Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

A last alliance of elves and men. also pet photos.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

Eh, that’s media spin. biden’s health is fine and he’s doing a good job.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

Presidents are not kings, and Plaintiff is not President.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

The next time the wall street journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

Come on, man.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

People are complicated. Love is not.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

You are here: Home / Archives for John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"

Greetings, Earthlings

by | 97 Comments

This post is in: 

It’s just an absolutely gorgeous day here, so I am spending it… in agony from my second fucking sinus infection of the season. I can always tell one is about to hit when I notice I am flossing my molars two-three times because I feel like something is stuck, and midway through the third time I mutter “fuck” and prepare for a shitshow the next few days. So there’s that.

I have a special treat for you- a new picture of Maxwell Edison:

Greetings, Earthlings 1

Haha, just kidding, that’s a panther. But you tell me, if that is a panther, what is this:

Greetings, Earthlings 2

I’m sorry, that’s a panther. So it looks like in the not so distant future I will have a panther, a bobcat, a Lily, and a feral pig. It’s gonna be some Mutual of Omaha up in this bitch. I’m excited, if you can not tell.

BTW- wtf is up with Hu Jintao?

Greetings, EarthlingsPost + Comments (97)

The Universe Has Spoken

by | 111 Comments

This post is in: ,

Me, the other day, explaining why I was not upset about Giselle being adopted already:

That’s sort of how I view how the universe works with animals. The right cat or dog for you will end up in your household. I know she was gorgeous and super friendly and would have made a great companion, but she would have been that way with everyone, and clearly was as she went the same afternoon I saw her. One of these days it will happen, and then I will have the right cat.

Well, as a Cole, all I have to do with this bloodline is put it out there just a touch that I might be interested in a dog or cat, and one is delivered. This time, the universe contacted me via email, and a reader here (I will let her out herself) and asked if I would take a cat she can no longer handle off her hands. And I said yes. So over the next few weeks I will be picking up my brand new pantera, Max:

The Universe Has Spoken

The Universe Has Spoken 1

The Universe Has Spoken 2

The Universe Has Spoken 3

As you can tell, he is absolutely fucking gorgeous, with that beautiful coat and those piercing eyes and that strong nose, and he is big at 16lbs but it is all muscle. I’ve always wanted a black cat, too, because I just think they are gorgeous, but I never had one fall into my lap before.

I’m very excited, and will be making a trip or arranging a Balloon Juice convoy of the damned willing to help get him here from Rhode Island.

BTW- his full name is Maxwell Edison after the psychotic murderer in the Beatles song, which makes him even more awesome if you ask me.

The Universe Has SpokenPost + Comments (111)

Friday Night Palate Cleanser

by | 47 Comments

This post is in: 

For those of you who can not stand the insufferable pricks debating Democrats tonight, here is an open thread. I have been feeling blue the last few days, so yesterday I went and spent 50 dollars on discount plants. Picked up a rubber plant, a peace lily, something called a zz plant, and a snake plant. They were all in bad shape so I had to clean them up, pick out the rot in the root balls, and repot them, but I think they are all going to make it. I don’t even like rubber plants but it was in such shitty condition I felt obligated.

Was still a little down today, so I went to the shelter to go lie on the floor of the cat room and be crawled on by a herd of cats, and this sassy young lady caught my eye:

Friday Night Palate Cleanser

Her name is Giselle and she is all that and more, and put on quite the audition. She’s about six months old and totally fucking adorable, and I might go get her on Monday. She was at chest height on a cat tree and I walked up to her to pet her, and I reached out and she climbed up my arm and onto my shoulders and walked around on me like I was a jungle gym. Purred and rubbed herself all over me and I was smitten.

Also, she is a kitler!

Speaking of Hitler, let’s all try to tone it down in the comments re: nuclear war and other genocidal behavior. I know Russia has us all worked up in the Ukraine threads, but let’s not be the monsters we hate.

Friday Night Palate CleanserPost + Comments (47)

Welp, Dad’s in the Hospital Again

by | 76 Comments

This post is in: 

Dad fell and broke his other hip today, being an idiot and trying to carry too much stuff while walking with a walker because there were some weeds THAT ABSOLUTELY HAD TO FUCKING DIE TODAY. So he is back in the hospital and will likely have surgery tomorrow. He told mom he feels like an absolute idiot because he knows what he did was stupid, so we have the problem diagnosed. For those of you keeping tally, this will leave dad with two reconstructed knees, two replacement hips, and we are just shy of the Steve Austin award for experimental surgery. Sadly, there is no procedure for stubborness or OCD.

He is currently “resting comfortably,” as they say, in the hospital, which is total bullshit. No one rests comfortably in the hospital because hospitals suck. They wake you up every hour to make sure you are not going to die on their watch, the food is terrible, you’re there for some reason that is causing you angst and pain, and you don’t have your pets, your spouse, or your stuff there and if you can walk anywhere your ass is hanging out because in the year of our lord 2022 they still have not come up with a fucking sensible hospital gown.

So that’s that.

In other news I gave Steve a compressed catnip ball that came today, and he licked it twice and then tucked it underneath his belly and now is roosting on it like a fucking hen. Weirdo.

Welp, Dad’s in the Hospital AgainPost + Comments (76)