Karim Sulayman – I trust you from Meredith Kaufman Younger on Vimeo.
… for, like, three fuggin’ minutes, okay?
(Since it’s set in NYC.)
.
That being said, what’s on the agenda for the evening?
This post is in: Open Threads, Daydream Believers
Karim Sulayman – I trust you from Meredith Kaufman Younger on Vimeo.
… for, like, three fuggin’ minutes, okay?
(Since it’s set in NYC.)
.
That being said, what’s on the agenda for the evening?
This post is in: OLD MAN YELLS AT CLOUDS
In 4016, religious scholars could be delivering sermons on the origins of Festivus and it would feel just as real to them as Christmas feels to Christians today. Plus, there will be video evidence.
I am exceptionally cranky today. The counters came, and of fucking course they were cut wrong, and they were supposed to deliver my sink today, which was ordered and paid for three months ago and was delivered to their storage unit TWO MONTHS AGO to hold for us until we are ready for it, so of course they waited until this morning to inspect it before delivery and OF FUCKING COURSE it is damaged and they have to order a new one which will be here on Tuesday which means sometime in the spring of 2017. I’m also tired of going places where I have spent thousands of dollars, see multiple people standing there, and when you try to discuss something they fuck up, they all scatter in different directions while trying to avoid making eye contact. I’m not yelling at them, ffs. I’m not waving around a gun. All I want to know is when can this be fixed.
Also, I am broke as fuck. I mean broke. I’m not poor, and I have plenty of food and my bills are paid, but I have NO money left. I’m super excited for Christmas because it means my carpenter/handyman will be taking a few days off and I won’t have to sell plasma to pay him.
Why does nothing ever happen under budget? I mean, it has to have happened once somewhere, right?
*** Update ***
My new personal hero.
by Betty Cracker| 113 Comments
This post is in: Domestic Politics, Open Threads, General Stupidity
AUTHOR’S NOTE: I originally published this absolutely true story here at Balloon Juice a little over three years ago. In the spirit of the season, and as we contemplate our country being overrun by a ravenous horde of vermin in a metaphorical sense, I thought I’d rerun it.
My sister and I discussed the incident for the first time in years last week at the annual Drunken Aunties Cookie Bake-Off, and while our recollections tracked closely for the most part, she wasn’t sure if she was costumed as a fly or a roach for the Christmas parade described below. I am sure: She was a roach.
A fly doesn’t make sense logically. You don’t call a pest control company in Florida to get rid of houseflies. It could happen, but it would be an unusual situation, like if a giant python crawled into your wall and died. Far more typical would be to call a pest control service to eradicate roaches and exterminate rats. Anyhoo, without further ado…
THE PESTIVUS PARADE: A TRUE STORY
I grew up in a small coastal town in Florida. Every year there was an annual holiday parade featuring an honor guard, Future Farmers of America, the school marching band, floats sponsored by local merchants and Santa and his elves on the town fire truck.
One year, my younger sister and I got to be in the parade. We were about five and six at the time, so when we were told that we were actually going to be on a float in the parade instead of mere spectators, it was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to us.
Even when our mom told us we would be riding on the Florida Pest Control float (a display sponsored by the exterminator business where our grandfather worked at the time) and costumed as vermin, it didn’t dampen our enthusiasm. At least, not until we saw our costumes, which our mom spent days sewing for us. I was to dress as a rat, and that was okay with me:
However, my sister had to be a cockroach, and she was NOT happy about that, even though our mom had cleverly used fishing line to make the costume’s fake roachy arms move whenever my sister moved her real arms:
And in truth, my sister did have a legitimate complaint, since, in an attempt to get the proportions right, our mom had made a roach costume that tightly restricted the wearer’s movements. Most of my sister’s real legs were encased in the padded felt roach carapace, with just her shins and feet sticking out of a fairly small opening at the bottom:
This design forced her to take baby steps in the costume. After trying it on, she asked why she couldn’t be the rat and I couldn’t be the roach. But mom pointed out that as the eldest, I was the tallest, and it wouldn’t be logical for a roach to be taller than a rat, not even in Florida.
When the evening of the parade finally arrived, we went down to the beginning of the route to meet up with the Florida Pest Control float crew. The float was a livestock trailer attached to a pest control truck. Someone had fashioned giant ants out of red Styrofoam balls and pipe-cleaners and wired them randomly over the float’s exterior.
On the float, there was a bin filled with candy as well as a box of flyswatters emblazoned with the Florida Pest Control logo. We were to throw handfuls of candy to parade goers (I guess it never occurred to anyone that people might be reluctant to accept candy from vermin). We were also instructed to “gently toss” flyswatters into the crowd. My sister was still seething about the roach costume as our father hoisted us onto the float.
A more empathetic sibling might have offered comfort, but I threatened to beat the shit out of my sister if she didn’t stop whining. Thus, we both began the parade in a foul mood, expressing our ire by hurling candy with great force at other children and attempting to hit as many people in the face with the flyswatters as we could:
You could say the crowd wasn’t on our side. But then the Florida Pest Control float came to an abrupt halt, possibly to avoid bumping into the float in front of it. Since I had unrestricted use of my legs, I was able to maintain my balance. But my sister’s costume tripped her when the truck lurched, and she fell against the railing of the float, clinging to it and wailing piteously.
At that moment, I happened to have a flyswatter raised high over my head, intent on hurling it full-force at my Sunday school teacher, whom I’d spotted in the crowd. But then I noticed my roach-sister splayed on the railing in front of me, emitting annoying howls. I began swatting her padded carapace, which didn’t actually hurt her, but was still fun. The crowd went wild:
The end.
This post is in: Cat Blogging, IOKIYAR, Open Threads
He couldn't wait for me to finish setting this up. pic.twitter.com/HDTn9vmJoZ
— Schooley (@Rschooley) December 18, 2016
“Oh, like you’ve never dreamed of going Godzilla on the whole JOYFUL HOLIDAY SPIRITZ schtick.”
Speaking of widespread destruction, the Washington Post gives James Comey an early Xmas gift:
… Justice officials laid out a number of arguments against releasing the letter. It violated two long-standing policies. Never publicly discuss an ongoing investigation. And never take an action affecting a candidate for office close to Election Day. Besides, they said, the FBI did not know yet what was in the emails or if they had anything to do with the Clinton case.
Remarkably, the country’s two top law enforcement officials never spoke. As Comey’s boss, Attorney General Loretta E. Lynch could have given the FBI director an order to not send the letter. But Lynch and her advisers feared that Comey would not listen. He seemed to feel strongly about updating Congress on his sworn testimony about the Clinton investigation. Instead, they tried to relay their concerns through the Justice official whom the FBI had called.
Their efforts failed. Within 24 hours of the first FBI call, Comey’s letter was out…
Lynch’s meeting in June with Bill Clinton on a tarmac in Phoenix led to a crisis in leadership at the department over how to handle the Clinton email investigation. Rather than formally recuse herself, Lynch left ambiguous who would be making final decisions on issues regarding Hillary Clinton.
Into that vacuum stepped Comey, an FBI director who prides himself on having a finely tuned moral compass that allows him to rise above politics. Weeks before the letter, Comey had advised against the Obama administration public statement admonishing Russia for the Democratic Party hacks, arguing it would make the administration appear partisan too close to the election. But to him, the Clinton email investigation was different…
See, it was all the Black lady’s fault — hers, and Bill Clinton’s. Thank GOP god Cthulhu for that ‘finely tuned moral compass’ in Comey’s back pocket!
*********
What’s on the agenda, apart from prepping for the last winter holiday before Trumpageddon?
Fox News just surrendered in the War on Christmas: https://t.co/YaXVn0moug pic.twitter.com/aBu4I45YHP
— Esquire (@esquire) December 22, 2016
Friday Morning Open Thread: Holiday DreamsPost + Comments (186)
This post is in: Hail to the Hairpiece, Open Threads, Republican Venality, Assholes
Trump rejects John Bolton not because he's deranged but because he has a mustache. You can't make this up. https://t.co/nimhTU60U4 pic.twitter.com/hjQHsu0Q4m
— Jonathan Chait (@jonathanchait) December 22, 2016
“Cosplay” (costume play) is a Japanese popcult term for dressing up like one’s favorite fantasy character. President-Asterisk Trump is cosplaying as a celebrity president, and it seems that he wants his cabinet members to cooperate in his role-playing. Per the Washington Post:
… Given Trump’s own background as a master brander and showman who ran beauty pageants as a sideline, it was probably inevitable that he would be looking beyond their résumés for a certain aesthetic in his supporting players.
“Presentation is very important because you’re representing America not only on the national stage but also the international stage, depending on the position,” said Trump transition spokesman Jason Miller.
To lead the Pentagon, Trump chose a rugged combat general, whom he compares to a historic one. At the United Nations, his ambassador will be a poised and elegant Indian American with a compelling immigrant backstory. As secretary of state, Trump tapped a neophyte to international diplomacy, but one whose silvery hair and boardroom bearing project authority.
The parade of potential job-seekers passing a bank of media cameras to board the elevators at Trump Tower has the feel of a casting call. It is no coincidence that a disproportionate share of the names most mentioned for jobs at the upper echelon of the Trump administration are familiar faces to obsessive viewers of cable news — of whom the president-elect is one.
“He likes people who present themselves very well, and he’s very impressed when somebody has a background of being good on television because he thinks it’s a very important medium for public policy,” said Chris Ruddy, chief executive of Newsmax Media and a longtime friend of Trump. “Don’t forget, he’s a showbiz guy. He was at the pinnacle of showbiz, and he thinks about showbiz. He sees this as a business that relates to the public.”…
“The pinnacle of showbiz.” I can remember when people made fun of Ronald Reagan as a B-level movie actor with aspirations above his station. Thanks for breaking it, GOP!
Small consolation, Trump’s jealousy over Bolton’s luxurious facial adornment at least spares the rest of us lunacy like this…
John Bolton suggests DNC hack was potentially a false flag operation by the Obama administration pic.twitter.com/3rHLwHawR8
— Ben Jacobs (@Bencjacobs) December 12, 2016
Late Night Open Thread: “He’s Very Aesthetic” — The Cosplay CabinetPost + Comments (78)
This post is in: Hail to the Hairpiece, Open Threads, Popular Culture, Schadenfreude
.@BorisEP announces the Radio City Rockettes will be performing at Trump inauguration https://t.co/YNhanuh7AM
— CNN Newsroom (@CNNnewsroom) December 22, 2016
Mormon Tabernacle Choir to perform at inauguration, presumably after going to dinner w/ Trump to apologize for not supporting him more.
— Eric D. Snider! (@EricDSnider) December 22, 2016
… Holiday television “staples” from the days when everyone watched the same three channels, mostly in black & white. For one brief shining moment, they can pretend Vice-President Nixon has succeeded Ike, and that snotty-nosed Papist with the funny accent never showed up to spoil everything.
Trump himself being a big-city sophisticate (for very cheesy values of ‘sophisticate’), it’s chapping his spray-tanned outer-borough arse, per TheWrap:
Donald Trump is so displeased with his team’s inability to lock in A-list talent for his inauguration events next month that he’s ordered a “Hail Mary” shakeup of his recruiters to try to book performers, a person familiar with the situation told TheWrap.
Mark Burnett, who produces “Celebrity Apprentice” with Trump and has been overseeing entertainment for inauguration festivities, has brought in talent recruiter Suzanne Bender, a former “Dancing With the Stars” and “American Idol” booker, to end an effective freeze-out by Hollywood, the insider said…
The Trump transition has been struggling for weeks to secure A-list talent for the inauguration celebration. The only person confirmed to perform at the event is Jackie Evancho, a 16-year-old former “America’s Got Talent” contestant. She is set to sing the national anthem before he takes the oath of office…
Performers who are known to have rejected requests include Elton John, country singer Garth Brooks and opera star Andrea Bocelli. According to the insider, many of those approached have said they do not want to “normalize” Trump’s presidency.
A knowledgeable individual said Bocelli met with the president-elect and agreed to perform, but then bowed out under pressure from fans. The individual also said longtime Trump friend and Vegas hotelier Steve Wynn had promised to deliver Celine Dion, but could not do so.
Wynn also failed to book Brooks, whom he signed in 2009 for a reported multi-million dollar four-year residency at one of his Las Vegas properties…
“If anyone does do it, I hope that the check that they get is in the nine figures. Because it’s probably the last check they’re ever going to get,” Dixie Chicks manager Simon Renshaw told TheWrap on Friday…
And they better be sure that check clears in advance, too.
Open Thread: Just What Trump’s Heartland Fans Secretly WantedPost + Comments (228)
by John Cole| 98 Comments
This post is in: John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"
Almost done with the flooring on the second and third floor. Closets and spare bedroom left on the second floor, quarter round on both floors still not complete. First, the third floor bedrooms:
Next, the shower, which is in the process of being grouted:
Finally, the second floor hallway, master bedroom, and office (ignore the construction mess):
Kitchen counters, sink, and oven hood go in tomorrow.