AUTHOR’S NOTE: I originally published this absolutely true story here at Balloon Juice a little over three years ago. In the spirit of the season, and as we contemplate our country being overrun by a ravenous horde of vermin in a metaphorical sense, I thought I’d rerun it.
My sister and I discussed the incident for the first time in years last week at the annual Drunken Aunties Cookie Bake-Off, and while our recollections tracked closely for the most part, she wasn’t sure if she was costumed as a fly or a roach for the Christmas parade described below. I am sure: She was a roach.
A fly doesn’t make sense logically. You don’t call a pest control company in Florida to get rid of houseflies. It could happen, but it would be an unusual situation, like if a giant python crawled into your wall and died. Far more typical would be to call a pest control service to eradicate roaches and exterminate rats. Anyhoo, without further ado…
THE PESTIVUS PARADE: A TRUE STORY
I grew up in a small coastal town in Florida. Every year there was an annual holiday parade featuring an honor guard, Future Farmers of America, the school marching band, floats sponsored by local merchants and Santa and his elves on the town fire truck.
One year, my younger sister and I got to be in the parade. We were about five and six at the time, so when we were told that we were actually going to be on a float in the parade instead of mere spectators, it was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to us.
Even when our mom told us we would be riding on the Florida Pest Control float (a display sponsored by the exterminator business where our grandfather worked at the time) and costumed as vermin, it didn’t dampen our enthusiasm. At least, not until we saw our costumes, which our mom spent days sewing for us. I was to dress as a rat, and that was okay with me:
However, my sister had to be a cockroach, and she was NOT happy about that, even though our mom had cleverly used fishing line to make the costume’s fake roachy arms move whenever my sister moved her real arms: