Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

I was confident that someone would point it out and thought why not me.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Compromise? There is no middle ground between a firefighter and an arsonist.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

Come on, man.

I conferred with the team and they all agree – still not tired of winning!

Fundamental belief of white supremacy: white people are presumed innocent, minorities are presumed guilty.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

We’ll be taking my thoughts and prayers to the ballot box.

Hi god, it’s us. Thanks a heap, you’re having a great week and it’s only Thursday!

The lights are all blinking red.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

When they say they’re pro-life, they don’t mean yours.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Let’s bury these fuckers at the polls 2 years from now.

You can’t love your country only when you win.

“Let’s not pretend [Trump] wants to engage in high-minded discourse.”

Good lord, these people are nuts.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

There are a lot more evil idiots than evil geniuses.

Relentless negativity is not a sign that you are more realistic.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Carolina Panthers: “Rubio Winners” of This Year’s Super Bowl

Carolina Panthers: “Rubio Winners” of This Year’s Super Bowl

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I’m at my kid’s softball game tonight, so I’ll be relying on you crabby bastards to keep me informed of developments during the Clinton-Sanders town hall and GOP Nevada caucus results. Here’s CNN’s take on leading-from-behind media darling-in-waiting Rubio’s predicament:

The nights of Rubio selling third place as a win are over.

Since Jeb Bush dropped out of the Republican race Saturday night, Rubio has quickly worked to lock down the party’s establishment — picking up former Bush donors and releasing a cascade of endorsements from governors, senators and congressmen Monday.

Though Ohio Gov. John Kasich remains in the race, Rubio appears close to locking down the party’s more moderate and establishment types. It’s a testament to his own political talent, but also a recognition that if the GOP is to stop Trump from winning its nomination, it’s now or never.

Now, Rubio has to get voters to buy in.

So, to recap, no more free turns in the winner’s circle for the show/show/place pony, and getting voters to buy in — got it.

My kid’s softball team is possibly the worst in the county. But they’ll still be Rubio winners, even if it’s another double-digit loss.

Reader Interactions

105Comments

  3. 3.

    max

    The nights of Rubio selling third place as a win are over.

    Onwards and upwards to….celebrating 2nd place as WINWIWNWIWNIWNWIINWIWNI!

    max
    [‘He lifted his arms and he floated away…he floated away…he floated away… his lifted his arms and he floated away…’]

  5. 5.

    Baud

    I’ll give Rubio his props. He may have mortally wounded Cruz when he got Cruz to try to speak Spanish.

  7. 7.

    Thoroughly Pizzled

    Please do not slander the Panthers like this, Rubio can only be compared to the NFL’s ultimate paper tiger: the Atlanta Falcons.

  9. 9.

    p.a.

    @max:

    [‘He lifted his arms and he floated away…he floated away…he floated away… his lifted his arms and he floated away…’]

    Damn I was listening to HuDu today and couldn’t place that w/o teh google.

  12. 12.

    Steve in the ATL

    @Thoroughly Pizzled:

    Please do not slander the Panthers like this, Rubio can only be compared to the NFL’s ultimate paper tiger: the Atlanta Falcons.

    [trying to be offended by this but struck by its accuracy]

  15. 15.

    Mai.naem.mobile

    I saw a clip of Rubio yesterday at some town hall. I don’t know if it was the lighting but it looked like he’s got a good sizes bald spot on the back of his head. Not just the light hair in the front, bald spot in the back.

  16. 16.

    Steve in the ATL

    @Mai.naem.mobile:

    I saw a clip of Rubio yesterday at some town hall. I don’t know if it was the lighting but it looked like he’s got a good sizes bald spot on the back of his head. Not just the light hair in the front, bald spot in the back.

    As a 40-something male, I’m not going to judge him for this

  17. 17.

    RaflW

    @Steve in the ATL: I absolutely despise Scott Walker, but people said shit about his bald spot too. If we only elect people who have hair, we get people like Gov. Rick “Goodhair” Perry.*

    *Peace be upon Molly Ivins.

  18. 18.

    Heliopause

    It’s a testament to his own political talent

    If this President thing doesn’t work out for Rubio there’s always Proactiv commercials.

  19. 19.

    Mingobat f/k/a Karen in GA

    @Mai.naem.mobile: It’s always been clear to me that there’s just a thin combover layer of hair, elevated to give the illusion of thickness — I don’t think there’s much, if any, hair under that top layer we all see.

    I’m more interested in the rent boy rumors. Are these like the Internet prank rumors that Glenn Beck raped and murdered someone in the 90s, or is there more to this one?

  22. 22.

    Steve in the ATL

    @Mingobat f/k/a Karen in GA: I heard that he made a gay porno back in the day from a source that is not exactly rock solid but generally has the scoop on that sort of thing and is rarely wrong. Based on information and belief, it’s not totally made up like “Hillary killed Vince Foster” or “GW Bush won the 2000 election.”

  23. 23.

    PhoenixRising

    Last night GenX got together and we transferred Rubio to the Millenials. He’s not one of us, with all these awards for participating.

  24. 24.

    Nate Dawg

    @Steve in the ATL: This all comes down to two stories:

    1) He was arrested at a park known for gay cruising with another man, a roommate and college friend, who ran a porn business many years later as an adult out of a house in Miami that was shut down by the cops.

    2) Rubio told Jimmy Fallon he met his wife at a “foam party”. Foam parties were almost exclusively gay parties, where foam fills the dance floor and people undress. A South Beach phenomenon.

    Some people online were circulating pictures of Rubio at a foam party, but it was debunked as fake.

  25. 25.

    gf120581

    @RaflW: I couldn’t help but mock Walker’s bald spot because it was so obvious. It looked like someone whacked a nine iron off his noggin and forget to replace the divet.

    But if any body feature of Walker is worth the most mockery, it’s those dead eyes of his. They don’t scream “president,” they scream “Criminal Minds UnSub.”

  26. 26.

    Betty Cracker

    @SiubhanDuinne, Annoying Scoundrel: OMFG, no! But actually, I don’t think Trump would be that stupid. Scott is the worst retail pol I’ve ever seen. He’s such a terrible public speaker that even I spend every minute listening to him in an agony of vicarious embarrassment, and I hate his fucking guts. He’s never received 50% of the vote in FL and only won because the dysfunctional Democratic Party of FL ran weak candidates against him and 3rd parties siphoned off votes. It would be a stunningly bad choice — a drag on the ticket.

  28. 28.

    Adam L Silverman

    @a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): yes. How accurate they are and whether those making the accusations are credible is unclear.

    Given that rumors regarding sexuality have surrounded Senator McConnell; Senator Graham, and a number of GOP members of the House and never seem to make a difference, unless someone has something more than rumor and innuendo, I doubt it will make a difference.

  29. 29.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @Steve in the ATL: Somebody who posts that early (as in, generally not me) should ask Bobby Mustang about it. He’s mentioned lots of old skeletons about financial mismanagement from the house days, which I’ve actually seen in print, along with the David Rivera shady stuff. I think he mentioned rent boy rumors also. Bobby Mustang knows lots of South Beach talk, being in the area and all.

  32. 32.

    Steve in the ATL

    @Nate Dawg: What I heard, which I obviously can’t confirm, was specifically that he had made a gay porno and was not based on cruising or foam parties

  33. 33.

    SiubhanDuinne, Annoying Scoundrel

    @Betty Cracker:

    There are some of us, and I include myself in “us,” who are still at least slightly of the opinion that Trump at heart doesn’t really want to be President (he wants to win the election, but that’s a whole nother thing). And we know that he’s all about blaming others when things go pear-shaped for him. So maybe he’d be fine with “a drag on the ticket,” giving him both assurance that he wouldn’t win and that not-winning totally wasn’t his fault, because Trump is not a Loser.

  34. 34.

    Calouste

    @Hunter Gathers: There are 12 primaries and caucuses next Tuesday. You’d expect that if Rubio doesn’t win any of them, even the MSM might start to notice. He might win on or two though, like Massachusetts, which undoubtedly will be great for his conservative cred.

  39. 39.

    beltane

    Reading the Guardian’s liveblog of the Nevada Klown Kar Kaucus and it’s pretty horrifying, with Trump volunteers running the show in some locations and reports of double voting, etc.

  40. 40.

    Calouste

    @Matt McIrvin: There was one state poll I saw recently that had Rubio in the lead, and I thought it was Massachusetts, but it tuned out to be Utah. Easy mistake to make.

    I’m fairly convinced Rubio’s campaign will be dead after Super Tuesday. It looks like he might not even hit the 20% threshold in a number of states. At least Cruz will do well in Texas.

  41. 41.

    Nate Dawg

    @Steve in the ATL: yes, I can read. I just don’t think it’s credible, but rumour based on the credible stories that have been reported, which I detailed.

    Although, it would explain his financial profligacy. Perhaps he’s being black-mailed?

    I will say that donors are very, very good at background checking and vetting, and if there were anything of that magnitude known to your friend but not the donors pumping millions into his pockets, I would be very surprised.

    It would also come out right about now. So I guess we should stay tuned.

  42. 42.

    FlyingToaster

    @Calouste: @Matt McIrvin: Trump is at 50% in the current GOP polling here in the People’s Republic.

    Most of his votes will happen in Boxford, Tewksbury, Dover and Halifax. And I know a number of D-leaning unenrolleds who are grabbing an R ballot to vote for him just to ratfuck the GOP.

    And, of course, Bernie will win MA handily.

  44. 44.

    Steve in the ATL

    @Nate Dawg: Who knows….

    We have all skeletons in the closet (heh). I spent much of my misspent youth as a litigator, so I can’t judge people for making pornos.

  45. 45.

    FlyingToaster

    @Steve in the ATL:

    I can’t judge people for making pornos.

    We’re Democrats. We don’t mind if you’re making pornos. It’s the GOP who’s supposed to care. Being Xtians and all.

    Note: Anthony Weiner is a moron. If you’re going to get drummed out of the party, do something worth being drummed out for.

  46. 46.

    MomSense

    Just saw a tweet from CNN saying Cruz campaign told them they’d be happy with a “third-place win”.

  48. 48.

    Nate Dawg

    @Steve in the ATL: He is certainly a former twink. Whether he monetized that, we can’t know. Republicans could just applaud his entrepreneurial instincts.

    EDIT: A video of the GOP nominee getting railed up the @ss would be a game changer. It would be like the “Michelle Obama Whitey tape” . . . except whack-worthy.

  51. 51.

    MomSense

    Oh my. NYT saying SC exit polling says 20% of Trump voters disagree with freeing the slaves in the South following the Civil War.

  52. 52.

    Steve in the ATL

    @MomSense: Not familiar with this “Civil War.” Is it related to the War of Northern Aggression?

    Also, that poll reeks of fraud. Real number is much higher than 20%.

  55. 55.

    PeakVT

    @Steve in the ATL: At the risk of being serious, it’s because the Chinese elite believe the way to get rich is to make stuff, and our elite believe the way to get rich is to make deals. But “deals” (Time-Warner/AOL is a classic) rarely increase net productivity these days, at least in this country, even if they make a lot of elites richer.

  59. 59.

    rikyrah

    @SiubhanDuinne, Annoying Scoundrel:

    There are some of us, and I include myself in “us,” who are still at least slightly of the opinion that Trump at heart doesn’t really want to be President (he wants to win the election, but that’s a whole nother thing).

    He has to win the nomination to restore to the Trump ‘ Brand’ what has been lost because of this run.

  62. 62.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @Nate Dawg:

    He is certainly a former twink.

    And this is documented how? Unlike his BIL’s conviction and the David Rivera weird financial stuff. I’m really curious now.

  63. 63.

    Steve in the ATL

    As if the Bernie bros weren’t bad enough, now my FB is clogged with people, some of them hippies even, who are apoplectic that Obama is not attending Scalia’s funeral. “It’s unprecedented!” No, it’s not. “It’s disrespectful!” No, it’s not; he already met with the family and they understand that his presence at the funeral would be disruptive.

    You know what’s disrespectful? Expecting the first black president to attend the funeral of the man who gutted the Voting Rights Act.

    This shit makes me regret spending all that money to get a FB account.

  68. 68.

    danielx

    @PeakVT:

    But “deals” (Time-Warner/AOL is a classic) rarely increase net productivity these days, at least in this country, even if they make a lot of elites richer.

    And without having to worry about all those pesky employees, either, except those made redundant by restructuring. You’re correct, though – a hell of a lot of mergers and acquisitions have very little to do with increased productivity/efficiency and a great to do with CEO egos and executive wallets.

  69. 69.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @PeakVT:

    At the risk of being serious

    It’s like I don’t even know you.

    @Nate Dawg: Ah, he was young, boyish, and slim. And is no longer. Tracking, as Adam Silverman would say.

  72. 72.

    Steve in the ATL

    @Aleta:

    In mixed company the proper term is The Recent Unpleasantness.

    Why ma’am I do apologize for my coarse language earlier that may have offended delicate sensibilities. May I have my servant bring you a mint julep?

  73. 73.

    Steve in the ATL

    @nutella: We are talking about South Carolina, where the confederates fired the first shots in the (trigger warning) War of alleged Northern Aggression. I’ll bet it’s over 50%, even though many of them are smart enough not to say it out loud.

  75. 75.

    danielx

    @gf120581:

    I couldn’t help but mock Walker’s bald spot because it was so obvious. It looked like someone whacked a nine iron off his noggin and forget to replace the divet.

    But if any body feature of Walker is worth the most mockery, it’s those dead eyes of his. They don’t scream “president,” they scream “Criminal Minds UnSub.”

    I’m thinking cause and effect here. Brain injuries can result in criminal behavior, after all, not that the state of Texas or several other southern jurisdictions recognize the fact.

  76. 76.

    Mai.naem.mobile

    Somebody mentioned the other night suggesting that Trump’s popularity maybe should be attributed to his attractive family. I’m beginning to think that that may be true. Ivana and Melanoma are pretty attractive women. Ivana speaks well as well. Melanomas got some pretty Maxim mag kind of pics out there. This country has gone completely nuts for even considering Trumpy.

  80. 80.

    The Republic, Blah Blah Blah...

    “Rubio Winners” of This Year’s Super Bowl

    That’s actually not quite accurate…

    To be the real Rubio Winners, they would have had to finish THIRD in the SB…

    Yeah, they lost but they also finished SECOND… in admittedly a two team contest… but… they didn’t finish third… and also didn’t try to claim it was some kind of victory either…

  88. 88.

    MomSense

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I’m trying to imagine the committee meeting where they came up with these questions. Did they start as jokes and then the pollsters said fuck it lets ask as they considered the people who support Trump and Carson?

  91. 91.

    The Republic, Blah Blah Blah...

    @PhoenixRising: Yes…

    My point EXACTLY…

    And the Patriots would have been tied w/ the Cardinals for third… too.. .also…

    Which leads us to the question… who won the Jeb! Bush Award for Most Disappointing Performance?

    MDP?

  96. 96.

    Fair Economist

    @Steve in the ATL:

    I heard that he made a gay porno back in the day from a source that is not exactly rock solid but generally has the scoop on that sort of thing and is rarely wrong.

    If he had, I’m positive some gay guy would have the porn tape in his collection somewhere and would already have outed him. I must admit if it were real it would be the hottest fantasy I’ve ever had come true – the Republican Presidential nominee being wiped out because a tape emerges of him getting schtupped under stage lighting (you know he’d be a bottom with his taste for high heels).

  98. 98.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Calouste: And there’s a rumor whispering campaign that he was one of his brother in law’s distributors. This has been tied to the rent boy rumors as he had no choice because of the loss of income from the drug running.

    Again, this is all normal political ratfucking. Until someone can actually produce something legitimate to substantiate any of it, its just the normal electoral rumormongering to rough up/dirty up one’s opponent.

    There’s plenty of legitimate things to be concerned about in regard to Senator Rubio. His inability to manage his finances. His seeming use of the Florida GOP as a slush fund to cover for his inability to manage his finances. His inability to actually conduct even the most basic business of his elected offices in both the Florida House and now in the US Senate – except when he was Speaker of the Florida House: missing meetings, failure to actually do what he was assigned or had signed up to do, things like that. His seeming tethering himself to the PNAC crowd and his hostility to women’s reproductive health issues and reproductive freedom, as well as simple tolerance for anyone who doesn’t believe like he does. There’s no real need to focus on rumors and innuendo.

  99. 99.

    Adam L Silverman

    @ThresherK (GPad): You should’ve seen my seminar’s softball team my last year at USAWC. 16 of the most athletically uncoordinated colonels and lieutenant colonels ever to have served in the US military.

  100. 100.

    Zinsky

    As I tell everyone who will listen to me, if Marco Rubio is the best that the Republican Party can come up with, they are pathetic in the extreme.

  105. 105.

    Cephalus Max

    Betty, as much as I am a fan of your posting here, I think the Carolina Panthers comparison is really off the mark… They rocked and rolled their way through the NFC, winning a whole lot of games, some of them in really spectacular fashion. This lasted all the way up until the Superbowl, in which they got their butts kicked, of course. There is no way to make that match up to Rubio’s failure to win…anything…so far in the primary contest.

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