Watching the joint Trump-Peña statement. Hot take: Apparently Peña is a blithering idiot, so score one for Trump by default. His talent for choosing easy marks did not fail him today.
What say you?
Florida woman, still rocking a punk rock ethos in the 2020s, which is kind of sad. Betty Cracker has been a Balloon Juice writer since 2012.
This post is in: Politics, Assholes, Clown Shoes, General Stupidity
Watching the joint Trump-Peña statement. Hot take: Apparently Peña is a blithering idiot, so score one for Trump by default. His talent for choosing easy marks did not fail him today.
What say you?
by Betty Cracker| 194 Comments
This post is in: Open Threads, Politics, Republican Stupidity, Assholes, General Stupidity, Our Failed Media Experiment
Via CNN:
The FBI expects to publicly release as soon as Wednesday the report the bureau sent to the Justice Department in July recommending no charges in the Hillary Clinton email server investigation, according to multiple law enforcement officials.
Perhaps then Director Comey (R-FBI) can go on a book tour to promote the novella-sized email report — he did a smashing job of turning a statement about the decision not to recommend charges into a closing argument for the prosecution last month.
Venues like network TV morning shows and old timey radio screech-a-thons might be a good way to generate buzz for the book tour. To keep the momentum going and appeal to the youngs, maybe the FBI could release a graphic novel edition in mid-September.
With any luck, the movie rights will get picked up in October, and casting decisions (Meryl for Hillz, obvs), etc., will keep this publicity train on track clean through the election.
by Betty Cracker| 170 Comments
This post is in: Dog Blogging, Domestic Politics, Open Threads
I rarely go outside this time of year because it’s too goddamned hot, but thanks to that little tropical depression in the Gulf, it’s breezy and pleasant today, so I temporarily moved Cracker Inc. to the tiki bar. While setting up my workstation, I noticed one of the dogs rooting around in the bromeliads and told her to stop.
She stopped, alright — drawing back from the flower bed with a snake in her mouth! I screamed, of course, which caused her to drop it, and she and the other dog were snapping at it while it lashed at them with fangs bared, causing me to scream myself hoarse until the dogs came to see what was wrong with me.
I grabbed their collars and wrestled them back into the house, then ran to fetch my laptop and other accoutrements. The cops are probably on their way since any neighbor within half a mile must have immediately assumed someone was being murdered.
It was a black snake, so not poisonous, I’m pretty sure. The dogs seem uninjured. I believe the snake survived, as I can no longer see it — from a great distance, of course. I am never going outside again. The end.
by Betty Cracker| 242 Comments
This post is in: Election 2016, Open Threads, Politics, Republican Stupidity
From an article on debate prep in today’s NYT:
The Clinton camp believes that Mr. Trump is most insecure about his intelligence, his net worth and his image as a successful businessman, and those are the areas they are working with Mrs. Clinton to target.
Bingo. Trump, meanwhile, isn’t doing much prep at all, according to the Times piece. He’s convinced it’s not necessary since he easily vanquished the Republican field.
Do y’all enjoy watching presidential debates? I do in the primaries, but I dread them during the general election season. There’s just too much at stake, and I’ve seen too many debates turn on stupid and meaningless soundbites and media spin, so I watch them much as I’d view a slasher movie — peeking through my fingers and muttering, “Dear God, what are you thinking?!? No! Don’t go into the basement!!!”
by Betty Cracker| 143 Comments
This post is in: RIP
The world just got a lot less funny:
Rest in peace, good sir. And thanks for the laughs.
by Betty Cracker| 122 Comments
This post is in: Birdwatching, Domestic Politics, Open Threads
Here are three four wing-ed creatures for your consideration:
The female cardinal on the left is a frequent visitor to the feeders and birdbath just outside my window. I’m always especially happy to see this particular cardinal because I owe her a debt: She was trapped in my chicken coop overnight a couple of weeks ago, and it went very badly for her.
I’d let the hens out to free range as usual one late afternoon. At sunset, they went into their hen house to roost as hens do, but I didn’t get around to closing the coop door until well after dark. I didn’t see the poor cardinal until the next morning.
During the night, she must have tried to escape — she was all bedraggled and freaked out when I found her. Maybe the chickens harassed her at sunup; I don’t know. What made me notice her in the morning was her mate, who kept frantically flying to the coop and cheeping like mad.
When I saw her flying around, I opened the coop door — which is a full-sized screen door reinforced with chicken wire — to free her. The chickens all ran out, but the cardinal was too crazed with terror to realize deliverance was at hand.
She kept flying from one end of the coop to the other, well above my head and away from the door. She was clearly in a pitiable state, with feathers missing, probably from trying to squeeze out of the coop, but possibly from run-ins with the hens. She only had one sad little feather left in her crest.
Anyhoo, I finally shooed her out the coop door, and she went straight to the birdbath, perhaps to freshen up from the ordeal? She’s almost fully recovered now, though her crest is still a little pathetic, like a badly misused showgirl headpiece bought cheap from a Rockette rummage sale.
The butterfly was resting just outside my tiki bar the other day. It was as big as my hand — a normal-sized woman’s hand, I mean — much larger than Trump’s! I’m not sure what kind it is. Does anyone know?
The other critters pictured are “love-bugs,” which fly around while doing the nasty and can be hell on a paint job if you drive through a cloud of them. This pair landed on my car yesterday while I was fueling up, and I rejoiced to see them because love-bugs this time of year mean summer is almost over, and not a minute too soon.
Open thread!
by Betty Cracker| 216 Comments
This post is in: Election 2016, Hillary Clinton 2016, Open Threads, Politics, Post-racial America, Republican Stupidity, Assholes, General Stupidity
Donald Trump in a speech last week:
“The bigotry of Hillary Clinton is amazing. She sees communities of color only as votes, and not as human beings. It is only votes that she sees.”
Donald Trump on Twitter this morning:
Dwyane Wade's cousin was just shot and killed walking her baby in Chicago. Just what I have been saying. African-Americans will VOTE TRUMP!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 27, 2016
Holy fucking hell.
The Tangerine Turd must not be merely defeated; he must be annihilated at the polls so thoroughly that his family change their names and enter the Witless Protection Program, his campaign staff must find new work selling produce from the back of pickup trucks to generate income, politicians who endorsed him are permanently exiled to the howling political wilderness and the party that put forward an oaf of that caliber collapses utterly.
Only in this way can our national honor be redeemed. I’m chucking an additional $10 each into the tills of the Hillary campaign and the campaigns of Democratic Senate and House candidates. Who’s with me?
A Gaping Void Where “Self-Awareness” and “Human Decency” Are Supposed to Be…Post + Comments (216)