cornea burning man https://t.co/2qEUsGJZmt
— zeddy (@Zeddary) November 6, 2023
From what I can find, they’re only temporarily blinded, so IMO that puts the whole thing juuuust inside the ‘okay to mock’ zone…
>pay a zillion dollars for a cartoon monkey picture
>head to celebration of this monumentally good investment
>go blind
>now can’t even see the monkeyThis sounds like some kind of fucked up Twilight Zone episode. https://t.co/RsVtk5iOXW
— Open Source Stupidity (OSSTU) Starfish (@IRHotTakes) November 7, 2023
Spending one hundred thousand dollars on one of ten thousand monkey pictures to blind myself at an exclusive and extremely shitty concert in Hong Kong https://t.co/bdqUVblrGv
— Ed Zitron (@edzitron) November 6, 2023
Just love that crypto-libertarians keep getting to show off how their zero-regulation, total self-reliance utopia would play out. Risk cholera in the Hippy Thunderdome Mud Pit. Lose your life savings to a cartoon chimpanzee. Be invited to the Stare Directly At Lasers Conference.
— zeddy (@Zeddary) November 6, 2023
Albert Burneko, at Defector:
You remember the Bored Apes. Maybe. These were the dumb ugly worthless JPEGs of, like, dressed-up cartoon apes that various suckers and dolts were buying—or, like, investing in?—very loudly a couple of years ago. This was in 2021, back when NFTs (non-fungible tokens) were only a laughingstock among people capable of critical thinking.
One of the late-night Jimmys had one! And Paris Hilton! And Steph Curry and Neymar! They were very proud of their shitty ugly junk JPEGs of no artistic or functional value whatsoever. Those were crazy times, man. Somebody said Justin Bieber’s crappy digital image of a stupid-ass ape was worth more than a million dollars, despite looking like the sort of thing you would get annoyed at a friend for doodling on the brown paper you’d wrapped around your biology textbook in ninth grade and representing nothing other than its purchaser’s unfitness for scissor privileges.
Anyway it is almost 2024 now; humankind has had more than enough time to reevaluate the value of minimally varying public-restroom-toilet-stall-graffiti-ass digital drawings of monkeys as speculative assets, with the deeply unsurprising result that their prices have cratered…
Nevertheless! The apes have their enthusiasts, even now, more than two years after the roughly 47 seconds they spent as avatars of a pandemic-boomed, giddily nihilistic society’s addled half-belief that you could impart value to virtually anything by calling it an NFT. Some number of these sad deluded HODLers gathered over the weekend in Hong Kong for ApeFest, hosted by Yuga Labs, the company that made enough money to host a festival in Hong Kong by generating F-grade JPEGs of cartoon apes and selling them to nincompoops. The 21st century is going incredibly…
You may find yourself wondering, Just what type of activity goes on at an ApeFest? Well, for one thing, there seems to have been an opportunity to stand there like a goddamn grandfather clock while improper stage lighting fries your eyeballs and face! Many attendees availed themselves of this, and are blind now.…
Listen. I like satire as much as anybody. But this is simply far too on-the-nose. A bunch of Bored Ape dead-enders, holding onto underside-of-a-Walmart-skateboard–grade ape doodles whole entire years after the last of their fluky, illusory, momentary speculative value blew away like a fart in a tornado, now going blind because they traveled across the world to stand in front of a gigantic bank of lasers and blacklights and stare and stare and stare while their eyeballs melted? No! No, I’m sorry, this simply needs reworking…
this kind of constant outside the box innovation is why bored ape remains the brand leader in the NFT space
— flglmn (@flglmn) November 6, 2023
The next tweet is *chef’s kiss* https://t.co/zlIT3JgWO5
— Sam McBride (@sammcbride19) November 6, 2023
Rusty
Buying an NFT really is about buying nothing. You don’t even get the copyright in the image. You get nothing. Zip. Nada. That two years later there are still people who don’t get that is astounding.
Dangerman
Too bad instead of temporary blindness it was something useful like permanent impotence. Though something tells me there is not a lot of procreation goingon in this crowd.
OzarkHillbilly
The NFT craze, like the crypto scam before it, was pure stupidity from the git go and only an idiot would fall for it.
That being said, I am fortunate to have been too tightfisted (read “poor”) to ever indulge my own idiocies.
mrmoshpotato
Holy Slapdicks, Batman!
Baud
@Rusty:
What we’re seeing with NFTs is the world’s largest game of Brewster’s Millions.
p.a.
Now, can we interest you in these virtual pencils and cups? The nftex big thing!
E.
I’m going to sell small slices of time to people. Own a piece of the past!
Layer8Problem
I wasted whole minutes of valuable living time years ago trying to figure out what I was missing about cryptocurrency and NFTs. I happily realized just now that the neurons that knew what HODL meant were retasked to something else.
Lapassionara
This is tulip bulb mania all over again, except with the tulip bulb craze, you at least got a lovely flower out of the deal.
Jonas
Lemme get this straight. There’s actually an organization for people who’ve paid money to pretend they own a cartoon image *and* they have an international rave-convention or whatever where they can hang out and… what? Reassure each other they’re not the world’s biggest idiots? Smh
Geminid
@Lapassionara: You can also eat tulip bulbs in a pinch. I read that people in Holland ate plenty of bulbs during the winter 1944-45. There was exceptionally cold weather, plus the German occupation became much harsher after General Montgomery’s ill-conceived Arnheim operation (chronicled by Cornelius Ryan in A Bridge Too Far).
JPL
@OzarkHillbilly:Geez I would have thought the Melania NFT’s tempted you.
JPL
@Geminid: Tulip bulb soup is on the menu tonight.
Lapassionara
@Geminid: I traveled through the Market Garden area a few years ago. I had not known the background of that battle until that trip, and learning about it was infuriating.
OzarkHillbilly
@JPL: Ucckkkkk… Just reading that name gives me the heebie jeebies.
p.a.
@Geminid: Milo Minderbinder feeding the troops chocolate-covered cotton after he cornered the market and it crashed in Catch 22.
Betty Cracker
I mentioned in another thread a while back that I was once in a business meeting where a dude was showing off his Bored Ape NFT on his watch and telling the assembled that it was much more than a mere image — he said it was a ticket to a lifestyle, which he implied was a much cooler way of living than the rest of us could possibly imagine. (I smiled politely since it was not my meeting!) Now I’m wondering if he got his peepers singed at the rave! 👀 😂
Tony Jay
@E.:
High quality glossy images of one of millions of authentic historical scenes.
See our cutting-edge experts insert your own personal visage into that scene.
Pay us between $100 and $1000 non-virtual dollars to share exclusive rights to your own slice of Historical Reality.
That could definitely work. Remember us when you’re on trial for multiple counts of fraud.
Geminid
@Lapassionara: The Market Garden operation was Montgomery’s folly, but the buck stops at General Eisenhower’s desk. Eisenhower could have told Montgomery, “No. Clear out the approaches to Antwerp first. Then we can talk about piecing the German border.”
The British captured Antwerp on September 5, 1944, with its extensive dockyards intact. But they neglected to push on and clear the 22 mile Scheldt estuary, and the port was useless without it. The Scheldt was not secured until late October (naturally, Montgomery gave that miserable job to the Canadians).
It ttook 3 weeks to clear the mines, and Antwerp’s port only started operating in late November. Until then, most American supplies were still coming in over the Normandy beaches and had to be hauled by truck across France.
satby
Those eye injuries are exactly why they tell people not to look directly at an eclipse of the sun. What burns skin and eyes are UV A and B, not the visible spectrum of light. Some of those injuries may cause permanent reduction of vision. Waiting to hear about the inevitable lawsuit.
rikyrah
Good Morning, Everyone😊😊😊
Baud
@rikyrah:
Good morning.
Tony Jay
@rikyrah:
Three minutes to Good Afternoon, here. Excellent timing.
🐾BillinGlendaleCA
@satby: You can view a total eclipse without eye protection, not before totality or after. Certainly not a partial eclipse or an annular eclipse.
ETA: This also applies to photographing the Sun with either a telephoto lens or telescope, you’ll end up literally frying your camera sensor(as in setting it on fire).
Baud
@satby:
Typical fascist liberal. A doctorish YouTube influencer said looking at the sun was perfectly fine.
satby
@🐾BillinGlendaleCA: And people are notoriously bad about detailed instructions like “view directly ONLY during the totality phase” which is why the public instructions say use eye protection. By the time you’re realizing it’s out of totality your eyes have already gotten UV exposure. They can fix a lot of stuff with your eyes, but retinal scarring and optic nerve damage are permanent.
🐾BillinGlendaleCA
@Baud: As did TFG.
satby
@satby: was editing to add: because looking right at the sun’s zenith hurts, most people don’t. An eclipse reduces the pain warning you not to do that enough that people end up in ERs every eclipse.
satby
And I’m off. It’s light enough for me to drive and it’s a market day. Everyone have a good day.
OzarkHillbilly
The rural Michigan town fighting against rightwing conspiracy theories
I have a suggestion for all the people who think our elections are rigged: Don’t bother voting, just stay home.
And more election news: Letters containing fentanyl sent to several US states’ election offices
Baud
@🐾BillinGlendaleCA:
Hydroxychloroquine will fix those eyes right up.
Dorothy A. Winsor
When I read “cornea burning man,” I thought this was going to be about Dark Brandon.
🐾BillinGlendaleCA
@Baud: Cures the clap too.
Baud
@🐾BillinGlendaleCA:
Don’t I know it!
RevRick
Maybe the “investors” can recoup their losses by suing Yuga Labs for the infliction of damage to their eyeballs. That way they can be made whole… no, wait, I’ll come in again….
RevRick
@Dorothy A. Winsor: nice!
bbleh
Just wait ‘til the story hits about all the MAGAts who went to a rally, spent four hours listening to rants by other MAGAts and looking at projections of McNaughton paintings, and then all woke up with COVID.
Lower-end market, but otherwise tomayto – tomahto.
p.a.
@🐾BillinGlendaleCA: Our original fiber optic inspectors were basically microscopes. Plug the fiber ferrule in one end, look through the eyepiece at the other end directly at the ferrule. And be goddamn sure the laser wasn’t on. Well THAT didn’t last long. The next gen of testers were handheld b&w TVs: plug the ferrule into the probe and look at the, IIRC about 4″x3″ screen. Laser still shouldn’t be on, but for eyesight it wouldn’t be dangerous. Depending on what we were testing and where, we could be dealing with live fios signal, which, in the central office was 17dBm, enough to get 2nd degree burns before your body registered pain. At the costumer end it was down to 0dBm, bad for eyes but otherwise o.k.
Obviously a dirty ferrule effects the signal, but besides interference the light would burn the dirt into the ferrule, making that particular fiber useless unless splicing a new connector on, which cost $ and time.
Suzanne
It would be incredible hilarious irony if, in demonstrating their anti-regulation bonafides, they became more dependent on the ADA.
Baud
@Suzanne:
They’re already completely dependent on regulation. It’s why they don’t hold these conferences in Somalia.
Suzanne
@Baud: Oh, agreed. But the ADA seems to really piss them off, for some reason. Like, disproportionately.
Baud
@Suzanne:
I didn’t realize they had a bug up their ass about the ADA.
OzarkHillbilly
@Baud: Oh yeah, big time. There’s nothing they hate more than spending money on something that doesn’t directly benefit them.
Baud
@OzarkHillbilly:
Screw them then. I love the bigger bathroom stalls.
OzarkHillbilly
Peter Thiel won’t fund any 2024 races after backing Trump in 2016: ‘It was crazier than I thought’
Waaah… Somebody put him in time out.
What a f’n idiot. Millions of people could have told him that.
If he was really interested in making America better, he’d leave.
Ah yes, hiring a qualified black woman is obviously the most evil thing in the world because it would make him uncomfortable every time she corrected him.
I have this wonderful elixir that cures everything and shaves years off his age. He could have this 2 oz. bottle for the one time low price of $999,999.99.
Spanky
@OzarkHillbilly: Plus tax.
OzarkHillbilly
@Baud: Same here.
kalakal
@bbleh: Congratulations! You have identified a vital niche want for the gullible moron demographic.
NFTs of McNaughton paintings!
Ken
Think of it as starting a lifetime hobby of searching for a bigger fool.
lowtechcyclist
@kalakal:
The
BoredGullible MAGAt Former Yacht Owner Club!kalakal
@lowtechcyclist:
Now, that’s market segmentation
Suzanne
@Baud: It’s all tied up in their hatred of disability in general, which is coded as weak and feminine. And “dependency” on others is also sometimes talked about in ways that almost strike me as un-American. Americans are “independent”, dontcha know.
I remember seeing some artistic photographs (really beautiful) of soldiers who had lost limbs in war. And many of these veterans were ripped as hell, because they maintained a high level of fitness. And one of the family members of one of the subjects was quoted as saying that they loved the photograph because it reminded them that their family member (husband? Boyfriend? Don’t remember)…. “was still a real man”.
lowtechcyclist
A fair number of us are old enough to remember the story back in the late 1960s about how several college students supposedly burned their retinas by looking into the sun while on LSD. Unlike the story about the NFTers, the LSD story was a hoax.
So NFT investors are dumber than 1960s college students on LSD. Congrats, dudes!
Baud
@Suzanne:
It’s ironic to me. I see liberal policy goals as enhancing individual independence by making it possible for people to depend less on the arbitrary generosity of others.
lowtechcyclist
@kalakal:
Hey, a fool and his yacht are soon parted!
OzarkHillbilly
What an unchristian thing to say.
Wag
After reading this story I’ve decided that there must be a God
i HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!!!!
amen
/s
BlueGuitarist
Cornea Frye festival?
kalakal
I remember seeing a few years ago a video put up by a bunch of crypto bros who travelled to some country (Panama?) which had just recognized crypto currencies as legal tender. They were buying beers in a bar to celebrate. It took them 20 minutes and a lot of glitches to get a beer. Meanwhile the boring normies/sane people in the background using real money with a grasp of reality were getting served and happily wandering off in 30 seconds
The best bit was these wazzocks put the video up themselves in the belief that anyone watching would applaud their smarts and general coolness instead of laughing like a drain
lowtechcyclist
@BlueGuitarist:
Even without NotMax, the jokes here just get cornea and cornea!
Baud
@lowtechcyclist:
Nice.
sab
@Betty Cracker: So buying an NFT is less like buying artwork and more like joining a country club (except no golf course, tennis courts or dining facilities)?
Scout211
Another tech adjacent news report. This time about the guy who is determined to ruin Twitter/X:
Elon Musk told SpaceX workers not to wear safety clothes because he doesn’t like bright colors: report
kalakal
@lowtechcyclist:
I see what you did there… unlike the NFT bozos…
suzanne
@Baud: I agree, but toxic masculinity (including ableism) is…. toxic. To the self, and to greater society.
WaterGirl
@Lapassionara: I totally missed tulip bulb mania, what was that about?
Ceci n est pas mon nym
@WaterGirl: Very famous investment bubble in the 17th century.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tulip_mania
bjacques
There was a 1720 bubble in the Netherlands that coincided with the South Sea Bubble in the UK (see Tom Levenson’s excellent “Money For Nothing”) and the Mississippi Bubble in France. The South Sea Bubble had a few cartoons by William Hogarth, but the Dutch cartoons (Windhandel) were hilariously rude and over the top and often stole from classical works. Well worth a gander.
RaflW
NOW we know the secret sauce the Fyre Festival was lacking: eyeball fryers!
CaseyL
I used to see entire hordes of these people at SciFi conventions, back in the 1980s-2000s.
They were almost always untutored in basic principles, like bathing/personal grooming and common courtesy, and were ardent fans of “hard” sf that emphasized technology and manliness. Their attitude towards anyone not-white and not-male was exactly what you’d expect.
The saving grace was that they were generally quite young, and had little previous experience with the real world. I mean that quite seriously: a SciFi convention was often the first time these guys had ever been far enough from home to stay in a hotel. Exposure to the more civilized fandom sometimes straightened them out.
The ones who didn’t get straightened out later went on to become the Sad Puppies.
HODLers are the same guys, different generation, and with money.
Juju
@p.a.: That comment made me snort coffee on my iPad. I don’t know what that says about me, but thanks for the chuckle.
My guess is that a lot of those people in the bored ape club wear shoes with Velcro to “save time”.
different-church-lady
Who… the fuck… lights… a STAGE… with UV bulbs??!????
Doug R
@Geminid: Apparently there’s a toxic part of the bulb so if you’re very careful you can eat most of it.
sdhays
@OzarkHillbilly: Why the fuck can’t he take as a lesson for supporting Trump in 2016 and 2020 that he has incredibly shitty judgement and should just spend his time and money sitting on a beach or on a shitty golf course somewhere?
Maybe if you were too stupid to see Trump for what he is back in 2016, you’re too stupid to appreciate “diversity initiatives”.
sdhays
@Scout211: Musk needs to be removed from any place of authority. What a worthless piece of shit.
jlowe
You need pretty strong acute UV doses to produce corneal and skin burns. Cataracts and skin cancer are in the futures of a few of those participants. Time to lawyer up.
Uncle Cosmo
@satby: I went with a scientific expedition to VIrginia Beach for the 7 March 1970 total solar eclipse. The expedition organizers gave all of us the lecture about not looking at the sun directly, and then told us that after second contact (i.e., onset of totality, when the moon’s disk completely covers the solar disk) they would blow a whistle at 10 seconds prior to third contact (i.e., end of totality when the moon’s disc starts to uncover the edge of the solar disk) warning us all to look away.
IIUC the greatest danger to vision in solar eclipses occurs just before second contact and just after third, when the visible part of the sun is just a sliver – at these times the light from the sun is dim enough to cause the iris of the unaided eye to open and permit the UV still pouring down from the remaining sliver to reach the retina and burn it. (The reason we don’t suffer similar damage when our eyes accidentally track across the sun under normal conditions is that bright sunlight causes the irises to close up “tighter than a bull’s arse in horsefly season**” and block out the UV.)
**An expression favored by one of my college buddies, which I rarely get to use.
Tony G
@Rusty: Well, that’s astonishing. Guys (I somehow doubt that any of them were women) who were stupid enough to pay real money for worthless, ugly digital images are also stupid enough to blind themselves by staring into lasers. I never would have predicted that.
JustRuss
@Geminid: The crazy thing about Market Garden is that despite all the planning and operational flaws, it very nearly succeeded. Had the Allies grabbed the Nijmegen bridge sooner, they might have pulled it off.
Geminid
@JustRuss: I think the Germans had too much combat power around Arnhem for the Allies to cross the river there. As it turned out, Montgomery’s forces were hard-pressed just holding the salient they created. Normally airborne troops are supposed to be withdrawn after they complete their mission and replaced by regular infantry units. but in this case the 82nd and 101st Airborne Divisions had to stay in the fighting line for weeks in order to help fend off German counterattacks.
Ksmiami
@Lapassionara: tulips are even edible!
JerrytheMacGuy
I’m shocked, SHOCKED that no one mentioned (remembers) “Trump Digital Trading Cards”! The NFTs were released last year for the “awesome” price of only $99 each. Sadly, I missed out collecting them. They would have made the perfect grift, er gift.
Former US President Donald Trump sells out NFT trading cards https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-63995563
Paul in KY
@Betty Cracker: God, I hope so!
Paul in KY
@Tony G: Never would I have predicted that either. No way.