As promised yesterday, we have a guest post from Valdivia!
Dark Habits or Men on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown
by Valdivia
It was not long after Olga Carmona’s banger of a goal that won the Spanish women’s team its first World Cup, that we got a glimpse of what the men who rule Spanish football had put these brilliant players through on the way to their victory.
Some of the tension was already visible as the players and Jorge Vilda’s coaching staff celebrated on opposite sides of the pitch, something even the Fox commentators noted as they narrated the moment.
The more eye-opening revelations were yet to come during the medal ceremony courtesy of Luis Rubiales—head of The Spanish Royal Football Federation (RFEF). As the players made their way through the congratulatory line, shaking hands with FIFA head Gianni Infantino and hugging Queen Letizia and her daughter, the Princess Sofia, each one of them was groped and man-handled by Rubiales. The most flagrant was the now infamous forced kiss that he gave Jenni Hermoso, one of the veterans of the team.
What followed has been the most sordid week we have ever witnessed in Spanish football, and I say this after having written about some of the other terrible aspects of the sport in Spain—the blatant racism of the players, journalists and fans, and the entrenched corruption that characterizes everything football.
Anne Laurie’s excellent post on Saturday night summarized most of the surreal goings since the award ceremony—the crotch grabbing that happened before he groped the players, the pressure on Hermoso and her family to cut a video with Rubiales to lessen the backlash he was experiencing, the fabrication of statements in which she was said to back him after she refused to help, the leak on Thursday night he would resign, and finally the eff you cherry on top of this misogynistic story, the Never Surrender speech on Friday.
It was not just that Rubiales refused to resign but that like every sexual harasser before him he used his speech to transform himself from abuser into abused.
In language that could have been lifted from the worst Harlequin romance from the 1970s he described Hermoso as the seducer who pulled him into her body, lifted him up in the air, then asked for a peck while calling him a ‘rockstar’.
I am sure I don’t need to tell you this is utter bullshit not just because we saw him groping her and forcing the kiss but because in no universe would any of these brilliant players call him—a mediocre, corrupt, and self aggrandizing ass—a rockstar.
We should also add shameless manipulator to that list of attributes because in order to bolster his victimhood theater he brought along his daughters so he could use them as props. Pointing to them after narrating his fantasy conversation with Hermoso, he called them the true bastions of honor and dignity against the ‘false feminists’ who were targeting him for social assassination.
Rubiales and his behavior are not the only problem though, because this toxic environment is characteristic of the whole of the RFEF, whose members gave him their wholehearted backing and clapped along as he lied and smeared the players and declared the men in that room to be the winners of the World Cup. This included coach Vilda who clapped enthusiastically as Rubiales attacked his players, while also announcing that he was renewing his contract ‘until forever’ and was tripling his salary.
Many analysts argued the behavior of those in the room and the many male footballers and coaches who refused to fulsomely condemn Rubiales could be simply a reflection of knowing which way their bread is buttered.
But sincerely I do not buy it.
Women’s football in Spain has been suffering for decades under the RFEF, it is not just Rubiales and Vilda. Before them there were decades of Angel Maria Villar (head of RFEF from 1988-2016, arrested for corruption and embezzlement in 2017) and of Ignacio Quereda (women’s team coach from 1988-2015 forced out by the players after their failure at the World Cup in Canada in 2015)
As Colin Millar—who writes about European football for Mirror Football and has been heroic in covering this debacle as well as the rampant racism of La Liga—noted yesterday, you really cannot understand what these players have had to put up with and why they have been pushing for change for years, unless you know the story of Quereda and his protector Villar. You can get a sense of the kind of infantilizing treatment dished out on these players just from a few of the images in this tweet (excerpted from a documentary called Breaking the Silence which can be seen in its full version with subs here)
This is important context to this week. Ignacio Quereda managed the Spanish women's team for 27 years. There has long been a toxic culture of abuse of power, intimidation and extreme controlling and manipulative behaviour in Spanish women's football.https://t.co/nWBBUsEihr pic.twitter.com/IlWYHNNHQ3
— Colin Millar (@Millar_Colin) August 27, 2023
The players might have succeeded in getting rid of Quereda after complaining publicly in 2015, but many of them paid for their audacity in calling the patriarchs out with their ability to play for the national team. Many were simply never called up again.
It is no surprise then that when the player union put out a statement condemning Rubiales and refusing to play as long as he, Vilda and the rest of the misogynistic crew were still in charge it was on behalf of not just the players from the current team, as well as those who complained in 2022 and refused to play as long as Vilda was the coach, but also those who played and suffered under Quereda for decades.
The backlash to Rubiales refusal to resign and sordid behavior was fast in coming. The government declared that they found his continuation as head of the RFEF as unacceptable and would be referring the case to the country’s Court of Arbitration of Sport (TAD).
FIFA, for once, moved swiftly and suspended Rubiales on Saturday from ALL international football for the next 90 days until the investigation they began was resolved. A crucial part of his suspension was an injunction by FIFA that Rubiales and the RFEF were not to contact or pressure Hermoso, her family or any of the players.
As Spaniards like to say, it is hard to murder the strongman when he is still alive but very easy to do so when he is already dead and buried.
The cowards swarm only when it is easy. And so it has been in this case.
After FIFA suspended him a lot of Rubiales’ federation supporters—last seen fervently clapping for him at the Friday assembly—began releasing statements of condemnation against his repugnant actions. This throwing of Rubiales under the bus included even coach Vilda whose whole staff had abandoned him around the same time that the FIFA ban was announced.
The legal case against Rubiales moved along yesterday and today. Last night the regional federations that make up the RFEF announced they had voted to ask Rubiales to resign. And today the Minister of Sport & Culture announced that if the TAD rules\d on the case he could be suspended by the government as well.
However positive it is to have the government pushing on this issue (and arguing for root and branch reform) the wishy-washy posture of the regional federations does not give me much hope. Asking him to resign is really just a PR move, because they could have easily censured him, voted him out and replaced him with any of the two (yes only two!) federation members who refused to be present at the Speech or told him ahead of it he had to resign.
As long as his hacks are in place in the RFEF there will be no chance of actual change. This includes the acting President Pedro Rocha, the spokesperson Javier Gomez Matallanas, who probably crafted the false Hermoso statements and the Secretary General (Andreu Camps) who sent a letter to UEFA asking them to disqualify Spain from all competitions if Rubiales was pushed out. These guys will burn the ship before giving up on Rubiales, or continue to corrupt the organization if they stay.
Last but not least. While the support Hermoso and the players have received from Spanish society at large has been wonderful to see, I need to note that in general the rampant misogyny in the culture is sadly unabated. Many male football fans think Rubiales had to go because he embarrassed Spain, but candidly declare they are “not in agreement with the feminazis who are taking advantage and going too far”
I wouldn’t even call the Rubiales saga truly over either because in a surrealist episode out of an Almodovar movie, his mother, Angeles Bejar, declared herself on a hunger strike yesterday and locked herself in a church in the town of Motril. Today she declared she would be willing to die and would continue to fast until Hermoso changed her story and her son was vindicated.
Sincerely I hope this is where the Almodovar movie about the World Cup of Our Affliction begins.
Rubiales' mum now tells Spanish TV station Telecinco she won't eat "indefinitely, day and night." She has called on Jenni Hermoso to "stop lying and revert to her original statement." (the fabricated statement that was circulated by Spanish FA). "Yes, I'm willing to die." pic.twitter.com/jk6wUZNk0x
— Colin Millar (@Millar_Colin) August 29, 2023
Valdivia
I am here after every spanish futbol debacle!
Omnes Omnibus
I think this fits here.
Seriously though, thanks for doing this. It’s a bigger deal than a lot of guys (used intentionally) think.
Valdivia
@Omnes Omnibus: gracias, though not for putting that song in my head!
Many people in the news are saying its the Spanish me too moment but I think it is many moments at once, not just about the sexual harassment angle
Baud
@Valdivia:
Hola. No puedo leer tu artículo en este momento, pero quería decir que es bueno verte. Lo leeré más tarde.
Cómo es mi español? He sido practicarlo.
Captain C
This seems like one of those occasions where it would be reasonable to say, “your offer is acceptable.” Going on a hunger strike (in a church, it seems, no less) to protect your sexist, gropey son from the consequences of his horrid actions does not seem like good mothering.
(edited to add the block quote)
Valdivia
@Baud: hola! esta muy muy bien!
gracias :)
Valdivia
@Captain C: I must confess I almost almost closed the post with please proceed, but I thought it might be too much! ;)
Scout211
Thank you for this detailed report. I read yesterday about Rubiales’ mother going on the hunger strike and isolating herself in a church until her baby boy’s name is cleared. (He’s 46, by the way). The whole drama of his mother preparing to “die” to clear his good name was so over the top dramatic that I had to read that report twice to make sure it wasn’t a parody.
Old School
Certainly not the most important part of this post, but since it confused me: Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em is a British sitcom that ran for three series between 1973 and 1978. I guess they were looking for a “mother” reference.
Valdivia
@Old School: oh thank you I saw people talking about the show and did not know the reference just thought it was too funny she made the yellow press in the UK
Valdivia
@Scout211: it is like out of a novel or an impossible script, but somehow totally congruent with the sordidness of this affair
His female cousins were also in attendance in front of said church saying that if Hermoso had been really harassed by the kiss she would have behaved differently. It never ends!
Burnspbesq
Hardly any football federation is without sin where support for women’s football is concerned. Including USSoccer.
Valdivia
@Burnspbesq: oh absolutely, I would argue that the RFEF took the cake this week though. Specially since they totally overshadow the players and their win. Such jerks
Old School
@Valdivia: I mean, I didn’t understand any of the headlines on that front page, but only one made me try to decipher it.
Burnspbesq
Apparently it’s still nigh on impossible to buy a Mary Earps replica jersey.
Can you imagine not being able to buy a Jordan Pickford jersey anywhere in England? Neither can I.
Penn
As far as I can tell every major sporting organization is hopelessly corrupt, but there seems to be something about Football and the Olympics respectively that make them even more so. Maybe it’s the stakes of selecting a new country to grift every few years that does it. This is just the backsplash to the rest of the sport, tolerating corruption at the head leads to corruption everywhere.
prostratedragon
Thanks, Valdivia. I must say, I had some questions about that receiving line, now emphatically answered. Perhaps appropriate, from Almódovar himself.
Burnspbesq
@Valdivia:
No doubt. Didn’t mean to imply otherwise.
smith
@Old School: Doesn’t answer my question: What do they ‘ave?
Valdivia
oh this about the Church where Rubiales is, totally enraging via Annie Eaves
Old School
@smith:
SiubhanDuinne
@Valdivia:
It is a real joy to see you here, discussing sexism in sports (no dearth of material there!!) or whatever topic catches your fancy. Hope you will be a more frequent commenter.
Rubiales is such a pig. And it’s just devastating (though not surprising, I guess) to see that he learned well from his mother.
Valdivia
@Burnspbesq: what? I can’t believe that, she was so kickass, how is that possible. ugh
Valdivia
@Old School: that front page of Marca says “Global Shame” which is pretty much what Rubiales is, sorry should have translated that
Scout211
Strong opinion piece in The Guardian by Anita Asante:
Luis Rubiales is a sad symbol of much bigger problems for women’s football
. . .
. . .
opiejeanne
@Valdivia: Sometimes, women are our own worst enemies.
How old are his daughters? Are they little girls, teens, or young adults?
Burnspbesq
@Valdivia:
Apparently nobody in a position to make it happen thought there would be demand. Which is surprising because Nike has, on balance, been a force for good where women’s sports are concerned.
But any improvement in conditions for women’s football in England have come slowly and grudgingly.
SpaceUnit
Things have gone too far. I’m done with Spanish football!!!
Valdivia
@Burnspbesq: that makes me so angry! wth. Very baffling because most experts actually thought they would win
WaterGirl
No idea what Footie
*SongSnog means, but if this is the photo of the kiss, as it must be, he is holding her head in place so she can’t get away. Exponentially creepy.edited to correct the autocorrect of song.
opiejeanne
@Valdivia: The priest needs to tell Mama to go home.
Valdivia
@prostratedragon: that clip is such a perfect distillation of it. thank you for posting that.
frosty
@WaterGirl: Snog. British for kiss.
BGinCHI
This is FABULOUS. Thanks, Val!
And thanks to WaterGirl for curating such great, topical posts!
Also, Rubiales is a misogynistic prick. Let his old bag of a mother rot in her church.
lee
Thanks for the great write up. Lots of details I have missed.
Valdivia
@opiejeanne: the daughters (three) seem to all be teenagers or a little older. He uses them all the time to attack other women he deems ‘false feminists’
revolting really, and none of them seem to be rebels enough to tell him to stfu
Scout211
@WaterGirl: the non-cropped version of that pic shows both of her arms and neither arm is touching him. Both arms are splayed out like she cannot even think about touching him let alone hug him. Definitely the non-verbal of “no!”
ETA: this is the full Photo showing her arms.
prostratedragon
@Valdivia:
Here’s the whole thread, Nitterized.
To add, if that’s her home parish she had every reason to know about the memorial — maybe was asked?
Valdivia
@SiubhanDuinne: hi there! yes I love coming back here and hanging not just writing, classes usually take so much out of my time but will make an effort to do this more
Hope you are doing well
Valdivia
@Scout211: thank you that is excellent
I wanted to post a picture of the regional federations meeting which looks like a scene from the beginning episodes of Mad Men, all men, they need to bring some of the women who have played and change that federation once and for all
Valdivia
@WaterGirl: yeah, even creepier when you know how he described it later, as if she did it to him, total pig
@opiejeanne: was hoping the police which was around yesterday would drag her out but I guess they take the sanctuary thing seriously
Gretchen
I love the phrase « Spanish Kiss Creep ». Mom should be apologizing for failing to teach her son manners, not defending him.
smith
@Valdivia: They may still be financially dependent on him. A lot of young women don’t find their voices until after they have left home. I’m much more incensed about the support of all the men for this creep, who have a great deal more latitude in what they say and do than these girls.
opiejeanne
@WaterGirl: Snog, not song. Snogging is British slang for kissing
Valdivia
@BGinCHI: gracias! he really is the worst, so I fully expect this to go on and on.
@lee: thanks like with any evolving telenovela, so much happening!
@prostratedragon: of my yes that must be her home parish, what a jerky thing to do to a neighbor.
scav
@Captain C: I’ve been feeling that rotten apple indeed didn’t land far from his maternal tree — offer accepted seconded. Pieta de Patriarchy (Enabling Madre de Machismo) is quite the look.
Anne Laurie
‘Footie’ (football) is soccer, everywhere but in America. ‘Snog’ is an ‘amorous kiss or caress.’
opiejeanne
@Valdivia: If they’re teens, then he shouldn’t be kissing them the way he described, or maybe he shouldn’t do that regardless of what age they are.
WaterGirl
@frosty: Thank you!
WaterGirl
@BGinCHI: Nice to see you here, as well!
Captain C
@Valdivia: In some places, perhaps, but this is, after all, Balloon Juice :^)
Valdivia
@opiejeanne: oh yeah, and also using them this way, just (insert throwing up emoji here)
@smith: excellent point that they may not feel free to say anything against him. will read that interview ten years from now.
opiejeanne
@Scout211: Her arms are out like that because of surprise and/or shock. She did hug him in the previous shots, pretty normal after a game, but this is a reaction to the kiss, a signal that she did not want it.
Roger Moore
@Valdivia:
Maybe it’s overanalyzing, but I think overshadowing the women is the goal. They’d rather be objects of hatred and derision than see the women get their justified glory.
BGinCHI
@WaterGirl:
Just getting over Covid (all of us), too much work. Sigh.
WaterGirl
@Scout211: What a fucking pig. Thanks for the full photo.
I have to say that calling a kiss seems wrong – a kiss is consensual, and that most definitely was not.
Valdivia
@Penn: I think corruption is becoming worse at the national league level too because of all the money sloshing around for buying players.
smith
@Roger Moore: I’d go further, and say they want to take credit for the women’s accomplishments.
Valdivia
@WaterGirl: i kept insisting on twitter it had to be called sexual harassment because it is exactly what it is. Also him calling this a peck is such minimization, he almost swallowed her head.
WaterGirl
@opiejeanne: That was autocorrect. I have now corrected autocorrect.
Subsole
@WaterGirl:
Not song. Snog.
S.n.o.g.
Snogging means necking, kissing, or making out. The initial stages of intense foreplay. The sort of kiss you give someone when you really want a lot more than a kiss. That sort of thing. I believe it is a British term.
Anne Laurie
Thank you for this, Valdivia — I appreciate you sharing all this information I did not know!
Side question: I have seen some speculation on (political, English-language) twitter that Rubiales has gotten away with his particularly disgusting behavior because ‘he’s got blackmail material on all his possible punishers, in the government as well as the sports federation.’ Does this actually get whispered in the Spanish media, or is it just an ‘outsider’ guess?
Valdivia
@Roger Moore: this too and also, they might even think the win is theirs actually and not the players’
That is certainly how he behaved until Friday.
opiejeanne
@WaterGirl: Autocorrect has given up on me. And most of the time it doesn’t think I meant “duck”.
Roger Moore
@Penn:
I think it’s because there’s so much money sloshing around, much of it in countries where corruption is seen as an ordinary part of business. That acceptance of corruption is bad both directly and indirectly. Directly because the people lucky enough to have power over those countries get used to the graft, indirectly because graft in the international game corrupts national federations in places where graft would otherwise be socially unacceptable.
WaterGirl
@BGinCHI: Oh, ugh. Sorry to hear that. My neighbor (who is a teacher) has it. She lost her voice and thought nothing of it until her students started emailing her to say that they had Covid, so she tested. What a bizarre symptom that was, and t was her only one!
Hope you guys fared as well as she did.
WaterGirl
@Subsole: That was a product of autocorrect, which apparently did not approve when I typed SNOG.
trollhattan
Still think she could break the putz in two, but caught by surprise and cameras rolling that wasn’t happening.
NWSL players all wore “contigo jenni” this weekend. The world is watching, not just Spain.
lowtechcyclist
@prostratedragon:
I’d forgotten that!
Roger Moore
@smith:
They would love to take credit, but everyone is giving credit to the players instead. That’s what they’re angry about and why they’re doing whatever they can to steal the attention back. It doesn’t matter that the attention they’re getting is bad; they’d rather get bad attention than allow the women to get the good attention they’ve earned.
Tony Jay
The Spanish FA, all of its executives (bar a couple) and that incredibly incestuous little clique around Rubiales and the Vildas couldn’t have shown themselves up in a more comprehensive fashion if they’d turned up at the final in pseudo-Greek armour and run around the pitch waving iron collars in the air and shrieking “You’re all Kajirae now!”
Seriously. It’s been astonishing. Not because the sexism is a surprise, because of course it’s not, but because those emanating it really and truly seemed to think that they could strut out there in their metaphysical medallions and too tight pants, slap a few lucky ladies on their pert little asses and just bask in the adoration of a global macho culture that they know (they know) understands, deep in its balls, that men deserve all the acclaim and any women lucky enough to be in their orbit should be grateful for the opportunity to play a part in that.
And when it didn’t turn out like they imagined it should. When the woman pushed back and the vast majority of the wider Footballing world recoiled from the rank, suffocating fug of cologne, brandy and breath mints emanating from that culture, they doubled and tripled down. These are boys who never had to do any growing up, reacting to difficult females in the way they’ve always done – with mockery, sneering disdain and threats of violent punishment.
It’s just repulsive. Utterly, shamefully, historically repulsive, and a lesson to all men and boys everywhere that this – these fake men, their hand-me-down attitudes, their lazy, obstinate, spoilt, worthless, incandescently slappable failure to be better than their worst selves – this isn’t what ‘men’ are. This isn’t what masculinity is. This is the opposite. This is what no real man ever, ever, ever wants to be.
And if you look at this disaster and are in any way tempted to side with the creeps because of the contents of your pants, be very ashamed and grow the fuck up, because what the fucking hell is wrong with you? If you can’t handle your balls responsibly then give them back because you don’t deserve them.
It’s not hard. This stuff is easy. Just don’t be a dick. Fucksake.
Subsole
@WaterGirl:
Heh. Yeah. I kinda figured. God bless the robot, it’s only trying to help…
Baud
I have now read the post and I thank you for writing it. I think the parties involved should compromise by having Rubiales the son go on a hunger strike to the death.
Los hombres son cerdos.
Valdivia
@Anne Laurie: thanks!
there is a political division between Rubiales as head of RFEF and the guy who is head of the local league Tebas. So until this debacle most of the commentary I had seen was that Rubiales stayed (in spite of corruption scandals, like getting a cut from Saudi Arabia for playing a Spanish competition there every year) because the govt wanted someone to balance Tebas out (ftr, they are both awful awful men)
There is definitely commentary in the local press now that 1) he is fighting this hard because if an investigation begins they will find a lot of bad stuff on him and his court and 2) that many people who did not speak out or have not yet is exactly because he has information of their corruption
everything is just absolutely as dirty as it seem
I should add that Annie Eaves posted last week that he gets A LOT of money for this job and also his position in UEFA, it is his golden ticket and not likely to want to give it up even without the corruption stuff
Scout211
And this x post shows the video that the Spanish federation claims showed Jenni Hermoso “lifting up” Rubiales. He actually jumped on her. Ewww.
Subsole
@trollhattan:
For real. Her thighs look to be about the same size as his freaking torso. She could probably Noob Saibot his head clean off his neck with a judiciously-applied snapkick.
Josie
@Tony Jay:
Wow. I’m trying to figure out which part of this rant I love the most. Come sit by me any time.
Valdivia
@Tony Jay: I need a cigarette after this :)
amen
Subsole
@Tony Jay:
Righteous rant, man.
Scout211
@Tony Jay: My favorite Tony Jay rant of all time.
Anne Laurie
Thanks again! Of course, this is what usually happens in a thoroughly corrupted system — every grifter protects all his fellow grifters, because they know that pulling one brick from their jenga tower risks the whole ‘game’ collapsing!
Valdivia
@Scout211: oh yeah they did this ‘lets post some pictures showing the imaginary description by Rubiales really happened’. They are just jackasses all the way
Later they also said Jenni had been psychologically kidnapped by her union and forced to say that she did not like the kiss
I really rec seeing the video Millar published from the previous coach, this has been going on for a long long time
Tony Jay
These propped-up little stiffsocks just rage me.
Valdivia
@Subsole: I would pay for this to have happened. I am in for this happening later too!
Valdivia
@Anne Laurie: you know this whole thing reminds me of the Illinois Governor who got caught saying the Senate seat Obama left after he won the presidency was this golden thing he would exploit to get the most from the highest bidder? The whole Rubiales crew is like that but with the RFEF
prostratedragon
With bonus exploitation of women and youth thrown in! What a package.
(That was Rod Blagojevich, pardoned by guess who in 2020.)
Geminid
Luis Rubiales, the Madrid Masher.
Valdivia
@prostratedragon: yes him! and exactly all the seedy corrupt ambition plus the exploitation of women and blatant mistreatment of them publicl
For any of you interested in the history of sexual harassment and its treatment in Spain netflix has a new documentary about a case from 2002 about a young economist working at a municipality when her boss the Mayor harassed her. Enraging and inspiring at the same time here
scav
Oh, and Almodovar deserves better.
Alison Rose
Thank you very much for this. I have had many emotions over this situation, and especially over the dismissive — to put it mildly — responses from certain people and corners.
SiubhanDuinne
@Valdivia:
Cannot repeat this too often.
Valdivia
@scav: he really does but I would not trust anyone else to tell this story.
@Alison Rose: thank you and yes I am still enraged by much of what I have heard and seen in the world of futbol in Spain regarding this. The futbol media have been particularly horrible
@SiubhanDuinne: and sadly we have to be reminded all the time
Omnes Omnibus
@Valdivia: There are some parallels between that situation and the 1990 German movie, The Nasty Girl, in which a young woman digs in to her hometown’s Nazi past.
RaflW
I just want to stop by to say, apropos this topic, that I appreciate being called out on my dumb sexism in the last thread. I feel kinda queazy that I didn’t even think to interrogate why I was taking angle that I did when mocking DeSantis.
I regret the rather too many times I slung that, and while I am human and will probably occasionally think up other ways to be rudely idiotic, I will strive to do better. And y’all can call me on it.
Valdivia
@Omnes Omnibus: that movie is on my list now!
WaterGirl
@Valdivia: So say we all!
WaterGirl
@Valdivia: Thank you so much for putting this together for us. If you want to do an update in a week or two, I’m sure we would all be here for that!
LAO
Question(s): Why in the world should we give a rats ass that his mommy is on a hunger strike? She wants to make a misbegotten stand, I say go for it lady.
And, why do the mothers of powerful men feel the need to intervene on behalf of their shitty sons? (Elon Musk’s mom, as another example)
Ruckus
@Subsole:
That would be a nice picture…..
Roger Moore
@RaflW:
The difference between a good person and a bad one isn’t that the good person is uniformly good and the bad one is uniformly bad; it’s that a good person tries to do better when they’re called on their bad behavior, while a bad person doubles down.
eclare
Great post, thank you.
Roger Moore
@LAO:
Bad parents are the cause, not the effect.
Odie Hugh Manatee
@Captain C:
In fact I believe that her refusal to accept that her son is a creepy groper explains why he thinks his actions were acceptable.
She taught him that whatever he did was right, no matter how wrong.
ETA: I too find her offer acceptable and hope she enjoys starving to death.
Ruckus
@LAO:
Well someone has to. And they have no one else left….
OK really, no one should but when a grownassman is down to only his mother’s support for his shitty behavior that seems rather obvious that he’s not right in the head. I believe that knees should be applied in cases like this, he’d be less inclined to do this again when a leg/knee that strong was applied full force to his “area.” It get’s one’s attention.
AM in NC
@Tony Jay: Yes. Yes. Yes. All of this, Yes.
Josie
@RaflW:
I’m pretty sure that many if us folks who have passed middle age and are advancing onward have made similar errors without understanding how we erred. Thankfully, there are folks here who can gently let us know and guide us to the right language or whatever. It’s one of the reasons I continue to read this blog on a daily basis. I just learn so much. You are a good man to apologize.
SiubhanDuinne
@RaflW:
You are a good person.
scav
@Odie Hugh Manatee: Passed along the grand-standing behavior as well. Plus treating the church (instead of a woman’s body) as a passive object & backdrop to be used as she willed for her personal grandstanding efforts.
AM in NC
@RaflW: Speaking for myself, I do not expect perfection. I expect kindness, and listening and changing behavior when someone points out a problem shows kindness. Thanks for being an ally.
Steeplejack
@Baud:
Mi padre tiene negocios en la selva.
Alison Rose
@Valdivia: Here as well, a whole lot of “it’s not that big of a deal” from people who have never been on the receiving end of forced sexual contact. Which…I’ll just say, cis men who go real HAM to downplay sexual abuse are telling on themselves like they were shouting it through a bullhorn.
Steeplejack
@Valdivia:
Thanks for this excellent piece. Forwarded to some people who would profit by reading it.
Barbara
People like Rubiales are never going to give up without a fight to the death. A guy who doesn’t mind being videotaped for the whole world grabbing his crotch while the sovereign of his country and her teenage daughter are two feet away pretty obviously considers women to be either props for his testosterone fueled urges or just invisible if they are clearly not sexually available. And no doubt, his deal is incredibly sweet and his material success has redounded greatly to the benefit of his mother and other female relatives. So his mother, aunts, and probably daughters might as well be toddlers shouting, “No, please, don’t take my toys away!!!!” Mom doing the equivalent of holding her breath until she turns blue and passes out is just kind of the cherry on top.
In my little corner of the world a law professor and former FTC commissioner has just sued two women who publicly disclosed that he had initiated romantic and sexual relationships when they were his students and implied that his good word in promoting their careers depended on continuing to placate him romantically. These are men who do not think that they are accountable to women for their actions. Unfortunately for him, also in my little corner of the world, there are other lawyers, super aggressive litigators, who are probably willing to jump in and defend these women for free.
Above the Law summarizes a few of the details.
Barbara
@RaflW: I can’t tell you how many times I have to stop and edit myself. For instance, using “guys” as an all purpose group term instead of “everyone” or just “you.” My girlfriend group used guys all the time, but I now understand it is viewed negatively. Most of us are always going to be a work in progress.
Burnspbesq
Better late than never? Or too little, too late?
https://www.fastcompany.com/90943875/nike-mary-earps-jersey-world-cup-brand-damage?partner=rss&utm_source=rss&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=rss+fastcompany&utm_content=rss
Valdivia
@WaterGirl: thank you! For sure. Already in the last hour the ahole of Rubiales continues to smear Jenni and fight for his position. It will never end!
Valdivia
@Steeplejack: thank you! and hi :)
@Burnspbesq: this story amazes me, glad they are going ahead and making them though
@Barbara: that story is another horror, yikes
@Alison Rose: I missed those defending this stateside. big big yikes.
Ruckus
@Roger Moore:
They may be the cause but they do/should not have control over an adult to be quite so shitty. Unless of course they are actually making the situation as good as it can get. Some children really just never grow the hell up and there isn’t anything that can be done about it. And it might not be bad parenting. It may be bad adulting. Or a complete lack of adulting.
eclare
@Barbara:
I’m from the south, I use y’all. I have started to substitute “person” for man or woman. All we can do is try to get better.
eclare
@Burnspbesq:
“Mary, Queen of Stops,” that’s good!
Alison Rose
@Valdivia: I’m not sure if people in the sports media here have been shitty about it, but I’ve definitely seen a lot of comments in various places implying that this is nothing, who cares, blah blah. It’s gross.
Origuy
You have to wonder what other behavior Mamá has defended him about, ever since he was a child. She probably was a familiar sight to his teachers.
Yarrow
Valdivia, thank you so much for this post. It’s informative and infuriating. I am totally fine if his mom wants to starve herself to death in the church. Even better if no one pays any attention to her. What a ridiculous family.
@Tony Jay: Best rant ever. I need a cigarette after reading this and I don’t smoke.
Yarrow
@Alison Rose: It is, however, still making the news. I happened to see a piece about it on one of the nightly news shows tonight. The mom angle is just so ridiculous. Telenovela level ott.
mrmoshpotato
Great post title!
Sally
@Roger Moore: I tell my sons that they can blame me till they are 22, after that, it is on them. I will certainly not be responsible for their behaviour when they are 46. They know that at some point in their adult lives they have to decide what sort of person they are.
Alison Rose
@Yarrow: I mean, I’m not a mother, but I really do not understand the concept of “My child (and it’s almost always a son) can do no wrong and is perfect and wonderful and I will defend him no matter what”. But then…she did raise him to be the kind of man to do this, so…
billcinsd
@Burnspbesq: Well Nike said only 5 days ago they would make a small quantity of various women’s national team GK jerseys available for the FAs to sell. I checked the English FA and they do not yet have a GK jersey available for purchase
billcinsd
@Valdivia: Nike wasn’t going to sell any, but 150,000 people signed a a thing asking for the jerseys and saying bad things about Nike
billcinsd
(24) This Creep Won’t Stop – YouTube
billcinsd
A somewhat related song that is great
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lkni5QYgcvE
Paul in KY
@RaflW: You did have good intentions: Insulting Ron DeSatanis.
Paul in KY
@Barbara: I guess that ex-prof who harassed those women is thinking that showing himself to be a scumbag will be good for his legal career?!?
Wonder if his firm has let him go yet…
Scout211
Update on Rubiales’ mother:
You will all be relieved to know that his mama’s “long” hunger strike is over. Yes, she was willing to die for her baby boy’s good name but she was sent to the hospital by the priest.
She was hot, tired and anxious. She did not die. And she won’t be welcome back in the church. Poor suffering woman. It was hot! Link