Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Don’t expect peaches from an apple tree.

This really is a full service blog.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

“woke” is the new caravan.

… among the most cringeworthy communications in the history of the alphabet!

You are so fucked. Still, I wish you the best of luck.

Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?

Republicans choose power over democracy, every day.

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

I’m sure you banged some questionable people yourself.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

In my day, never was longer.

“And when the Committee says to “report your income,” that could mean anything!

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

Republicans in disarray!

Come on, man.

I didn’t have alien invasion on my 2023 BINGO card.

Battle won, war still ongoing.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

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From the Cornwall (Ontario) Community Police Service (h/t: Jalopnik):

A happy ending to a complicated car rental! Sgt#121 – In late June a woman attends a car rental company in Cornwall…

Posted by Cornwall Community Police Service on Sunday, July 8, 2018

A happy ending to a complicated car rental!

Sgt#121 – In late June a woman attends a car rental company in Cornwall and rents a vehicle. The vehicle was a black Nissan Sentra. The woman proceeds to Walmart where she parks and does some shopping. She returns to the parking lot, gets into a black vehicle, and proceeds home.

Around the same time, a man attended Walmart in his vehicle, a black Infiniti. After finishing his shopping, he returned to the parking lot to find his car was missing. The man contacted CCPS and reported his car stolen.

For the next two weeks, the woman drove around and used the black car for her regular everyday activities. This weekend, the woman re-attended the car rental company in order to return the vehicle. Once inside, the woman spoke to the Manger and commented about how unkept the inside of the vehicle was and the fact that there was a set of golf clubs in it as well. The woman was not impressed and handed over the keys. The Manager, now slightly confused, observed the keys to belong to an Infinity, a vehicle the woman did not rent. The Manager observed the vehicle and asked the woman where she got it. The woman told him it was the vehicle she had rented. The Manager informed her otherwise and then proceeded to ask her where she went after leaving the car rental two weeks ago. The woman informed him of her activities. The Manager asked the woman to attend Walmart with him in order to have her point out where she had parked. Upon arrival, the woman directed him to the area where she parked and there sat the Black Nissan Sentra. The Manager and the woman, who was now confused and a wee bit embarrassed herself, returned to the car rental company and contacted police, providing the information for the Infiniti and what took place. The Infinity came back as stolen on police systems as reported in June and CCPS attended to take the information of what took place.

Both the car rental company and the Infinity owner retrieved their vehicles and there was a happy, and funny ending to this story! However, the moral of the story is this….PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE YOUR KEY FOBS IN YOUR VEHICLE WHEN NOT BEING OPERATED, YOU NEVER KNOW WHO MIGHT TAKE IT!

Folks, we just can’t make this stuff up!

There are two important lessons here.

  1. As the Cornwall Community Police stated: “DO NOT LEAVE YOUR KEY FOBS IN YOUR VEHICLE WHEN NOT BEING OPERATED, YOU NEVER KNOW WHO MIGHT TAKE IT!”
  2. Make sure you have an annual eye exam and that any corrective prescriptions are promptly filled!

The only things missing from this story are a Tim Horton’s and hockey sticks…

Open thread!

Reader Interactions

76Comments

  1. 1.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Thank Cthulhu that this vehicle was not a Subaru found in a field in West Virginia!

  3. 3.

    YetAnotherJay formerly (Jay S)

    Jeebus, the rental stood in a Walmart lot for 2 weeks with the keys in it and nobody stole it! Oh Canada.

  4. 4.

    Adam L Silverman

    @YetAnotherJay formerly (Jay S): Actually the rental didn’t have the keys left in it for two weeks. The keys were in the rental driver’s purse.

    Wal-Mart’s policy is to allow indefinite parking in their parking lots. It’s why you see RVs parked there for extended periods. In fact, right about now, Associate Justice Clarence Thomas and his RV are parked in a Wal-Mart parking lot somewhere because that’s what he does on vacation. He drives around the US in his RV and stays overnight in Wal-Mart parking lots. The bigger problem is that often the cars sitting in the Wal-Mart parking lots for extended periods will have dead bodies in them.

  5. 5.

    B.B.A.

    Nissans and Infinitis are basically the same cars with different “badge engineering,” much like Chevy/Cadillac, Ford/Lincoln, Toyota/Lexus, etc. So I can see how the confusion would arise…except that Infiniti doesn’t market a rebranded Sentra. Hmmm.

  7. 7.

    YetAnotherJay formerly (Jay S)

    @Adam L Silverman: Still the fact that the Infiniti owner felt safe in leaving his keys in the car may say a bit about Canada, OTOH there are plenty of US folks that do that as well and lose their cars so maybe not.

  8. 8.

    jl

    Also, any golf equipment, under any circumstances whatsoever, in your immediate vicinity is a sign that something is wrong. You should call the police.

  10. 10.

    jl

    @Adam L Silverman: I remember a news story about drug labs being found in Walmart parking lots. Probably on this blog. ALS probably posted it and remembers the exact date and time.

    Was this the blog that posted a story about local police departments complaining that they were being overburdened because Walmart was too cheap to police their own property? I saw a big story about that someplace.

  12. 12.

    Adam L Silverman

    @jl: That was my post. Based on reporting by the Tampa Tribune. Basically Wal-Mart outsources its security issues by freeloading on local law enforcement.

  14. 14.

    Old Dan and Little Anne

    I tried getting into the wrong car for a minute at the grocery store when I took my wife’s car. Black CRVs are a dime a dozen.

  15. 15.

    hitchhiker

    This woman must be my sista from anotha mutha, tho’ I’m pretty sure I’d have figured out that those golf clubs weren’t in the rental and didn’t belong there.

    I once borrowed my mother in law’s car to do a run to the grocery store while we were visiting her home for a few days. Popped into the store, came out with my purchases and realized I didn’t even know what color the thing was.

    Found it by wandering around the lot hitting the lock/unlock button.

  16. 16.

    gene108

    This is sort of why push-button starters scare me. Too easy to leave the key FOB in the car.

    I have come close to doing this with rentals.

  19. 19.

    The Dangerman

    @Adam L Silverman:

    Associate Justice Clarence Thomas and his RV are parked in a Wal-Mart parking lot somewhere … often the cars sitting in the Wal-Mart parking lots for extended periods will have dead bodies in them.

    So, you’re saying that Judge Thomas could have a completely natural death (Yo, FBI, no involvement of someone like me) and not be found for an extended time … oh, how, um, horrible.

  21. 21.

    LosGatosCA

    True story – a neighbor lady goes to supermarket, parks car, goes in and shops. Comes out to find the spot she left the car in empty. Calls her husband, she’s very excitable and always certain, who says ‘Hang on, I’ll be right there.’ She replies, ‘No, I’m calling the police.’ He says, ‘Hang on it will only be two minutes.’ She hangs up, calls the cops. They respond almost immediately.

    She describes the car, where it was parked, the space is now empty in a very agitated state (pretty close to her default).

    Just then her husband drives up in the ‘stolen car’ triggering her memory of where she parked their other ‘not stolen’ car.

    Followup – Years later I’m visiting my mom and this same neighbor friend is relating a very strange occurrence she had at the same supermarket.

    She went in and purchased toothpaste and 5 other items. And went home and put everything away, but something kept nagging at her in her mind. So she went and got all the items she purchased back out put them on the counter and then compared them to her receipt. ‘Sure enough’ she said ‘ they charged me $250 instead of $2.50 for the toothpaste.’

    I have always thought of that store as that woman’s personal ‘Bermuda Triangle.’

  22. 22.

    Yarrow

    @gene108: Me too. I think they’re supposed to either not lock or beep at you or something if you leave the fob in the car and try to lock it. Still, I’m not a big fan of them.

  24. 24.

    gene108

    Back in 2003, I was taking a CPA exam prep course. I had a then new Toyota Corolla, with a key FOB.

    Everyone got out at the same time and hit their key FOBs at the same time.

    My car unlocked, without me hitting my key FOB.

    Never had it happen again. Thankfully

  25. 25.

    The Dangerman

    FWIW, at least in my area (unless they have changed back), Walmart doesn’t want campers in their lots overnight. Something about trash … and worse (I almost understand; dump stations are hard to find).

  26. 26.

    Yarrow

    @The Dangerman: Don’t the Supreme Court Justices get some type of security detail, even if they’re sleeping in RVs in Wal-Mart parking lots? I’d hate to be the security guy assigned to that detail.

  27. 27.

    Adam L Silverman

    @LosGatosCA: One day she went in to shop and never came back out. Sometimes, late at night, the stockers and cleaners swear they see the ghostly form of a female shopper. Always pushing her cart, never reaching the checkout…

    The Shopping Dutchwoman of the Supermarket.

  28. 28.

    gene108

    @The Dangerman:

    With Trump and Republican Congress it would be terrible. He’s the oldest right-wing justice.

    After, 2021, with (hopefully) a Democratic President and Senate,I will pray for “early retirements” for all five right-wing justices.

  29. 29.

    NotMax

    In other (non-humorous) news –

    1)

    Israel’s President on Tuesday raised alarm over a proposed law seen as opening the door to the establishment of Jewish-only communities in the country.

    Reuven Rivlin’s comments marked a rare intervention in politics by the country’s President, whose role is mainly symbolic.
    [snip]
    The clause Mr. Rivlin criticised would allow the state to “authorise a community composed of people having the same faith and nationality to maintain the exclusive character of that community.”
    [snip]
    He said the Bill could allow the establishment of towns that would, for example, exclude Jews of Middle Eastern origin, ultra-Orthodox Jews or homosexuals. Source

    2)

    Britain’s information regulator said on Wednesday she intends to fine Facebook for breaches of data protection law as her office investigates how millions of users’ data was improperly accessed by consultancy Cambridge Analytica.
    [snip]
    Updating on her investigation into the use of data analytics by political campaigns, Britain’s Information Commissioner Elizabeth Denham said she intended to fine Facebook 500,000 pounds ($663,850), a small figure for a company with a market value of $590 billion, but the maximum amount allowed.

    Denham said that Facebook had broken the law by failing to safeguard people’s information and had not been transparent about how data was harvested by others on its platform. Source

  31. 31.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Yarrow:
    http://www.abajournal.com/news/article/why_justice_thomas_loves_wal-mart/?icn=most_read

    If you see an RV in a Wal-Mart parking lot this summer, take a second look. One of the occupants could be U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

    Thomas’ wife, Ginni, told interviewers on a morning radio show called The Takeaway that she and her husband have traveled through 27 states in their recreational vehicle, and they love to stay in Wal-Mart parking lots.

    “We have been in dozens of Wal-Mart parking lots throughout the country. Actually it’s one of our favorite things to do if we’re not having to plug in and we’ve got enough electricity and all that,” Ginni Thomas said, according to a transcript by the Wall Street Journal Law Blog. “But you can get a little shopping in, see part of real America. It’s fun!”

    Ginni Thomas confessed that she and her husband prefer to remain anonymous. “Honestly the best thing is when they don’t know who we are. So Clarence gets recognized every once in a while and that sort of puts a damper on things because when we’re out we sort of like to be incognito,” she said.

    “It’s not that there’s anything bad that happens when he’s recognized, what actually happens is we kind of get mobbed. We had to leave one site, they got so friendly they looked forward to seeing us every year, that there’d be 20 to 30 people waiting for him to come out of the bus, so we just had to move on.”

    The BLT: The Blog of Legal Times also covered the interview.

    https://blogs.findlaw.com/supreme_court/2015/07/summer-vacation-for-the-supreme-court-justices.html

    Justice Thomas, R.V. Camper

    While Scalia is a jetsetter, Justice Thomas is a simple camper — an R.V. camper. Every summer, Thomas and his wife travel the country in a 40-foot R.V. motor home. They’ve covered more than half the U.S. in those trips and Ginny Thomas describes the R.V. lifestyle as “a wonderful life.” Their favorite place to spend the night is in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Really.

  33. 33.

    Adam L Silverman

    @NotMax: The former is not surprising at all. Israel has a tremendous racism problem just among the Israeli Jews that are a legacy of the prejudices brought from Europe both during the yishuv period and then with the survivors of the Holocaust.

    The latter is unfortunate in that because of when Facebook’s illegal activity took place, it cannot be punished/fined based on the new laws, which would be millions and millions of pounds rather than a maximum of 500,000 pounds.

  35. 35.

    gene108

    @Adam L Silverman:

    I know people, who cannot stand to keep things in their pockets.

    Get to work and wallet* and keys go in the desk.

    Do the same, sometimes in the car. Ones with key FOB, push-button start, sometimes leave the FOBs in them.

    Just a bad combo for their habits.

    * Thet mostly have George Costanza wallets, which can alter you posture, if you sat on them too long.

  41. 41.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Major Major Major Major: I’m sure as soon as someone proposes that, the ultra, ultra, ultra devout bubbas from the yeshivas will show up, beat the crap out of anyone they can get their hands on, and then torch the place. That’s about their speed.

  43. 43.

    Yarrow

    @Adam L Silverman: The key fob for the fancy keyless car I’m most familiar with is way too big to keep in a pocket when sitting down. It’s uncomfortable. So it goes in the cup holder and is easy to forget. I think the car is supposed to beep and not lock if the fob is inside the car, but I haven’t tried it.

    I also have issues with the keyless locking of the car. You’re supposed to touch the handle and it beeps at you the locks. Most of the time that’s okay but if it’s loud where you’re parked then you can’t hear the beeping to say it’s locked. And you can’t test it because if you’re holding the key fob the door will unlock!

  44. 44.

    opiejeanne

    @Old Dan and Little Anne: I used to have a white ’92 Jeep Cherokee, and so did half the rest of the world. I used my key to open mine and climbed into it in a parking lot and the kids piled in, but I couldn’t fit the key into the ignition. Hmmm. The youngest piped up about then, “Mom, this isn’t our car! It’s too clean!”
    Our car was a little farther down the same row.

  45. 45.

    Corner Stone

    @LosGatosCA:

    Calls her husband, she’s very excitable and always certain, who says ‘Hang on, I’ll be right there.’ She replies, ‘No, I’m calling the police.’ He says, ‘Hang on it will only be two minutes.’ She hangs up, calls the cops. They respond almost immediately.

    Can’t stand people like this. “If you’re going to call the cops anyway then why the fuck did you bother me?”

  49. 49.

    Yarrow

    I missed this detail about sunscreen.

    NEW: Bill Shine's wife Darla had a radio show on 100 stations where he said women in the military should expect sexual harassment, said sunscreen was "a hoax," said vaccines cause autism, and claimed the flu pandemic should be a government conspiracy. https://t.co/XxHP4MEd0I pic.twitter.com/PSzvAVXFJY— andrew kaczynski? (@KFILE) July 11, 2018

    These people are nuts. They should not also be rich and powerful.

  51. 51.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Major Major Major Major: They’re a classy bunch. Attempt to preserve the sanctity of the sabbath by beating people to death and/or lighting cars on fire if they catch them driving to close to their neighborhoods or otherwise violating the rules of the sabbath. Such as not lighting fires or doing any serious physical exertion.

  52. 52.

    Fair Economist

    My son’s girlfriend’s mom had her car stolen 2 weeks ago. Her bedroom, and fob, were close enough to her car that a thief simply got in and drove off. It wasn’t found and since he couldn’t start it again it was probably chopshopped.

    (Still driving an old fashioned key car and very inclined ti continue.)

  53. 53.

    smike

    @gene108: I don’t carry a George Costanza wallet, but I after having back issues at a desk job in my later years (I was definitely not a ‘desk job’ type of guy), I realized that I could try carrying my wallet in a front pocket. Worked like a charm. If it’s bulkier than folded paper, I don’t carry it in a back pocket.

  54. 54.

    Yarrow

    @Fair Economist: Wow. That’s one I hadn’t thought of. The car I’m most familiar with allows the fob to be up to only two feet away, or something like that. If you’re standing at the front of the car with the fob and get someone else to try to lock or unlock it, it doesn’t work.

  56. 56.

    PJ

    @Yarrow: It’s so obvious, I can’t believe you can’t see it – Coppertone got together with the Illuminati, the Bilderbergers, and the American Academy of Dermatologists to scare people into thinking they might get “skin cancer” (ha! just another way for those “New York” doctors to make money off the rubes), and they’ve been laughing all the way to the bank.

  57. 57.

    smike

    @Yarrow: A couple of vehicles ago I owned a Toyota Corolla with manual everything. First new car I had ever bought (and I am of a certain age), and I had no regrets. No electric windows, seats, locks, mirrors, and a manual transmission. But, come on… The FOB is like a TV remote. Control that vehicle without even having to touch it!

  58. 58.

    NotMax

    @Adam L. Silverman

    Lenny Bruce had a bit wherein he proposed a way to bolster sagging receipts at the dog tracks in Florida.

    Replace the dogs with Jewish grandmothers. “And there goes Rivke, out in front!” He didn’t elaborate on the finer details.

    Chasing after a brisket in place of the rabbit, I suppose.

  59. 59.

    Yarrow

    @smike: I’m talking about the keyless cars. You carry the fob in your pocket or purse and you don’t need to do anything to open the car–just pull the handle. Push the button to start the car. To lock the car, at least with the one I’m mostly familiar with, you just touch the handle.

    I don’t mind the older style key fobs where you press the button to lock or unlock the car. You still use a key to start the car. Those are more like a TV remote.

  60. 60.

    NotMax

    @Yarrow

    Mom has a keyless car, but to lock or unlock has to press the buttons on the fob. Fob has to be in pretty close proximity to the push button to start it. If it’s in the passenger side of the back seat, for example, start button won’t work. Lock/unlock buttons works from perhaps 25 feet away, maybe a tad more (without using the head trick to extend the range).

    Fob also contains a key for locking and unlocking in the event the electronics or battery of the fob go bad.

  61. 61.

    daverave

    Stormy Daniels arrested in Ohio for allowing illegal, non-sexual touching by patrons at a strip club.

  63. 63.

    smike

    @Yarrow: I get your point. My current Toyota is keyless, and that’s okay with me. Except for the fact no DIY remedies for car problems are in reach of my abilities, the fact that it is so trouble free is something I can live with. I never work on my car anymore, and that’s okay with me, too.

  66. 66.

    Viva BrisVegas

    @PJ:

    It’s so obvious, I can’t believe you can’t see it – Coppertone got together with the Illuminati

    The conspiracy goes deeper. The reason for all the secretive plotting is to force innocent white folks out into the sun, until they are so tanned that they can’t be differentiated from the teeming brown masses waiting at the border. At which point western civilization is doomed!

    After all, what is the point of being white if nobody can tell.

  68. 68.

    NotMax

    @Viva BrisVegas

    Awakened a long buried memory of the sole drug store/pharmacy for many miles around in rural PA.

    Have mentioned here sometime in the past that they concocted and sold, over the counter then (probably would not be today – codeine), their own private brand of cold medicine. What had forgotten was that they did the same for their own private brand of suntan lotion (no codeine, AFAIK). When I say private brand, I mean sold under the name and with the imprimatur and signature of the owner/pharmacist on every bottle.

  69. 69.

    Brian

    Woman I was dating had me drive her to LAX in her Prius. Dropped her off, went back to her place in Riverside, but stopped off in Fullerton for a bite. Came out and couldn’t start the car. Had to call AAA and have it towed. Finally got a call from her when she landed in VA and realized she still had the fob; what I had assumed was the fob was actually her garage door opener :-) Riverside Woman (apologies to opiejeanne).

  72. 72.

    lowtechcyclist

    Am I the only one who had to look up what a ‘key fob’ is?

    Now I know, but other than gentlemen having watch fobs in Sherlock Holmes or maybe Lord Peter Wimsey, I can’t recall having run into the word as anything besides a shipping acronym. Had no idea the word had outlasted the Model T.

  73. 73.

    opiejeanne

    @Brian: Ha! I lived in Riverside for 23 years but my own adventures in wrong car stuff happened in the Bay Area. .

  75. 75.

    LynnDee

    Here’s what I find hard to believe: After renting a car, going to Walmart and then (presumably) doing two weeks’ worth of other stuff, she actually remembered the trip to Walmart? And where she parked in the lot? Must’ve been some trip.

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