… Or one could buy a really terrible form of alcopop, apparently. Per Albert Burneko, at Defector:
You might not guess that Tesla Inc., famously the electric car company controlled by Elon Musk, would be a repository of beer brewing, bottling, or distribution expertise. After all, making and bottling and selling beer all seem like very different processes than making and selling electric cars! At the very least I do not think that electric car-making involves wort at any point.
You might then think that for this reason Tesla would, or anyway should, stick to making electric cars, and stay out of making and bottling and selling beer. Ah, but you see, you are suffering from a reasonable misunderstanding. Tesla’s real business isn’t making and selling electric cars any more than its real business is making and selling beer. Tesla’s real business—like that of several of Musk’s other companies—is creating opportunities for the sweatiest, most credulous, most eagerly bootlicking shit-for-brains who have ever lived to give appalling sums of money to Elon Musk in exchange for evidence that they have done so. …
… The beer is “Cyberbeer,” named for the Tesla company’s ugly and stupid Cybertruck and sold in bottles theoretically reflecting that truck’s (ugly and stupid) design; like everything else by Tesla this has been done poorly and with corny taste, so that what the bottles actually share with the Cybertruck, designwise, is the mere fact of being very dumb looking…
Here I want to reiterate that however many traits Cyberbeer might share with beer, it isn’t really a beer so much as a way of telling the world that you like Elon Musk very much. (It’s also, appropriately, only a Tesla product on the outside: The beer itself, the actual liquid included in this enterprise more-or-less coincidentally, comes from a California company called Buzzrock Brewing.) Accordingly, Cyberbeer isn’t priced like beer, a thing that it isn’t. A two-pack of the stuff, including two angular ceramic mugs that would be nightmares as actual drinking vessels, runs $150. This way not everybody can or will have it, giving Elon Musk’s fans all the inducement they need to buy it.
Is the Cyberbeer good, as beer? As a bottle of beer? That feels like an acutely ridiculous thing to even wonder about, given all I have just written. But also: The beer seems pretty bad…
extraordinary pic.twitter.com/cQyMCNdh2r
— 🌙 mom said it’s my turn with the lathe of heaven (@youwouldntpost) November 15, 2023
Then again, if you’re a sane person, you can be grateful that you’ve avoided anything but the news of this horror.
Saturday Pre-Dawn Hangover Open Thread: Suck One Down for ElonPost + Comments (49)


















