Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

No one could have predicted…

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

Happy indictment week to all who celebrate!

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

Roe isn’t about choice, it’s about freedom.

You cannot shame the shameless.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

When do the post office & the dmv weigh in on the wuhan virus?

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

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Creamsicle Meltdown

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New PRRI research released today shows Trump on the losing end of a historic gender gap:

2016-10-11-1

As expected, non-whites favor Clinton over Trump by huge margins (72% vs. 17%), but Clinton is also annihilating Trump among white women with a college degree (68% to 29%), and even white women without a degree are split 40%-40% between Clinton and Trump. The findings can be read in full here.

Meanwhile, the incomparable Sam Bee weighed in on PussyGate and presidential debate #2. The whole show was fabulous, but here’s a clip:

Samantha Bee called presidential debate #2 a “grotesque travesty of democracy.” Pretty much! As I mentioned yesterday, many of us lady folk were angry and disgusted at the spectacle of a qualified woman like Hillary Clinton being stalked and insulted by hirsute walking Roofie.

Bee says Trump knows he’s losing and is therefore prepared to “suicide-bomb” the election. If Trump’s Twitter output this morning is any indication, Bee is dead right about that:

Uh-oh. He’s shaking out the Tic Tacs right now and limbering up the stubby orange fingers. It’s time to protect your pussy, America! C’mon ladies — and allies of all genders! Let’s knee this sleazy shitbag in the groin and step over his bloated carcass into history!

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Congrats to Tom! (Open Thread)

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Our own Tom Levenson’s “The Hunt for Vulcan” has been short-listed for the Royal Society prize for science books. As Joe Biden might say, that’s a big fucking deal!

Tom, to say you class up this joint is an understatement on the order of calling Donald Trump “mildly disagreeable.” Congratulations, man!

H/T: Valued commenter Scav.

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A LITERAL Shitshow

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Valued commenter LAO submits for our consideration a report of a norovirus outbreak at the RNC:

A handful of Republican staff members in Cleveland for the GOP convention were reported to be suffering Tuesday from a possible norovirus infection.

And if there are a few people with norovirus, it’s likely there will be more.

Norovirus, for those who are unfamiliar with it, is a massively contagious and unpleasant but usually non-life-threatening ailment that turns cruise ships into giant vomit-filled shit canoes.

If Uday and Qusay Trump appear on stage tonight and open their mouths to sing their horrid racist father’s praises but instead emit twin streams of projectile vomit while simultaneously shitting their pants, I will reconsider my lifelong atheism.

Open thread!

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Nothing weird or creepy about this…

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trump CREEPER phone

Did Donald Trump use a secret phone console to listen in on guest and employee calls at his Mar-A-Lago resort? Probably! Via Buzzfeed:

At Mar-a-Lago, the Palm Beach resort he runs as a club for paying guests and celebrities, Donald Trump had a telephone console installed in his bedroom that acted like a switchboard, connecting to every phone extension on the estate, according to six former workers…

BuzzFeed News spoke with six former employees familiar with the phone system at the estate. Four of them — speaking on condition of anonymity because they signed nondisclosure agreements — said that Trump listened in on phone calls at the club during the mid-2000s. They did not know if he eavesdropped more recently….

“He listened in,” said one source with deep knowledge of the working of the phones and Trump’s phone use. This person added that workers were told to be aware of it. For example, this source recalled a time when a staff member was on the phone with a club member. During the phone call, Trump called the staff member on another line to weigh in on the very issue that was being discussed. “There is no other way you could know what that conversation was about unless you were eavesdropping,” this source said.

A second source said he had direct knowledge that Trump “could pick up the phone in the bedroom and listen to any conversation that was going on.” This person said Trump used it “to eavesdrop.” This source said that some staff, who used a separate switchboard, knew when Trump was listening in on calls, because when he did, a light on that switchboard would come on…

The two former Mar-a-Lago officials who said there was no eavesdropping acknowledge that there was a switchboard in Trump’s room. One, who left Mar-a-Lago last year to pursue real estate, is John Velez, the former Mar-a-Lago director of security. “He had a switchboard,” Velez said, but “the switchboard is just for him to dial out.”

Velez called it “ridiculous” that Trump could listen in on phone calls. Instead, Velez said, Trump used the console just so that he would not have to use a dial pad or call the operator. “Trying to remember extensions to every suite is impossible,” he said.

Yeah…it makes a lot more sense to install a console with a line to every suite instead of issuing a phone directory.

[T]he tycoon’s former butler, Anthony Senecal…maintains that this was for simplicity’s sake. “A lot of his friends stayed at Mar-a-Lago and he didn’t want to go through the front desk.”

Senecal said he did not know whether the phone could be used by Trump to eavesdrop on calls. “As far as listening in I can’t believe he would ever do that. I don’t know that he ever did that. I can’t see him doing that.”

Yeah, the insane racist butler is totally credible. Damn, Trump is one creepy mofo.

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Cloud Cuckoo Land

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After revoking the WaPo’s press credentials for accurately reporting that he insinuated President Obama is in league with terrorists, Trump is now doubling down on that very same bat-shit insane accusation and tweet-wanking over his own alleged prescience yet again:

The embedded article from Trump propaganda outlet Breitbart is entitled “Hillary Clinton Received Secret Memo Stating Obama Admin ‘Support’ for ISIS.” Vigorously auditioning for the role of “MiniTruth” in the dystopian hellhole of a Trump administration, the Breitbartians offer proof of nothing but their own disconnection from reality and inability to comprehend an intelligence report. Hillary Clinton is not amused:

Early on in this circus, someone observed that Trump’s success in the GOP primary was based on his willingness to ratchet up the insults and accusations beyond the bounds of rational discourse but that eventually, he would run out of room to escalate without sounding like a drooling psychopath.

Fellow citizens, we’ve arrived at that moment: The primaries officially ended last night, and Trump is already accusing both his opponent and the sitting President of the United States of being traitors who conspire with ISIS. I don’t believe in Peak Trump, but I am having a hard time imagining where he goes from here. The Illuminati? Chem trails? Lizard people? Help me out here…

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It’s SO On

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Obama-Hillary-WH

I’m so proud to be a Democrat today. We elected and then reelected President Barack Obama, a man whose vision, steadiness, wisdom and genuine human decency have inspired millions of people around the world (and personally restored my faith in politics and America). And now we’ve nominated and will work our asses off to elect Hillary Clinton, an incredibly intelligent, diligent, dedicated and supremely qualified woman who understands the nature of our opponents and knows how to keep us moving forward.

And as if that weren’t exciting enough, the combined forces of stupidity and hubris have bestowed upon us a comic book villain of an opponent in GOP nominee Donald J. Trump. A preening narcissist, vile racist, odious sexist, sleazy con man, bully and braggart — is Trump not the Platonic Ideal of the modern Republican Party, a hideous bastard born of an unholy, unspeakable three-way between David Duke, Bernie Madoff and Phyllis Schlafly? Plutocracy lickspittles like Paul Ryan and debauched patricians such as the Bushes may recoil in horror, but they built that.

But you know what? Democrats are always tasked with cleaning up Republicans’ messes, and who better than hardworking Hillary to take on the Herculean task of sweeping all that nasty Trump out the door? But damn it, people, we’ve got to help her get it done. Volunteer. Donate. Knock on doors. Persuade friends. Placate frenemies. Register voters. Enter data. Lick envelopes. Attend rallies. Above all, support Democratic candidates at the local, state and federal level.

Because Trump does not deserve to merely lose. He must be pantsed before all the world to wipe away the embarrassing stain of his nomination. When he takes the stage after the polls close in 152 days and does his Mussolini jaw-jut, I want to see his protruding lower lip tremble with incipient tears. I want to watch his insufferably smug sons sobbing into each other’s Armani lapels as they contemplate the extinction-level hit to the Trump brand. I want to see mascara streaks staining the cheeks of the Robert Palmer video-like female entourage assembled behind the humiliated candidate.

The Republicans embarrassed this great nation by nominating a clueless, vulgar buffoon to lead it. It’s up to us to make it right. So it’s on, people. We can do this. We must do this. We will do this.

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Turn around; don’t drown!

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Today in Houston, where they’ve had over a foot of rain:

Damn! I got caught in a rainstorm in Jacksonville, FL many years ago and was driving down a water-covered street, trying to find a place to pull over. Suddenly, I could feel my car floating, which is a scary-ass feeling.

Fortunately for me, I floated to a spot where I was able to get traction and pull up onto higher ground. The guy in the video wasn’t so lucky, but he’s damn fortunate to be alive. Amazing how the lights and windshield wipers were still working when only the radio antenna remained above the surface.

Be careful out there, Houston Juicers. Better yet, don’t go anywhere if you can help it.

Open thread!

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