John Roberts apparently has an op-ed in the Times scolding everyone for being very, very mean to the judiciary. I didn’t read it — instead I just searched Google for “wank motion gif” and got the gist of it.
I really hate this fucker, for many reasons, which I’ll list a few below, with illustrations.
Johnny still thinks he’s this year’s model, but unfortunately he’s an old album nobody wants to listen to, if they ever did. He’s the Bush/Reagan era conservative justice, something that’s outlived its sell-by date. There is no need for a Harvard Law graduate with all the right clerkships and prissy, hair-splitting opinions anymore — the mask is off, and there will never be a pretend-to-be-normie nominated to the Supremes by a Republican in my lifetime. No more tedious repetition of “stare decisis” in Senate hearings — the Republicans grabbed Pa’s shotgun, took ol’ starry out to the back 40 and shot it in the head, cuz it don’t hunt no good no more.
To the MAGAts, this how they see Johnny, some uptight asshole trying to explain the moderate and conventional view of sex, except he’s doing it in front of them at a swingers convention, where everyone just wants to fuuuucck. That’s your party, now, Johnny, except they don’t want you. They’ve gotten the real deal — Thomas, Alito et al. You were a useful tool getting to that point, but now you’ve outlived your usefulness, adios.
Yep, that’s you on the right, Fredo in a pink suit sipping banana daiquiris. I’m sure you think you’re the guy on the left, which is worth at least a mordant chuckle from me. You know who else hates you besides every MAGAt on earth? Every fucking lawyer who invested time and effort into the study of constitutional law. You screwed them all, hard. You’re running a court where all the constitutional law scholarship of the modern era might as well be hanging in the toilets so the justices and clerks can literally wipe their asses with it, since they’ve been doing it figuratively for quite a while. You broke it. It’s over. I’m sure there’s a new crew of Federalist Society numpties ready to take the place of the current flock of constitutional “scholars”, but, guess what, they hate you, too. You and your kind, who are slowly receding from the earth, are the types that would pick apart a ruling by Federalist “Scholars” like Aileen Cannon, who knows in her heart that she should just make up shit to cover MAGAs ass. She knows her job — you don’t.
Finally, as for writing in the New York Times, read the fucking room for once, JFC. Even the East Coast liberals who used to gobble up scoldings from the likes of you and David Brooks are tired of that shit. Many of them have cancelled their subscriptions, and a lot of the rest of them hate-read it (just look at the Bluesky reaction to your op-ed).
Anyway, Happy New Year to you Johnny. You’ll go down in history as the worst Chief Justice of the modern era, and probably the worst ever, since I’m guessing Roger Taney didn’t take to the pages of the Times to whine about the reaction to Dred Scott.
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