The Dark Lord* is still commenting on current events:
Former Vice President Dick Cheney blasted President Obama as the weakest president of his lifetime on Wednesday, following the president’s speech defending his foreign policy approach at the U.S. Military Academy commencement ceremony.
“He is a very, very weak president,” Cheney said in an interview with Fox News. “Maybe the weakest — certainly in my lifetime.”
Yeah, ask Osama bin Laden what a candy-ass Obama is, Cheney, you desiccated, bloodthirsty, death-eating, chickenhawk war criminal. Better yet, shut your fucking pie hole for all eternity and silently thank your master below that you aren’t rotting away in a cell at The Hague.
No one who matters gives a flying fuck what you say. You and your flunky did enough to destroy America. At least have the decency to trouble us no more.
*H/T: Valued commenter Villago Delenda Est
J.Ty
You forgot “literally heartless”.
OT: I was late to the gun-shaming thread, but one of the issues with the idea is the whole Herostratus thing/Streisand Effect.
Rex Everything
Lord Voldemort is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful evil wizard I’ve ever known in my life.
Belafon
Killing Elizabeth Cheney is harder than it looks.
japa21
Betty, I really appreciate your attempt at civility, but trust us, we’re grownups. You can tell us what you really think of Dick the Dick.
jah
Go fuck yourself, Dick.
Citizen Alan
The question I’ve always wanted to ask Cheney (as well as Bush, Rice and Rove) is this:
When you heard that Osama Bin Laden had been killed, did you cry at the death of someone you’d worked so hard to protect and comfort?
Mary G
Speak it, Betty! What a righteous rant. Almost makes me want to take up smoking again.
Tokyokie
Decency? From the perpetually obscene?
TooManyJens
Strong presidents let their vice presidents maneuver them into starting wars, apparently.
Ash Can
It’s all projection with the right wing.
Morzer
I must say, I would never have thought of Cheney as desiccated. Bloated and swollen with mephitic corpse-gas and intestinal lard, yes. Desiccated, not so much.
cckids
A-fucking-MEN.
Thanks, Betty.
jl
Man, and that is even in comparison with the Dubster! That is really weak, very weak, very weak indeed, weaker than weakest, and how can a president be that weak?
Was Cheney alive for Buchanan?
Or, maybe Cheney was never really alive on planet earth in the sense that we normally understand it, in which case Dick equivocates.
The Cheney statement raises more questions than it answers, IMHO.
Lyrebird
Post title WIN!
Eric U.
the repubs can say what they want, but GW Bush was obviously the weakest prez in Cheney’s lifetime. He let Cheney run the place, until he booted Cheney at the end realizing he was so harmful. But Bush was weak. Hell, he called Obama in to fix the financial crisis at the end. If that doesn’t define weakness, I don’t know what does. Reagan was pretty bad too, given that he wasn’t conscious most of the time and Nancy ran the place.
Anton Sirius
@Morzer: I think she was referring to his conscience.
p.a.
In the running for blog post title of the year.
TooManyJens
@p.a.: Agreed.
Belafon
@Eric U.: And a big reason we kept having hijackings during Reagan is that he kept giving into the hijacker’s demands. When Bush 1 put a stop to negotiating, they stopped happening.
hoodie
Methinks history will judge Lord Cheney very poorly, if it bothers to judge him at all (bucket of warm spit and all that). I imagine Obama will be remembered fondly alongside the more sane presidents, like Eisenhower. Cheney is the Curtis Lemay of his generation, and equally forgettable.
jl
@Eric U.: For Dub to be weak, in order for Dick to be strong, is not to be weak in the true sense. Then abject and utterly confused weakness is a hidden strength. Perhaps…. the greatest, truest, strength.
(I’ve been practicing pundit thought. Audition is tomorrow. Wish me luck!)
Edit: Oh shit: And that…. is ironic. (whew, almost forgot. I want to be a Village political beat reporter too).
Calouste
The only logical explanation for Cheney’s comment is that he was an undead until his heart transplant and only became alive after that.
PaulW
Of course, Cheney says this on Fox Not-News, where his opinion will never be challenged and his failures of fear-mongering and inaccountibility will never be questioned.
NotMax
What incentive is there for him to go away when his utterances are given such prominent coverage?
PaulW
@p.a.:
Rec’d.
J.Ty
@p.a.: I think everybody’s been hunting for the last horcrux for Rick Scott. He’s a decoy.
scav
Could there possibly be any higher praise than being abso-fucking-lutely the polar opposite of what the Lord Cheney approves of? Gold-plated, better than any Nobel, Hand and Footprint of the Stars, Hang on the Refrigerator Proud Seal of Disapprobation.
Betty Cracker
@Morzer: Have you seen him lately? He looks like a wizened iguana these days. (No insult intended to wizened iguanas.)
piratedan
It’s a sad state of affairs that Graveyard Dick is still with us and even more depressing is that newsies still give that rat bastard the time of day much less post what he has to say. When placed into the crucible of foreign affairs Mr. Cheney, you fucked up, methinks that you should simply take a sip of water and stfu.
Ripley
It’s the inevitability of there being a man so bad that killing him felt good. ~ Hannibal Lecter
Omnes Omnibus
@Anton Sirius: Objection. Assumes facts not in evidence.
Gypsy Howell
I was watching the History Channel’s “World Wars” last night, and who should appear on the fucking screen to give their perspectives on the causes of the war?
First, Colin Powell (yeah, bad enough)
then Donald Rumsfeld (wait a minute, are you just fucking with me now?)
THEN… WITHOUT WARNING… THE DARK LORD HIMSELF DICK FUCKING CHENEY.
I turned it off.
Shame on whoever produced the show.
chopper
why, back in my day presidents would throw a few thousand soldiers into a wood chipper somewhere just to show everyone he has a pair.
RandomMonster
Is this the same Dick Cheney who basically gave Iran a free hand in Iraq? Talk about foreign policy blunders.
Roger Moore
I guess he’s forgetting about George Whats-His-Name.
Felinious Wench
I genuinely think Cheney is on his last legs and will be shuffling off this mortal coil soon. He’s just too physically damaged. I comfort myself with that fact…that his ticker is only going to give him so much time. Soon he’ll get too sick to speak or move, and we will all be spared this nonsense.
Call me bloodthirsty and cruel, I’m good with that. It’s time for his body to finally wind down. It won’t be long.
Gypsy Howell
@Felinious Wench:
I don’t know. He looked pretty fucking spry on the History Channel last night.
I’m still enraged.
TooManyJens
@Felinious Wench: He’s a case study in how long a wrecked body can be kept going by the sheer force of malevolence. There’s a JAMA article in this for a doctor willing to think outside the box a bit.
Morzer
@Betty Cracker:
He looks fairly relatively undesiccated to my eyes. Malevolent and moronic – yes, toxic and turpitudinous – undeniably, foam-flecked and froth-spittled – no question, but still, I just can’t endorse desiccated here. I’ll report to the FEMA gulag with my Obamaphone and toothbrush tomorrow.
Betty Cracker
@Felinious Wench: I am generally not the type to rejoice in another human being’s death, no matter how loathsome the person. When Cheney finally takes a dirt nap, I plan to make an exception (unless I get run over by a garbage truck or Walmart semi first…).
David Koch
Ask bin Laden, Quaddayfiy, and Anwar Al-Awlaki if the President is weak.
ooops, you can’t.
To Cheney, strength is when you ignore 6 CIA warnings telling you bin laden is determined to attack in the US using hijacked airplanes and then sit on your ass and read “My Pet Goat” and doing nothing while the attack is underway.
lukeallen1
“You attack where you are weakest”
–Dick Cheney
I don’t expect Ball Juicers to get that this is what is going on. They never do. Carry on doing EXACTLY what people smarter than you like Dick Cheney want you to do.
Mike in NC
As we’ve discussed here before, Cheney’s gravestone will serve as a public urinal for eternity.
raven
@lukeallen1: Fuck you flag wavin punkass motherfucker.
Josie
Just once before he dies, I would like to see the interviewer say to Cheney, ” Wow! You are so full of shit I hardly know where to begin,” and then ask some really penetrating questions.
kindness
One day Cheney will find himself shot dead. I won’t shed a tear.
jl
@raven: I admit to being slow, so not sure whether the respected commenter in your replay is spewing snot or snarkasm. I would appreciate the brief explanation I clearly neither deserve nor will understand..
TooManyJens
@lukeallen1:
1. I thought that was Rove, not Cheney.
2. Pretty sure everybody here gets that, chuckles.
Felinious Wench
@lukeallen1: Trust me, honey, Dick Cheney is not smarter than me.
Betty Cracker
@Morzer: I rest my case:
Villago Delenda Est
@Ash Can: As always.
Cheney is another guy who really is overcompensating, a bunch, for small genitalia.
David Koch
Strength is looking into Putin’s eyes and calling him “pooty-poot” and then doing nothing, not even sanctions, when he invades and seizes territory in Georgia.
jl
I will admit that after a brief good start following 9/11, Dub and Dick did decide to wage the WoT in way such that we attacked where we were weakest. And I admit that the approach passeth all understanding, though the results do not.
Villago Delenda Est
Also, too, /bow to the magnificent Betty Cracker for the ht.
Sublime33
I don’t recall Obama requiring Joe Biden being by his side before Congress could talk to him – off the record.
Villago Delenda Est
@David Koch: The problem with the Georgia situation is that Georgia precipitated it. As much as I despise Putin, he was handed a situation where he was the righteous one there.
Not so much in Ukraine, though.
Omnes Omnibus
@Betty Cracker: Cheney is one of a very small number of people about whom I feel that way. Thatcher was another.
J.Ty
@kindness:
So yeah here’s hoping I guess!
David Koch
Strength is fear mongering the country into another unnecessary war that could instead be solved without a single shot.
MattF
The word for Cheney is ‘evil.’ It’s not a word I use lightly– but I do think he’s in the select company of those whose souls are in Hell while their bodies still walk the earth. I’m not a believer in any particular religion, but I think that evil exists and that we have an example of it right here at home.
Roger Moore
@David Koch:
It’s almost as if Obama has some clue of what he’s doing. But that couldn’t be; just look at him.
NCSteve
I’m ordinarily a “speak no ill of the dead” kind of guy, but the undead are a whole other thing.
300baud
Wait, I thought the right didn’t want a strong government. You know, states’ rights, local control, drown it in the bathtub. All that. Yeah?
Also, world’s best blog post title.
Villago Delenda Est
“You’ve done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?” – Joseph N. Welch to another dark wizard in an earlier time.
Apparently not!
The Dangerman
Weakest as defined by the asshole that shot his friend in the face and made HIM apologize.
catclub
@scav: This. When Bush’s popularity was 23%, Cheney was at 11%.
Commenting at Balloon Juice since 1937
I heard somewhere last week that scientists have shown that the blood of youths will rejuvenate you and make you healthier, so now there’s a solid theory behind those Cheney child sacrifice rumors.
Villago Delenda Est
@Belafon: So she is Nagini?
I’ve already established that Mary Matlin is Bellatrix Lestrange.
It really is too bad there doesn’t seem to be a Severus Snape in this entire real life mess.
David Koch
Strength is terrorizing your own people with fabricated color-coded terror alerts to divert attention away from corruption and fuck-up.
White Trash Liberal
That malignant fuckstick and Conan the Codpiece didn’t have the fortitude to look at the caskets of the soldiers they sent to die over a lie.
Fuck them in their souls with cocks made of razor wire.
Patrick
If Obama, who killed bin Laden, is our weakest President ever, then what does that make Bush/Cheney (“deficits don”t matter”)? Those two couldn’t even get close to bin Laden. Hell, they were so far away that they even disbanded the CIA unit designed to catch him.
So by Cheney’s very own admission, he and Bush are our weakest President/Vice-Presidents EVER.
TaMara (BHF)
I wish his heart would reject him.
(and I don’t wish death on anyone, but the man got a fucking heart that could have gone to someone who didn’t send thousands to their death in an unjustified war).
Amir Khalid
I haz a confused now. I thought the Cheney was a Sith Lord, and Rick Scott was the one who had Horcruxes.
kindness
Well it appears that there is wide agreement that Cheney is evil. I think the problem is going to be what kind of alcoholic beverage should be served graveside so we can all, with all the honor intended, have full bladders to pay our due respects to Darth.
Trollhattan
‘You give me a water board, Dick Cheney and one hour, and I’ll have him confess to the Sharon Tate murders.”—J. Ventura
That’s what I’m talkin’ about.
Bobby Thomson
They shoot
horseswar criminals, don’t they?Litlebritdifrnt
I agree, best blog post title ever. It made me really chuckle.
Trollhattan
@Patrick:
If nothing else, the president can now rightly claim he’s rehabilitated Jimmy Carter’s legacy amongst Republican types.
BGinCHI
If the worst person in the world is not against you, you are doing something wrong.
Villago Delenda Est
@Bobby Thomson: Interestingly enough, Keiltel asked to be shot, but the Allies turned him down. Nope, you’ll hang like a common criminal, not be shot like a soldier.
SFAW
@Anton Sirius:
When talking about The Dark Lord/Dick Lord, isn’t that an oxymoron?
One wonders if Holder – at the behest of the Kenyan Mooslim Usurper, of course – brought Cheney up on a “Crimes Against Humanity” charge, would That Motherfucker still think Obama is weak? Actually, I don’t care what he thought, I just want him arrested on the charge.
Patrick
Do people (and Cheney) remember when some Somali pirates attacked and took over a US ship shortly after Obama took office? When nothing had been after a few hours, FoxNews and their idiots went nuts calling for Obama’s head. Well, just like with bin Laden, Obama did it just right. He actually had a plan (as opposed to Cheney with Iraq) and the pirates were killed and the crew saved. It is rather interesting that FoxNews is giving cheney, a man who has literally been wrong about everything the last decade, such a big megaphone.
Ash Can
@kindness: This would be perfect, except that it’s so darned hard to get.
FlipYrWhig
If you are a Republican, you have one definition of strength, and it applies to all areas of human experience: Show Of Force. Showing force is always strong, even if it doesn’t accomplish fuck-all, because that’s the definition of strength, see. Not the doing part, the showing part. This is what they all believe. This, and that Those People are taking their stuff. Conveniently, the one is also a way to solve the other.
FlipYrWhig
@Patrick: someone should make a movie about that.
jl
@Patrick: Blowing shit up, killing obscure people half way around the world, and shoveling gobs of money to your U.S. corporate cronies are three weird tricks that always erase failure (if you are the right kind of white man). .Hope I never have a reason to use that wisdom myself, but I guess it’s good to know.
Suffern ACE
It’s Cheney. Obama is weak because the Saudis and Israelis said so.
WereBear
Father of Lies.
David Koch
Strength is lying the country into a criminal war that kills 5,453 coalition troops and 600,000 Iraqi civilians.
Citizen_X
@Trollhattan:
Huh. Now that you mention it, Governor, where was Cheney when those took place?
cmorenc
@Citizen Alan:
For Cheney, Bin Ladin was much more useful kept alive than dead, and left nominally free at large in the tribal areas of Pakistan than captured, in order to keep a threatening shadow of a boogeyman over the American public and thereby tamp down resistance to Cheney’s neocon war efforts in Iraq and Afganistan.
Sherparick
One must always remember, that beneath it all, Cheney is a partisan hack and he is feeding red meat to the Faux News Obama hating base (who hold to completely contradictory, incoherent, views of the President (1) The Constitution breaking, freedom stealing, usurper who is the next Hitler and Stalin combined and (2) a ninety pound weakling who is completely feckless on in dealing with America’s enemies. And of course, Cheney loves to troll us liberals with this crap. God, he is an immoral bastard. I find Tywin Lannister has sweeter personality.
Citizen_X
BTW, keep flapping your piehole, you twisted old fucker. Keep reminding the nation what happens when you sons of bitches take power.
GregB
On the bright side, Cheney’s spawn are so odious that his prize petunia Liz couldn’t last more than about two months as a candidate in one of the most conservative states in the Union.
Congrats Dick, they hate you, they really, really hate you.
Hillary Rettig
Betty that post was a masterpiece. Most deserved ire in the fewest words.
rk
Why isn’t he dead yet? They promised us that his artificial heart was going to last only one year. Why is the damn thing still beating!
David Koch
@Gypsy Howell: it’s worse than you can ever possibly imagine. When they focused on the Holocaust, they didn’t interview Elie Wiesel, or a historian, or a survivor, or even Spielberg, no, they interviewed …. wait for it… Lieberman. Oh fuck. Talk ’bout bias.
PIGL
@White Trash Liberal: “and you won’t stick your head above the pitch? Because if you do, I’ll tear you into little, little bits and scatter you wide. It hurts a lot.”
Baud
This just proves that Obama is an exceptionally strong president.
Eric U.
I will celebrate publicly when this man dies. In fact, the band is warming up as I write this. Fuck decorum
Morzer
@FlipYrWhig:
Chickenhawk Down, perhaps?
burnspbesq
I don’t think very much of Baltazar Garzon and his cockamamie theories of universal jurisdiction, but if someone were to drop Cheney, hog-tied, on Garzon’s doorstep I might be willing to make an exception.
StringOnAStick
Just ol’ Dick doin’ his part for the midterms. Expect more of the same, though it may not yield the result they are hoping it will.
Patricia Kayden
“No one who matters gives a flying fuck what you say.”
Someone cares or Cheney wouldn’t always be running his mouth for our lovely media.
Patricia Kayden
@Eric U.: Trying to be Christian and not share your sentiments but Dang It! That’s pretty much how I feel.
cckids
@TaMara (BHF):
This. Imagine the heartbreak of finding out your loved one’s heart is keeping Cheney alive. Horror piled upon grief.
John PM
@Gypsy Howell: I was really excited to watch The World Wars on the History Channel, but not any more. Why did they have Chaney on, to say that the US should have fought with the Nazis?
Tehanu
Nothing original to add — just “Thanks, Betty,” for summing up my wishes in the post title.
Cluttered Mind
There’s no point attempting to kill Dick Cheney. He’s died something like 400 times since 2000, but his doctors just harvest new hearts for him. Fortunately the Iraq and Afghanistan War made covering that up a lot easier. Why do you think Bush wouldn’t let photographs be taken of the dead soldiers’ bodies returning home? Couldn’t let people see Cheney’s doctors collecting the hearts.
Jebediah, RBG
@Eric U.:
I’ll be glad when he’s off the planet, but if he hasn’t been rendered unto The Hague before he turns to dust, I will be a bit disappointed.
SFAW
@Citizen_X:
Maybe it was one of his “other priorities” during ‘Nam.
SFAW
@Jebediah, RBG:
Since Obama seems to be OK with Executive Orders, maybe someone could slip in one for his signature, doing just that. Send the same Team that got Osama. He might be a little easier to find than Osama, too.
“Yes, sir, I swear that he pulled out a gun. Is it my fault my finger slipped on the trigger?”
Bill Arnold
@rk:
He has a real (meat) heart now, transplanted in 2012.
Tripod
Coward.
WereBear
Hey, even the Dalai Lama was okay with Osama bin Laden being dispatched. I think a little tombstone whizzing will be okay.
In fact, I bet he’ll be buried in an undisclosed location…
Mnemosyne
@WereBear:
True fact: Ronald Reagan’s tomb is monitored by cameras 24/7, and they have big signs warning you about that.
(I didn’t go to the Reagan Library voluntarily, I had to go for a work event. I don’t think I was the only one disappointed to see that tomb desecration was a no-go.)
Senyordave
The thing that has always bothered me about Betty Cracker’s posts is the fact that she holds back so much.
Yeah, ask Osama bin Laden what a candy-ass Obama is, Cheney, you desiccated, bloodthirsty, death-eating, chickenhawk war criminal. Better yet, shut your fucking pie hole for all eternity and silently thank your master below that you aren’t rotting away in a cell at The Hague.
No one who matters gives a flying fuck what you say. You and your flunky did enough to destroy America. At least have the decency to trouble us no more.
My wife isn’t into politics much, but she really got a kick out of that post. The sad part is that in a just world Cheney really would be sitting in cell in The Hague. The other sad part is that he reproduced, and his line didn’t end with him.
WereBear
OMG. Now that is incredibly telling, isn’t it?
lukeallen1
@Felinious Wench: So which fomer President or Vice President were you? Brain surgeon maybe? Rocket scientist? Still working up to that?
Just because he’s an evil neocon does not mean he’s dumb.
JimV
Best, most appropriate post-title ever. My day is made.
Except for being trapped in the same light-cone with that thing and its ilk.
Villago Delenda Est
@WereBear: They know how much that shitty grade Z movie star is hated outside the Faux bubble.
Phoenician in a time of Romans
I’m going to react to Chaney’s death in much the same way I reacted to Joffrey’s.
mai naem
We are talking about Lord Shit Touch Cheney so whatever ShitTouch says you run and do the opposite and you’ll have the Midas touch.
David Koch
Strength is letting bin Laden escape at Tora Bora.
Strength is closing down the CIA unit in charge of finding him.
Strength is telling public, “I don’t know where he is. I really just don’t spend that much time on him, to be honest with you”.
J R in WV
I am pretty much a pacifist, except for dealing with actual attacks against our home, like 9/11 and 12/7 (pearl harbor) – but Dick Cheney is the criminal I will make an exception for.
Cheney did things which will humiliate our nation for centuries, if people still speak American English for that span of years.
He caused civilians to die, and soldiers to die, who could have lived and had children. But because he hated, and caused a nation to hate, and falsified the reality of war for years, he almost single-handedly caused America to be infamous, for having let bin Ladin escape, over and over. What a chump Cheney is.
It is a shame Obama hasn’t put him into a cell, awaiting a flight to The Hague. Perhaps at the end of his second term Obama will send Cheney and Bush to The Hague, sort of like Bill Clinton pardoning Marc whats-is-name the last night of his Presidency.
But if President Obama sends war criminals to The Hague to stand trial, that will make our nation appear as we are, the shining city on a hill, not allowing petty criminals to use our proud men to fortify their cheap hatred of … I give up.
I can’t actually use the English language to describe the opinion I have of Bush and Cheney. They are petty monsters who deserve to be hung like the war criminals they are – not shot like warriors who lost their was. Petty war criminals with no ethics, no morals, no standards of honor.
Just petty war criminals, like the ruler of Zimbabwe, of Uganda in days past, like the Vichy rulers who hung in the aftermath of WW II.
Scum. Well rid of scum.
Weak troll attempt
“Just die already” was too short and pithy, right?
coin operated
Post title of the year Betty.
columbusqueen
You rock, Betty.
David Koch
Cheney and Bush = draft dodgers.
brantl
The midget with the giant dick (right between his ears) Dick Cheney. The bloodsucking tick that keeps on sucking.
brantl
@lukeallen1: Eat me twice, you condescending schmuck.
brantl
@Villago Delenda Est: Donald Rumsfeld is Snape, except Snape ulitmately turned out to be a good guy.
Paul in KY
I think Liz Cheney is his horcrux.
Paul in KY
@Villago Delenda Est: Snape was a good guy. Very brave too.
Paul in KY
@Sherparick: Tywin Lannister was actually competant & he was a nicer guy.
LAC
@Betty Cracker: when that happy day finally arrives, please give us a list of preapproved words to use.
Great rant, btw…
LAC
@lukeallen1: anytime you want to launch your brave ass into a war zone, let us know. We will get the plane and provide the kick out of it for you.
kindness
@Mnemosyne: Good enough reason to own a Guy Fawkes mask.
Glocksman
@kindness:
Weak beer.
That way everyone has to drink a lot to reach ‘nirvana’ and can insure that Cheney’s plot is nice and fertile.
Epicurus
The only appropriate response is the same one Cheney gave to Pat Leahy…if anyone should be able to have intercourse with themselves, I nominate Richard Bruce Cheney as the first human to die trying. He’s already screwed the rest of us, time to get to work on his own self. With a rusty rake…
Jebediah, RBG
@Epicurus:
I’d settle for making him shower in one of the Halliburton (or was it KBR?) electrocution showers.
SteveinSc
@japa21: Trite
slag
I think we do ourselves a disservice by elevating Cheney to Dark Lord status. When we look at him as he is–nothing more than a bitter failure of an old man who could never achieve his greatest ambitions–everything about him makes so much more sense. Pity, rather than fear, is the much more appropriate emotion when considering Dick Cheney.
Cheney’s shell has shattered and the goo that gave it shape has run out.