I had to run out at lunch time because there was nothing to eat in the house (well, nothing we wanted to eat), and I had a hankering for this Middle Eastern restaurant that puts some sort of addictive agent in the tabouli that makes you crave it fortnightly. My teenage daughter is flopping around the house for another month until school starts, and having never developed a tabouli addiction, she thinks a certain crappy sandwich from a crappy chain co-located with the local fuel emporium is haute cuisine and demands it weekly.
In an effort to accommodate her while also securing my tabouli fix — all within the space of half an hour so I could return home to conduct business — I hatched a plan: I would phone in my take-out order at the Middle Eastern joint, visit the drive-through ATM at the bank to obtain cash for my daughter, drop her off at the sandwich/gas station with cash so she could place her order and pay for it, swing by and pick up my lunch, then retrieve my daughter and go home to eat.
Well, of course they would be repaving the drive-through lanes at the bank, so we couldn’t just swoop through for the cash. I parked and walked up to the wall-mounted ATM outside the bank, probably for the first time in years.
There were three people ahead of me in line. We all waited a polite distance from the elderly lady who was actually at the ATM. The poor thing was clearly flummoxed by the sorcery required to get the machine to dispense money. I’m guessing she usually deals with the tellers in the drive-through bank with their quaint pneumatic tubes but was unable to access their services due to the repaving.
She inserted her card and tried to operate the touch screen from the keypad. She retrieved her card and reinserted it. She made bewildered noises and tapped her foot and randomly pressed buttons, each time ejecting and reinserting the card. Those of us in queue were willing to help, I think, but there’s an etiquette involved in ATM interactions among strangers, so we couldn’t just walk up to the secret screen, could we? I would have totally helped if she’d asked.
Tick-tock-tick-tock. Finally, I decided, awfuckit, I’d just go into the gas station/sandwich counter with the kid, pay for her damn lunch with my debit card and then go to the Middle Eastern place and pay for my tabouli with my card. So off we went. Luckily, there were only two people ahead of us at the sandwich counter. But when the woman right before us prepared to give her order, my heart sank as I saw her consult a clutch of sticky-notes affixed to separate piles of bills.
She was apparently ordering lunch for several people in her office, inspired by a combo coupon. There was much confusion around which items were actually eligible for the discount, and as she questioned the sandwich maker about it, I stifled the urge to offer to buy lunch for her entire goddamn office if she’d just make a fucking coherent fucking order already. Fuck!
When that crisis passed and the sandwiches were being assembled, the focus turned to individual preferences for sandwich toppings – preferences that struck us as insanely precise. For example, on one sandwich, mayonnaise was to be applied only to the side of the bread that was not touching cheese. On another six-inch sandwich, mustard was to be included only on a three-inch segment since two coworkers were splitting that one.
Once these instructions were carried out in precise detail and each sandwich was bagged, each had to be rung up and paid for separately, with change from every order deposited in separate compartments of the woman’s cavernous purse. In one case, a hefty percentage of the total price was to be paid in pennies, and she came up short, so she had to put that one on her personal credit card. I bet the orderer is STILL catching hell for it.
Finally, we ordered our one puny sandwich, paid and got the hell out of there. I joked to my daughter to look for the old lady at the ATM as we passed to see if she was still trying to extract money. She wasn’t at the ATM, but she was at the cash register of the Middle Eastern place, trying to figure out what to order. While we waited behind her to get our take-out, she asked the man behind the counter to explain what “kofta” is, expound on the ingredients in falafel and enlighten her on the mysteries of the rotating gyro log. Ultimately, she decided to take a menu and leave without ordering anything.
Outwardly, I was polite and impassive, but inwardly, I was seething with rage and impatience. Then I realized how stupid that was. I recalled a funny paragraph from “Cloud Atlas” from a character who experiences a forced exile from his past life:
“We — by whom I mean anyone over sixty — commit two offenses just by existing. One is Lack of Velocity. We drive too slowly, walk too slowly, talk too slowly. The world will do business with dictators, perverts, and drug barons of all stripes, but being slowed down it cannot abide. Our second offence is being Everyman’s memento mori. The world can only get comfy in shiny-eyed denial if we are out of sight.”
I was in a hurry, but that was my problem, not anyone else’s. The sandwich lady probably drew the short straw to place that asshole order for her office, was ordered to do so by an oppressive dick of a boss or was kind enough to take on such an obnoxious and thankless task out of the goodness of her heart.
The old lady at the ATM and House of Tabouli was just trying to figure things out. There’s no law requiring her to do so on my timetable. From now on, I’m just going to chill the fuck out about it. I hope.
*Yes, I know that translates into Rage Against the Automatic Teller Machine Machine. Work with me here.
[X-posted at Rumproast]
Comrade Mary
This ATM machine kills fascists by making people a little more compassionate towards their fellow humans.
I reserve the right to HATE the squirrels that have been eating my tomatoes on the vine. I have chicken wire and a plan, but no guns, because Canadian.
Just Some Fuckhead
I’ve never been able to figure out why old people don’t hurry up since they are running out of time.
KRK
So the Colonel has branched out into Middle Eastern cuisine, eh?
Tone in DC
LULz.
I am NOT patient. Morning rush hour on the road around here, get outta my way. STAT.
Lunch is better, because anything is better than morning rush.
Last, at a restaurant or other establishment… if you get to the front of the line and don’t know (or have no damn idea) what you want, please make room for somebody who actually does.
I am not always so… caffeinated, though. Just in situations like those you mentioned.
Linda Featheringill
I derived a good deal of mirth from your miseries. Thanks.
Unfortunately for the rest of the world, I am turning into one of those little old ladies that used to irritate me so much. There are days when objects such as money and/or cards just WILL NOT COOPERATE. It’s as frustrating to me as well.
Sometimes I’m aware that I’m paying for all the huffing and puffing I did a few decades ago. Karma is a cruel mistress.
But yes, Betty, you should live so long.
:-)
kc
I’d forgive the old ATM lady. Sandwich order lady, not so much.
LanceThruster
I like stories like this.
People that drive slower than me are idiots, people that drive faster than me are assholes, and my driving is perfect. ~ George Carlin
Warren Terra
I realize that I’ve been privileged in my work environments, but anyplace where people would impose such picayune precision on a bundled lunch order, and anyplace where there is so little trust or commonality that each person would pay and receive change separately, rather than pooling their contributions, sounds like a toxic interpersonal environment.
Quicksand
Good story, but the end was kinda . . . anticlimactic?
I was expecting a blog-post version of “Falling Down.”
Michele C.
I vacillate wildly from wondering why everyone is getting upset and being in such a rush to freaking out about some idiot on the sidewalk who doesn’t walk fast enough.
I tried to get my husband to watch the video they made out of David Foster Wallace’s speech to the graduating class of Kenyon College to see if I could get him to vacillate toward calmer for his blood pressure’s sake and he wouldn’t sit still long enough to watch the condensed video.
catclub
I would suggest “Rage against the machine (ATM)”
that way you don’t write ATM machine – like an old slow person ;)
gogol's wife
I was amazed by your kind and generous conclusion. The sandwich lady would have driven me mad.
zombie rotten mcdonald
What kills me is the people downtown who seem completely nonplussed and flummoxed by the not-so-new parking teller machines. They act like they’ve never run across a digital swipe-your-card device before. And those NUMBERS at the parking spaces? What are THOSE for? Did you notice which number we parked at? Better go back and check! Tough to remember all four digits, though, do you have a pen to write it down.
catclub
@gogol’s wife: I am finding more and more times where Montaigne’s Essays are being subtly suggested to me. Maybe I will read some.
Yatsuno
@Comrade Mary:
A puppeh???
Canada has the same per capita gu ownership rate as the US. Y’all are just more sane about it.
/looks into repatriating further…
cckids
I love your story, Betty. As I pass 50, I find I have more patience as well. I think it is that I can recognize that I’ve been the slow one at some time or other, whether because I had small children with me or whatever.
I agree with people above, though, that I’d have never done the sandwich order. I’d have paid myself & made up change from all the little individual piles. What a f-ed up office to be in!! College students aren’t even that cheap.
Eric U.
I am very patient at the ATM, because as long as some people take, I’m pretty sure they are involved in keeping the world’s banking problems from destroying the economy. Can’t have that.
zombie rotten mcdonald
I think “Rage Against The ATM” would work just fine. Morello would be fine with it, I suspect.
revrick
The claim that patience is a virtue depends on whether the driver of the other car is in front of or behind you.
IowaOldLady
I AM an old lady and that would have driven me mad.
Bart
Ya know, I don’t mind old people, but I do wish they would do their business not at those few times working people have a chance to do their business.
“Oh it’s Friday 7PM? Let’s do my shopping and spend ages at the cash register by paying in coins.” (Meanwhile my ice cream is melting while waiting in line.)
“Oh it’s 8AM? The perfect time to board a train to do a little traveling, and I’ll ask a bunch of my friends along.” (Meanwhile a dozen daily train travelers can start off their working day by having to remain standing upright for half an hour because Midge and co feel that peak time is ideal for traveling — oh and of course those charming old people will bitch at the conductor when he points of that their cheap tickets are not valid before 9AM PRECISELY TO AVOID THIS KIND OF SHIT. Oh and of course those old people will start entering the train while people are still exiting, because that is the time to be in a hurry.)
I vow to be a lot more considerate of my fellow human beings when I’m “old” and not get in the way of people who actually do not have that much time to spare.
zombie rotten mcdonald
@cckids:
I agree with people above, though, that I’d have never done the sandwich order. I’d have paid myself & made up change from all the little individual piles. What a f-ed up office to be in!!
I think the lady should have screwed up every aspect of the order. Including the change, and maybe charging one person like twenty bucks too much. They would never make her do it again.
NotMax
Normally patient as the sphinx, but perhaps can be forgiven flashing an extremely dirty look one time.
Very frail, elderly woman was at the supermarket check-out. Fished out a palmful of coins from the depths of her purse.
And promptly spilled about one-third of the coins into the crevice between the conveyor belt and the counter.
Speaking of ATMs, once did receive the totally wrong amount from one of them. That particular machine dispenses ones, fives, tens, twenties, and fifties. Got multiple singles instead of higher denominations.
Took 2½ weeks to get it settled properly. Bank swore up and down I had to deal with the ATM company. ATM company insisted they were blameless and I had to deal with the bank. Persistence did eventually pay off, literally.
Oh, and I try to always keep an emergency twenty stashed in the glove compartment of the car, inside an empty Altoids tin.
Turgidson
I think it’s reasonable to get annoyed by those things – I know I do. But yeah, it’s not usually due to anyone’s malevolence. Just people doing annoying things by accident or through no fault of their own. Or just bad timing.
People who walk.really.fucking.slow in busy urban areas are the ones who get my goat. This doesn’t apply to older people or people with injuries who need to walk slower for physical/safety reasons, of course. I’m talking about perfectly able-bodied people who walk so slow that they must spend a few seconds between steps pondering whether they’re going to take another step towards whatever their destination is. HOW THE HELL DO YOU EVER GET ANYWHERE, OR DO ANYTHING, IF YOU’RE GOING SO FUCKING SLOW? I just don’t get it.
The other thing, and there is enormous overlap on the Venn diagram with the first group here, are people who just sort of stop in the middle of a busy sidewalk because they’re suddenly confused or changed their mind about what direction they should be going. This happens to everybody from time to time, but is it too much to ask that you be aware of your surroundings and make some effort to get out of everyone’s way before you suddenly stop?
These things aren’t that big a deal, really. And I’m normally pretty even-keel and not in a big hurry. But repeat incidents of those things can make me want to turn into the Hulk and get to smashing. Everyone has their pet peeves I guess.
zombie rotten mcdonald
@Bart:
I vow to be a lot more considerate of my fellow human beings when I’m “old” and not get in the way of people who actually do not have that much time to spare.
Don’t be silly, when you’re old, you’re going to have a lifetime’s worth of aggression to take out on everyone else.
Shana
FWIW, I have actually offered to help people figure out how to use the automated weigh and mail your own package machine at the post office, the scan your own groceries machine at the grocery and the ATM for someone who seemed to be having problems. Maybe it’s because I’m a 54 year old woman in the suburbs, but everyone seemed happy to have my help. Although I totally would have understood if I’d been turned down by any of those folks and asked each of them in a, hopefully, kind and respectful manner.
JPL
@Comrade Mary: The god darn squirrels climb up and shake the vines so the ripe ones fall off. Really, there are enough tomatoes on the vine to share. They are just like the Koch brothers….
Aimai
I love you Betty cracker.
Betty Cracker
@cckids: When I worked in an office some years ago, I occasionally had to place an insanely complex coffee order for several coworkers (we took turns performing this odious task). I could feel the waves of hatred radiating off my back from the people in line behind me. I don’t really blame them, either.
Shana
@Bart: Since I don’t work I always try to make appointments, doctor and other, during mid morning or afternoon since I don’t have to work around a work schedule. Schedulers seem to appreciate it.
Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism
@Comrade Mary: Do you have a water source nearby? We’ve never had a problem with squirrels going after our tomatoes, and I suspect it’s because one of our property lines is along a riparian buffer.
MattR
@Turgidson:
This was my biggest pet peeve living in Manhattan, except there it was usually a group of tourists stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to gawk at a landmark or store. It has most definitely changed my own behavior when walking around in public.
PS. Similarly, I don’t mind if a group of tourists is walking slowly as they take in the sights, just please don’t walk 5 abreast so you block the entire sidewalk. Give the rest of us a passing lane.
Tone in DC
@Comrade Mary:
LULz.
For whatever reason, this comment reminds a little of the character Havermeyer in Catch-22. Haven’t picked up that book in at least 10 years; that’s the only part I recall, as I didn’t finish it (too busy watching Luc Besson movies).
VividBlueDotty
@Linda Featheringill:
Me too! And I surprised at how often I can be the impatient one AND the slow one at the same time.
Good to see you here, I’ve been mostly lurking or doing other things, but still have fondness for so many who regularly post here.
VividBlueDotty
Oops, penalty for improper use of blockquote tags, and no edit button to fix it. See, whqt I’m sayin’? Ya get old, you can no longer do things all the younguns take for granted!
Trollhattan
Scene from the sandwich-joint-not-to-be-named reminds me of, oh, any time I go to a sitdown lunch with any random batch of women from the office (every office I’ve ever worked at). Check arrives and begins a luxurious cruise around the table, stopping with each diner who extracts their precise order from the ticket and calculates their portion of the tax and gratuity, adds it all up then digs for exact change, which is seldom available so the quizzing of the change reserves of each lunch partner commences until either exact change is achieved or…some round sum goes in with the threat, “I’ll get my change from the waitress.” At some point a credit card is flopped onto the growing pile with either an “I’ll pay it and you all pay me” or I’ll have her run my portion separately.” At the last stop an amount is thrown in and then the counting commences, always coming up short.
Leading to another go, ‘round the table. Or three.
And, scene.
Guys don’t do this. Unless they’re engineers. Don’t go to lunch with a bunch of engineers.
NickT
There are definitely days when it really does feel as if Genghis Khan was on to something.
Linda Featheringill
@VividBlueDotty:
I’m convinced that technology will kill us in the end.
:-)
ConsistentLiberal
Why not just “Rage Against the ATMachine”?
Trollhattan
@Betty Cracker:
Recall when Starbucks first began showing up in airports I was in line at SeaTac behind a couple of flight crew members who ordered for the entire crew in what seemed to be not a foreign but an alien language. Literally did not understand a single thing they ordered and had to wait, and wait until a tray of…whatever was handed over. At the time I thought of it as being in a bizarre school, so didn’t much mind.
Tone in DC
@Trollhattan:
I have had lunch with engineers. They are the SMEs on most of projects I worked on. They’re okay, for the most part, IMHO.
Actually, having worked around DoJ and at law firms FAR too often in my life, I say don’t go to lunch with (corporate) attorneys.
(ducks)
raven
I stopped at a BBQ in Metter, GA. The place was good, chicken tasty, slaw spicy and nice mac and cheese. There was huge line at the register when I went to pay. They were on dial-up for credit card AND taking lunch orders on the same line. I chilled it was cool.
joel hanes
@Tone in DC:
Havermeyer
Munches on peanut brittle without consciousness.
Insanely good at ping-pong.
Shoots field mice in his tent at night with service .45, which makes Hungry Joe crazy.
Flies low and slow over target, watching bombs drop until impact, endangering crew. Orr is his pilot.
“The best damned bombardier we’ve got!” — Colonel Cathcart
Cannot see the
fnordsflies in Appleby’s eyes.Origuy
Since we’re airing pet peeves here, can I ask parents with small children in line at a restaurant to negotiate with them before you get to the front of the line? Put away your phone and tell your kids what their choices are, so that you are ready with your order. And servers, if I am standing five feet away from the counter and my head is pitched up at a 75 degree angle, I am not ready to order, I am still reading the menu.
Narcissus
I hate people and I’m not afraid to say it
'Niques
@Bart: When I worked from home, I ALWAYS timed my errands, grocery shopping, bank visits for mid-afternoon. Why would anyone grocery shop at 6pm on Friday if they didn’t HAVE to?
joel hanes
If there is one thing worse than another, it’s the elderly man who has apparently never been in a grocery store before, whose cart blocks half the aisle while he blocks the other half whilst he looks over and then through his glasses trying to make out the print on three or four similar varieties of soup to see which one is less expensive by two cents per can, all unconscious of the five people patiently waiting for him to notice that they can’t get by him and move his cart, or to finally make a selection.
I just turn around and wheel my cart all the way around throught the next aisle.
I figure I have about ten years before I am that elderly man; twenty at the outside.
quannlace
Yup, we should all chill out a bit more, for the sake of our physical and mental health. But B-Jesus. I would have been seething behind that Lady of the Crazy Sandwich Order.
thedean
@Michele C.: Thanks for posting about this, I found it on youtube and enjoyed it.
joel hanes
@Trollhattan:
Computer engineers do not do this.
If one person at the table starts down that path, the next person says “I’m paying with plastic” and requires everyone else to pay him in cash.
And all they have in their wallets are $20 bills, and they each slide one to the person handling the check, who must then do the math for the tip and get change from the waiter so that everyone pays the same modulo a couple dollars.
Betty Cracker (iPhone)
@Origuy: And give the kids TWO options. Preschoolers can’t process a gigantic array of choices and will become catatonic with indecision.
quannlace
The worst thing is the little bastards take one bite and then leave the rest of it on the ground to rot. They do the exact same thing with my apple tree.
SiubhanDuinne
@Just Some Fuckhead: Well, if it makes you feel better, whenever my car is almost out of gas, I drive 25+ mph over the posted limit on my way to the gas station.
raven
Check out this cat!
Anne Laurie
@quannlace:
They may be doing this for the fluids.
I put a big plastic pot saucer on the ground next to my tomato planters, and refill it with the hose when I’m watering the tomatoes. In particularly arid summers, when it dries out, there will be a bird or two hanging around waiting for me to show up with refills; I don’t see the squirrels & chipmunks but they’re out there. If we’re out of town for a few days when evaporation happens, there will be a line of ripe maters with one bite missing from each near the saucer — just so I know.
SiubhanDuinne
@raven: I’ve lived in Georgia for 29 years this time around plus another three back in the ’60s, and I have never heard of Metter (which autocorrect keeps wanting to change to Metternich) until now. And I’ve driven I-16 plenty of times, too.
Rafer Janders
Why not just “Rage Against the Automatic Teller Machine”?
PurpleGirl
@Trollhattan: I have one friend who I hated going to lunch with; she always wanted to pay separately and always exactly what her charge was and she never had a calculator with her. She’d struggle to do the math in her head. I’d tell her “why not just split the bill, and it’ll even out in the future”. No go for her and at the time she was making more than I was.
Another friend was all for the splitting of the bill, or grocery shopping, or whatever. She lived by it’ll even out in the end someday, why worry about it now. It was fun being with her because her attitude was so great. And, you know, it did even out, maybe not to a penny but in the broad sense because neither one of us felt we were being taken advantage of.
Seanly
I try to be patient with people most of the time though I curse like a grizzled Marine when I am behind the wheel. I do let people turn out in front of me when safe. I know my wife would say I’m not patient at all, but I think she only catalogs when I am impatient.
At the sandwich shop, the clusterfugg would’ve driven me to leave. And considering ATMs have been widespread since the 1980’s, who the fugg doesn’t know how to use one?
RE: Aggravations – here in Boise, street speed limits are dangerously low (what’s 45 mph almost everywhere else is 35 or even 25) and a lot of the more aged drive below the speed limits. There are also a lot of folks who will be turning left in 3 or 5 miles and drive in the left lane slower than the posted limit.
Pet peeves – people at the drive through ATM who finally get their card back and then sit right there to put everything back in their purse/wallet. Pull forward 20 feet & then square your crap.
– bicyclists who blow through red lights & stop signs even with traffic moving through.
I do need to be more calm & relaxed as I’d like to not give myself a massive coronary screaming at other drivers…
Comrade Mary
@Anne Laurie: We’ve been getting a lot of rain in Toronto — our squirrels and raccoons could totally Esther Williams their way to YouTube fame — but I’ll try putting out some water for the little — dears.
(Three tomatoes were nibbled, and three were half eaten. They may be thirsty or just demonic.)
SiubhanDuinne
@PurpleGirl: I had a friend years ago whose motto was “Anything under a dollar is a gift,” i.e., let’s not go to the trouble of sorting out the small <$1.00 discrepancies. It worked just fine, swings and roundabouts. I have the same motto myself now, except I've upped it to five bucks because The High Cost of Living.
PurpleGirl
@raven: Psycho Cat… Jigsaw Planet had that picture. It was a 60-piece puzzle, IIRC. It was fun to do.
NotMax
@Seanly
It was a wise person indeed who first stated “You never really learn to curse until you learn to drive.”
Seanly
@Trollhattan:
Civil engineers are more down to earth than the engineers you know. If the place can’t separate the bill easily, most of us will just ballpark our share. Figure the one doing the collecting might make a buck or two but who cares?
FlipYrWhig
I hate, hate, hate splitting the bill evenly. The last time that was sprung on me I ended up paying $90 for an appetizer, wine, and a scallop entree that included exactly 2 fucking scallops. Because it was an expensive damn restaurant and I was being frugal deliberately. And when the bill came to the table everyone else was like, hey, that’s really a pretty good deal for 5 people at a place like this. Yeah, you bastards, because I’m the least successful person here and I’m paying for your fucking creme brûlée. I’m never getting over that.
BAtFFP
“Fortnightly” is the greatest adverb in the history of adverbs. That is all.
donnah
I get pissy when other people act like they’re the only ones on the planet. Seniors at the grocery store who leave their cart in the middle of the aisle and wander off to stare at the canned tuna drive me insane. But when I’m ready to cuss at a someone being slow in front of me, I remember my great aunt Ginny and how I would feel if someone cursed at her, and I meekly bite my tongue and hush.
tybee
@SiubhanDuinne:
it’s better in Metter, cooler in Pooler and stinkin’ in Rincon.
seriously, you’ve driven I-16 that often and never noticed the exit to Metter?
it’s just west of the ‘boro exit.
RSA
This has been me at the supermarket, with a customer ahead of me carrying out a complex transaction with the cashier. And then I think, “People on welfare don’t need some asshole giving them dirty looks.”
abo gato
Love you, Betty. That was awesome.
cckids
@Betty Cracker: When my kids were small, ordering food at any restaurant, fast food or otherwise, was like a scene from “When Harry Met Sally”, with lots of “on the sides” and substitutions. Taught me patience for others and to always tip large.
JerryN
@FlipYrWhig: Splitting the bill evenly works out fine as long as everyone knows that’s how it’s going to work. Or, at least almost always. Back in my suburban office working days, there was one guy whose order was always at least 20% more than the average and there was no shaming him. So we just stopped inviting him to lunch.
JerryN
@FlipYrWhig: Splitting the bill evenly works out fine as long as everyone knows that’s how it’s going to work. Or, at least almost always. Back in my suburban office working days, there was one guy whose order was always at least 20% more than the average and there was no shaming him. So we just stopped inviting him to lunch.
JWL
Twenty-some years ago, I had my last case of road rage in a Safeway checkout line. I was in a hurry. Just why, of course, I can’t remember. A group of 3 or 4 or 5 elderly women had parked themselves in a ’15 items or less’ line with a shopping cart filled to overflowing. I assumed the clerk would steer them to another line, but instead he permitted them to offload the items in increments of 15.
For all I knew, they were friends who shopped together every week like that at that store, and each did in fact have the requisite number. But that didn’t occur to me in that moment. When I realized that the clerk was ringing up their transactions… well, I came unglued in public. I’m embarrassed to say the fact the women didn’t speak English pissed me off even further. To the day I die, I will never forget the kind, forgiving look that one of them accorded me as I made a fool of myself. I think I stormed out the store at that point, but honestly can’t recall.
Still, while indisputably obnoxious, even then I was still only human. Live and learn, and all that jazz…
Dave
@KRK: I see what you did there.
moderateindy
As Louie CK says “White People Problems”
http://youtu.be/m29_34_HESs
My favorite WPP At open mic night when people wait until they’re up on stage to tune their instrument. You sit around for an hour waiting, you know when you are going to play, and you can’t take 5 minutes to make sure your in tune? White People Problems
Steeplejack
@JerryN:
Amen to this. Back when I played in a volleyball league in Atlanta, we would repair afterwards to Manuel’s Tavern to replace those vital electrolytes and do our post-game analysis. Other teams would be there, and we would end up with large, mixed tables. Almost everybody shared pitchers of beer and group food like nachos, wings, chicken fingers, etc., but there was one guy who always ordered a separate meal—like a steak sandwich or something—and separate (weird) drinks like Manhattans or Rob Roys or something. And then he would be the first to suggest “Hey, let’s just split it ten ways” (or whatever).
The team that he was on started getting actively shunned—“Why, yes, we do have empty chairs at this table, but we’re going to be using them for an undisclosed purpose, so you can’t sit here”—and I think he eventually got dropped just for dickish post-match etiquette. As well he should.
Xecky Gilchrist
Always separate checks. Always. Saves an unbelievable amount of hassle – I have no idea why people, or restaurants, would even consider combining the check for a party of more than two unless someone announces up front they’re paying the whole bill.
joel hanes
@Xecky Gilchrist:
Protip: If you lunch in a group of more than four, and you insist on separate checks, your server will justifiably hate you. A leisurely dinner is one thing, but lunch time is just a couple hours long, and the time that your server spends dealing with those separate checks is time that your server does not have.
Dave
“…Axe Murderer” is number three on my personal list of under-rated movies behind “Meatballs” and “Local Hero.” And almost entirely because of the scenes with the parents.
Rosalita
Holy shit I can’t stand high-maintenance people holding up the food line being picky about what flavor cream cheese they want… I’d have blown a gasket in that sandwich shop. And parents teaching junior to be high-maintenance by letting them spend 10 minutes picking out what ice cream they want. It’s all about meeeeeee!
On the elderly front, when I lived in Florida, shopping at Publix was always a rare treat. You had one old lady in front of you writing a check or counting coins and another one behind you ramming their cart up your ass because they have no depth perception anymore. Yeesh.
FlipYrWhig
@JerryN: I realized afterwards that I could have bought and eaten $50 more in food and paid $10 more for it. Which is what I’m doing next time. Yeah, it seems like an honor to get to have dinner with your mentor and his bigshot friends. Right up until it dawns on you that they all have very expensive taste in everything. Snarl.
But on the Other Hand
How about hating the fast-food-line-lady’s boss for causing the problem? Is that still OK?
Your anger with her had some justification IMHO b/c, unlike can’t-use-an-ATM-lady, she was violating an implicit norm. If you’re going to place 6 different orders and have each of them rung up separately and paid for separately…you should stand in line 6 times. What she should have done, was take her time, not yours and everyone else’s, to record how much money she got from each person she was ordering for, and, after placing and paying for one consolidated order, sat down with the bill to calculate how much change each of them should get. It’s not really very hard to calculate the sales tax for each sandwich.
Xecky Gilchrist
@joel hanes: Instead of dealing with a bunch of argumentative customers hogging a table while they dicker over the bill?
Redshirt
Hell is other people.
daverave
This… this is why I never leave the house.
zombie rotten mcdonald
@But on the Other Hand:
Calling in the order is a more workable, not to mention practical, option.
stinger
This is like every bad dream I’ve ever had. Really, like every dream I’ve ever had.
ExpatDanBKK
@Trollhattan: I’m glad you said that because I was thinking it. It seems to be women who do that. Not all, but a large enough portion to stand out.
Also, too, it seems like a majority of women are surprised when at the end of a transaction, the casher asks for money. I say this because they wait until then to fumble around looking for a payment means instead of at least having their wallet out and ready while the cashier is working. I never could understand that…
Fort Geek
How about places where there are two cashiers/tellers, so everyone forms up into a single line. As one cashier or the other comes available, next person steps up.
There’s always one asshole who ignores the line and just walks right up to the next cashier–then has the nerve to act surprised at a dozen pissed-off people.
Then there’s the convenience store asshole who walks in and jumps any lines, saying, “I’m just getting gas.” Drops their cash and walks out. I always wanted to call them in as gas drive-offs.
DFH no.6
@Fort Geek:
Try being in “line” most anywhere in the Third World (or even semi-civilized places like Indonesia or the Phillipines). Or where there’s a group of Italians.
Not always, but far more often than, say, in America, you’d find that the concept of “wait your turn in line” is not well-recognized.
Experienced this directly myself in a number of travels, and my BIL who’s lived in Indonesia (and other parts of Asia) for 25 years says it’s the norm pretty much everywhere he goes in that part of the world.
In line at the Versailles before it opened one wintry morning some years ago, maybe 8-10 people in front of us, a fair number behind, all waiting for the doors to open. A few minutes before opening we (wife, grown son, grown then-living-in-France daughter, moi) started being jostled by people pushing to the front (people who had not been in the group behind us till just then). My daughter – experienced with living and travelling in Europe for some time – said to me through gritted teeth, “Dad, it’s a bunch of Italians! If you and Josh don’t do something there will be 20 or more pushed in front of us!”
Not wanting to create an international incident, but also taking umbrage like my daughter to such line-jumping perfidy, I had my son (over 6-foot and 200lbs, and wearing a large parka) and myself move widely side-by-side with our elbows out. Each of us got an “oomph!” from someone hitting our elbows, but they moved back with startled looks and stopped pushing forward. And sure enough there were over twenty Italians in that group (maybe 5 or 6 who had successfully pushed forward).
A number of such “poor line etiquette” incidents in other travels in Europe, Asia, and Africa. Another BIL who is an Italian immigrant (moved here with his family when he was a teenager) confirms that the “line-jumping” I’ve seen (not just at Versailles) is common with Italians, and he is embarrassed by it.
This has given me a different perspective here at home, and made me much more patient in line at the store or wherever (even with slow, fumbling old people, among whom I will likely be numbered before long, if I’m lucky).
But drive slow in the left lane on the freeway? If I had a goddamn rocket launcher…