Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Don’t expect peaches from an apple tree.

The gop couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.

“woke” is the new caravan.

It could be worse. Vance could have said “post-menopausal sows.” Waiting for that audiotape to surface.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

If you thought you’d already seen people saying the stupidest things possible on the internet, prepare yourselves.

“Cheese and Kraken paired together for the appetizer trial.”

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

GOP baffled that ‘we don’t care if you die’ is not a winning slogan.

Nothing says ‘pro-life’ like letting children go hungry.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

The willow is too close to the house.

Second rate reporter says what?

Every day Vance writes another chapter in the book called “Worst VP Pick Ever”.

“Let’s not pretend [Trump] wants to engage in high-minded discourse.”

Democrats have delivered the Square Deal, the New Deal, the Fair Deal, and now… the Big Joe Biden Deal.

It’s not hopeless, and we’re not helpless.

There is one struggling party in US right now, and it’s not the Democrats.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

In short, I come down firmly on all sides of the issue.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

Marge, god is saying you’re stupid.

You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "Stories from the Road" / You Know What, Fuck All You People

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107Comments

  3. 3.

    wmd

    Maybe if you slipped off to bed naked with a mop after not finding the mustard you’d get the approval you need?

  7. 7.

    lee

    I spent twenty plus years cultivating a relationship with you fuckers ….

    Of course we took her side we’ve known you for 20 years.

  10. 10.

    Chris

    If you can’t deal with ingratitude and constant defections, maybe the Democrats aren’t the party for you after all.

  12. 12.

    TaMara

    I really, really want Joelle to get credentials so we can have dueling posts and hear both sides of these, what I expect to be, epic stories.  Luv ya both

  14. 14.

    Tony Jay

    But if your long curated pack of faceless voices didn’t back Joelle, who do you think she’d blame for that?

    Just looking out for you, son. All part of the deal.

  16. 16.

    The Kropenhagen Interpretation

    Only bad friends go out of their way to tell you what you want to hear, John.

  17. 17.

    Rusty

    Because I can tell your really appreciate advice,  the best solution to your previous post is to say, “Can I get you anything before I go to bed?”  Then you have both announced your intentions and earned a few brownie points for being thoughtful.

  18. 18.

    WaterGirl

    Cole, we all know that you’re posting all these “oh my! moments” and  “complaints’ and “revelations” with what could be called an *exaggerated sense of what is happening, which I think of as poetic license.

    Engagement with the audience, so we can be part of your new life.  We all appreciate it.

    Besides how else are we supposed to let Joelle know how welcome she is if we aren’t on #teamjoelle ?

    *As you well know, because you are doing it again in this post. :-)  We are all playing the same game, together.

  22. 22.

    brendancalling

    I have four words for you to commit to memory, you ornery bastard: “Happy wife, happy life.”

    Also, are you in Tempe or Tucson? I have some cool friends in Tucson you should meet. Yes, I know you dislike new people but these are the right kind of people. Jackals, if you will.

  23. 23.

    satby

    Oh, and not that you asked, but got the windshield cover thawed off the windshield and went for cat chow. Now there’s 10 happy snoozing cats with full bellies around me. Now debating if I should put it back on the the next two days of snow. Probably will, it’s not going to be as cold.

  25. 25.

    Old Man Shadow

    Something you need to understand: it’s not always your fault, but it’s always your fault. Haha.

  27. 27.

    DetroitBeanCounter

    Well, I can see both sides. I live in Michigan and in the winter you may have gone out to check on the dogs and fallen into a snow bank and frozen to death. If your partner suddenly realizes they haven’t seen you for a while it could induce panic.
    On the other side in Arizona the worst that could happen is you fell on a cactus and are now a pincushion.
    I speak of this from experience. Years ago one fine Spring evening as a student at U of M, my fraternity roommate had one too many and stumbled out into the back to relieve himself and fell onto the barb wire fence at the back of the parking lot. Having not seen him for a while I went looking for him and found him sleeping upon the fence. Being a good friend I got a blanket to cover him and took myself off to bed.  The only person that had a problem with this was the other fraternity member that loaned my roommate a fine polyester disco shirt that now had several holes from the barb wire fence.

  28. 28.

    eclare

    @satby:

    Yay!  Thanks for the update.

    Memphis’ local utility buys electricity from TVA, and it set a record for peak usage at 9 AM CST (34,526 MW).  The average temperature for its customers was 4!  But no rolling blackouts.  Still going to be unusually cold, and we may get freezing rain tomorrow, but hopefully the worst is over.

  32. 32.

    Old School

    On occasion, Mrs. School has gone to bed without me realizing that’s what she has done.  I shrug and think, “Whatever.”

    Once, I went to bed without announcing it to her.  She was quite upset, so I haven’t done it since.

  33. 33.

    eclare

    Just saw in The Guardian that the White House Chief of Staff has called Asa Hutchinson to apologize for the statement that the DNC put out mocking him.  Good.  It was totally unnecessary.

  36. 36.

    FlyingToaster

    I’d missed the earlier post, so count me on your team.  The only person whose bedtime I have to keep track of is the teenager, because parenting.

    HerrDoktor often announces when he’s going places (including to bed); I rarely do so.

  40. 40.

    Omnes Omnibus

    I took no sides.  I just said you were best understood by this crowd as a feral rescue cat.  I stand by this observation.

  41. 41.

    sheila in nc

    So nobody has pointed out that it depends on what you were doing before somebody went off to bed. If the two of you were watching a sportsball game together, and one of them wants to head off to bed, it’s just polite to say something to the other because he/she doesn’t know whether to turn the TV off or not. Is my partner coming back? Does he/she still want to watch the game? What’s happening?

    I usually announce that I’m going to turn the game on in the bedroom — then he can either join me there or not.

  46. 46.

    MomSense

    @HumboldtBlue:

    I missed the whole controversy but I figured someone had to go there.  Like a true vitriolic jackal I was a jerk without even reading the post or the comments!

  47. 47.

    Yutsano

    Ah…there’s the old curmudgeonly fucker that sucked me into this den of iniquity all those years ago.

    EDIT: Sounds like it’s time to e-mail the Blogfather about taking Joelle’s side. In all caps. Y’all know he lives for that shit.

  48. 48.

    Matt McIrvin

    I’ve honestly never heard of an understood rule of etiquette that you need to announce to your SO/spouse that you’re going to bed. It might well be that way for many families, but It’s not the way things work in my house–you might announce it if they’re there and you have the opportunity.

    Part of it might be that for a long time, my spouse was dealing with various health issues and would often go to bed immediately after coming home from work. It was understood that we weren’t even guaranteed to be out of bed at dinner time.

    But I also live in a little duplex where it’s usually pretty obvious what’s going on.

  51. 51.

    Yutsano

    @satby: ​The procedure helped a lot. I did have to have an orchidectomy because the infection had cut off the blood flow. I feel pretty good, I’m getting transferred to inpatient rehab this evening. Then to my parents for some further recovery and outpatient rehab. I’m not sure how long I’ll be off work but I’m going to try to get back in mid-March. But we’ll see what the doctors say there.

  53. 53.

    mrmoshpotato

    You Know What, Fuck All You People

    John is back to telling us all to go fuck ourselves!  Huzzah!  Congrats to whomever submitted that rotating tag!

  56. 56.

    mrmoshpotato

    @satby:

    Oh, and not that you asked, but got the windshield cover thawed off the windshield and went for cat chow. Now there’s 10 happy snoozing cats with full bellies around me. 

    Woo hoo!

  59. 59.

    Manyakitty

    @satby: yay! We’re low on cat food over here, too. I’m in for the night, but I definitely have errands for tomorrow after work.

  60. 60.

    Captain C

    @wmd:

    Maybe if you slipped off to bed naked with a mop after not finding the mustard you’d get the approval you need?

    There would likely have to be at least one set of amusing pet follies for this to really work.

  61. 61.

    Scout211

    @Matt McIrvin:

    I’ve honestly never heard of an understood rule of etiquette that you need to announce to your SO/spouse that you’re going to bed. It might well be that way for many families, but It’s not the way things work in my house–you might announce it if they’re there and you have the opportunity.

    I took it not as a specific statement of announcing bedtimes, but as a general statement illustrating very different communication styles in a relationship, something that many spouses complain about. One spouse needs verbal communication to help them understand what is happening and what to expect in any given moment.  The other doesn’t need verbal communication because they believe that actions (moving to the bedroom, etc.) should explain everything so no words are required.  Both think they are great at communicating but neither completely understand what the other is communicating. 

  62. 62.

    trollhattan

    It’s all good Cole, good that is until Joelle chips you and has you spend daylight hours out in the yard.

  63. 63.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    I’m innocent and have done no such thing! Just for that I’m going to side with Joelle even though I have no idea what you are talking about. I like to make uninformed choices just using my gut, reasoning be damned.

    /harrumph…

  64. 64.

    mrmoshpotato

    @eclare:

    Just saw in The Guardian that the White House Chief of Staff has called Asa Hutchinson to apologize for the statement that the DNC put out mocking him. Good. It was totally unnecessary. 

    What?  Did Asa dick cheney his friend in the face?

  66. 66.

    Old School

    @mrmoshpotato:

    In response to Asa Hutchinson suspending his 2024 GOP primary campaign, DNC National Press Secretary Sarafina Chitika released the following statement:

    “This news comes as a shock to those of us who could’ve sworn he had already dropped out.”

  72. 72.

    Steeplejack

    Dug the doughty Kia out of the snow this afternoon and went in search of provisions. Looks like we got about 5" here in Threadkill Lane, based on the pristine cover on the hood and roof. Streets are clear now; no problems getting to the substandard Safeway for a few essentials.

    Temp peaked in the high 20s this afternoon, going down to about 15° overnight. Brief respite tomorrow and Friday—highs in the upper 30s!—then very cold again this weekend. Maybe some more snow Friday night and Saturday.

  73. 73.

    eclare

    @WaterGirl:

    Asa is a never TIFGer, criticized him.  If we want to get some never TIFGer people to consider voting for Joe, we probably should not criticize them.

    Plus it’s punching down, save the snark for real enemies with power.  To me it looks mean.  Joe is not mean.

  76. 76.

    jimmiraybob

    Maybe while you’re down there yous guys could pop over to Fountain Hills to see if they’ve recovered from the Great Garbage War of Two Aught and Ten.

    I believe that this was covered by this very blog.

  78. 78.

    pat

    @trollhattan: OK, I LOL.  (LOLed? LOLd?)

    Whatever.  I guess this whole adventure to far-off ARIZONA was primarily for the possible lols, mission accomplished!

  83. 83.

    satby

    @Manyakitty: yeah, I had wet food which is normally used to hide medicine in or as a special treat, but a few prefer their kibble and there was obvious peevishness this morning. All appears forgiven now.

  84. 84.

    OzarkHillbilly

    For whatever it’s worth John, I’m on your side. My wife still objects to several ingrained habits of mine that come from over 15 years of living in freedom from the tyranny of a totally understandable wife’s desire to know her husband’s every move.

  85. 85.

    Geminid

    @eclare: People have to remember who they are representing. The White House isn’t giving them that platform to be petty and snarky. They can join a blog for that.

  86. 86.

    Quinerly

    I went back to see what all the brouhaha is about.

    Cole, I’m with you on this. A lot can be said for living alone. Personally, I don’t think some of us have the skillset to cohabitate with someone day in and day out.

  87. 87.

    Dan B

    @satby: And TEN CATS!   Whoa!  That musta been a lotta tuna.  That’s Mike levels of cats – at his house , keeps increasing.  A Russian Blue with a pretty red bow collar just showed up on our front porch.

  88. 88.

    Ruckus

    @lee:

    Of course we took her side we’ve known you for 20 years.

    OK that was genuinely funny

    And I wonder why John might be offended, he knows who he is…….

  89. 89.

    Ksmiami

    John, we aren’t The NY Times, we can’t bothsides your marital sitch. Sorry, not sorry. Now I want some damn bread and whipped butter with sea salt

  93. 93.

    Bupalos

    “Slaving away” making….bread???

    Last week I got out some yeast, flour, and water, fell of a log, and three loaves appeared. Nothing is easier.

  94. 94.

    Bupalos

    Also you know how I’m always taunting you people because I produce about 60% of my own food well know what NOW I’VE GOT ACCESS TO A FUCKING PASTURED MOO-COW TOO SO THAT’S # IS GOING UP BIGTIME

    Fucking BUTTER, fucking MAPLE WHIPPED CREME, fucking CHEESE… if I can figure that out. Anyone done cheese?

  95. 95.

    Josie

    @Quinerly: ​
     This is so true. I was able to do it in my younger years, but I seem to have lost those skills somewhere along the way. I found myself agreeing with John but was afraid to say so and contradict so many happily married denizens of the blog.

  96. 96.

    Bupalos

    @eclare: did they seriously mock Hutchinson? WTF, I never saw that.

    REEL IN THE ACCIDENTAL TRUMP TRIUMPHALISM DEMS.

    I don’t feel like that should need to be said. I’ve seen it here with the HAHA TRUMP KICKED DESANTIS/HALEY ASS stuff. It’s gross.

  97. 97.

    Quinerly

    @Josie: I am very out of the loop on so much of this personal stuff. I went thru a period of time last winter thru last summer that I was only reading posts by two Frontpagers and wasn’t reading any comments. I guess I’m not even up to speed on this marriage stuff.

    I guess I’m having problems laughing at or with it like many are.

    It’s pretty obvious. As we get older, it’s harder to share space or to change habits.

  99. 99.

    lowtechcyclist

    I spent twenty plus years cultivating a relationship with you fuckers and this is how you repay me?

    I cooked your food,
    I cleaned your house,
    And this is how you pay me back
    For all my kind unselfish loving deeds, haaaaaaaaaaaah?
    ;-)​​

  103. 103.

    brantl

    @Bupalos: I am in favor of anyone kicking any one of those 3 peoples’ asses (Stump, DeShitus, Nikki Hackneyed), up to and including any one of them kicking any combination of the other two’s asses. In an intra-Republican fight, I root for fatalities and injuries, in that order.

  106. 106.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    @Bupalos: “Fucking BUTTER, fucking MAPLE WHIPPED CREME, fucking CHEESE… if I can figure that out. Anyone done cheese?”

    I see that when it comes to food, you do fuck around!

  107. 107.

    Mo MacArbie

    Heavens to Betsy, the snarky DNC tweet probably boosted Hutchinson’s visibility. It was a freaking favor to him. The apology boosted it further. That’s the way the game is played.

    OK, so the tut-tutting here could serve to boost it even more, but I swear; this place would tone police the music of the spheres.

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