When hunting for metaphor, a true sportsman lowers his rifle from a hurt, lethargic or easy target. We shall speak of this photo no more. pic.twitter.com/zPIeEHw0xr
— David Simon (@AoDespair) October 31, 2017
Washington Post‘s Alexandra Petri is a gem. “The Cask of Amaralago”:
The thousand injuries of Don Ald I had borne as best I could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge…
When I encountered him on the night of the festival (his costume was only an orange Make America Great Again hat with a pumpkin on it, available on his website for $45.00), I could not let off clasping his hand, such was my delight at seeing him, on the very evening of the ripening of my design. And because he insisted on clasping my hand a long time as a show of dominance. But it did not affect me.
“It is fortunate indeed that we are met, Don Ald,” I said. “This night I was on the verge of making a deal with Chuck and Nancy, and now I encounter you.”
“Bob,” he said, “Liddle’ Bob.”
“Yes,” I said, “I have been called such a name.” I choked down the bile that rose in my throat. “I have found something quite remarkable in the vaults below my party’s ancestral home — oh, it was a party once! A way to build your wall, that is cheap, and for which Mexico will pay. Ah, but I must not trouble you on this festive night. Chuck and Nancy will believe me, if you will not. I shall descend and eat my well-cooked steak and admire my wax replicas of your beautiful children in solitude, surrounded by gold leaf, and trouble you no longer.”
“No!” he said. “I will come with you, Liddle’ Bob.”
I placed a mask upon my face. I took two flambeaux from their braces on the wall and led him into my party’s vaults…
“There,” I said, and pointed to a narrow three-walled enclosure. It was composed on three sides of the bones of an elephant. I had gotten them from a cartoonist who wanted something he could draw as an unsubtle metaphor. “Go in and I will show you.”
He wandered in. It was the work of a moment to chain him to the bones. I pulled out bricks and mortar.
“Now,” I said, “I will build the wall.”…
To teach her about capitalism he'll sit at home, send her out to get candy, take 90% & call himself a candy provider pic.twitter.com/lenOGNLLv1
— Zedward Tweeterhands (@ZeddRebel) October 31, 2017
Especially funny when you enjoy the fact that about a quarter of all US children now live in poverty. Capitalism working right up to code! https://t.co/wH2gC9p8KG
— David Simon (@AoDespair) October 31, 2017
My 6yo found this the other day. When I asked if he wanted to change his costume from a zombie he said "no, zombies are nicer to girls." pic.twitter.com/Uizs9qgeB6
— Alicia Malinger (@alicia_luedke) October 28, 2017
More Halloween Horror Stories Open ThreadPost + Comments (71)