Last night, Rosie got underneath the bed before I could crate her, and since I had worked in the yard and garden and cleaned the basement and steam-cleaned half the carpets, my shoulder was killing me, I was exhausted, and I just didn’t want to deal with trying to get her fat ass out from under my bed with treats and a broom and said to hell with it and went to sleep. This morning, I woke up to this:
Why yes, that is two separate messes within 12 inches of the GOD DAMNED carpet cleaner that I had left out so I could move the furniture and do the other side of the room today.
I’ve never had a dog who vengeance shits like this before, but this is not a dog who was held inside for hours unable to relieve herself. She did a #2 at 11:30, I went to bed at 12:15, and that was there at 6 am. There was no food on the ground for her to eat all night and make it impossible for her to wait until 6 am. The water bowl was elevated (as I do every night) for Tunch only, yet because she is a vindictive bitch who hates me, Rosie had to force out whatever she could onto my clean floor. She has no urinary infection, she has no bowel problem, she’s just a bitch. That’s not a “OMG MY LEGS ARE CROSSED I CAN’T HOLD IT ANYMORE” bowel movement- I know the size of her BM’s. That’s a “HAHAHAHA FUCK YOU JOHN COLE AND YOUR STUPID CAT AND LITTLE RAT DOG” mess.
I love the dog, but there are seriously days when I want her to go on vacation with Mitt Romney. I think this is some sort of payback for me being such a bastard to my parents as a kid, or for some other sin I have committed and must pay a cosmic price. Or maybe she’s a Republican and she just likes to leave messes for Democrats to clean up.