Yellen told Burnett. “But all of us enjoyed the mushrooms, the restaurant, and none of us felt any ill effects from having eaten them.”
Secretary Yellen is an economist, not a lawyer, but that’s some careful language. Yellen is also one of the president’s most underrated cabinet members, so she should have all the mushrooms she wants.
Weirdly, I have my own magic mushrooms and Chinese restaurant story…
Between my junior and senior years in high school, I spent the summer with my dad and stepmom. My stepmom wisely never tried to mother my sister or me — she was (and still is) our pal instead.
She and I used to sneak off behind my dad’s back sometimes to smoke pot or have horrible drinks like Champale or Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill wine. Once during this particular summer, my dad announced he and some friends were going on a fishing trip to the middle grounds in the Gulf of Mexico, which meant he’d be gone at least one night.
My stepmom had never tried magic mushrooms but was curious about them. I was an old mushroom pro already, so we decided we’d go looking for some mushrooms when my dad left.
Conveniently, we lived way out in the country right next to a big cattle ranch and were friends with the rancher, who was also on the fishing trip with my dad. We always felt free to use the rancher’s property for horse or ATV riding without asking permission.
Since it was summer, there was lots of rain, and when there’s also lots of cow shit and heat, you can often find lots of mushrooms too. So, we easily found and picked some, which we used to make a horrid mushroom and Crystal Light strawberry smoothie in the blender. We choked the awful concoction down and turned on the TV to watch cartoons and wait for the mushroom buzz to kick in.
As soon as we sat down in front of the TV, we heard a noise and looked out the window. To our horror, there was a car coming down the long dirt driveway! When it stopped and the passengers emerged, we saw it was my stepmom’s aunt and two adult cousins, who lived a couple of counties over. They had decided to drop by unannounced since they were passing through our town.
I didn’t know them well, but I knew they were churchy and would be a massive buzzkill. I told my stepmom we should hide and not answer the door, but like a dummy, she let them in. At this point, I was already feeling weird, but since I was known to be a strange, awkward person anyway, no one really noticed.
The next thing I knew, we were piling into their car, heading to a Chinese buffet restaurant in town for lunch. I was feeling sweaty and slightly ill.
As we crossed the parking lot to the restaurant, the bright sunlight hurt my eyes and made the edges of all the objects in my field of vision glow and shimmer. My stepmom and I kept exchanging horrified glances, as if trapped in a French existentialist play.
Later, as we pushed our trays along a buffet line, we started finding everything hilarious. We laughed uncontrollably at inappropriate objects of mirth, such as a black velvet painting of a fishing village, a vat of duck sauce and the aunt’s polite request for Sweet ‘n Low.
I don’t believe my stepmom’s relatives suspected we were under the influence of hallucinogens; they thought we were acting goofy and stupid, which we were.
Lunch ended abruptly when I ran to the bathroom and violently puked up the strawberry-mushroom smoothie. We left immediately afterward, and I think the aunt and cousins were glad to get rid of us since we were acting so oddly. My stepmom swore off mushrooms after that. Not me though. To this day, every time I pass by a rainy cow pasture, I think hmmmm!
Anyhoo, it sounds like Secretary Yellen had a much better time. The end.