So Thomas Jefferson is in the talking-heads news again, because he was an awesome MBA-type Leader, or a platitude-spouting narcissist whose only interest in other humans was what he could exploit them for, or best of all, both! Kris E. Benson at Wonkette brings happy tidings of the latest attempt by militia-friendly “Jefferson’s Rightful Liberty” proponents to detach themselves from our modern world of corruption and Liberals:
Any second now there will be zombies and tidal waves and brown people climbing up on your roof and eating your virgin daughter’s brains. What should you do? Where should you go? Why not live out these trying times in a castle in Idaho, surrounded by a loving community of like-minded Patriots? The only rules are that you must prove that you can shoot a gun once a year every year after you turn 13. Oh, and you can’t be “a Liberal.” That’s about it — there’s a preamble about respecting other people, and a mention about submitting to arbitration panels, and roughly 10 rules that have to do with when and under what circumstances you must fire a gun. These rules are written in the Patriot Agreement, which is CLEARLY a supplement to, not a substitute for, the Constitution they love so very very much. It is basically the greatest HOA ever!…
The Citadel will have between 3,500 and 5,000 households within the walls, with a single gate permitting access. The Citadel is not to be a closed society, instead a refuge for genuine Patriots who wish to live without neighbors who are Liberals and Establishment political ideologues, open for tourists who will be welcomed into our town to visit our planned Firearms Museum, shop in our Town Center, stay in a B&B or hotel while vacationing and exploring the wonderful skiing, hunting and fishing opportunities in the area, and many other attractions we will offer…
Of course Benson (per the official Wonkette style sheet) exaggerates for comedic effect — there are twelve clauses in the ‘Patriot Agreement‘, and only six of them involve guns. Six and a half, if you include the one about how “every able-bodied Patriot aged 13 shall pass a class sponsored by the Citadel on basic emergency medical care, the courses focused on battlefield and wilderness environments every three years”. And they’ll get every opportunity to use those skills, too, since another clause specifies that “All Patriots shall agree to remain armed with a loaded sidearm whenever visiting the Citadel Town Center”, and Patriots are famously testy about the proper way to parallel park at their Firearms Museums…
As a selfish East Coast Liberal, I’m almost sad that the III Citadel will almost certainly never progress past the grifting planning stage, because from here isolating five thousand self-employed/retired/home- schooling families behind a wall on the other side of the country sounds like a great idea. Sorry, Idaho!
P.S. The Wonkette commentariat is my second favorite behind you guys, and you’re really gonna have to step it up to match their fine work in this thread.
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