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You are here: Home / Economics / C.R.E.A.M. / Late Night Thieves’ Paradise Open Thread: SPACE PIRATES!!!

Late Night Thieves’ Paradise Open Thread: SPACE PIRATES!!!

by Anne Laurie|  May 16, 20191:32 am| 47 Comments

This post is in: C.R.E.A.M., Hail to the Hairpiece, Open Threads, Republican Stupidity, Space, Assholes

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Subcommittee chairman Cruz: pirates threaten the open seas, and the same is possible in space, hence need for a Space Force.

— Jeff Foust (@jeff_foust) May 14, 2019

Ted Cruz argues that Space Force is necessary because… wait for it… space pirates. Leave it to Cruz to take a dumb Trump idea and make it sound even dumber. pic.twitter.com/xjjItA3EV3

— Adam Best (@adamcbest) May 15, 2019

There’s a joke to be made that Ted Cruz might possibly be a space alien in a badly-designed human suit, but seriously: even TV Tropes doesn’t take ‘Space Pirates’ seriously.

Senator Ted Cruz thinks those of us concerned about climate change are alarmist, but he’s adamant that the nation invest in protection against space pirates https://t.co/aq1VL1kHhs

— Katie Mack (@AstroKatie) May 15, 2019

Of course, Raphael ‘Ted’ Cruz is taking the resulting online abuse predictably:

I, for one, blame the space pirates. https://t.co/4jXiBYqT85

— Daniel W. Drezner (@dandrezner) May 16, 2019


 
Presumably related, somehow, to Cruz’s new boogeymonsters (note Rep. Johnson’s home state):

Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson (D-TX), chair of the House Science Committee, questions the administration’s budget amendment for NASA in a statement: “…based on the limited information provided to Congress it is impossible to judge the merits of the President’s budget amendment.”

— Jeff Foust (@jeff_foust) May 15, 2019

Funding the Moon effort by raiding Pell grants will destroy bipartisan support for the space program for a generation.
Everything Trump touches dies.@TheRickWilson https://t.co/b6n76wWwqG

— Robert Zubrin (@robert_zubrin) May 15, 2019

It’s like if Eisenhower first funded NASA by gutting the GI Bill.

— Chris Iannacone (@ChrisIannacone) May 15, 2019

“Education – feh! SPACE PIRATES, pew pew pew!”

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Reader Interactions

47Comments

  1. 1.

    Mike J

    May 16, 2019 at 1:38 am

    I’m all for more moon mission if they send Ted Cruz.

  2. 2.

    Sebastian

    May 16, 2019 at 1:40 am

    We are so fucked.

  3. 3.

    Yutsano

    May 16, 2019 at 1:47 am

    @Mike J: No oxygen. No freeze dried food. No radiation protection.

    Yes I’m going to be bitter as fuck about Beto not beating him. But let the idiots in Texas enjoy their embarrassment from the Canadian carpetbagger.

  4. 4.

    joel hanes

    May 16, 2019 at 1:47 am

    No longer even rise to the level of “irritable impulses”.

    This is just random.

  5. 5.

    Mart

    May 16, 2019 at 1:49 am

    Yeah, fisherman skiffs armed with desperate men with AK-47’s – orbital intercept missiles – pretty much the same thing. I am starting to get Ted Cruze. Visionary!

  6. 6.

    MagdaInBlack

    May 16, 2019 at 1:50 am

    Oh. Dear. Lord.
    I am in awe. ?

  7. 7.

    Steeplejack

    May 16, 2019 at 1:55 am

    Just watched an interesting documentary about Annie Oakley on PBS’s American Experience. Check your local listings. Recommended.

  8. 8.

    SiubhanDuinne

    May 16, 2019 at 2:05 am

    I had seen references to that … thing … on Rafael’s face, but until watching the video clip just now I hadn’t actually seen it. And now I am yearning for my lost innocence.

  9. 9.

    Ruckus

    May 16, 2019 at 2:15 am

    @Yutsano:

    But let the idiots in Texas enjoy their embarrassment from the Canadian carpetbagger.

    The idiots are enjoying Tad Cruz, but then they are idiots.

  10. 10.

    NotMax

    May 16, 2019 at 2:20 am

    Captain Harlock!

    Also too, threats from space herpes and kung fu robots!

    :)

  11. 11.

    Steeplejack

    May 16, 2019 at 2:24 am

    I have no idea why Disney XD has Phineas and Ferb on in the middle of the night, but it’s awfully seductive. Especially this one-hour crossover with the Marvel universe. Doofenshmirtz and the Red Skull? Nick Fury and Perry the platypus? WTF.

    The superheroes’ powers get swapped.

    Phineas: And Hulk got Iron Man’s powers. But without the suit there’s not much there.

    Hulk: I am feeling entrepreneurial.

    All kids’ shows should be this good.

  12. 12.

    Sebastian

    May 16, 2019 at 2:26 am

    @Steeplejack:

    I remember that. It’s pretty good but cheesy in a Ph&F way.

  13. 13.

    NotMax

    May 16, 2019 at 2:29 am

    @Steeplejack

    Kiddies need something to unwind with after a double shift in the coal mine.

    /Trumpworld

  14. 14.

    Duane

    May 16, 2019 at 2:31 am

    @Sebastian: As bad as it is imagine if the House was republican. Couldn’t stop the evil stupidity .

  15. 15.

    Steve in the ATL

    May 16, 2019 at 2:33 am

    @Duane: they did two years of incalculable dommage (Lol) when they held all three branches. We really, really need the senate though.

  16. 16.

    NotMax

    May 16, 2019 at 2:34 am

    @NotMax

    Also too, Disney After Dark still in the pre-approval pitch stage.

    :)

  17. 17.

    Steeplejack

    May 16, 2019 at 2:36 am

    @Sebastian:

    I like Phineas and Ferb in general. Waiting for the niece and nephew to catch up. They’re still at Bubble Guppies and Paw Patrol.

  18. 18.

    Steve in the ATL

    May 16, 2019 at 2:38 am

    @NotMax: princess jasmine is going to be a huge hit!

  19. 19.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    May 16, 2019 at 2:39 am

    In the strange file…the local mountains have snow predicted for tomorrow night.

  20. 20.

    NotMax

    May 16, 2019 at 2:39 am

    @Steeplejack

    Blue’s Clues? The Wiggles?

  21. 21.

    NotMax

    May 16, 2019 at 2:44 am

    @Steve in the ATL

    Musical back-up provided by The Haremettes.

    ;)

  22. 22.

    Steeplejack

    May 16, 2019 at 2:48 am

    @NotMax:

    Nope. Masha and the Bear. That’s good too.

  23. 23.

    Wayne Marks

    May 16, 2019 at 3:00 am

    Ummm…. why would the Senator from Texas, which includes, you know Houston, be against a space program?

    Houston, we have a problem.

  24. 24.

    Sebastian

    May 16, 2019 at 3:01 am

    @Duane:

    I don’t know. We might be looking at widespread unrest.

    One thing that always keeps me going is the knowledge that they cannot win because in order for them to win NY and CA would have to capitulate.

  25. 25.

    Jay

    May 16, 2019 at 3:10 am

    @Wayne Marks:

    He’s pro-Space Force because of Space Pirates.

    And a moron.

    He can’t hold the idea of NASA, Huston, Space in his head at the same time as Space Farce, Space Pirates and rimming Needy Amin.

  26. 26.

    Jay

    May 16, 2019 at 3:16 am

    @Duane:
    @Steve in the ATL:
    @Sebastian:

    They had the House under Needy Amin, for two years and pretty much only got Tax Cuts for Billionaires and Corporations, with some minor ACA fuckery.

    “Obama and his Democratic allies in Congress compiled a substantial record of policy accomplishment—the economic stimulus, bringing the financial system back from the brink of collapse, rescuing two automakers, universal health care, sweeping reform of financial regulation, and major changes in student loan programs, among many others. ”

    https://www.google.ca/amp/s/www.brookings.edu/research/president-barack-obamas-first-two-years-policy-accomplishments-political-difficulties/amp/

  27. 27.

    JoyceH

    May 16, 2019 at 3:24 am

    I saw Ted Cruz explaining that we need the Space Force to protect “space commerce” (which doesn’t exist) from “space pirates” (which also doesn’t exist) – and I tried to come up with an instance where a government created a program to deal with a problem that didn’t exist yet. I came up dry. Can anyone think of an example?

  28. 28.

    Jay

    May 16, 2019 at 3:32 am

    @JoyceH:

    Eisenhower built the Interstate System before there were large amounts of interstate traffic, private or commercial.

    Kevin Cosner built a baseball field before there were ghost baseball players.

  29. 29.

    joel hanes

    May 16, 2019 at 3:33 am

    Ted’s seen the future.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DozyN4OpuYA

  30. 30.

    NotMax

    May 16, 2019 at 3:37 am

    @JoyceH

    Japanese internment.

    Swine flu scare.

    Just two (of obviously disproportional gravity) off the top o’ the noggin.

  31. 31.

    Sebastian

    May 16, 2019 at 3:38 am

    @Jay:

    True and those two years were filled with activism and marches and protest. That’s all gone now. All we do is sit and watch.

  32. 32.

    Plato

    May 16, 2019 at 3:43 am

    The entire party has become a group of gutless cowards dancing to the dunce’s stupid tunes.

  33. 33.

    M. Bouffant

    May 16, 2019 at 4:05 am

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: ‘Tain’t strange, it’s climate change.

  34. 34.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    May 16, 2019 at 4:14 am

    @NotMax: Quite a few folk at the time thought that the Japanese internment addressed a problem.

  35. 35.

    opiejeanne

    May 16, 2019 at 4:25 am

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: Which mountains? I have photos of our cabin with snow in May a few years ago so it does happen.

  36. 36.

    NotMax

    May 16, 2019 at 6:22 am

    @BillinGlendaleCA

    The challenge posed was for an example of “a government created a program to deal with a problem that didn’t exist yet.” Belief or lack of same, whether merited or not, was not a stipulation

  37. 37.

    Citizen_X

    May 16, 2019 at 7:53 am

    @JoyceH: The War on Drugs?

  38. 38.

    Ken

    May 16, 2019 at 8:10 am

    @Mart:

    I am starting to get Ted Cruze. Visionary!

    In the “eating funny mushrooms” sense, maybe.

  39. 39.

    SFAW

    May 16, 2019 at 8:15 am

    I think y’all are missing the big picture: with the new big interest in Space Ghost Force, that makes it that much more likely that Firefly will be back.

    Of course, with Wash dead (sorry for the spoiler) and Ron Glass having passed on, it will probably suck.

    Space Pirates. JHC, what a fucking moron.

  40. 40.

    SFAW

    May 16, 2019 at 8:16 am

    @NotMax:

    Is that the Tinkerbell Stratagem?

  41. 41.

    SFAW

    May 16, 2019 at 8:19 am

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    Quite a few folk at the time thought that the Japanese internment addressed a problem.

    Well, it did. In much the same way that voter suppression laws address a problem.

  42. 42.

    Don

    May 16, 2019 at 8:54 am

    “Mark Watney, Space Pirate!” Too late, Raphael.

  43. 43.

    H.E.Wolf

    May 16, 2019 at 9:00 am

    @Sebastian:

    True and those two years were filled with activism and marches and protest. That’s all gone now. All we do is sit and watch.

    I’m late and this thread is extinct. However: when someone says that, 99% of the time they’re (a) male, (b) ignoring what women are doing, and (c) doing squat, themselves.

  44. 44.

    RL

    May 16, 2019 at 10:16 am

    https://youtu.be/-uf5WeZOvcI

  45. 45.

    RepubAnon

    May 16, 2019 at 10:35 am

    @NotMax: Who knew anime was reality-based?

  46. 46.

    Bill Arnold

    May 16, 2019 at 11:18 am

    Senator Ted Cruz thinks those of us concerned about climate change are alarmist, but he’s adamant that the nation invest in protection against space pirates

    Senator Cruz might be worried that those “space pirates” are high-tech environmentalists, and that they oppose fossil fuel interests.

  47. 47.

    J R in WV

    May 16, 2019 at 11:19 am

    @Wayne Marks:

    Ummm…. why would the Senator from Texas, which includes, you know Houston, be against a space program?

    Houston, we have a problem.

    You misunderstand, Senator Rafael is wholly in favor of a Space Force, literally in case of Space Pirates.

    Yet he is completely opposed to doing anything about Global Climate Change, which he claims is a fiction, a hoax being drummed up by lieberals to… something, something… bla, bla…

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