I have’t been posting much, though I have been talking to several BJ people via email which is helpful. I don’t have a lot to say that someone hasn’t already said more eloquently. I am always grateful to hear commenter jacy’s thoughts, in many ways they have reflected my own. There is a need to be proactive and move through this and not despair. She posted a link on FB to a list of Pro-Women, Pro-Immigrant, Pro-Earth, Anti-Bigotry groups to support, that I bookmarked.
Today, she sent me an email and asked if I could share it with all of you. I said of course. Walking a tough road, as many of us have, gives us skills that can be used as we face this new challenge together. From jacy:
I’ve been here before. I’ve got my own personal Trump: an unbalanced, pathological narcissist who is capricious and concerned only with his immediate gratification, who has no understanding of how the real world works, no empathy for any other person, and who will always blame someone else for any problem or difficulty. And it’s unfair, but this person has an enduring measure of control over my life, at least for the next 6.5 years, when our youngest child turn 18. I can’t do anything about it, so I had to find a way to protect myself and my children from the damage that he will continue to inflict. Dealing with this sent me to the darkest place imaginable, where there were many, many days I had no hope, where I felt I could not stand one more moment of the pain and the anger and the uncertainty. And yet, here I am. I’ve had nearly 2.5 years of this already, and I’ve adapted. I sought help, and I stood up. You can too.
Here’s what you can do:1) Put your house in order. Get up, clean up, go to work, pay your bills. Take care of your health. If you are having difficulty, reach out. Go to therapy, join a support group, call a helpline. Take the projects you’ve been putting off and work on them. Improve your immediate situation or environment. Exert control wherever you can, because this will dispel feelings of helplessness.
2) Disengage. Avoid places (be it online or in real life) that make you feel bad or hopeless. There is a difference between being informed and being inundated with negativity. Do not become involved in pointless arguments. Minimize your contact with toxic people or situations. Time to cut ties that hurt you more than help you. Do not relitigate the past. Avoid the negative echo chamber – seeking out repeated confirmation of your fears or bad feelings on a constant basis will demoralize you, and will just re-traumatize you.3) Organize. Get yourself a notebook. Starting with your immediate level, make a political/societal contact list. That may start with your metro council, your municipal government, your school board. Expand upward to your state government and legislature. Your congress people, your senators. Federal level contacts. You should have a list of every elected official or government office that you can contact. Next, a list of organizations you want to support or influence. Keep this updated and add to it.
4) Inform yourself. Read and research. Avoid bad and apocryphal information, and don’t disseminate bad information. Get all the facts, and verify what you hear. Be prepared, and be accurate with what you present.
5) Agitate. Speak out whenever possible. Become comfortable with asserting yourself. Do not normalize unacceptable things. Do not be afraid to use strong words, if those words are accurate. Find the line you stand upon, and do not back down from it.
6) Make them pay a price. Bad things are coming – but even if you can’t stop every bad thing, you can increase its cost. Life is a negotiation, whether you like it or not. Everything anyone does has a cost – do what you can to make the cost of bad decisions, bad ideas, and bad policy as high as possible. Obstruct. Protest. Write letters. CALL PEOPLE AND DO NOT STOP CALLING. Call and make your feelings known. Call people out publicly. Expose bad behavior. Document racism, sexism, misogyny, bigotry, hate. BE LOUD.
7) Expand your comfort zone. Make it a point to engage people who need to be engaged, to become involved in your community at every single level. Reach out to people who are marginalized or in danger or hurt or frightened. Meet new people. Find others of your tribe, whatever tribe that may be, then expand your tribe. We are stronger in numbers.
8) Believe and hope. Do not let the fact that this is a brutal world full of terrible things blind you to the fact that every day is full of wonders, big and small. Celebrate the good, and do it publicly. Promote positive news and stories. Support people who are making a difference, no matter the size of that difference. Every act of kindness ripples out, and we never will know where those ripples end, or what small act will be the one that saves a life, that changes a life, that sets in motion some greater thing. None of us is helpless. NONE OF US.
9) Take the long view. The driving force behind evolution is pressure. Without adversity there is no innovation or adaptation. We’re bright little lights that burn for a short time, but the thing that makes us special is that we don’t give up, that we burn as bright and long as we can no matter what winds blow across us. In every period of history there have been terrible events, yet here we stand. Do not assume the worst – be open to the fact that we don’t know what’s going to happen, good or bad. We must be prepared to take every advantage that opens to us, and to hold the line until that advantage comes.
This is my favorite proverb, and it explains my philosophy in life as succinctly as is possible: “For every evil under the sun, there is a cure or there is none. If there is one, then find it. If there is none, then never mind it.”
Be well, know peace, and never, ever give up.
Let’s make this post one to discuss other positive action steps. I’d like to know if anyone has an opinion on this organization and what they are proposing: FairVote.Org Other than that, I’m still on a media blackout. You?