I find this effort from Nelle so interesting, and it feels important to me. And did I mention interesting? I’m so glad Nelle agreed to write this up for us!
The unexpected, informal project
by Nelle
I’m a chatty, older woman who will strike up a conversation with anyone, with little provocation. Even though that habit annoys my offspring, could I turn it into a super power, something that I could use for more than my own amusement?
After an incidental conversation with a young barista, I realized that she had something I wanted and that I might have something she wanted. I wanted to be connected to a younger generation again. For decades, I taught composition and intro to lit courses as an adjunct wherever we moved, from DePaul University to University of Alaska-Fairbanks, from University of Kansas to Montana Tech. I enjoyed learning from my students and now, after retirement, I feel too far out of touch with that age group.
What the young barista apparently wanted was someone to listen to her, at least that morning. I opened with a question. “If there was something that you thought it important for people my age to know and understand about people your age, what comes to mind first?” Emma launched into how her fear of a school shooting not only shaped her behavior at school, but that she was so convinced that she would die that way, that she hadn’t really made plans for after graduation because that seemed to be tempting fate. “So now I graduated but I have to figure out what to do next.” Then her eyes filled with tears. “But my little brother is just 13. Will he survive high school?”
The readiness to talk openly and quickly might just be a function of our two personalities, I thought. Yet, I decided to talk to other young people and see where it could lead. I talked to hotel desk clerks, to the beauty college student who cut my hair. More baristas, servers, the young guy who came to repair the furnace. I ask them what are the most important issues to them, or I gave them four issues (some examples – climate change, reproductive health policies, student debt, gun laws) and ask if they can rank them in importance to them. I saw where conversation would take me.
Twice, I’ve had young women, about 18 to 20, stop, look at me, and say, “No one has ever asked me what I thought before.” One woman said that the first thing she does in entering any building, retail or governmental or school, is to figure out where all the exits are, where hiding places might be, and that she keeps conscious of what the route is to the nearest exit as she moves through a Target or a Best Buy.
Another, within five minutes of beginning the conversation, said she was Mormon from a small town. “I’m bisexual. I’m not sure where I belong or who I can even talk to.”
If the tone is right, I do turn to politics. If political parties come up, I tell them, quite honestly, that I’m less interested in parties and allegiances, than I am with values and policies. And for now, that means that I’m thoroughly identifying most closely with Democrats. I ask them if they are registered to vote and if I can aid them in any way to get registered or to get information to them for voting.
I do find some who shrug off politics, saying it doesn’t interest them. Yet, a young man just came to the door this afternoon, trying to sell a new internet plan for Verizon. We ended up talking about politics and values for 25 minutes. He said, “More talking needs to happen between people of different ages. You’ve got me fired up to vote next week.” He thinks my best line is to tell people his age that people my age are deciding their future, making decisions that won’t affect us but will affect them.
I’m not quantifying anything, not tracking people, in any sort of structured program. This is just a scrambly little thing that I do. Also, I’m of the “throw a stone in a pond and let the ripples stretch out” sort of person. I hope I’m getting some people motivated to register and vote and to take friends with them. And I do other, more formal things; I’m the leader for my neighborhood to get out the vote and went around to the houses of registered Dems on Monday to remind those who haven’t yet voted to vote on November 7. It turns out that a lot of people on my street showed up yesterday; it’s a double whammy as my husband is a poll worker and tells me who has voted. And they know that he will be there.
Most of all, though, I want conversation across age groups. Young people, I found, want people who are genuinely interested in listening, in hearing what they think. I’ve got time for that. I’ve got the interest in them for that. This may just be an outgrowth of my personality and my emphasis on building community wherever I am, however I can. It has been a pleasure to do this.
Thank you, Nelle. You are an inspiration!
Report on Nelle’s Unexpected, Informal ProjectPost + Comments (83)
