I still don’t know what to say about how y’all banded together and helped me this week, aside from what I said earlier. (Thank you. I love you.) But maybe describing what it means to me will help you understand the magnitude of it, which is important.
I’ve been in good health and independent all my life, so this whole shitty medical crisis has been disorienting. It sucks to be seriously ill for all the obvious reasons, but it can also undermine your sense of self in unexpected ways — your role in your family, friend groups and community.
It can make you doubt your value. It can make you question whether you matter.
That sucks because who needs all that existential crap in addition to a horrible disease that is trying to kill you? But there it is.
For me, the most wrenching thing is how my situation affects my people. I feel vaguely guilty about it, even though I certainly didn’t choose to get sick and embark on an expensive tour of regional healthcare facilities.
More than anything in the world, I’ve wanted to tell my family everything will be okay. But the road ahead is difficult and uncertain.
“My family will be okay, even if I’m not,” I told myself during sleepless nights, hoping it was true. Now, thanks to you, I know they will be okay, even if the car breaks down or the hot water heater blows up or the predicted “extraordinary hurricane season” drops a tree on our roof or whatever.
I can rest easy. That is the gift you gave me. Do you have any idea how valuable that is?
***
My husband has never really understood my internet habit. To him, the web is a tool – a gardening almanac, a repository of knowledge on topics that interest him, a how-to video hub.
He doesn’t think of it as a place to interact with people and form relationships. I suspect he thinks it’s weird that I and so many billions of others do.
But Bill got an inkling of how much online relationships can mean Monday as we sat on the porch listening to a ball game. I kept looking at my phone through tears while reading comments under my health status post. I had to read the thread in chapters because it was overwhelming, all the love and accumulated wisdom. It made me understand that yes, I really do matter to people beyond my immediate circle, just as they matter to me.
That thread was a gift all by itself. The shared humanity, the connections with those who have or are now experiencing their own life-threatening health crises. The stories of those who’d lost loved ones or seen them survive similar scenarios — all laid before me like a treasure in response to my news.
I was blown away, and I think by seeing how affected I was, Bill got a better idea of what my “internet people” mean to me — and I to them. I mentioned the blog might do a fundraiser, figured maybe we’d raise enough to replace the $9,500 insurance deductible we blew through in March.
***
Then y’all did what you did. I talked to John on the phone Wednesday morning, sitting here in my bathrobe in disbelief with tears and snot running down my face when I saw the amount raised. This community John built is real. I knew that already, of course.
Bill believes it now. The tangible portion of your gift changes his life too. After saying things like “Wait, what?!?!” and “For real?! ?!” — he is as astounded and grateful as I am. If there comes a time when I can’t communicate with you, he will make sure my friends here know why. He knows what we mean to each other.
***
I want to thank John for holding the fundraiser and WaterGirl for handling so many details related to it. I also thank her for coming up with the idea of a sidebar spot for my health-related stuff. I really want to keep that topic from dominating other threads. It’s important because we’ve still got issues to squabble over, elections to win and MAGA chodes to mock.
For example, Betsy McCaughey. Remember that anti-anything-that-might-benefit-the-non-rich hack and former NY (R) lieutenant governor? I’d forgotten the lying poltroon existed too, but she’s apparently letting feral grand-nieces cut her hair with safety scissors now:
Jesus.
So that’s all I have to say except stop making me cry, you fabulous goofballs. And thank you. And I love you.
Omnes Omnibus
If it helps you to feel more normal, we can tell you to fuck off every once in while.
raven
Stay strong
Trivia Man
Re: haircut
we tried a Flowbee* yesterday, it seems to be viable!
*haircuts using a vacuum cleaner attachment
comrade scotts agenda of rage
I’ve said this before, I compare you to the late Steve Gilliard in writing and in how you think and articulate what so many of us are thinking but struggle to put down cogently.
I literally have a clip file of your stuff, it’s how I worked back when I was an intelligence officer at the Pentagon except then it was paper files. It means I always have great material to share elsewhere.
I can honestly say that the three most influential bloggers to me personally over the last almost-quarter-century have been Steve, you and Bill in Portland Maine over at Dkos.
What you just wrote is just BCrack Chapter Infinity of writing.
And of course we raised that kind of money, we’re Dems and we love throwing money at things. :P
Scout211
To Betty, Bill and the kiddo:
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
ETA: Now I shall
speak of it no moretype of it no more. 😊twbrandt
💚
oldster
“…she’s apparently letting feral grand-nieces cut her hair with safety scissors now….”
I hate to say it, BC, but stuff like this is the reason that I donated without hesitation.
That’s right: I don’t love you unconditionally. That’s the job for your hubby and your dogs.
I love you because you are whip-smart and say funny shit that cracks me up. It’s strictly transactional: you write hilarious stuff, and I donate money. If you’re good with that, then I am too.
Old School
But you are making me cry!
I’m glad I was able to help in any small way. Best of luck!
TaMara
When I told you I was looking for something else to distract me from working, I didn’t mean sobbing onto my keyboard.
Sending all the love.
Baud
Speak of what again?
O. Felix Culpa
I’m still holding out for my personally delivered butter lamb.
AliceBlue
I come here for several reasons Betty, but you’re #1.
Love you.
LifeInTheBonusRound
Betty, ya gotta hang around for a year at least to judge the First Annual Butter Lamb contest here. I hear folks are already practicing.
Steeplejack
It was a gift to be able to do something for you, Betty. 🙏
Damned at Random
Sorry for your diagnosis. Lost a friend this week to a long struggle with a non-Hodgkins lymphoma. If no one has sent you a link to Steven Gould’s essay ‘The Median Isn’t the Message”, check it out. Some people defy expectaion
Soprano2
I was happy to help, I figure the value I’ve gotten from your writing is more than what I donated. My hubby doesn’t understand about the internet relationships, either, how I know people I’ve never met IRL.
And yeah, that woman is a tool.
Gretchen
We love you, Betty. And phrases like « she let feral grand-nieces cut her hair with safety scissors » is one of the reasons why.
Spanish Moss
Beautifully written in your own inimitable style, so glad to hear what our response has meant to you.❤
Josie
That pic of Betsy and your description made me lol. Years ago, my oldest son did a similar number on his best friend, the little girl across the street. The downside was that her father was a well known beautician in town. Imagine me having to take her home and admit to what had been done.
kalakal
Whenever you want to speak to us we’re delighted to listen. You’ve given such a lot to us over the years
❤️
zhena gogolia
Thank you, thank you, for another beautiful essay. We are so happy to be able to do something. We love you.
Manyakitty
All the love, all the blessings.
Like TaMara, I didn’t expect to be sobbing at my desk just now, but here we are.
Cowgirl in the Sandi
Well, it used to be I read your stuff and laughed. Now I read your stuff and cry. ;-)
Hang in there Betty – we love you.
Armadillo
Betty, this post, like all your other posts about your illness, is a wonderful demonstration of what an amazing writer and person you are. Hoping for all good things for you.
japa21
So, I am reading this and thinking to myself:
So the serious side of Betty is as wonderful to read as the sarcastic, wizard of putdown side of Betty. And then, just to make sure there are examples of both sides you come up with:
And you have made my day not just once, but twice in the same post.
It bears repeating for the 10 millionth time, you are and will always be a national treasure.
EarthWindFire
Betty, my husband didn’t understand my internet habit until it clicked that there were people behind the keyboards. I guess this was Bill’s click moment. I’m sorry it had to be but we’ve been anxious to help. Because we are who we are, and you’ve helped make us who we are.
Anyway
As we’re not supposed to talk about it — can we talk about hair tools? Apparently there are hair dryers now that cost over $450!!!!! What happened?
Eolirin
I’ve been struggling with this a bit, because I’m just really not in a space to communicate my feelings about this while navigating my own stuff, but I don’t want my silence to come across as indifference either. So just know that even though I can’t put it in words I still care very much and your presence here is important to me too.
MazeDancer
Your grace sparkles.
Not everyone can remain gracious and still whip in a taste of trademark edge, but then, our Betty is not everyone. She is the best.
To know that you have a sense of relief and can exhale a bit, now, is the biggest gift you could bestow on us. Continued thanks.
Old Dan and Little Ann
All my best to you, BC. The first time I made my my wife read a BJ thread a bunch of years ago she kept saying, “I really like this Betty Cracker.” You are one of a kind.
Jackie
Just popping in to send healing hugs and much love, Betty. Have a peaceful day!💞
espierce
Jackal commentariat: “it’s what we do”.
We have your back, Betty!
frosty
Thank you for this, BC. What a beautiful essay, capped with the great line about the safety scissors. I just looked at the total in the GoFundMe and broke down. I’m so happy I could donate my small part to helping you rest easy and I’m sending the love back to you.
Westyny
Today is the first of my two big moving days, but I had to stop and read this because I knew I would learn some valuable life lesson in how to express gratitude. Because when you write on any topic I learn something more about the power and sheer fun of language. Thank you, Betty. Now I go back to work. ❤️🩹
WeimarGerman
Thanks for all the laughs.
Reminded me of when my daughter was 5 and cut her own bangs. At least she has a beautiful forehead…
cope
It’s an odd thing, this internet. I think “internet” should replace the word “alcohol” in the celebrated Home Simpson toast: “To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems”.
I am happy to be using the internet in one of it’s solution-y modes. I must say, though, that I was surprised at the amount of vigorish GoFundMe claims. Anyway…
I’m not one for quotations usually, but when I looked for words better than I can choose, this popped up: “If life were predictable, it would cease to be life and be without flavor.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
Hope you see some spoonbills today.
SNCO
Betty, this is one of the little-known downsides of good health. When the bad eventually comes, you get both the health crisis and the existential crisis hitting simultaneously. This is a tough double whammy.
Kudos to you for being self-aware of what was happening. I think that actually may have shortened the agony a bit – knowing what was going on. Not that it made it easier . . . It’s still an existential crisis.
If the balloon juice community can help, then we are doing something very good. (I say as a lurker who rarely comments.)
Tom Levenson
Thank you, Betty, for this–and for all you have done/do to make the community here happen.
I don’t want to talk about my prior experience with someone I loved dearly in your circumstances, except to say that she was a walking, talking model of how to live well even in the face of stuff like this.’
You are too.
Gin & Tonic
@Anyway:
Little known fact: wet hair, when left alone, will dry without electrical intervention. (Yes, I am a guy.)
Baud
@Gin & Tonic:
Pfft. I bet you use a clothesline too.
Freemark
BC I have always loved your posts because they always make me laugh and smile even when reading the shittiest news. We may not have your talent but I hope the people here are able to repay you in kind. Hopefully by making up for lack of talent by volume.
eclare
Hugs to you and yours. I’m glad we were able to provide some comfort.
A woman from anywhere (formerly Mohagan)
I’m just grateful I was able to pay back a little of what you have given the BJ community. You are the best. 🥰❤️❤️🩵🤎. And I love your wedding picture! Thank you Betty. Looking forward to more pictures of spoonbills, if possible.
zhena gogolia
@Gin & Tonic: I’m not a guy, but that’s the method I use too. I have never understood hairdryers. I have to get my hair cut this afternoon and I dread all the hairspray and hairdryer activity.
Steeplejack
@Eolirin:
Well said.
Steve in the ATL
@zhena gogolia:
You are just asking for a mansplaining!
pacem appellant
I love you, Betty. We know who really runs this place. I love John, too, but…
Anyway, fuck cancer.
Betty
Thanks as always for an eloquent post, both serious and a bit of fun. We do love you and want you well. Blessings!
Rusty
All the love right back to you. Holding you, the hubby, your youngin’, your friends and family, and your caregivers all in my prayers.
Jeffg166
It’s a big shock to find out you are very mortal. Other people get sick. When finding oneself the sick person taking stock is to be expected.
So far my decline hasn’t been too bad. Men in my family don’t live all that long. To find myself now looking at a likely demise in the next few years I have adjusted to it.
I try to appreciate every day and all the little things.
I do wish you and your family the best.
TBone
@cope: I have one: if you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
Soprano2
@Gin & Tonic: But it looks terrible! I wish I could find a hairstyle that looks good without the assistance of a dryer, but it hasn’t happened yet.
My stylist has a Dyson hair dryer. I can’t see that it’s that much better, but I don’t do that all day either.
tmulcaire
“It sucks to be seriously ill for all the obvious reasons, but it can also undermine your sense of self in unexpected ways — your role in your family, friend groups and community.”
About six months ago I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. Symptoms were tremor, and an enormous loss of energy and stamina. (I’m 66). Not the same thing as a mortally threatening cancer diagnosis, for sure, but enough that I can relate to what you say. I imagine numerous other people have said similar things. Including, you’re not alone. This is such a powerfully human thing you’re going through. I’m glad for you that you have your community of loving intimates (we should all be so blessed), and also this larger community. You’re not alone.
And again, entirely selfishly, because your crisis is such a powerful human thing, I do cross my fingers that you’ll maybe report out on it from time to time with your distinctive thoughts and insights and questions, and voice. Should you choose to, you will have an eager and sympathetic audience waiting.
J. Arthur Crank
On the one hand, we shouldn’t make fun of other people’s appearances since they are as God left them. On the other hand, fuck her.
wmd
Many of us have independence as essential parts of our self image. We’re the ones that provide grace and service.
Asking for and accepting grace from others teaches us something important. We’re not alone, and mutual aid can bring grace to us. Humility isn’t something that comes easy, but it’s one of the nicer boots to the head we can ever receive. There’s a lot of love and kindness in the world.
Ruckus
@japa21:
Humanity has it’s bad side and it’s good side – and Betty fits high up in the good side, hell she’s the model of the good side.
Betty, best of luck with treatment. You make the world a better place, now it’s the world’s turn.
Lily
Up here it’s been two days of thinking about the span of your writing, what a gift. I’m conditioned (my inner dog when the car comes home), the sight of your heading brings on the happy chemicals even before the reward (which neverfuckingfails). What a thing to receive, for fckingyears.
FastEdD
You’re not alone Betty, you’re not alone!
Lyrebird
@oldster:
WORD.
I have said this before BC, and I will say it again – some of how I know our national media scene is broken is that people like C Cilizza and R Douthat and Bret Stephens get paid major bucks to express their opinions while you don’t.
suzanne
I’m more dismayed by the color. Bleach blonde looks good on…. so few people! It looks deeply weird on…. lots of people!
Rileys Enabler
I’m glad that in some small way we can help contribute to ease your family’s stress. You’ve given us all so much laughter and snark and keen insight over the years. Holding out for nothing less than a complete healing on your end.
planet eddie
Oh gosh! I missed the original post, and I’m so sorry to hear this. You’ve been such an incredible voice on this blog. Much gratitude to you and I am so glad you feel the love. Sending you my heartfelt wishes.
kalakal
@Gin & Tonic: I cheat and use a towel to speed up the process. It always ends up doing what it wants anyway
(I’m a guy)
hitchhiker
Hi to Bill! Speaking as the spouse of someone who had to endure a big dose of megashit, and who watched in wonder as our various communities showed up for us both, I can only say that we’re here for you, too.
Hildebrand
The only front-pager that my wife (not a Balloon Juice reader) asks about is you, Betty. She loves the way you write – and that your writing reminds her of Molly Ivins.
HumboldtBlue
God fucking damn it.
piratedan
@suzanne: yeah, but check out that butch build bad body……
rikyrah
BC,
Illness is hard on the entire family. If we helped alleviate any possible additional stress for your family, I am glad. You and Family BC are Jackals. Jackals look out for one another.
UncleEbeneezer
Best to you Betty. Just so you know you aren’t alone we are dealing with a potential cancer scare as well. It sucks, but it is so damn common.
On the upside we are camping in the Sierra in Big Pine Creek. Should have plenty of pix for an OTR post for everyone who wants to virtually enjoy the scenery.
Spanky
Dammit, mid-afternoon and I’m a wet mess.
rikyrah
@Gin & Tonic:
One of the benefits from turning away from processed hair to my natural hair is that I don’t care anymore when it rains. Water is just water…and yeah, the hair will dry on its own.
stinger
Hopefully we’ve raised enough to get your Bill an extra plate of food. I go look at that wedding photo multiple times a day; it always makes me laugh!
Wag
… and we love you, too!
CapnMubbers
I have not forgotten Betsy McCaughy. Her false interpretations led to the provision for Medicare to pay for end-of-life counseling in the proposed ACA being dropped and inspired the “Death Panels” rhetoric that Sarah Palin promoted so well. She has years of distorting and lying about healthcare issues, always in a way that impacts anyone other than the rich.
O. Felix Culpa
Popping back in to add that, akshully, you’re welcome to talk as much or as little about The Topic as you like. That’s part of loving people–actively listening or sitting with them in silence over issues that matter–and we do love you. But you get to choose when and whether.
mountain granny
@Steeplejack: You said what I would have, if I wasn’t so floppy broken up right now.
JGreen
@Lyrebird: Hear, Hear!
topclimber
@CapnMubbers: She’s like Elise Stefanik without the charm.
Steeplejack
@mountain granny:
👍
skerry
Holding you in the light, BC.
topclimber
Betty, I waited until the first 1,000 or so jackals responded just to let you know that there are more to come.
It sucks but maybe without your troubles you would not have penned such a heartfelt piece like this one. Your point about what illness does to isolate and depress you has made me see that in a loved one going through a similar trial. Sure, duh, I understood that already, but repetition helps, especially when done so honestly and eloquently.
Kristine
And yet another BC bon mot makes me laugh out loud.
Pulling for you so hard. I understand to some extent what that peace of mind means, and I am happy as hell that I was able to play a small part in giving it to you.
soapdish
“I’ve been in good health and independent all my life, so this whole shitty medical crisis has been disorienting. It sucks to be seriously ill for all the obvious reasons, but it can also undermine your sense of self in unexpected ways — your role in your family, friend groups and community.
It can make you doubt your value. It can make you question whether you matter.
That sucks because who needs all that existential crap in addition to a horrible disease that is trying to kill you? But there it is.”
I recently started a clinical trial for smoldering/early stage multiple myeloma, and even tho I’m still relatively in good health (and, Bob willing, will stay that way), this describes exactly what I’ve been experiencing. And I’m not even really sick. Thanks for the words I didn’t have.
Juju
I don’t think it’s feral grand nieces. I think she let her ex husband, the man who the “ Simpsons” writers based Montgomery Burns on ,(just a guess), cut her hair. I had to look it up. It’s Wilbur Ross.
Sasha
I remember listening to a radio interview you did a few years ago. I was shocked at your southern accent. I mentioned it to my husband and how silly it was of me to be surprised; I knew you had grown up in Florida. I realized the other day, when I read the news that I felt so connected to you that I just imagined you must sound like I do. These connections are valid and meaningful. Although the internet is also a how-to video hub. Every time you mention your husband, I envy his normie-ness. Ain’t none of that in this house!
HinTN
@Soprano2:
You sure that’s not a vacuum cleaner?
Also too, we love you Ms Cracker and have high expectations for the continued application of your acerbic wit and zen-like perception of the absurd in this modern world
ETA: YES to comparisons to Steve Gilliard! (Got a baked macaroni recipe, BC?) 😎
cain
I just wish I could see the look on Bill’s face when you told him how much was raised within 3 hours and then in 24 hours.
We’re now at 68k – damn. Did we even raise this much for politics? :D
You all are awesome.
RaflW
@soapdish: Given some family history (one parent and one grandparent, from different halves of the tree, had MM) I hope the clinical trial goes well.
And I just had dinner last week with a college friend who has smoldering MM. He’s currently at the watchful waiting phase, but he talked a little about the background overhang it has created.
Ironically, though he is an M.D. himself, he can’t easily afford to stop working till he qualifies for Medicare in a few years. I guess even with ACA, a 62 year old faces hefty premiums. At 58, my individual plan premiums are no picnic.
Kristine
Love being one of “The Fabulous Goofballs.”
It has a “1910 Fruitgum Company” vibe.
Steve in the ATL
@Soprano2:
My wife and daughters have them and rave about them. I’ve only used one to dry a dog post-bath and it did work very well.
Soprano2
@HinTN: I’m sure.
Kay
lol
Nicholas Gibbs
Betty, one of the greatest things about this nest of hooligans is you. No joke, your writing reminds me of Molly Ivans. You’ll probably reject that, but there it is. Every time I read your sarcastic, stinging criticisms of the right wing plague, I laugh and feel the same way I did when I read her. Witty, with zero fucks given, and underneath it all a giant heart simply wanting a peaceful existence for everyone. That is the nugget of truth for so many here, and you fight for it with a white hot rage and stinging humor. Thank you for that.
I am hoping for the best.
rodwell
Betty
I loved your posts. They make me laugh and also smarter. Cancer sucks. My youngest sister had it last year. She is in remission now. Thankfully she has insurance and there were no significant financial concerns. Just provide support. Send a lot cards (Get Well, Thinking about you, etc.) during this time. I hope it help. She never told me to stop. Thinking good thoughts for you.
Miss Bianca
Aww, I got all giggle-weepy reading this, which is very weird when you’re in the local coffee shop. But fortunately, no one was paying enough attention for me to have to explain, because how could I begin to explain…?
Rock on, Betty C!
TEL
When John first put the fundraiser up I had a feeling we’d have it filled in less than 24 hours. So many people in this community care about you – you are loved here.
eclare
@Nicholas Gibbs:
Beautifully put.
Warblewarble
There is a comfort in the strength of love; Twill make a thing endurable, which else Would overset the brain, or break the heart; Wm. Wordsworth.
way2blue
Love love love your wedding photo. Albeit I’m trying to figure out what’s on your plate. Looks like your newly minted husband is too… XXOO
narya
Aiming my good thoughts in your direction . . . like several others above, I’m also grateful that we were able to do this for you.
Gin & Tonic
On the maybe helpful side, don’t be afraid to ask for a prescription medication to help with anxiety. I know you said you’re basically at peace, but you’ll still spend a lot of time (maybe already are) in the wee dark hours staring at the ceiling while your spouse sleeps soundly next to you. There are pharmaceutical aids for this. Use them.
Redshift
I expect you and Bill are probably in top of this, but I have a doctor friend who helped another friend navigate clinical trials after her very serious diagnosis. There’s a lot of stuff out there that I didn’t know anything about before then. Let me know if you’d like me to get in touch with him for you.
Alice
Betty, letting people help is as much a gift to them as it is to you. I’ve had cancer three times, and lost dearest friends and family to it. The helplessness is demoralizing. But every time I’m able to hold someone’s hand or walk their dog or chip in some cash I feel I’m also kicking that fucking disease in the nuts just a little bit. Thank you.
MomSense
We love you back!!
Another Scott
Keep bringing the words and the feels, BC. Hang in there.
Meanwhile, … RFERL.org:
Something something they grow up so fast…
Cheers,
Scott.
lowtechcyclist
@Juju:
Normally I’d feel sorry for anyone who’d been married to either one of them. But they deserved each other.
Fair Economist
You’ve given us much more than the money given to you, believe it or not. Your wit and perseverance have been such a gift to me over the years. Humans can work together and together we can create so much more and so much better than we can alone, and this blog has long been a great demonstration.
OzarkHillbilly
Don’t let the bed bugs bite.
like a metaphor
Hi Betty, I have been lurking on this site for years, and only recently started commenting. I just want to thank you for all the times you have cracked me up, often about things that make me want to cut somebody. Your hilarious and creative use of language makes me “run” to read what you have posted. The only writer I can think of that comes close, was Molly Ivins. I adore you.
zhena gogolia
I’d just like to register my opinion that Betty C. is a much better writer than Molly Ivins. To my taste, anyway. (Although “Shrub” was good.)
realbtl
Thanks for everything Betty.
frosty
@frosty: ETA for BC: You are the only B-J writer I’ve read aloud to Ms F. She is just as enamored of your wordsmithing as I am, along with all the other jackals. We’re both pulling for you.
SiubhanDuinne
@Juju:
I had no idea those two had ever been married (to each other).
So, for a few years there, she was … Betsy Ross?
SiubhanDuinne
@cain:
We’ve raised over $106K for Ukraine, but I think that’s total over several different campaigns. But of course, it’s not a competition. I expect WG would know the nittus grittus.
Redshift
Boy do I get you on this. I had never had a serious illness in my life before my cancer diagnosis, and that made it even more of a gut punch. Since then, I keep getting reminded of how bad it was for Ms Redshift though – I’m stupidly optimistic, so I never doubted I’d be okay, but it was pretty terrifying for her and at the same time she was trying not to show it.
kindness
Don’t stop telling us Betty. We’re here. We’re good listeners. Opinionated sobs but your continuing story is important to us.
patrick II
Dear Betty
Fifteen years ago my sister was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer, and given 3 to 6 months to live. I had lunch with her and her lovely daughter last week.
We all wish you well. You are one of those people who have been gifted with the ability to bring both delight and insight into our lives at the same time. It is a rare gift.
Is gifted a word?
I’m not sure how to end this, so I’ll just say thank you.
PaulWartenberg
(insane amount of hugs)
DFH
“…I really do matter to people beyond my immediate circle…”
Oh my yes, you do. You make people laugh out loud with your mockery of the richly deserving. You make us wince with your honesty, and the way you’ve found to address life. Whatever slice of the real you that you’ve revealed here is one that’s been a wonderful slice, and I’m not a good enough writer to find something new to say, but you can tap into universal truths and use your own light to illuminate them. That really does matter!
banditqueen
Something about ‘it takes a community’-we’re in this together!
Cat radio
Late to the party, but it’s good to have one. You have touched us in astonishing ways, like a light saber but for truth and shot with humor. If love could cure you, there you are. Hugs.
Odie Hugh Manatee
Reading this brought tears to my eyes, but this time they’re tears of happiness mixed with tears of sadness. You have a way with words, even in the most dire of situations. I don’t comment much but I read everything here, especially what you have to say about something.
I’m glad Bill knows that we’re real now. ;)
We’re here if you need us, and that’s all right. I still shake my head in amazement at times when this place pulls out the stops and does something good. John is good people and he’s attracted a lot of really good people who care.
RandomMonster
We cried, too, so it’s really just payback.
Don K
@Eolirin:
Betty,
You are indeed a treasure, and I always appreciate your posts from the Ungovernable Tribal Regions. I have received two separate cancer diagnoses in the past year, fortunately for me with much better prognoses than yours, and I was hesitant about posting, but here I am.
When I got the first diagnosis, my first thought was I had to stay alive long enough to vote against The Orange One a third time and for a Dem (now known to be Elissa Slotkin) for Senate in MI. Now I’m confident of that outcome and reasonably confident of seeing a Dem trifecta with more progress to come.
I’m truly sorry I wasn’t able to donate, but my husband and I have been going through our own financial trials lately that have made any donations impossible at present. I don’t believe in prayer, but please know that I think about you often and I’m rooting for you in all of this.
Peace and Love.
Sister Golden Bear
Go ahead, ruin my mascara, why don’t you. Seriously, I’ve always loved your writing and only wish I could write merely half as well. And there’s a reason you’re beloved by the community, you’re an absolute treasure.
While I’ve generally been healthy until now, I’m now dealing with the ongoing, and mysterious, should injury while simultaneously facing my own existential crisis. And it sucks. So I have some modicum of understanding of what you’re dealing with, and even more empathy.
Sending love. Hugs, if hugs are OK.
ronno2018
just take care and do the best you can
Redshift
@Odie Hugh Manatee:
Takes me back to the glory days of FireDogLake, part of the crew who hung out on TRex’s late night posts. He said his boyfriend referred to us as his imaginary friends. 🙂
Don K
@Redshift:
I hear ya. I was diagnosed with HIV in 1993, back in the days when it was pretty certain you’d be dead in ten years, and I’m still here thanks to medical science, so I’m not too worried, but my husband is more worried than he wants to let on.
Nukular Biskits
Late to the party. As usual. LOL!
Oh, what I’d give to be able to post memes and GIFs here. I’ll have to make do with this GIPHY link below in honor of BettyC, for being a great person and, of course, making me snort ice tea or beer out my nose with great quotes like this:
You might not be Queen of the World, but AFAIC, you’re Queen of Balloon Juice.
Anyway, cheers to you, BC:
https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExdThpZzNxNDJ3a2djc3l5Nmk1Ym0wZ3p6cHh3MDRxa2E3N3N1M3BsaiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/O3eltvqy7SIQU/giphy.gif
Odie Hugh Manatee
@Redshift:
Gawd, FDL. Now I have to forget about it all over again.
;)
Yutsano
I don’t know that I have anything else that I could say here. So much of what has been put up sums up so many of my feelings.
Except this: kick those errant unyielding cells in their patootie!
Uncle Jeffy
@SiubhanDuinne: “Betsy Ross” … Do you suppose she made the Alitos’ upside down flag?
BC – long-time lurker, occasionally comments. Will be sending some cash later today. Hang in there!
Jim Appleton
Honored to help you, wishing you and yours the best.
Also a shout out to WG for being the ex machina of a lot of the deus that goes on here.
Lee H
Betty, for all the times you cracked me up, this is more good wishes for you.
tjmn
@Gin & Tonic:
Ativan helped my sister keep from shrieking in the passenger front seat while I was driving. After that I made her drive my car if she needed a ride. Scared the shit out of me.
Villago Delenda Est
@Omnes Omnibus: Hear, hear. Betty, while it’s obvious how much we all love you, it never hurts to have an efgoldman moment to punctuate that love.
ljt
I still have your original post in an open tab from 3 days ago, where I’ve been trying to find the words to express what you mean to me. As always, your words are the best: Thank you and I love you.
tjmn
Betty,
Some advice I learned from my mom’s fatal cancer. ( A smoker, go figure.)
Permit your family to spoil you rotten. They will happily do so.
If you feel up to it, go out to your deck or boat to enjoy nature.
If you want pie for breakfast (or what ever agrees with you) have pie for breakfast.
If your treatment makes you tired, then you rest with all the energy you can muster. Because resting is hard to do.
Control the TV remote.
Music soothes the soul.
I am rooting for you to beat this fucking cancer.
Eyeroller
Betty,
I have loved your writing for years now. It is witty, pithy, and evocative. Unfortunately I do not have any encouraging examples of people who long outlived their prognosis. My husband did not survive his aggressive cancer. But I have been thinking about you and Bill since I heard the news. I was in Bill’s shoes for a little over two years. I hope your outcome is better than ours but it all comes down to whether the treatments work for you and if they do, for how long. And it’s hard to predict that. But I’m sure you know that. I hope it works for you and you will be with us for some time. And I know that Bill is going through a hell of his own right now, so I wish for strength for both of you.
Delk
This year marks 39 years from when I was given at best 18 months. HIV wiped out everybody that I knew but somehow left me standing. My joke was that if I knew that I was going to last so long I would have flossed more. (Actually my teeth and gums are fine). I didn’t eat horse paste but I did try a ton of crazy things before AZT came around. I don’t have much advice except to listen to your body.
Brachiator
Another example of the brilliant and witty imagery in your writing, Betty.
It immediately made me think of being on the road with the “Fuck Cancer Tour 2024.”
Take care.
brantl
I think she’s letting them do Plastic Surgery on her, too. But, from what I can see, maybe she didn’t have anything to lose.
mvr
@rikyrah: Yes to the no hair drier thing. I am a man with curly hair and I feel very lucky that all I have to do is run my fingers through it after I wash it and it works out OK.
When I was a kid men were not supposed to have curly hair and I caught a lot of shit for it, both from grownups who often remarked on it, and from schoolmates who sometimes beat me up. Then at around age 13 the culture changed a bit. I don’t think I ever disliked having curls, but the balance of costs to benefits was more positive post 1970 or so.
And while I’m at it, What’s that about a second Alito flag along the bottom of the screen in the photo with the woman with the bad hair?
brantl
@Baud: Hopefully, not for his hair. Imagine the looks on the neighbors’ faces.
CaseyL
I’m overjoyed the GoFundMe for Betty is a success!
Isn’t Betsy McCaughey the one who would show up on talk shows with a giant binder that supposedly contained the ACA? The one who went on and on about Death Panels? And she’s still around?
These walking, talking wastes of protoplasm never go away, do they?
And our not-so-esteemed Media Betters always invite them back, don’t they?
Betty – One of the YT channels I watch, vlogbrothers, is run by a team of brothers, John and Hank Green. Hank was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma last year, and vlogged through the entire thing, from diagnosis through treatment to remission. He talked through everything: what it was like, what the treatment was like, how he was dealing with it all. And he managed to do so humorously, helpfully, and (above all) hopefully. (He made a Thing of saying the treatment meant that every time he took a leak, he was pissing cancer cells down the toilet.)
His prognosis was pretty good, his cancer was/is one of the most treatable, and he’s currently in remission. So his situation was different from yours. But you might find some of the things he talks about useful, or at least amusing.
Hank Green is diagnosed
Chemo and Cancer Socks
Remission
His treatment was successful, at least thus far, and he is very aware of how lucky he is.
Anyway, I’m not sure if that’s the kind of thing you would find helpful or enjoyable, but I put up some links in case you want to check it out. There are lots more.
brantl
@zhena gogolia: “SHRUB” is why I call Trump “Stump”, it was a progression; Bush to Shrub to Stump.
m.j.
Dear Mrs. Cracker,
You are going to buy something fun with a bit of the money, aren’t you? I think it would be unbelievably unfair to me if you didn’t.
Steve in the ATL
@mvr: you looked great in “the greatest American hero”!
Rob
Betty Cracker, love and get well wishes to my favorite front-pager from a jackal who has hardly ever commented.
dkinPa
I love your wedding photo! It is perfect. Wishing you the best. I don’t always have time to read all the posts on Balloon Juice, but when I’m scrolling, I always stop when I see your name!
Cowgirl in the Sandi
@Odie Hugh Manatee:
Hey – FDL is how I got here! I liked Christie Hardin Smith and after John’s conversion, I saw Jane Hampsher say “John Cole, come on down!” I checked out his site, and Balloon Juice here I am and have been since then.
Don K
@Delk:
Back when I started on the effective HIV meds and my T cells recovered as my viral load plummeted I joked that I now had time for my bad habits to catch up with me, and that’s what’s happening now as I’ve been diagnosed with two cancers strongly related to smoking. Oh well, I figure anything beyond 2003 is a gift. Just gotta keep on keeping on and treasuring my hubby and kitties.
Mousebumples
@Villago Delenda Est: I’m going to use the old efgoldman fuck’em more. ’em may be Trump, et al… And cancer.
Fuck’em.
Auntie Anne
We love you, Betty. Love to Bill and your daughter as well.
LauraToo
I wish I had something witty to say, or something to alleviate the pain but I don’t. All I can say is how much you have given to me over the years, and at least the little I have to contribute adds to all the warm wishes we all have for you. Thank you!
Dr Daniel Price (Saint Vincent)
We got you. By we, we mean “all of we”; we got you.
columbusqueen
Love & big hugs, Betty. And fuck cancer & conservatives.
Jane2
I’m so happy we could do something for you that puts your mind at ease and lets you direct your energy elsewhere. Now I’m off to practice my butter lamb carving skills for the First Annual festival mentioned above….
Armadillo
Hi Betty,
Checking back in to say once again that you are an amazing person and writer and to add a few more links.
You mentioned “regional medical centers” and you are likely already in treatment, but I will go ahead and suggest that you work with an NCI-designated center, likely Moffitt, but there are a few other options in Florida. And then others outside Florida. There is actual clinical research showing outcomes are better when you are treated at an NCI-designated center. Although that is clinical research comparing NCI-designated centers to all other hospitals, so if you are working with a good quality high-level hospital and not the Meineke Car Care and Cancer Treatment Center of Southwestern Pinellas you should probably be ok. But I have some relatives who work at NCI-designated centers and they are all big believers in their institutions, so I thought to pass that along:
https://www.cancer.gov/research/infrastructure/cancer-centers/find#Florida
I get Parker Molloy’s newsletter, and she recommends this article from Rolling Stone on how Washington Post writer Gene Park used video games to make it through cancer. I have not read the article and do not know (or maybe I can’t remember) if you are a gamer but Molloy is a good source of recommendations:
https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/rs-gaming/cyberpunk-2077-gene-park-cancer-battle-1235005965/
And finally I read somewhere (maybe here?) that we do not care for others because we love them, we love others because we care for them. I don’t know where I am going with this any more, but I do want to echo what others have said: thank you for allowing us to help care for you. It is a gift to us as well.
Wishing all good things for you.
sab
@Eolirin: My thoughts exactly, only expressed better.
sab
@Sasha: I saw your comment and it made me laugh. I spent my childhood in central Florida with Ohio parents. We had midwestern accents at home but southern accents when out and about with our friends.
It always surprises me that northerners think of Florida, the southernmost state, as not southern, but they do and yet it is very southern. Breadbasket of the Confederacy is what we learned in school.
Evap
Betty, my heart goes out to you.
Here’s hoping you beat the odds! Much love to you and yours!
Msb
Yes, serious illness is disorienting. But it can have some silver linings, such as:
– finding out how much your family and friend and community love you, while you’re around to appreciate that;
– finding out how much of the you in you doesn’t depend on health and strength.
So enjoy the silver as well as weathering the black. Wishing you and yours all the best!
JustRuss
Betty, your writing has given me so many chuckles and much more over the years. Thanks for the chance to give something back. I’ve also been blessed with good health, but at some point I know the hammer will fall. Dad passed unexpectedly at 65, I’m 61 and have lost so many friends already. Not sure what my point is. Anyway, hang in there, we’re all pulling for you.
Debbie(Aussie)
Dearest BC, Even after 15 or so years, This place never ceases to amaze. But then I realise that we are like a family a tribe, as you have said. We care. Our relationships are real, even though not IRL. You are loved and thought of often. I don’t need to tell you to be strong, because I know you already are. My love to you, to Bill and your kiddo, who I so enjoyed reading about them growing up. Hugs to you and your family. Deb
Gloria DryGarden
I’m pretty new here, and barely working, so I feel heartened and excited to see how much the BJ community has banded together to support you. it makes me glad I started coming here.
Even if you aren’t ok, or your family isn’t ok, there’s all the vividness of life, the precious love and care, sort of a sweet love-fest weaving through the jungles of your health situation and all the physical and emotional suffering (one hopes there is very little).
I remember how focused and present I became when my cat was in his declining health, his final time. It was vivid and alive, and I celebrated how much I loved him. I relished it. Even while crying often. He gave me a nice long time to cherish him, and be with him, and learn to accept it.
I’m reminded also of a book I read, “dreaming in Hindi “ I think it was called. This woman was at 20 years of living with cancer, and she took a bucket list trip to live a year abroad and learn Hindi. She wrote about how odd it was to have outlived nearly everyone in her cancer support groups, but mostly she wrote about her culture and language exchange experiences. I don’t understand why this book is coming to mind so strongly, to tell you about; I don’t wish to be impertinent. Maybe you’ll be one of the ones who gets way more time than expected.
when my friend Matt came by in my forties, to help me garden, he talked about his cancer, the bone marrow transplants, and then donating bone marrow (it’s a big deal) and he said he really couldn’t talk about it w most people, they didn’t handle it. He made a parallel to a health situation I had, ongoing ptsd from a delightful past, and how I wanted to talk about it, but people would then only see that, and stop seeing the rest of me. He said the isolation was much the same, having a circumstance most people can’t relate to, or would rather not hear about. It blew me away. I hope you will not have this isolation.
May your path be full of richness and sweetness, kindness, ease, vividness and light.
May you see all your favorite birds a zillion times. ( And your November ballot. And maybe the darned aurora borealis. It got to Athens Georgia for sure, a few weeks ago; you might get lucky.)
Don
Dearest BC, I don’t know if you will read this far down, but I want to suggest to you the best possible gift I can give a fellow agnostic–Mindfulness Meditation. If you start a practice, you’re going to find it the best possible way to navigate bad circumstances, open you heart and find peace and serenity. MM saved my life and made it possible to live out my last years with a joy that was missing from my ADHD-hampered life of the first fifty years. I’m looking at 70 now, and have never been happier, despite many obstacles in my path. Mindfulness meditation allowed me to breathe, no pun intended. For those of us who have no higher power, this is an even better way to practice acceptance, which you are probably struggling with the most. Best wishes, lady, from someone else who cares a lot and already miss your wit. Ajahn Don.