I think the chance that the RNC rather than the DNC is the insane violent convention just went up kind of a lot
— post malone ergo propter malone (@proptermalone.bsky.social) May 30, 2024 at 5:29 PM
It’s 2028. Trump’s funeral was 3 years ago. Gateway Pundit electrifies MAGA with posts about Trump sightings. People send in blurry photos of shambling orange figures in the distance. One man collects a lock of hair he found in the bushes. Locals claim the hair healed them.
— Jean-Michel Connard 좆됐어 (@torriangray) May 31, 2024
A man in Fresno finds an image of Trump in the an oil slick that leaked out of his 1984 Dodge Dart. Jim Bakker visits the oil spill and says it’s been touched by the hand of God. He offers onlookers survival buckets of Mac and cheese at a significant discount.
Visitors leave stones at the oil slick. By 2030 those stones are used to build a small chapel. Don Jr is buried there when he passes from cocaine induced cardiac arrest that same year. Followers, now wearing orange face paint, insist he was secretly vaccinated.
Eric attempts to claim the throne as the true successor to to his father, but followers stone him to death when he accidentally implies black people have souls at an event in Council Bluffs. They parade his corpse through the streets before dumping it in a YMCA pool.
By 2040 referring to him by his full name is seen as a sin. They whisper “the Donald” in hushed, reverent tones. A splinter group believes he must only be referred to as The Once and Future President, Son of Fred, Child of God. The groups routinely battle in Walmart Parking lots.
By 2050 many his followers have walked away from society. On the Day of Shrugging, they all put down tools and remotes and wander into the wilderness. Within 5 days 70% of them have died of exposure or animal attacks.
Those who remained in the cities spend the rest of their days walking the path of reverence, visiting the Trump holy sites: Mar-a-Lago, Four Seasons Total Landscaping, Atlantic City, and for some reason Shoji Tabuchi’s former theater in Branson, Missouri.
By 2100 the countryside is littered with MAGA chapels created to service the pilgrims. Each chapel has a Trump relic and most have repurposed Rockafire Explosion robots that just repeat CROOKED HILLARY over and over until they die.
Pictures from the Ohio Zoo of a baby orangutan that is claimed to have the exact same skin tone are feverishly passed around on Rumble.
— NotNow (@DonJickson) May 31, 2024
Waiting for the eventual blood feuds between various factions of grifters claiming to be the one true prophet of the Orange Messiah.
Jacob Wohl’s Corncob Cabal versus the Brotherhood of Bongino will be epic.
— Suboptimal Prime (@WhoaBrotato) May 31, 2024
(*Not really relevant, but I couldn’t resist)
Imagine using Truth Social as your only source of news and reading Trump's extended posts while thinking "Holy shit this motherfvcker is guilty!" https://t.co/CVFrUBtrdE
— Ragnarok Lobster 🐺 (@eclecticbrotha) May 31, 2024
Late Night Open Thread: A Canticle for Lies-the-Bitch*Post + Comments (151)












