Lock Him Up…Lock Them All Up

Trump: “If I say it, they’re going to it. They’re not going refuse me, believe me.” (2016)
Trump: “Can’t they just shoot [protesters] in the legs?” (2020)
Vance: “I don’t give a shit [if it’s a war crime].” (2025)
Trump: “we should use [US cities] as training grounds for our military” (2025)

— Patrick Chovanec (@prchovanec.bsky.social) November 25, 2025 at 2:42 PM

GOP: “why would anyone be concerned that Trump might issue an illegal order?”

— Patrick Chovanec (@prchovanec.bsky.social) November 25, 2025 at 2:42 PM

From Mary Geddry’s Substack, “Thanksgiving on Thin Ice”:

It starts, as these things so often do now, with home décor. The president steps out on the South Lawn, not to talk about wars or famines or mass deportations, but to brag that he’s had the grass ripped up so no one’s shoes get muddy at the turkey pardon. He lingers on the new patio like an HGTV host who accidentally seized nuclear codes, proudly announcing, “I hope you like our new beautiful patio with matching stone to the White House,” and assuring everyone that if he hadn’t remodeled the place, “you’d be sinking into the mud like they’ve done for many years.” The first message of the day is clear: nothing says “normal democracy” like tearing up the lawn so your donors don’t sink into it while you rant about crime…

He cannot resist one of his favorite recurring bits: the omnibus bill he describes as a legislative cornucopia of glory. He calls it a “great big beautiful bill” so many times it begins to sound like a children’s book written under duress. It contains, he claims, “the biggest tax cuts in the history of our country for middle-income people” and “the biggest jobs bill ever passed.” Democrats, he tells us, are so impossible to work with that Republicans “stuffed four years, actually probably eight or ten years,” of material into one bill because “I think that was our one shot.” Call it a legislative turducken.

When he finally introduces the actual turkeys, Gobble and Waddle, he considers calling them Chuck and Nancy but decides against it: “I would never pardon those two people.” He then marvels that the birds weigh over 50 pounds, grilling the farmer about whether they’re “a little fatty.” He appears genuinely invested in the idea that their BMI might undermine the ceremony’s dignity.

He asks if they’re violent. “Will they attack as I walk over?” It’s the closest we get to suspense all afternoon.

Now comes the part of the holiday speech where someone, somewhere, always needs to be incarcerated. After praising the turkeys, he notes that some of his staff were already preparing to ship them to El Salvador’s mega-prison, a place he praises with the cheerful detachment of a man describing an all-inclusive resort. “Even those birds don’t want to be there,” he jokes, before pivoting to crime stats so imaginary they’d make a Hallmark movie blush…

Eventually we wander into international diplomacy. One year ago, according to him, the king of Saudi Arabia told him the United States was “a dead country,” but now it is “the hottest country anywhere in the world.” He claims $18 trillion in new investments in nine months, a number that would qualify as a global paranormal event, and announces that churches across America are filling up again because of him. “Religion is coming back,” he says, the turkeys looking like they’d very much like to be excluded from this narrative.

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