What’s gay got to do — got to do with it? What’s “Fuck” but a second-hand emotion?
I’m super busy, y’all. One of those busies where I try to avoid reading the news so that I can avoid ending up hating everything. But I read an article in California Lawyer today (I’m a subscriber since I’m both a Lawyer and I live in California) and wouldntcha know, I got downright concerned. The hazard of being a blogger who enjoys a good tirade is that sometimes my rant tendencies intersect with my lawyer tendencies, and not in a good way. This is one of those times.
In a recent interview with California Lawyer, Antonin Scalia again made the case for originalism, which is the view that the Constitution should be upheld and interpreted as written; none of that namby pamby “living breathing document” crap. Just look at what it says! It’s all right there!
Scalia is deliciously arrogant. He seems to think he and only he knows what’s right or wrong; what’s constitutional or un-. It’s almost as if he wishes he could have been on the bench back when the Court decided Marbury v. Madison (1803) and could somehow remain on the bench until the end of time. Life would be much simpler if it was All Up to Him, wouldn’t it?
The interview is a hoot. First, Scalia says that the Constitution doesn’t prohibit discrimination on the basis of gender –so, suck it, ladies! (Now, lest you think that it’s insane to think that it isn’t unconstitutional to discriminate against women, recall that the Lily Ledbetter Act was just signed into law, like, yesterday.) He practically calls the Burger Court a bunch of stupidheads. Why? Well because back in 1971 when women were starting to get all uppity bra-burny, SCOTUS — with Chief Justice Burger at the helm — ruled that the Fourteenth Amendment prohibits discrimination on the basis of sex. (It was a case called Reed v. Reed and it was a travesty! What idiots those justices were! Yeah, I’m looking at you, Thurgood. What were you thinking? You weren’t, obvs. That’s what we get for letting black people on the bench.)
As for equal rights for our gay brothers and sisters, well don’t even get him started. The thrust of Scalia’s statements (as I view them) provides a snapshot of what his opinion on Prop 8 will be once that case makes its way to the Supremes. Scalia’s viewpoint is nothing shocking, really; it’s not like anyone who has been paying attention doesn’t already know what his opinion will be. But for those of you who have been trapped under something heavy, here it is: The Fourteenth Amendment doesn’t protect ‘mos.
Sorry, queers. You might as well go ahead and figure out which 2/5 of your person you don’t really need and join us black amputees at the back of the Constitutional Bus.
::exhale::
Man alive — The pressure in my brain is starting to build. I feel a rant growing deep in my bowels (or wherever rants are stored) but I can’t let it out. It’s stuck. It has to be because I’ve got a couple of cases that very well may end up in SCOTUS. It’s a rare thing for lawyers (and no, I’m not going to be arguing anything, but I certainly will get to write a couple brieves, and that in and of itself is pretty fucking sweet), but it might actually happen, which means I need to go about getting myself admitted to practice in SCOTUS pretty soon, which in turn means I need to find someone to sponsor me — like AA. (It’s a small cross-eyed bear for the chance to get one of those cool certificates with the old timey calligraphy.)
The point is, I can’t go mouthing off about how certain Italian jurists who wear certain black robes make me feel a certain way about certain flammable items. So I’m not gonna do it. Wouldn’t be prudent — at this juncture.
Instead, I’m going to let you, dear reader, imagine what my reaction to Scalia’s comments would be. Just fill in some fun words wherever you see blanks. If you’re feeling ambitious, tell me what you came up with in the comment section. Consider this a mad lib blogging experiment.
If you hate it, just shut up about it, skip to the end, and watch the damn videos.
From California Lawyer:
[ADVANCED WARNING: THIS SECTION IS A MESS BECAUSE WORDPRESS IS AN ASSHOLE. BEFORE YOU COMPLAIN, YOU MIGHT WANT TO CLICK HERE TO READ A VERSION THAT MIGHT NOT MAKE YOU WANT TO STAB YOURSELF… OR ME. (PLUS, THERE’S A CAPTION FOR THE HEADER PICTURE WHICH MAKES IT LESS JARRING); THEN, COMPLAIN AWAY, IF YOU LIKE.]