Congress must act this month to extend unemployment benefits and the extend/expand the Social Security Tax Cut. A failure to do so will increase taxes for every working American and cut life sustaining support for the unemployed. To pay for this, Democrats have suggested that the Nation’s 300,000 millionaires have a very slight increase in taxes. This is quite fair and most people in the Nation support the plan.
But it angers The Grover and he must be appeased.
On Thursday, the vengeful demigod of the modern Republican Party met with his fearful worshipers in Congress to tell them what was and what was not acceptable.
Turns out that The Grover does not view increasing taxes on EVERY working American as an increase in taxes. In fact, the GOP demigod has declared that letting a temporary tax cut expire is not a tax increase–if it is a tax cut that only impacts workers:
But Norquist differed. “For the president to run around and say not continuing a temporary tax cut is an increase is inaccurate,” he said in an interview after the closed-door meeting with the lawmakers.
Norquist said neither himself nor his group, Americans for Tax Reform, necessarily opposes extending the payroll tax cut–although he suggests any scenario that includes “another one-year extension of the tax holiday in return for a permanent tax increase on something else” would be a “mistake.”
The Grover has spoken. A tax increase on millions of Americans is not actually a tax increase because the Social Security Tax Holiday is temporary and will expire without Congressional action to extend it. But, The Grover does not apply the same logic to every temporary tax cut with an expiration date
As a demigod who makes the rule, The Grover can also break them. In a complete flip-flop, The Grover has also ruled that letting the temporary Bush Tax cuts for the top 1% expire in January 2013 would be increasing taxes. Strange are the ways of The Grover and one should never expect consistency from a conservative grifter demigod.
On Thursday, he gave his minions marching orders. An extension of the Tax Holiday and unemployment benefits would be OK as long as they are not paid for by asking that any millionaire might be forced to cut back on their caviar allowance by even the smallest tax on their earnings above $1,000,000.
Sacrifice is needed, but it must come from the poor and the middle-class.
Congressional Republicans have come up with a plan for a ritual sacrifice of workers that is crafted to appease The Grover. Instead of asking any of the Nation’s 300,000 millionaire to pay their share, they will ask all Federal Employees to pay for the extension of the tax holiday and unemployment benefit through payroll freezes and the elimination of 200,000 workers from the work force.
Jobs will be destroyed, more people will suffer and gap between the 99% and the 1% will get wider, but sacrificing workers is how Modern Conservatives engage in the ritual blood sacrifice that The Grover demands. And The Grover–above all other oaths and all other Gods–must be appeased or you will face his terrible vengeance. No wonder John the Orange One is always crying…
And with that, how about an Open Thread.
Cheers
JGabriel
Nat’l Journal:
Great! That means Grover should have no problem with letting the temporary Bush tax cuts go unrenewed.
[Pause]
Why is everyone laughing at me?
.
Calouste
I’d call him The Norquisling rather than The Grover.
AxelFoley
Will someone
rid me of this meddlesomebeat the shit outta Grover?SiubhanDuinne
Dengre, I’ve really missed you on the BJ front page. Nice to see you back, and with such an awesome post and picture! If it’s not too intrusive a question, what has been keeping you busy?
TenguPhule
Bring Me the head of Grover.
Body attached optional.
SiubhanDuinne
@Calouste:
Wow, LOL.
JGabriel
@Calouste:
I’d call him a fucking asshole — but since we’re discussing Republicans, that could get confusing very quickly.
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Mark S.
Grover’s been around for as long as I can remember, but it’s only in the last couple of years that he’s become more powerful than Sauron. How the hell did that happen?
TBogg
I just got here. Has anyone brought up Jane Hamsher yet? Because, you know, she’ll be blamed for this somehow…
J
The competition is intense, I can understand how some people might favor other candidates (Cheney, Gingrich, Limbaugh–the list goes on and on) for the honor of being the single most loathsome figure among the right-wingers who are gleefully destroying our country, but my vote goes to Norquist. I think it was the rape joke (‘bipartisanship is like date rape’), in which he casts himself and his chums in the part of the rapist, that did it for me. ‘Scum’ is too kind a word for the likes of him and unfair to greasy pond life everywhere.
Dennis G.
@SiubhanDuinne: It has been a very busy fall at work and now a number of time consuming/time sucking projects are done. It will be good to get back into the swing of things.
Cheers
jeff
@TBogg:
That’s so funny TBogg, because it’s so relevant!
Dennis G.
@Mark S.: John McCain let him go when he should have been brought down by the Abramoff scandal. In exchange, Grover endorsed McCain. So not only did J. Sidney give us Palin, he also let Grover survive to become more powerful than ever.
Yutsano
Someone is welcome to come to downtown Seattle and shoot me now. Or get all these damn humans out of my way. Mostly because of the dickhead with the Suburban nezt to me who can’t fucking park. Yes I’m fucking crabby why do you ask?
sfinny
@Yutsano: Hey, that dickhead is probably related to the jerk who tailgated me the entire way home. Blinding me with his lights and gesticulating wildly because I wouldn’t speed. Jerk.
JGabriel
Honestly, though, Norquist has an Islamic wife, and I keep wondering when Grover and the Republicans are gonna turn on each other over the GOP’s anti-Muslim religious propaganda.
ETA: Seriously, Google “Norquist Islam” just to see a taste of the contempt the wingnut base has for him.
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sfinny
@JGabriel: Don’t think it will happen. Some fringe groups have gone after Norquist over that issue, but he stays focused on the whole anti-tax goal.
Yutsano
I’m not asking much. I just wanna go home. Plus I missed Dawg time, so I’m especially unhappy about that.
Carolina Dave
Wow, the satire is so good it brings forth commentary from the legendary TBogg. I am awe of all of you and Dennis G’s snarky goodness.
I’m still reeling from comments earlier tonight from a otherwise intelligent night school classmate of mine that the banks were forced to give loans to poor people because of Clinton and they collapsed (in 2008) because of Dodd-Frank (passed 2010).
JGabriel
sfinny: :
Maybe not, but I think GOP strategists are probably keeping it in the back of their mind in case they ever need a proxy reason for distancing themselves from Norquist.
Frankly, though, I hope you’re right. I’d much rather see Republicans distance themselves from Grover over his tax policy extremism, but I have trouble imagining that.
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Hill Dweller
This is a softball, even for the anemic Democratic messaging machine.
Congressional Republicans know the score, which is why they’ve already flip flopped on supporting the extension. Their latest funding nonsense is absurd, and easily mock-able. If they don’t extend the tax cut and unemployment benefits, Obama can hammer them for it, and use it next year as an excuse for the economy didn’t recover quicker.
JGabriel
@SiubhanDuinne:
Seconded.
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Origuy
The Mayans, at least, sacrificed the blood of their elites. (Yeah, I know that’s a picture of Aztecs.)
Dee Loralei
You’ve been missed Dengre. I tweeted this and shared on my Obama groups facebook page. LOL. I said it was intemperate and snarky, but I agreed.
Mnemosyne
@Carolina Dave:
That’s what I call Conservative Temporal Disorder, or CTD. They have a hard time remembering what order the things they’re complaining about happened in and mash them up into the order that they need to make their complaints sound halfway coherent.
Thor Heyerdahl
Damn you Norquist for usurping the name of my favourite childhood Muppet.
“Near & Far”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZhEcRrMA-M
Shalimar
@TBogg: I didn’t realize Jane was sleeping with Norquist again. Tell her you’re supposed to bathe in the blood of the innocent to stay young, not consort with the damned.
ruemara
@Shalimar: Win. and over TBogg, too. Double win.
As a fan of the loveable blue, furry monster called Grover, I’d like to smack this imposter til he wets himself.
Bago
Really, the difficulty of maintaining a plurality predicated on racial animus should be exploited by pols. Not because it is ethical, considered, or in any way right, but because it will discombulate the base in an election cycle.
Odie Hugh Manatee
@TBogg:
Calamity Jane only has herself to blame for any association with The Norquisling.
Thus are the hazards of kissing a frog; she didn’t find a prince and we are noticing her warts.
@Shalimar:
That too. Also. ;)
Commenting at Balloon Juice since 1937
I thought all tax cuts magically result in increased revenues. Why does the payroll tax cut have to be paid for?
kindness
@Commenting at Balloon Juice since 1937: Because it primarily affects the lowly worker classes, not the real Americans.
No, Grover makes no sense at all with this one. Not that Conservatives demand consistency, obviously they don’t. But I think the Congress Critters are smarter than Grover on this one. They know if they don’t pass this one they’ll never be able to justify passing the bush43 tax cuts extension.
I prefer the term Norquisition, even though it doesn’t really fit this scenerio.
@TBogg: What has Jane done with Norquist? I know she will link up with odd bedfellows to push her meme but has she done so with this sack of shit? I don’t know. Haven’t been to fdl in a while.
genghisjon
Grover is a herpes sore on the dick of america.
El Cid
@TBogg: Why, you little….
Ron
@JGabriel: That was my first thought too. And when he disagrees I’m sure the Washington press corps will call him out on it.
Hey, wait, why are you all laughing at me now?
Judas Escargot
Gee. It’s almost as if he wanted what’s left of the middle and upper working classes to bear the additional financial burden. Which would hurt the economy.
But that would be treasonous. And uncivil.
FormerSwingVoter
Why is this a surprise to anyone?
Yes, of course Norquist believes that tax increases Democrats oppose are okay. Conservatives do this all the time. Their only principle is their hatred and opposition of Democrats and democracy as a whole. Every deeply-held “principle” they claim to have will be abandoned as soon as Democrats support it.
Robert Waldmann
update: For “The Republicans” read 20 out of 47 Republican Senators. It turns out that the others hate ordinary workers even more than they hate Government employees, or something.
Maybe the voted no because they just can’t stand the idea of taking food stamps away from millionaires.