From commentor Curtis:
Our wonderful cat Star died unexpectedly yesterday… I know Balloon Juice is home to a lot of animal lovers, and I thought that even if you all couldn’t meet her in person you could at least see how adorable she was. She was adopted from a shelter so we don’t know how old she was, but we’re guessing 14. Young for a cat. We just assumed she would be around for years to come.
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She was only slightly smaller than Tunch but she still got around, hopping onto bookshelves and kitchen cabinets and even the fridge. She liked to find a place in the sun and follow it across the carpet as the day moved on. She loved having her head scratched but would never let anyone touch her belly or paws. My wife says she could recognize my car coming down the street and would race to the door, hoping to be fed. She had a knack for stealing whatever chair you were sitting in if you got up for even a minute. More than once I found myself watching TV on a dining room chair because my wife was asleep on the couch and Star had taken the good chair.
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She liked to be in the same room with us, and would frequently lie down on our books, clothes, or other belongings even when it didn’t look very comfortable. I guess she thought claiming territory was more important than comfort. Lately she had slowed down, and would sit at the bottom of the stairs meowing rather than coming upstairs to be with me. She was breathing heavily even when she was lying down. And one morning she didn’t even ask for breakfast, so we knew something was wrong.
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I took her to the vet thinking that he would tell me she was just getting older. But the x-ray showed a giant mass that had grown in her chest, displacing her lungs and her heart and her esophagus. That’s why she’d slowed down; the weight of this horrible thing in her chest was suffocating her.
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I didn’t grow up with pets, so it’s hard for me to believe how attached you can become to this furry little animal that comes padding into your bedroom at five in the morning wanting to be fed. It’s hard to believe how empty the house feels when it’s missing one little cat. We still have her blankets laid out on the floor and her food dish is still in the kitchen, but other than that I don’t know what to do. I thought that I might share a few pictures of her with the Balloon Juice community just as a way to remember her. She is in the Balloon Juice Pets calendar, and I think she would be happy to be among so many other beloved pets. She was a good cat, and it’s unbelievable how much I miss her.
drunken hausfrau
My sincere condolences to you… I’ve been there. I’m weeping now, remembering the two cats I have lost. Let yourselves grieve… but then, go find a new kitty to love — one will come into your lives… you’ll see. Actually, when my last kitty went, our dog was born and arrived in our lives about two months later… as if he knew our hearts needed him. I’m so sorry for the loss you feel, but so happy that you had her in your lives.
LesGS
So sorry that you lost your Star.
I love those little spots on her nose.
kim
I’m so sorry. There’s really nothing more difficult than the loss of someone you love. Treasure your memories, and know that you’ll love again. Peace.
Jewish Steel
Curtis, just from these photos I can see you gave her as good a life as a cat could have. She looks serene and content.
Their little lives are too damn short.
JenJen
Oh, Curtis. What a lovely tribute to a beautiful friend.
Sniff. :-(
barbara
What a lovely cat. I’m so sorry that she’s not in your lives anymore. I think that something very important and good happens to us when we take responsibility for an animal.
But that makes us very vulnerable to loss.
I hope you find another cat in the future — not that any cat will replace Star — but because every cat is different and will awaken a different part of you.
Gromit
This hits me pretty hard. My cat of 13 years died in my arms just three hours ago. It was a long time coming — he’d wasted away from 11 pounds down to 6 over the course of seven months for reasons a series of vets couldn’t determine, and tonight I could tell the end was near. Now I’m lying awake trying to sort out what to tell my four-year-old and when to tell him, and whether it is better or worse that he wasn’t really attached to the cat.
I’m sorry for your loss, Curtis.
Keith G
What a great friend. It takes so long to not hurt at the loss, still some day you will meet a special one or two (in my case) who need you as much as you need them.
Edit. I am so sorry, Gromit.
JenJen
@Gromit: Oh, honey, I don’t even know what to say.
A few years ago now, my precious, beloved dog Stu died in my arms too, it was traumatic as anyone could imagine, and while I have never gotten over it, as it were, I can tell you this much, all these years later… your relationship with him isn’t over, it’s just changed.
Memory Eternal. I realize there are no words to comfort you during this time. Really feeling for you right now. :-(
Lysana
What a beautiful, precious girl she was. And I am sorry for your losses, Curtis and Gromit.
cckids
My condolences to you & your wife, Curtis. What a beauty, and so sweet! We have a much-loved seat-jacker in our family. Your love for Star really comes through in your words. I, too, was brought up without pets, and am regularly blown away by how they take over our hearts. Try to hold on to those wonderful memories & be glad you were able to share them with her. Peace.
Barry
Thank you for sharing this with us, and my condolences.
WereBear
What a Star she was! My first thought was how sweet a face.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and you too, Gromit. I wrote an article on pet loss that might help; this was after our 13 year old cat Puffy passed on.
Mourning a cat who is gone.
“Pet loss” is a fairly new concept. It can require different skills; skills our society generally does not acknowledge. If we didn’t have a pet growing up, we never got a chance to even know they were needed.
As I explain in the article:
ChrisNBama
Curtis, my heart goes out to you. It is shocking, frankly, how a pet can become so important to one’s life over time. They sneak into your heart on their little padded paws just like they sneak onto your bed at five AM demanding attention…and food. I hope you celebrate Star’s life. Another star will fall from heaven and into your life when you are ready. Cheers!
Joey Maloney
Condolences to you, Curtis. Now I’m going to take your advice and go curl up with mine.
Annie
Yep…….we do become so attached. and it is mutual. I love the looks on Star’s face. She knows she’s loved, and she clearly loved back.
Dave in ME
So so sorry to hear of the loss of your Star. I lost my Lance several years ago to the exact same thing. There was nothing to be done and I spent hours for month in the basement with him making sure he was warm and comfortable. He went from being a big strong 20lb Norwegian forest cat to a 10 pound weakling seemingly overnight. I’ve never ever cried the way I did when I took him to the vet to be put down. I am going through a divorce now and still have yet to cry that hard. Lance is at rest with his brother Charlie underneath their favorite tree in me ex’s backyard.
Be well and hang in there. Before you know it another furry friend will come along and help fill the void.
Phyllis
What a sweetie. And this:
is life with cat(s), and it’s a good thing.
JCT
My condolences, Curtis — you gave Star a wonderful life filled with love and contentment (and food of course .)
It’s all about the love while they are with you — it’s always way too short, but you clearly have all sorts of wonderful memories to sustain you during this difficult time.
I hope that soon you can begin again, so many kitties out there who would love to be lucky enough to be your puss.
honus
I’m sorrry. I know how you feel. last year about this time we took my Beautiful Princess to the vet; she was a nine-year-old shepherd/husky mix that my wife got for me as company when I was recovering from a traumatic brain injury in spring of 2001. Maay was only about six weeks old when my wife brought her home one of those shopping center shelter puppy giveaways, thinking she would be good for me.
Now, if you’ve studied TBI, you will know that Mrs Honus was mistaken, and that something disruptive and unpredictable like a puppy or small child will drive a TBI sufferer over the edge. I told my wife I absolutley didn’t want a puppy and to take her back. I don’t remember too much much, I was still in the early stages and had some pretty severe short term memory loss, but somehow we kept her and the simple fact is she won me over. Even from a young age she was an exceptional dog. Never hyper, didn’t bark or rush into the house when the door was opened, always bery polite and calm. She seemed to know her job was to take care of me, and more amazingly, how to do that without causing me stress. Over the years, even after my recovery, we were still constant companions. She was so well-behaved she would go to store, office, shopping with me, and cut firewood on our farm. Bieng a Husky, she like to sleep outside, especially in blizzards, but would also come in to sleep at the foot of my bed to keep an eye on me.
About this time last year, she started wetting her bed at night. (Maya, even though coming to us when only a few weeks old, had never had an accident in the house, chewed a shoe, got in the garbage, or otherwise misbehaved) We took her to the vet expecting to be told she had a bladder infection. After some tests, he told us she had kidney failure. He said he could put her down any time we wanted, but that it should be fairly soon. Since she was stilll healthy and active in every way, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She lived through the winter and I put her down in April. I cried almost every day for three months after she was diagnosed, and I really miss her now when I am I cutting wood alone. She was very beautiful this time of year running through the woods in her thick winter husky coat.
danelison
I’m sorry, truly I am. What a beautiful cat. I know how much you miss her. I have lost pets before and it is a singularly painful experience, one that surprises me with its sharpness each time. The only thing that makes me continue to get additional pets is that the pain is clearly worth what you experience when they’re alive. Please know you are not alone in what you’re feeling.
bookcat
Curtis and Gromit, so sad to hear of your losses. I know just how you feel. What a wonderful tribute. Starr was a cutie pie. Love the pic of her curled up in the sun.
Maody
Oh jeez. So sorry for all your losses above – Curtis, JenJen, Gromit, WereBear, honus… all. This is the unfortunate inevitability of loving animals that live less time than we.
Beautiful kitteh – also love the two little spots on her nose. Smart kitteh to take over all the furniture. There’s a chair that no one will sit on when they come to visit because not even duct tape will remove the cat hair grown into the chair by my current companion kitty Mao Mao. May your hearts be lighter as time goes by and sadness be replaced by good and fun memories.
satby
You gave her a happily ever after life, so I hope you can take some comfort in that. My condolences.
Marc McKenzie
She was a beautiful, beautiful creature…I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve never owned a cat or a dog in my life, but I happen to like cats a little more and am always appreciative of those who take the best care of them and give them all the love and respect they need.
snarkypsice
Oh Curtis I’m so sorry. It’s 4 years ago yesterday since we lost one of our cats to leukemia. She was only 6 years old and we still miss her to this day. But the pain does ease. Star was so beautiful and so loved. Lucky Star – and lucky you!
Maude
After my boy cat died at 15 1/2, I spent a few days wishing that if I got another cat, he’d be there with me again.
I was a basket case.
Amy
I’m so sorry for your loss. Star was a beautiful cat.
Ash Can
What an adorable kitty. Curtis, my deepest condolences to you and your wife. And to you as well, Gromit. They may not be human, but they’re members of the family nonetheless. And losing them is difficult. Allow yourselves to grieve accordingly. Things will get better in due time.
ET
That last picture makes me want to go home and snuggle my 14 year old cat.
Curtis and Gromit’s kitties….sniff
Paul in KY
Beautiful cat. You could see her personality in those photos. Very sorry for your loss.
Gromit, my condolences to you too.
JPL
Curtis and Grommit, I’m so sorry for your loss. It might take some time but you will be able to share all those silly antics that your pet did with others for years to come.
comrade scott's agenda of rage
Oh my. This exact same thing happened to our 14-year old cat just this past August.
You did the right thing. And thanks for sharing. I’m very sorry for your loss but Star has a forever home in your heart.
Carnacki
You have my sincere condolences too. Your eloquent email was very moving. If I may make a suggestion, keep her blankets and bowls in place. You need time to grieve and you should take that time and not feel your grief is any way inappropriate because it is for a cat. Some day though you’ll be ready and there is another cat out there in need of a home.
Carnacki
@Gromit: My condolences, Gromit
tesslibrarian
Star has such an amazing face, such expressive eyes. I know it is hard to go through the day without them watching you, or at least eyeing your chair for a warm spot. Part of the intimacy with them is how they learn our habits as we learn theirs. I’m so sorry for your loss (and Gromit, and everyone else).
Losing my kitty girls last year was stunningly painful, simply because I could not imagine or prepare myself for how much it would ache–it feels as though every cell in your body is changing into a new shape. You will always miss Star, because there is no replacing her, but your heart will heal. Sometimes it happens slowly. But it will come.
Jane2
@Gromit: Gromit and Curtis, condolences on the loss of your furfriends. I have three cats and dread the day when they go over the rainbow bridge.
forked tongue
Oh God, that’s so true. So well put, and so sad. My condolences.
Poopyman
Oh my! In such a tumultuous week we get reminded again about what’s really important. Peace be with you, Curtis and Gromit, and know that you gave your cats the best life they could have had.
leinie
I’m so sorry for you, Curtis and Gromit. Star is darling. They really do become part of the family. I know this day is coming for Hippy, and I will be a basket case. When I call that cat my baby, I’m serious. It isn’t a joke or an exaggeration. It will be like losing a family member.
I’m gonna go cuddle him right now. Thanks for sharing Star with us. You obviously loved her well, and she looks so happy and content.
harlana
I’m so sorry for your loss, I know how it feels – she was beautiful and obviously full of personality.
curtis
Gromit, I know how you must be feeling right now, and I hope we’ll be able to move past this while remembering the good times.
To everyone, thanks for the comments and the support. It meant everything to be able to wake up this morning and see this thread. Thank you, Anne, for posting this.
Valerie (aka Curtis' wife)
Thank you all for your comments. We had a good cry over them this morning. We’re expecting a baby and, from the start, I’ve found myself thinking, “Curtis is going to be a great dad. Just look at how much he loves Star and takes good care of her!”
My mom always said to go camping on a rainy weekend with a person before you decided whether you could live with him/her. I think watching a person fall in love with your cat is another great test of heart and character.
I’m sure going to miss seeing Star hop up on Curtis’ lap, nose his book aside, and settle in for a nap.
Dog is My Co-Pilot
My thoughts and condolences go out to you. I definitely know that emptiness you talk about when a beloved pet passes on. Our female golden, Brandy, passed away unexpectedly on November 5th of this year and we were heartbroken. Her memorial appeared here on Balloon Juice. We still have three other dogs (all rescues), but her passing definitely left a missing link in our little pack. Hopefully, in Star’s honor and memory, you can find a place in your heart and home to adopt another kitty who needs a loving place to be.
Angela
Curtis – it is always amazing to me how much space our loved pets take in our homes and our hearts. I am sorry to read of your loss.
Comrade Sock Puppet of the Great Satan
What an adorable cat she was. My condolences.
jayboat
Beautiful cat and touching story. Thanks for sharing.
IrishGirl
I’m so sorry for your loss and I know that pain too well myself. Bless you and yours.
BigHank53
Been there. Too many times. Best luck to you all.
CatHairEverywhere
I am so sorry for your loss. I know only too well how awful it is to lose a beloved furry friend.
Johnny's Mom
Could any creature ever look so content without knowing in her heart that she was well-loved? She is the sun, the Star at the center of your universe, and she knows it. I can see it in the expression on her face.
My condolences Curtis and Gromit.
Damned at Random
So sorry for your loss. Fourteen is actually a pretty old age for a kitty – most really don’t make 20 no matter how well they are cared for. And Star was obviously well cared for. Which doesn’t make her passing an easier, but she had a good life with loving fur-parents and a kitty can do no better than that
SIA
Curtis, my sincere condolences on the loss of your Star. What a beautiful, sweet looking cat. I teared up a little reading your lovely comments about her. It’s so hard to lose them, and yet I can’t live without them. Peace.
Amber
I’m so sorry about Star. We just lost our little eight year old kitty unexpectedly about a month ago, and it was honestly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my whole life. Harder even than when people I’ve known have died. But I know that it gives you guys comfort, as it gives us comfort, that you gave your kitty a great, great life with you and you’ll always remember her with love.
Polish the Guillotines
Curtis: Sorry for your loss. RIP, Star.
Eljai
Thank you for sharing the beautiful photos of Star. I can tell she was quite the personality. Your story sounds very much like how I lost my Sparkle two years ago. I, too, did not think it was that serious when I took her to the vet, and I still remember the shock. My heart goes out to you and your wife. Bless you for giving Star such a wonderful home.
spacecowboym1
RIP, Star.
John - A Motley Moose
My condolences. I can feel your pain. I lost my dog a week ago. It’s hard to adjust to what feels like an empty house. We need to grieve for our four-footed friends too.
blondie
I’m sorry for your loss. She was clearly a lovely and well-loved kitty. I’m convinced that if there are such things as angels, they are these — the cats and dogs (and other pets) who live with us and give us daily love, comfort, and joy.
Darkrose
Such a lovely girl.
I lost Joxur in May, and I still keep turning around and expecting to see him on the end of the bed. I adore our new boy, but…I still miss my baby.
Julie
When my dog Nell died the vet sent me a card with this poem written by Ilsa Paschal Richardson:
Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you.
I loved you so…
Twas Heaven here with you.
I can’t express things any better than this poem.
I hope a new kitty falls into your life soon.
asiangrrlMN
Curtis, Star is a beautiful girl. You filled her life with love, laughter, warmth, food, and more love. My deepest condolences to you for the loss of your loved one. May she journey swiftly to the other side and peek in on you from time to time to make sure you’re OK.
@Gromit: Oh, Gromit. I’m so very sorry for your loss. My heart grieves for you.
Joy
So so sorry you lost Star. She was a beautiful cat. Telling us her story was good for you. I know when I lose my animals I have such a need to tell everyone, someone, just how wonderful they were and how much they are missed. Most people are gracious and understanding and that’s the community here. BTW, it was several weeks before I could put away Maya’s food bowl and “her” chair is still in the living room although she has been gone for over a year. I can’t bear to part with it even though it’s pretty ratty. We had another dog at the time and yet the house was too quiet. I know you’ve been told it will get better with time and it does, but sharing your love for her is the first step.
Joy
@Gromit: I’m so sorry Gromit. How heartbreaking but at least you were with him and he knew how much you loved him.
kc
So sorry, Curtis. She was a beauty.
And Gromit, my condolences to you, too.
Cain
I’m sorry to hear about Star. At least remember that you gave her much happiness while she was still on this earth. That’s the best we can do for our pets while they are with us for such a brief time.
I lost my cat, I don’t even have a body to mourn and I miss him every day. As someone says even after they are gone the relationship doesn’t end.
Best wishes.
cain
cat48
I’ve lost 2 cats in my life and they both were very painful experiences. For some reason, the cats we’ve had always stick with me wherever I am and ignore my spouse and occasionally gave my daughter loves when she lived at home. I have two now and it’s the same way. I never had a cat until age 32 and your right….who knew you could get so attached to an animal?
I think knowing I always did what I thought would keep them healthy and happy and gave them plenty of love during their lives helps, but it’s just painful to lose a beloved animal. I’m sure you treated your kitteh as well as possible during their life so hang in there and do things now that normally make you feel better that don’t include the beloved kitteh. Of course, you have a great community of animal lovers here at BJ so reach out to them for comfort, too. I’m really sorry for your loss.
TJC
Curtis,
Over the 21 years my husband and I have been together we have loved and lost Target, Beatrice and our rabbit, Mr. Bunnyhead. Each one had their own personalities and quirks. We still believe that Target thought he was a person, Beatrice was a queen in a former life and Mr. Bunnyhead was a leprechaun. No really, he was. Now we have Bounder, Scooter and Nikki, who are personalities in their own right. You gave your beautiful Star a wonderful life. Please don’t think that finding a new life to share with will somehow diminish her memory. She felt content and safe to her last breath because of the loving home you gave her. She would not mind if you made yourself and another little life happy by welcoming it into your home. Take your time and find another little life to save.
TJC
CH
I am 54 years old, have had pets my entire life and thus have had to say goodbye to many. It never, ever gets easier; I sob for each one that departs. The love we receive from our animal companions is utterly sincere. Curtis and Gromit, you have my deepest sympathy at your losses, and my wish that your grief will ease.
curtis
Thank you for all the supportive comments. It helps a lot to hear from all of you who have been here before, and I’m glad to be part of this virtual community.
Elizabelle
Curtis: thank you for telling us and sharing Star’s story and pictures. Very sorry that you lost her, and glad that you had her for so long.