My herbalist put me on a new strain of Valerian Root, so I was able to watch about 45 minutes of last night’s debate with the help of my herbs and a few whiskey sours. After consulting the transcript, to make sure my drunken recollections are correct, it’s pretty clear that the Republicans have hit upon a winning campaign slogan: we are all moochers.
Trump kicked it off by saying that the princely sum of $31,000, which is the fortune that one lucky enough to pull down 15 US American Dollars per hour would make, is too high. We can’t be competitive in the global Happy Meal toys and iPhone assembly race to the bottom if we are paying our workers a barely living wage. Ben Carson agreed: we can’t effectively build and stock pyramids with the life-giving sustenance of grain by paying three pictures of Lincoln every backbreaking hour. And repeal Obamacare.
The question I have is whether the “paid too much” charge is true across all salary levels. If so, we all need to take an immediate pay cut. Will a $20,000 annual wage make us competitive? Will $10K? Should we send our surplus wages directly to Trump so he can make us competitive again? Is there a middleman who will collect my check and move my name from the “taker” to the “maker” column? Help me out, because I get the general principle, but as usual the Republicans are a little short on implementation details.